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Bluestem Prairie / heartaches by the number - o,
« Last post by david benson. on Today at 02:54:31 PM »
i'm first and fierce if i'm in sight of
sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

David didn't usually like to dwell on the past; it brought up too many upsetting memories. Losing his daughter, even if he got her back in the end, was just the cherry on top of the crumbling, barely held-together cake. He wandered a bit from the house, leaving Roxanne by herself for the time being; she was an adult, he figured, she didn't need him glued to her side. That is, of course, if she was planning to cause problems. From there, then obviously David would stay with her.

Now, he was heading somewhere hopefully discreet, a bundle of flowers in his giant hands as he walked quicker than normal. He didn't want to be spotted, though it was hard not to see the big man no matter how hard he tried to hide. He kept his head down, hair in his face, as if that would, too, hide him. He was the only mountain of a man in Bluestem, he wasn't very good at hiding. His broad shoulders and barrel chest and round stomach made it difficult to hide behind trees, and his height made him stick out like a sore thumb.

So that left him with speed walking, going at a pace that one would have if they were jogging. He was striding across the field, coming to a more quiet location he had his eye on for a while and found there to be no activity in that area. He bunched up flowers that he got himself, tied them with a nice ribbon -- admittedly his handiwork was bad, but he couldn't help that with those big fingers -- and set out.

He stood at the area, now, where a rock was set. He placed it there himself, though no name spread across the smooth surface. Not for now, anyway. He sat down on his heels and placed the bundle of flowers down, his thumb tracing across the rock. He glanced over his shoulders a few times to make sure he was truly alone before he finally, fully, focused his attention on the rock and the bundle of flowers. He traced his thumb along his bottom lip, shakily pressing a lip to the pad before he pressed said thumb against the rock. A kiss.

He was mourning. He did not need to; it had been well over ten years since the love of his life had passed, but he felt guilty enough to have to set up a small grave for her now. "I miss you, Lavinia."

honey, when you kill the lights and kiss my eyes
i feel like a person for a moment of my life

Spoiler: //tags -- updated ;; 30/06/20 • show

> david benson ;; n/a
> male ;; he/him
> 35 years ;; ages real time ;; may 15th
> bluestem prairie

> physical health ;; 80%
> minor injuries ;; a few scrapes
> major injuries ;; head injury (healing)
> important things to note ;; david has a bad skin condition that causes his body to break out into mass acne ; his face, shoulders, and back get the worst of it

> long, brown hair ; pale brown eyes ; rather large with a strongman physique ; 7'6" ; just over 400 lbs
> no body modifications
> wears anything loose ; big, white shirt that's stained with dirt and sweat ; sweatpants that are also stained with dirt
> no carried items
> important things to note ;; his wisdom teeth have all grown in in clumps ; he has no back teeth

> very friendly ; hesitant around strangers ; difficult to gain his trust ; general sweetheart ; likes to compliment people ; very protective of his daughter ; very self-less and usually lets people eat before he does ; awkward with forced interactions ; prefers to be the one to start conversations ; very laid back
> anxiety ; autism ; separation anxiety
> eyebrows twitch a lot

> margaret benson x charles benson ;; parents - alive
> mary-anne (mary) benson ;; sister - alive
> lavania masters ;; girlfriend - deceased
      > passed in a house break-in
> roxanne benson ;; daugher - alive
> demisexual ; panromantic
> no crushes

> medium mentally | easy physically
> non-violent power play allowed
> will not attack/kill/maim/capture without asking the author
> do not kill/maim/capture without asking me (timothy)
> if you want to attack, use this colour (red) and underline it

misc importance
> "this is him talking." ;; his speech is in bold
> this is him thinking ;; thoughts are in italics

credit @ kenneth
Private Threads / Re: A PLACE TO CALL HOME // GREEN
« Last post by mickey on Today at 01:07:27 PM »

stripped down to just his boxers, he couldn’t help the smile that fought its way to his lips once green’s arms were around him as he said, “your kind of wedding?” he didn’t have the words to respond. he could only hum a few short notes of laughter. happiness. he didn’t have long to react before the other man pulled them both down onto the bed, mick huffing a short breath of laughter as they both rolled onto their backs. as the pair stared up at the ceiling together, mick’s hand found green’s with practiced ease. easy. everything about loving this man felt so easy. how could he ever get used to such a feeling?

”would you ever want to get married?”
he contemplated the question as the other man carried on. as green’s gaze curiously turned towards him, mick’s gaze stayed up at the ceiling. the man didn’t need to think for long before quickly deciding, “well. yes.” he pursed his lips in thought. “at one point that used to be all i thought about. did you know that?” a generally hard-to-read stoicism gave way to a lighter, softer look as he carried on, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand. “get married. have kids…” the thought of green in the picture immediately came to mind; his chest felt so full that it might burst.  he squinted his eyes thoughtfully, nodding his head certainly. “i think a part of me will always want that. what about you?” he turned his head to look towards green.

“i always disliked the idea of marriage.”
the sinking feeling in his chest said it all. “really?” he said in a casual utter, though the question itself left a swirling feeling in his chest that was far from nonchalant. prodding for the other man to speak more on the subject. he dreaded the idea of them not seeing things the same way. however, he barely had long to run with the thought before v carried on. and as he swept away that sinking feeling and dread, he also gave rise to a whole new swirl of emotions inside of mick.

he wanted to spend forever with mick. him, of all people. he brought an arm up to gently hold onto the other man's forearm, speechless from the sweet words. every time he thought he couldn’t possibly fall more in love with the other man, vernon managed to find a way to give him a whole new set of reasons to. he couldn’t help the almost elated breath that passed his lips, looking over towards v as the man carried on about how he could love mick for forever. “you think so?” something mick didn’t think he could ever get used to hearing.

though the talk of a wedding, of getting married - although it was wonderful, and everything mick could've possibly wanted - brought a creeping feeling that clung to mick's heart.

“when’s the wedding, mick?” mick lightheartedly huffed a breath, though something in the action appeared more somber than it should’ve been. lost in thought. “i don’t know,” he said slowly, lightheartedly. his thumb brushed over the top of vernon’s forearm thoughtfully, huffing a short breath through his nose before he uttered, sounding as lighthearted as he could despite the truth in his words, “are you sure you want to marry such a mess?” he turned his head and looked towards his lover, subtly raising a brow.

mick always told himself that it would be impossible to find someone that would love him. on many occasions he told himself that anyone would leave once they began to know him for him. after they managed to climb over the sky-high walls, looking out to the other side only to see that they went all this way to see the walls protected such wreckage, with a damaged and scarred heart among the wreckage inside, mick told himself no one would ever stay for long. cold. cruel. a rat. a murder. an ex-fiance. damaged goods. could he blame them? his heart ached at the thought.

who would stay?

someone who chose to see the good in him, despite the questionable past. despite it all. and as much as he tried to shut people out, he truly met his match once vernon came along. the more he was around the man, the more he came to realize he underestimated just how easy it was to let green become a part of his life. he greatly underestimated how green could come in and love him so endlessly. so effortlessly, it made him wonder why he had been so scared to let him in in the first place.

mick often wondered what vernon could possibly see in him. there were plenty of other people - men and women alike - that would be quick to trade places with mickey in a heartbeat. and out of those people, surely many of them could give green so much more than mickey could. better lovers. better partners in crime, better conversationalists that could match green’s unbeatable energy and passion. though despite it all, vernon proved time and time again that he would always stick by mick’s side. it was such an overwhelming feeling, to be so innocently loved by someone. mick didn’t think the feeling would ever go away, even as time went on.

eyes searched green’s own before he slowly looked back up towards the ceiling. he went quiet for only a moment. “i’ve been engaged before.” a paused. “with ellie. she broke it off a few months before the wedding and-” the vulnerability in that moment was enough for his heart to race in his chest and cause the tips of his fingers to feel numb. he couldn’t remember ever truly talking to anyone about the engagement. he couldn’t remember ever really wanting to tell anyone before, either. clenching his jaw, he exhaled heavily as eyes stared blankly up at the ceiling.

“it hurt,” he admitted, voice low. soft. eyes downcast, he uttered, “to want to spend the rest of your life with someone and-” he shook his head as he searched for words. “mess it all up… disappoint them. and yourself.” he couldn’t expect green to understand what it felt like. he didn’t expect green to understand just how lesser-than he felt because of it. it was yet another skeleton in his closet that he was reluctant to open up about. though, just like all of his other demons that he chose to speak to green about, the man always seemed so quick to listen. allow him to speak about such sensitive topics as much or as little as he wanted to.

the silence engulfed him. the quiet rang uncomfortably in his ears; he was desperate to change it. with a shaky breath, he shifted around to turn to face vernon. lifting a hand, he gently caressed green’s face, thumb gently brushing over his cheek. “i’d marry you. in a heartbeat, vernon.” the light in his gaze, the happiness showed just how truthful his words were. he leaned forwards, enough to rest his forehead against vern’s own. eyes slipped closed. then, in a gentle voice just barely above a whisper, he admitted the words he was scared to admit; “i’m. terrified i’ll mess it up again.”

he never wanted to see the disappointment in ellie’s eyes reflected in vern’s own. the thought of it all was simply too much to bear.

Flintlock Lodge / Re: TIGHTEN UP - open
« Last post by EDMUND. on Today at 10:26:03 AM »
Eddie would be a hypocrite if he were to express disappointment in William ever getting Joey pregnant in the first place. Two parents who were clearly not ready to start a family - if they could even call the mess they made the beginning of a new family. Perhaps it was what Joey hoped for - a family. William certainly wouldn’t be one to stick around long enough for that; he was far too insensitive and cruel to ever take into consideration anyone else’s feelings but his own. Even if Joey did want a family - which seemed unlikely - she would never find one with a man like William. He would certainly die alone and, in Eddie’s opinion, for good reason.

Sat in the corner of the bar, mindlessly taking a sip of his drink, eyes followed the heavily pregnant Joey as she walked to the bar. He could never be a hypocrite in being angry with William for ever being so irresponsible - he too had done the same to Blake, but took things too far and left her with a broken heart. Maybe Joey was lucky that William was so clearly disinterested; it made for less heartbreak in the end. She deserved to be happy, so Eddie would make sure she was protected for as long as the Stirling family was around.

❝ So, what do you think? A boy or girl? ❞ Eddie questioned quietly, taking a sip of his drink as soft eyes darted over Joey’s features. Any attempt to join in on a conversation was an absolute miracle for a man like Eddie.

Spoiler: tags ― updated 06/06. • show
&. ❝ edmund theodore stirling ❞ | ed, eddie | male [he/him] .
&. 24 years old . | seventh august ; leo .
&. currently the captain and official loyalist of flintlock lodge .
&. currently the boss of the stirling's notorious irish crime family .

&.  ambitious . brave . calm . disciplined . honorable . intelligent . leading . logical . patient . reliable . skillful . trustworthy . wise . aloof . cynical . detached . flirtatious . harsh . jealous . lustful . pessimistic . quiet . ruthless . secretive . stubborn .

&.  five foot eight & one hundred and seventy one pounds ; reference .
↳ dirty blond hair kept very short and neat .
↳ stocky and well-built frame , lightly freckled skin .
↳ muted blue vacant eyes , unreadable , somewhat frowning expression .

&. alfred stirling x leonora moray | both deceased .
&. four older siblings and two younger half-siblings .
↳ dominik stirling , 32 , shot and killed by alfred .
↳ thomas stirling , 32 , caretaker in flintlock .
↳ alfonso stirling , 28 , enforcer in flintlock
↳ franklin darrow , 25 , estranged in bluestem .
↳ henry stirling , 11 , resident in flintlock
↳ ida stirling , 9 , resident in flintlock
&. also lives with four cousins and his aunt .
&. father to thomas , charlotte , kieron and louis .

&. bisexual, biromantic ; mongamous | tends to have a wandering eye .
&. ex-husband to blake kegan
↳ marriage fell apart after he cheated on her .
&. ex-lover to mickey serge
↳ he learned about his bisexuality with him .
&. lover to maxine van doren
↳ a rekindled flame where their relationship is kept a secret .

&.  [ 9/10 ] physically  |  [ 7/10 ] psychologically .
↳ difficulty w/ guns [ very difficult ] | difficulty w/ melees [ difficult ] | difficulty w/ hand-to-hand [ difficult ]
&. @truce. | dm for any major plots .
&. friendly or nonviolent actions may be powerplayed .
Northstar District / Re: RUN AWAY // OPEN
« Last post by roman. on Today at 09:25:13 AM »

roman never had the chance to see green as “the fixer of all problems.” apparently green hadn’t, either, the man huffing a gentle breath of amusement. rome shook his head and lowered his gaze towards the fountain. “of course.” growing up, the two hadn’t known each other for too long - though their friendship had been so close one might’ve guessed they’d been friends forever at that point. he had always been so willing to do anything for the man back in the day, even if it came with loud disagreement from his parents and family. his family always preached the idea ”family first.” to him, green was always like family.

even as the years went by, and as roman grew more distant and detached from emotions, his softness for green always remained. green had been roman’s first friend. he was like a brother to him at this point, the only family rome had left. he liked to think roman was far more lucky to have met green than the other way around.

he looked towards the other man, watching as he started to fondly talk about lucerne and mickey. although he made no noticeable expression on the outside, rome barely resisted sneering at the thought. lucerne... the walking smartass, green must’ve meant. he found the guy intolerable - though he wasn’t quick to speak that as he noticed the fondness in green’s gaze as he spoke. instead opting to look back towards the water, absently running his fingers through the water again --

though his gaze slowly peered over to green, impassive eyes seeming almost inquisitive. his gaze lingered silently before he inevitably turned his gaze away, slightly pursing his lips. “you really like this mickey guy, huh?” a rather blunt observation, though ro never attempted to beat around the bush. maybe he should’ve known at this point exactly how close the two were - maybe they still needed to catch up on a bit more aspects in their life. 

speaking of which… his gaze wandered over towards the man as he lightheartedly sent a kick his way. as the other man wagged his brows and laughed, lips twitching into a mildly amused look. “such an idiot,” he huffed, taking his hand from the water to gently splash green’s side. he shifted to turn his back to the fountain, hands resting against the stone on either side of him. as they sat in tranquil quiet for only a short while, rome cleared his throat. then, with a short sigh, he started, “hey, so. i’ve been meaning to tell you.” he looked up towards the skyline, lips twitching. the light in his eyes was almost hard to miss. “frank and i got engaged.” he waited a moment before turning his head to look towards green. a look so rare across generally-stoic features; happiness. “and i want you to be my best man at the wedding.”
Flintlock Lodge / Re: ❝ keep on — open . ❞
« Last post by ELINOR. on Today at 08:25:02 AM »
Her home life had admittedly been one of privilege. Growing up in the quaint suburbs of Connecticut, she had everything that she could ever wish to have; two loving parents, two older siblings, a beautiful suburban cottage and a group of friends that she'd spend most of her days with. She had an education - a fantastic one at that - and she had the opportunity to be anything that she could ever want to be. The New World took most of that away from her, but at least it could never take away her appreciation for the finer things in this world.

At the man's comment, Ellie huffed a feeble breath of laughter, flitting her gaze up to glance at him. ❝ You ever heard that one saying? Appearances are often misleading…? ❞ Eyes lowered back down to the book cover, her smile barely hanging onto the last remnants of amusement as she allowed his words to sink in. Oh, she knew of that saying all too well. Even the most beautiful of fronts could hold dark secrets. Dark intentions. She shifted her weight in her hesitation before she pointed out, in an attempt to continue the light conversation, ❝ I may judge a book by its cover, but it doesn't mean I'll ever trust that it's any good. ❞

She glanced back up towards him, quick to change the conversation to introduce herself to him instead. His name was Richard, but she could just call him Rich. She was quiet for a moment, shaking his hand, before she turned to slide the book back onto the shelf. Rich - if appearance are so misleading, you should help me look for the ugliest book on the shelf. ❞ She pointed out, beginning to walk up and down the aisle in search for the plainest looking novel. Perhaps Ellie was right, perhaps Rich was right; she'd just have to read more to truly test the theory.
Northstar District / Re: ❝ ready, set, go ― open . ❞
« Last post by ADDY. on Yesterday at 10:34:50 PM »

could green even survive a day anywhere else but the district? hey, don’t get him wrong, he was slowly starting to like the guy. still. little as addy knew about the other man’s past, he figured the guy’s survival skills had to be at least mildly lacking. everyone was so quick to swarm around and be protective of the guy; even if he had lived on the streets momentarily, had it been the same case back then? addy was a bit too bitter towards the man - he was a bit too sour towards everyone - though perhaps the cold outlook came from a lack of knowing.

green, skiing? “you’d break your goddamn- femur doing that, you know.” although people weren’t quick to agree, the knowing look in their gazes as they chose to sip at their beer and “absently” look away said it all. who would trust green of all people on a pair of skates? green’s next question was enough for addy’s brows to furrow, sending one of the most irritated looks green’s way. who the hell did this guy think he was? now that he’s in a relationship he’s suddenly the love life guru or something?

he eyed him for only a moment longer before looking back out across the port, taking another drink from his beer. he sounded casual as he answered, “do i look like the kind of guy to go on vacation? hell no.” an all-too easy dodge of including lucerne in that - even when he was sure lucerne would find the vacation more unbearable than the redhead ever would. vacationing together, though-- that didn’t seem too bad, he had to admit.
Announcements / Re: Staff Discussion Updates & Member Input
« Last post by Eskie on Yesterday at 05:27:32 PM »
tracking for now!
Announcements / Re: Staff Discussion Updates & Member Input
« Last post by dandelion. on Yesterday at 05:26:11 PM »
can y’all address the issues countless people have been messaging y’all about, like ive sent long ass paragraphs full of complaints and all i’ve gotten is the same message from every staff member.
Northstar District / Re: ❝ the same deep water as you ― open . ❞
« Last post by LUCERNE. on Yesterday at 04:48:31 PM »
Whilst perhaps Addy was right in saying that Lucerne did not have much of a life if he were to preoccupy himself in seemingly menial hobbies, they were all past times which Lucerne adored enough that if this was him wasting his life away, he wouldn’t mind too much. All of his projects and ideas he focused on to keep his mind busy brought him great joy; always learning, or reciting what he already knew, gave him a great sense of pride. Validation.

He barely took notice of Addy as he approached, far too preoccupied in following the flight of razorbills passing through the sky, until he was shaken out of his engrossment by a huff. ❝ Your age is showing. ❞ Lucerne lowered his binoculars, blinking up towards Addy with puzzlement. What was that supposed to mean? As Addy took a seat beside Lucerne, his next words helped clarify what Addy was really insinuating. Not that Lucerne understood any more; as far as he was concerned, his age and love for the simple things in life were mutually exclusive.

Lips parted, with Lucerne peering over at Addy wordlessly for a moment before he held the binoculars out to him. ❝ The razorbill is the closest thing to a penguin you will ever likely see… based on phenotypic characteristics, of course; they’re more like puffins. Look. ❞ Addy would never show interest in it - Lucerne assumed - but he’d still openly rattle on about it to him regardless. After all, it brought him joy whenever he could share his knowledge with Addy, whether Addy showed interest or not.
Flintlock Lodge / Re: TIGHTEN UP - open
« Last post by freddie on Yesterday at 10:44:14 AM »

fred enjoyed the bar. more than anything, the place was his pride and joy. if someone was looking around for him, it seemed that the bar would be the first place to look. and, as much as he enjoyed growing up with his time spent sitting at the bar, drinking and partying, he equally enjoyed being on the other side just as much. everyone loved the bartender, right? that was what fred told himself as he served drinks to the usual patrons, eyes eventually finding joey sitting among the other bar-goers.

fred couldn’t resist stepping over, observing the way she eyed the amazing stock of alcohol. “you always want what you can’t have, huh?” wasn’t that the truth. placing his hands on the bar, he huffed a short breath before he mused, “after you have that kid, i’ll drag you back here and we’ll have a real party, yeah?”

if anything it was one of the few times in his life freddie found himself feeling a tad awkward - a little awkward, but that was still saying something when it came to frederick. nothing prepared him for the latest turn of events - nothing prepared him to know that joey had will’s baby. it was a hard thing for fred to try and process, especially when it seemed that will was so distant about it himself. he liked josephine, he adored his brother even when he was reluctant to blatantly admit it. over all, fred simply decided it was best to try and act as if he was unaware of the situation as it was. sometimes he preferred not knowing.

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