Author Topic: what remained of that fallen star [one-shot; closure thread]  (Read 128 times)

Offline Cutebunnys50

  • Hey there! I'm Bunny! I'm a roleplaying veteran, but I'm always improving~
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what remained of that fallen star [one-shot; closure thread]
« on: February 23, 2018, 03:18:54 AM »
//hey guys! i know i haven't posted in like months, but i don't like leaving things hanging, so just like the title says, this thread is kind of like "closure." kinda like an explanation for Cosmic's sudden disappearance or something along those lines. or at least something from her end so that it's not completely up to guesswork, etc.
it's a one-shot, so don't reply or anything! ( >< ;; ) she's not gonna reply, so...!
for those of you who don't know her, Cosmicstar was Lithiumclan's former leader! but real life responsibilities combined with rp responsibilities really got to me, so i couldn't keep it up for long hgdsks sorry!! in the end i'm a casual rper,,, it's tbd if i go back to rping regularly (even if i really really want to) but enough rambling from me. these aren't excuses, i swear! i take full responsibility! anyway, i'm writing something down!


    She awoke to an intense pounding in her head, like somebody was beating on a drum inside her cranium. Of course, no one was actually doing that, but it really felt like it-- jeez, that was annoying!
Yellow eyes snapped open, but currently, her eyes were the only things she could move. When she tried to sit up or move any part of her body, it felt as impossible as trying to move a mountain or lift a ton of bricks. Her entire body was unresponsive; it felt like it had been asleep for a long time.
     ...maybe that's exactly what it had been doing all this time. 
    'Deja vu' was the thought that crossed the feline's mind. For some reason, she remembered a situation almost exactly like this one: her waking up confused and battered in the middle of nowhere, that is.
    Wait, the middle of nowhere?
    Because she could only move her eyes, the yellow feline stared blankly upwards to see what she would find. When her brain finally processed what she was seeing, she realized she was looking at a clear blue sky, and the sun was beating down on her hard. (No wonder it was so hot.) With the heat arose an important question:
   ...who was she?
   Memories started pouring in as the limp cat continued trying to survey her surroundings. With them, the female felt a bit of relief-- at least she wasn't an amnesiac, even if her entire body was practically dead weight right now!   
  Right, right. My name is Cosmicstar, and I'm the leader of Lithiumclan. That made sense! Yep, that made--
  Wait, where was her clan?
  The shock from that question finally allowed her body to do as its owner willed, and Cosmicstar sat up. Eyes wide, she glanced from side to side, searching for a sign of her territory.
  No good. She narrowed her eyes with a frown. Familiar territory was nowhere in sight, but that didn't worry her too much. Cosmic was a wanderer but also a tracker, so she was confident she would be able to return. The problem wasn't the "nowhere" part of "waking up in the middle of nowhere." Instead, it was the "waking up." Waking up meant that she had to have been unconscious or out of it for a while. That was obvious to conclude, but still, it was important to point out.
   Something was fishy about this...
   Now in a sitting position, the fem allowed her thoughts to keep going, her brain working like a machine. Despite her childish, reckless, playful personality, she was pretty smart, after all.
   Now where was she?
   The last thing that had happened before, well, this, was... An eclipse. Shooting a quick glance at the sky confirmed that there was no eclipse in sight. The eclipse was over, so obviously time had passed.
   What concerned Cosmic was how much time had passed. If she had only been out for a little while, then she could go find Seija, apologize, and explain what had happened. And then she could happily resume her leadership of Lithiumclan.
   What had happened though?
   To answer that, Lithiumclan's (ex-)leader once again checked out her surroundings, trying to find clues. Why was it that moments earlier she had been unable to feel her body?
   Well, what had she been sleeping on?
   Cosmic glanced down at the ground behind her. A rock.
   Her body already ached all over, so thanks for that, rock.
   She continued her investigation, looking around. Currently, she was on grassland, with grass surrounding her on all sides. Rocks were scattered here and there, and there was also the occasional tree. On one side, the trees actually multiplied and seemed to lead into a forest. On the other side, the ground sloped up and up into hills and cliffs.
   Actually, one of these cliffs was rather close to Cosmic, looming over the feline. Perhaps the cliff had something to do with her unusual situation: Cosmic didn't usually sleep in random places, and if she did, she usually preferred a more comfortable location as well as knowledge beforehand of her sleeping place.
   Cosmic was now 1 year and 7 months old. Over a year and a half. But she was still a child inside, and a reckless one at that, so... It wouldn't be beyond her to suddenly fall off of cliffs and give herself a concussion or maybe a coma. (Throwback to the time she actually jumped off of one on purpose for fun.)   
   ...now that she thought about it, that really sounded like something she had done (the falling, not the jumping-- she and cliffs had history, it seems), but if that was the case... What about her frickin' clan?!
   "You gotta be kiddin' me..." the feline muttered.
   Despite her body's protest, Cosmic just couldn't let this slide. Strolling towards the cliff, Cosmic went around it and ascended it by climbing the sloped ground.
   She knew for a fact that unless she was out of her right mind, she wouldn't have jumped off of a cliff on purpose, especially not with her responsibilities as leader. (The last time she had been conscious, she was pretty sure she had been trying to figure out Lithiumclan's eclipse by asking other clans.)
   With that crossed out, that surely meant she had fallen off instead. Indeed, once Cosmic reached the top, she could see signs of breakage at the cliff's edge, like a part of the ground had chipped off. On closer investigation, she could see claw marks too, like whoever had been on top had been trying to hang on (typical). And when the cat let herself peer over the edge, she could see the very rock she had awoken from moments earlier.
   ...seriously?! Of all the ways for Cosmic to go, it was falling off of a cliff! Honestly...
   Frustration filled the feline to the very core, but dwelling on it was a waste of time. Instead, now that she knew what had lead to her rude awakening, now she should find out how long she had been out.
   Someone around oughta know about that.
   Although stupid, falling off a cliff and knocking herself unconscious was a minor inconvenience at best, right? Cosmic was definitely worried about disappearing from her clan, but surely she hadn't been gone for that long. And even if she had been, Lithiumclan was most likely fine. Right?
   Seija was a responsible person, and the last time Cosmic had checked, Lithiumclan had had a new member to boot.
   So even if Cosmic was making her quick return now, hopefully she could rest easy.
   Right??
   Not knowing set her on edge a bit (especially since she knew others were counting on her), so the female set off at a brisk pace, looking for someone to tell her about Lithiumclan.   

    Eventually, she did find someone.
   "'scuse me! D'ya happen t' know anythin' about a clan called Lithiumclan? The name's Cosmicstar, da ze!" Facing a random NPC cat, the yellow feline wore a toothy grin, awaiting an answer. 
   The NPC's answer was not so optimistic. "You mean the clan that got destroyed?"
   There was a pause as the fem let the words register before her eyes widened. "D-d-what?!" Cosmic sputtered, composure lost. "Huh?! What're you talkin' about?! If this is a prank, I'm gonna--"
   "Whoa, whoa, no need to get violent, miss! Why would I prank you? I'm being completely serious-- that clan doesn't exist any more."
    It was easy to react with anger, but it was also easy to react with sadness. "You're...serious...?" She deflated, then. Was Lithiumclan really...gone...?
   "Well, it's not like all the clans were destroyed or anything. The survivors of the old ones left and now they're in the wild, making new ones. It's not great, but it's also a chance for a new start, so it's also not that bad. Haven't you heard what's been going on these days? Why are you so affected by it anyway? Were you part of that clan?"
    Cosmic blinked, ears flattening slightly. "...you could say that," she answered. "Well, thanks for catchin' me up! I gotta go now. I'm, uh, famished. Bye."
     The encounter had been short and sweet. Cosmic took off with those words, plunging into the forest she had noticed earlier. The stranger, she had found not too far from her starting place, so she had still been in the area.
     The forest was the perfect place to find food and hide.
   
     "So it's really gone..." After catching a meal for herself, the yellow feline finally had time to ponder and recover. The aching of her body had already dulled, so now it was just a background feeling that she could tolerate.
     It was sad, really, about Lithiumclan. But maybe it was right to finally let it rest.
     Licking her dirtied fur, Cosmic gazed ahead blankly as she continued to think.
     It was probably-- no, definitely --her fault that the clan had been destroyed. As its leader, she should've been there to protect it from...whatever had destroyed it. (She just realized she forgot to ask.)
     At the same time, though, good things couldn't last forever; Cosmic's existence itself was a testament to that (but that was breaking the fourth wall and bringing up Cosmic's past life as Marisa-- something she had yet to remember, but still...)
     Good things couldn't last forever.
     It was true that Cosmic always could have done better-- really, she should have put in more effort, but...
     The fact of the matter was Cosmic had never had the same affection for the clan that Seija had. That wasn't to say Cosmic never loved the clan-- she did. It was to say that when Cosmic first joined, she never signed up for this. Joining a clan meant that she had to accept it anyway, even if she never expected it, but Cosmic's goals hadn't been the same as Seija's.
    Cosmic had never been concerned with the exact, exact details. She was a compulsive liar, even if she rarely had the chance to show it around her warm-hearted clanmates.
    She joined clans for the experience, not to attach herself to a name. To her, it didn't matter what something was called or what form it took as long as she got the desired results-- the fun clan experience. She had joined a clan for fun, not to take on commitment. Unfortunately, that's exactly what she got, and that's why she crashed and burned.
    She broke under pressure and from having to do things that she didn't find completely enjoyable, like leading and caring for others instead of striking it out on her own. And Cosmic and commitment didn't go well together-- that's what had happened.
    These weren't excuses; they were more casual explanations, explaining her roleplayer's behavior too. (The characters tend to reflect their roleplayer in some way, right?)
    Well, that wasn't to say Lithiumclan's end didn't affect Cosmic since Cosmic had never wanted to be leader in the first place... Lithiumclan's destruction did affect Cosmic-- a lot. Because she felt guilty.
   Why should her selfishness bring down the clan? Why hadn't she been more considerate of Seija and tried much, much harder?
   It wasn't herself she was worried about-- it was Seija. And Cosmicstar had contributed to crushing Seija's dream, right?
   Clans were a group effort. She shouldn't have ditched Seija-- especially not when Seija needed her most.
   Sure, Seija could do things herself, but it was also unfair to leave all the work to her.
   In-game, what had happened was Cosmic had been knocked out, but if Cosmic had been more careful... That wouldn't have had to happen...
   This was her fault, and she had to admit it. Even after she'd promised she'd help Seija... For it to end like this...
    Even though I never wanted this, I still let her down. And she was countin' on me too, wasn't she?
    Well, this wasn't a pity-party thread, so Bunny wouldn't drag it out any longer.
    She did play a role in Lithiumclan's end, even if it wasn't intentional. And she wasn't playing it off or trying to explain it away; she was just trying to narrow down the possible reasons. 
    Having finished her mouse a long time ago, Cosmic stopped once she realized she had been grooming the same spot for the past couple minutes.
    She flicked her tail, and looked away.
    "If I ever see her again... I have ta apologize, ze," she said to herself. "I ruined her dream, though... I dunno if I'll ever be able to face her, but..."
   She let out a sigh, looking ahead, forcing her paws to carry her forwards to-- wherever.
   "Looks like I'm not cut out for clan life. It was kinda fun while it lasted, but I can't tether myself to anything. Sorry, Seija."
    Talking to herself out loud was probably actually pretty embarrassing-- and she probably looked crazy too --but she continued. After all, saying it out loud was like cementing it.
   "Hey, I know I coulda tried harder, but I really did give it my best, ze. You can't hear me, but wherever ya are, I hope yer doin' well. Best of luck to ya, I say. Yer prob'ly still pursuin' your dreams, with me or not, and I'm fine with that. Man, I'm talkin' to myself too much, an' I'm ramblin' too. Lemme get to the point."
   She paused in her walking and looked up at the sky, covered by trees. Somewhere on this earth, maybe not too far away, maybe Seija was looking up at the same sky too.
   Knowing she was alive was enough. That's what the NPC said, after all-- they were forming new clans.
  "This is a new chapter in our life. It's sad t' go our separate ways, but I think it's fer the best. I know ya loved Lithiumclan a lot, but it's not dead-- not as long as we're both still alive an' remember it. I'm kinda happy t' hear that you can start fresh. This time, we'll do it right, ya got me?"
  All this time, Cosmicstar had been wearing a somber expression, but now her trademark grin finally returned.
  "Hey, I know this prob'ly isn't what you were expectin', and maybe I let ya down after all, but I'm still supportin' ya, you know! Thanks for everything, Seija-- Lithiumclan. I'm settin' out on my own now, t' learn more about myself and this world, about magic."
   Still sporting that grin, she broke into a run. It felt like shackles had magically unfastened themselves from around her. Being clan leader hadn't been that bad, but being a loner was ultimately what was best right now.
   She was free.
  "See ya around, maybe, Seija! I'll be thinkin' of ya! May we meet again, ze!"
  And with that, Cosmicstar-- formerly Marisa --finally disappeared into the foliage.
  This was something new, and although different, it probably-- certainly --wasn't unwelcome.         
   

//and there we have it! i hope this is good enough of a conclusion! actually, if Seija wants to reply with anything like perhaps hearing Cosmic's words through the wind/feeling them and/or forgiving her, maybe, i'm alright with that! there's not going to be a reply since this is supposed to be closure, but anyway!
now that i've written this, i think i really will make Cosmic appear every now and then (sorta be around on the site, as a loner), but we'll see! i came back really wanting to roleplay Tewi (and roleplay in general), but i still love this a lot-- i love her a lot. they're all great characters with plenty ahead of them/plenty to do. i just needed a new situation for them.
well, that's that! thanks to everyone who has rped with me! i had lots of fun! especially you, Verdigris! rping with you was a pleasure, esp. since i really feel i'm capricious and kinda troublesome. xD
there's that for some closure. loose ends are kinda,, ahh
it's 3:40 AM and i go to sleep at ridiculous times, so good night! i still love rping, so don't think i'll ever give up on it!

DISCLAIMER: talking about "forgiveness" or "whose fault it was" is totally not my intention/is besides the point of this thread. i'm not trying to get you to pity Cosmic, nor am I trying to paint Seija or other people in a bad light. (definitely not haha) i'll have you know Cosmic views Seija very highly. Here, Cosmic feels responsible-- that's how she feels, whether you agree with her or not. she doesn't blame Seija or anyone else at all; she probably thinks Seija is blameless. but i tried to end it positively: they're both going their separate ways, but although the future is unknown, it can hold lots of amazing/positive things. a fresh start means good things can happen/replace the bad!

Cosmic does reflect some of my own feelings, yes. i think you already forgave me, but even so, i'm sorry i couldn't do more about Lithiumclan. ( >< ;; ) i'm thinking we could've gone above and beyond and been superhuman/super aggressive in promotion and stuff and totally amped things up, but i also think sometimes things can't be helped. in the end, both Cosmic and I let personal feelings + other issues get in the way, but i hope you're ok with that!
i still adamantly believe rping should be fun instead of feeling like a part-time job/responsibility (in the end, i'm the one who felt like that tho ahaha)
but like i said in the rp, this isn't a pity party thread; it's an acknowledgement of an end and a start to a new beginning. i hope you can love and support Cosmic even when she's pursuing her own path/not around as much!
one last thing before i hit the hay: i really want to rp Tewi, but idk if i'm going to rp her here or not. i was wondering if i should create a tumblr rp account so i can do stuff like that, but i could also put Tewi here and rp as i usually do. Tewi would have both a cat form and a rabbit form-- the cat form being used more often so she doesn't become prey/bc it's easier + more convenient. 
this is dangerously becoming more of an ooc thread than an ic one (especially given the format of my fancypost and how things look), so i'm done now! i'm not stopping rping; i'm just putting an end to Cosmic's old occupation.
if you read this all, thanks! good night now! see ya around, maybe! c: 
     
 
Cosmicstar | 1 year | female | tags