Author Topic: PETRICHOR cafe 2.0  (Read 1045 times)

Offline SULTAN

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Re: PETRICHOR cafe 2.0
« Reply #15 on: July 16, 2018, 11:55:30 AM »
paddy i love you sooo much hhhkskkd jsjd )):
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Offline crows

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Re: PETRICHOR cafe 2.0
« Reply #16 on: July 16, 2018, 12:39:45 PM »
this is so beautiful ur writing always makes me feel so fuzzy inside
We wuv u sully
i hope you're happy in the end info

Offline paddy

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Re: PETRICHOR cafe 2.0
« Reply #17 on: July 16, 2018, 12:59:52 PM »
this is so beautiful ur writing always makes me feel so fuzzy inside
We wuv u sully
sometimes i feel cold, even paralyzed
my interior world needs to sanitize

Offline Legends

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Re: PETRICHOR cafe 2.0
« Reply #18 on: July 16, 2018, 04:08:48 PM »
this is so beautiful ur writing always makes me feel so fuzzy inside
etherial, almost ghostly info

Offline SULTAN

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Re: PETRICHOR cafe 2.0
« Reply #19 on: July 16, 2018, 10:58:12 PM »
u guys make my heart burst ,,,
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Offline SULTAN

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Re: PETRICHOR cafe 2.0
« Reply #20 on: July 17, 2018, 06:55:03 PM »




otis ghibli!au

    "into the forest i go, to lose my mind and find my soul" - j muir

young ujin is the youngest of a farmer's three sons and lives in a hut in the middle of nowhere. life can get a little lonely, especially when he's left at home for days, sometimes weeks. but when his efforts to aid a wounded creature in the forest lead him to the mythical land of elora, he realizes that his life will change forever.   
« Last Edit: May 07, 2019, 07:32:35 PM by SULTAN »
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Offline crows

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Re: PETRICHOR cafe 2.0
« Reply #21 on: July 21, 2018, 04:13:07 PM »
!!!!!!!
i hope you're happy in the end info

Offline SULTAN

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Re: PETRICHOR cafe 2.0
« Reply #22 on: May 07, 2019, 09:45:24 PM »
a body from the balcony 
word count: 942
tw: multiple mentions of death, self-loathing, swearing

a/n: i haven't written anything in ages and i have an idea but it's hard to write down. this may serve as a preview for a series of oneshots? a hint of the main theme is in the very last section but i don't know where it's going, lmao. i needed to blow off some  steam so this is probably a bunch of gibberish, apologies in advance.

i want to know what happens for sure when you die. i'm curious, partially because of reasons i don't need to explain. is it beautiful, or anticlimactic? can you see your hands turn into cherry blossoms? or are you born again, right after everything goes black? will you meet your grandpa, or the celebrity you looked up to? what if you expect heaven and end up in hell..what do you see first? i wish there was a definite answer. but once you die, it's instantaneous, sudden, all-consuming; there's no turning back. i wish there was, maybe for a second or two, so you could tell someone what it's like. "it's nice! come with!" or "no. bad idea." i want to know all of these things but that's virtually impossible without having to listen to someone with a voice and smile too sweet for your liking stop you on the way to class or knock on your apartment door with fliers. and they're not much help, either. what i know is that death isn't a punishment, but more of a mockery. you're free, but you can't go back. ever. and then someone in heaven or hell or wherever is laughing at you and you wonder what to do. if you can even wonder anymore.
 
-

i dragged my feet across the cold marble, hesitating in front of the door before flicking on the switch. the light from inside was barely enough to expose the tops of my feet and uncut nails. i stared down at them with lost eyes and fingers twitching at my sides, then opened the door. i could sense herself in the mirror. i didn't want to look at myself but it was hard not to.

my hair was greasy and stuck out in all directions. there were dark marks under my eyes and a puffiness around my mouth. after a couple of weeks of clear skin, i finally began to break out again.

hag. i started to tear up unwarrantedly. good for nothing, stupid, ugly, bitch. i stepped back and looked down but there were my uncut toenails again. i looked up and the lights were too bright. so instead i stalked forward and squeezed out a wad of toothpaste and tried not to acknowledge my reflection mocking me.

loud bangs on the door. hurry up! hurry up hurry up hurry up hurry UPPPPPPPPP

i didn't answer so my brother banged on the door again.

IM COMING, OKAY?!

WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER THE FIRST TIME?! 

i heard him storm down the stairs. asshole. i was able to look myself in the mirror. i didn't seem real.
-

crying crying crying crying and nothing gets better. i always cry and a lot of the time i don't but when i do it's no different. i was thinking of replacing the poster in my room for a while now because everyone made fun of it. it's not that i don't want it up there, as it is my room that i can do whatever i want with, but too many people come into it. which i hate. and then they make fun of my stuff as if they have any right to do so. so it's not because of the others that i want to do it it's because of myself and my own frustration (which is a tame word for the situation).

i kept looking at the poster. there's no way i would take it down, though. i had it in that spot for over a year. it bid me goodbye when i left for school, greeted me when i got back, saw me break down over physics, saw me scream with joy when i got into my dream college - it's been a silent but unwavering presence ever since i put it up. it never disappointed me, which i could say of only a couple others in my life.

god, your room smells like sweat. my brother came in and looked around. i hated when he said that. it never fucking smells like sweat - it's literally just him.

can you leave.

why?

because it's my room. and you came in uninvited.

the door was open.

no it wasn't. get out.

make me.

i got up and grabbed his shoulders and tried to kick at his ankles. he fought back, gripping my wrists and trying to wrench himself free.

fuck OFF!

why do you hate me so much?!

because you're annoying, you don't respect my privacy, you treat me like shit, you make fun of me and tell me my room smells when it doesn't, you-

but you do all that stuff to me!

only because you do that stuff to me! now get out! get OUT! i managed to push him out of my room and slam the door and lock it. i hate him. no i don't. i do but i don't. i hate me. i hate this room. i hate this house i hate this room i hate this fucking bed i hate this room and i want to die. but no i have too much to live for no i don't. i don't can someone give me a break. i hate this place. i never asked to be here.

-

oops i did it again echoed through the empty mall. something must've happened, i thought, but the fact that two chairs and a picnic table were set up was no less odd. i took a seat, my hand slowly loosening its grip off the knife in my pocket. i was early, and somehow figured i had nothing to worry about. i tilted backward in the chair and closed my eyes.
« Last Edit: July 06, 2019, 10:50:29 PM by SULTAN »
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Offline SULTAN

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Re: PETRICHOR cafe 2.0
« Reply #23 on: July 06, 2019, 05:27:23 PM »
the way i just wrote 2k words of wlw heartbreak....it's shit right now but im proud of myself for writing so much it's been a while

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Offline SULTAN

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PETRICHOR cafe 2.0
« Reply #24 on: July 06, 2019, 10:48:00 PM »
i glow pink in the night in my room 
word count: 2558
tw: swearing, displays of depression and anxiety

the pristine white coat looked strange when draped over my tall rocking chair. the old thing was cumbersome and a bit ugly with the pee colored paint and green stripes chipping off, but it was one of the many useless things i brought to my dorm my freshman year of college and never got around to discarding. ever since then, i grew attached to it and it remained with me wherever i ended up, even all the way here in my apartment for my second year of med school.

i imagined her sitting in it and giving me a wide grin. what a nice chair..very creaky though. but very vintage, and.. she got up and did that director gesture where you made a rectangle with your hands. very classy. she laughed as if it was the funniest thing in the world. that's when i knew she was being sarcastic, but i didn't mind. i laughed with her then and i laugh at the memory now. she slowly disappeared, and all that was left was the painful hole she continues to leave with her absence.

she always sat in that chair when she came over. if it was to study, chat, cook - she always made sure to sit in it, even if it was just for a second. the only day she didn't was when she-

i swallowed. that's how i knew that that day wasn't real.

but it never made sense. i felt it. like that time at the party two months ago. i never went to parties, even in my free time. but she insisted, and i guessed there was a first for everything. i remember her squeezing up next to me and stealing glances at the guy across the room.
so? i said, nodding towards him.
god, he thinks he's such hot shit.
i looked at him a little closer. he did seem like that kind of guy.
he does look good, though.
yeah.. she sighed, but it wasn't the dreamy kind with the googly eyes. he caught our eyes and she turned away.
you interested? i couldn't help myself.
what? no! she gawked at me as if i had sad something preposterous. he was just..there. she then shrugged and rolled her eyes as if she was making perfect sense. she was, though, to me, so we laughed about it. it was one of the many times i felt something flicker in my chest. i only hoped that she had, too.

i guess i was wrong. but again, how dare she seethe when she saw another man approach me at the bar or lean into the wall next to me at that same party? how dare she snap at a guy who was my lab partner, for fuck's sake-

how dare she take my hand and call me hers.

i didn't realize i was crying until i caught a glimpse of myself in my bedside mirror. even that was a gift from her. i hated looking at myself in the mornings, but she gave it to me because she thought i needed it. it was for my own good, she said. it hurt me at the time, but i knew she meant well. now it hurt again, but not for the same reasons.

my phone buzzed and i jumped. before i picked it up, i was half expecting..god, i was pathetic. i looked at the caller id. it was my lab partner, the same one, in fact.

"hello?" i tried not to let exhaustion lace my tone, but he picked it up.
"you sound like shit."
"thanks. what do you want, johnny?"
"to hear your voice, for a minute or two."
i groaned. i knew it was all harmless with him, but never not annoying. "it's 2 am. i should really be going to bed."
"that's what you always say! you should be going to bed, but you never do! but actually, you really should be, you know.."
"and?"
"and..i'm the one with the graveyard shift here."
"and you have time to talk to me?"
"yeah, whatever. i wanted to talk about the thing that's due. you finished your part, right?"
i already told him i did earlier that morning. he didn't forget things easily, so i knew he had ulterior motives. my silence forced him to sigh into the receiver.
"fine, you got me. i really did want to hear your voice. but i was also half-hoping you wouldn't pick up, either."
"why?"
"i hoped you were asleep."
if this exchange was occurring at any other time, i would have felt something like affection bubble up in my chest. but now, even my heartbeat just felt like a numb, unnecessary pang, pang, pang... so i didn't answer.
"but if you wanted to know the answer to the first one, well, i was worried. you really don't look yourself these days. i know you've been struggling for a while, but it looks..worse these days. i can't even remember the last time you've smiled at me. or at anyone."
i wanted to spit back something snarky, that it was just the lack of sleep or the exam load and that he should mind his business, but i didn't have the energy. and the fact that he called me in the middle of his shift just to tell me this..i wasn't heartless. i appreciated it.
"..i know."
silence on both ends for a while.
"is it about her?"
i froze, feeling something other than sadness overpower me for the first time in a while. 
"no..what?"
"we're talking about this tomorrow morning."
"it's not!" i tried to defend myself, but at this point i knew it was futile. i just wondered how long he knew. was i that obvious?
"listen, you're my friend, okay? a really good one. i just want you to know and understand that i care."
i nodded though he couldn't see it.
"okay. now imagine mr. london talking about his hometown and 'all that good ol' coffee'..it'll have you snoring in seconds."
i couldn't help but laugh. "i will. thanks."
johnny seemed proud of himself. "goodnight. i'll get back to work now."
"alright."
"bye."
"bye."

i was left smiling until another voice whispered in my ear. "byeee...." i jumped and whipped around, feeling goosebumps crawl over my skin. i was still under her spell, whether i liked it or not. so i let myself fall, just for a bit.

but that's what you call everyone! i laughed.
oh..but it can be just for you from now on. or, if you want, she trailed a finger along my jawline. i can call you something better.

i got up and kicked down the chair i was sitting in. i threw whatever was on my desk to the ground (there wasn't much - just a notebook, a pen, and a few flashcards), and then fell to my knees, sobs ripping through me. i could feel her hands, her coos, her smiles against my skin..as long as i was here, she was too. i needed to leave.
 
as i stormed out of my apartment, i told myself that if i was to continue my life i would live it for myself. i told myself that i would never end up relying on someone so much that it was hard to breathe without them. i told myself that i wouldn't lose my identity to another and forget who i was. that above all else, i was my own person. but i said these things before i ended up in all this mess, and everything i warned myself about happened and now i didn't know what to do.

i used to want to look at things and be reminded of a time where i didn't have to think about smiling or have to search for the beauty in the life around me. i hated it back then, but somehow, this feels worse. i wanted to go back to my normal bad, where things seemed a little bit easier. i stopped and squeezed my eyes shut. what a horrible horrible life i was given.

i can think of nothing but her. i just want to think of something else. but everything keeps coming, coming, all at once, and i keep letting it.

i remember spotting her a few days after the day while i was in the stands at one of the local football games. she told me she would go with me since i said i never went before. she was down there helping with everything. she touched a big guy's shoulder (how did she even know him?) and laughed. i thought of the words she said to me again. i looked at her smile and catch my gaze and saw that smile drop. then she looked away as if i wasn't there at all. it's been a few months and i haven't had an interaction withs her since.

why did she want to do everything with me? i was like her pet dog that she kept dragging around for show, except for the fact i had nothing special to offer.

my feet took me to the ocean. i stood there and felt stupid and i didn't know what to do with my hands or legs but i had to do something so i just sat down and watched the waves. it was getting dark and i knew this was a bad idea to begin with but i couldn't do anything about it now.

i was too much in my head, i realized. i floated back down to earth and let myself succumb to the sounds of the waves. once the sun started to set it didn't dawdle around, so i wanted this scene to soak in as much as it could.

i wanted to cry more but couldn't. i was looking at a infinite expanse of nothing. i imagined my salty tears were what formed the ocean. it was telling me, showing me that it was too much, that i needed to calm down. to take some steps back when i was trying to force my way forward.

i didn't realize there was someone else on that beach until they were standing over me. i didn't know if this was a dream or not and i didn't care. she was all i saw and heard and thought about, anyway. i wanted to be angry at myself but i was too tired.

"you're here, jyoti?" a name that wasn't mine but that she relentlessly addressed me by. something special belonging to just us. how dare she, i thought as i did earlier. but again, i didn't know if any of this was real. it didn't matter either way, because i nodded like her pet dog.

"i thought you were working."

i smiled despite myself. i managed to switch up the day so our schedules would clash. but it wasn't a smile of malice, more one that she..remembered. i was a fool, that's all i was.

"i'm on thursdays now." i didn't know why i told her. i felt like a mere shell, a case. my actual self was in another place entirely, perhaps wandering somewhere above the clouds. we then sat in silence, but not the kind of silence i shared with johnny half an hour ago. this was worse. much worse.

"do you still think about me?"

oh, god.

"because i do, all the damn ti-"
"then you can stop." i frowned, almost confused at my own response. this was all i wanted, for the past few months, every waking moment of my life, it seemed. i just wanted her to say that she was wrong and that she made a mistake and she spent every day pining over me and that she loved me beyond anything she could ever imagine. that was all i ever wanted.
"jyoti, i love you."
"stop!!" i screamed and slapped my hands over my ears. all i ever wanted. all i ever wanted was her. she tried to grab my arms but i pushed her backwards, toward the sea and my tears.
"you can't do this. you can't do this after you've left me to rot for these six months."
"i know that, and i'm sorr-"
"no, you're not. i don't know what's gotten into you, you saying this now, that you, that you.." i couldn't even say it.
"because it's true! i haven't meant anything more in my entire life!"
"no, no..you love me," my tongue was drying up. tears were not falling. "but it can't be more than i have loved you."

the worst thing was that she didn't argue, didn't say i was wrong, that i was just out of my senses like i always was. she didn't do what she always did. she just stood there, shoulders drooping, head hanging in..shame.

"i sacrificed everything for you. and on that day, you just..left me? and you didn't tell me why..you just left me there, and i asked myself for six months what i did wrong and what i could do to just have you look at me again." i wanted to grab her, push her, but i couldn't. never. so i just kept throwing my clenched fists to my sides like i was a five year old throwing a tantrum. "and now you come here and spew some bullshit like.. you love me?!" i scoffed, turning away and turning back again. i couldn't believe these were my own words, but something in my stomach was brewing, boiling, egging me on.

"i was scared. i know it's nothing to you now, but i've never felt anything for anyone like i have for you." she tried to reach for my face then but i backed away. this wasn't real. i was in my thoughts, floating away, away, away from earth, like always. "i didn't know what to do. i shouldn't have ignored you like that."
"but you did."
"i know. and i'll never forgive myself for it." she was crying now. she touched my face and i let her because for a second it looked like she meant it. "please come back to me, jyoti."

i threw her hand away then and she looked at it as if she was scalded.

"why don't you ever call me by my real name?! i'm always jyoti, jyoti, jyoti..she's not the one you know, who's enrolled here, i am! but she's the one you love, right? jyoti, a little doll tailored just for you?!" there it was. something had just clicked in place.
"no, what?! that was just something i called you, something just for m-" she paused with the rest of her words hanging in midair. she knew it too. she was chasing after something imaginary to fulfill her fantasies, and when the real thing didn't own up to her expectations, she left it be.
"so?"
"this is just a misunderstanding. i haven't done what you think i did. you know i'm not like that," she started bawling because she knew she was lying again. she knew she did what i thought she did. she knew she was like that. she was just trying to get me back and i had never felt so satisfied in my life.

"bye." her name was vanishing, too. "see you around." i still wasn't crying but the sea had receded.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2019, 01:28:29 PM by SULTAN »
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Offline crows

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Re: PETRICHOR cafe 2.0
« Reply #25 on: July 14, 2019, 10:34:16 PM »
review: deserves to become some kind of cinematic album. makes my heart hurt in ways that don't exist in places, fills me with memories i never had
i hope you're happy in the end info

Offline SULTAN

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Re: PETRICHOR cafe 2.0
« Reply #26 on: July 15, 2019, 11:42:47 AM »
this is really the best compliment i could ever receive..i didn't think that my writing could have such an effect on anyone. thank you so much lyd i love you i love you i love you
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Offline crows

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Re: PETRICHOR cafe 2.0
« Reply #27 on: July 16, 2019, 02:46:45 AM »
i love u sm this is Art and your writing is so powerful and cinematic please never forget that
i hope you're happy in the end info