Author Topic: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.  (Read 1512 times)

Offline truce.

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「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« on: January 12, 2019, 07:17:01 AM »

I WAS IN A FOG, I DIDN'T NOTICE EVERYTHING
WAS COMING ALL APART INSIDE OF ME
THERE WASN'T ANY WAY FOR ANYONE TO SETTLE IN
YOU MADE A SLOW DISASTER OUT ME
...
~ you were a kindness by the national



a
WILHELM LUCERNE NOUVEL.

Trigger Warning: drug use and addiction.

Delicate fingertips drummed against the coffee table anxiously, a shaky hand gripping onto his lifeline. A mobile phone, with his dealer's contact details on the screen. Lucerne had already been trying to call multiple times, sending what felt like one hundred and one text messages in an attempt to get the man's attention. He frowned, visible lines forming on his forehead, as he flicked through the messages briefly.

If it's convenient, we must meet at once.
LN

If inconvenient, meet anyway.
LN

Hello? I need the usual.
LN

This is abysmal. Come meet me.
LN

Meet me now - Barnard St.
LN

You are by far the worst dealer.
LN


Lucerne huffed, rolling his eyes before stroppily throwing himself against the back of the sofa, curling up before peeking at his mobile again. Still, nothing. Of course, it was twenty four minutes passed three in the morning but it wasn't Lucerne's fault that he was busy studying the haemolymph of a cockroach beneath a microscope for the past couple of hours. And now, he was starving for a fix. Addy knew full well that when Lucerne needed something from him, he had to be there in an instant. Otherwise, Lucerne ought to reduce himself to a restless and irritable insomniac whose head seared with a headache and heart raced against his chest. Now, that was not healthy.

He clenched and unclenched his fist repeatedly, shaking his head very subtly before rocking himself back up onto his feet as he began to pull his coat on, wrapping his charcoal scarf around his neck before peering down at his phone yet again. If Addy wasn't going to come to him, then Lucerne would go to Addy. After all, Lucerne knew exactly where his dealer lived. Not because Addy told him his address - that would be nonsensical. But, Addy was still quite foolish in having pulled out an opened envelope to tuck the cash away into one evening and, for a brief moment, revealing his address on the envelope for Lucerne to remember in the back of his mind.

He considered it to be an unnecessary abuse of both the postal service and Addy's safety. Lucerne wanted to smile after learning the address. His dealer was an idiot.

He decided that perhaps he ought to try one last time to call Addy before choosing to turn up at his door. After all, the pitter patter of rain outside appeared to have no intention of ceasing any time soon, and Lucerne knew that his hair would go all curly and unruly if he were to get it wet in the rain; more curly and unruly than his natural hair in its dry state, with that being said.

Lucerne tapped through his phone to find Addy's number, though it did not take long considering it was the only number on his favorites besides Cornelius' and Mom's. He pursed his lips to form a soft pout, tapping on Addy's number before holding his phone to his ear. Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring ring. And then, the phone was picked up.

He wasted no time with any formalities, nor did he wait for Addy to speak before Lucerne exclaimed theatrically, "If I was a dying man, I would've had my funeral already by the time you woke up." He then sighed, glancing at his front door, and then he continued automatically, voice a low and monotonous grumble, "You need to meet up with me right away with the usual - it's an awfully dire situation."

@inny.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2019, 08:37:26 AM by truce. »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2019, 09:43:04 AM »
addy douglas.
ring ring.

just his mind being paranoid.

ring ring.

he was hearing things.

ring ring.

you have got to be kidding.

addy didn’t know what hour it was, but when he had opened his eyes to see that it was still dark out, moonlight filtering in through his window, he immediately felt fucking pissed. groggily, his hand wandered the surface of the nearby nightstand, taking just a bit longer before he answered the call, bringing it to his ear. he wasn’t even surprised to hear the voice on the other end, speaking before he even got the chance to.

fucking lucerne. the bastard.

he shifted around on his bed so he was sitting on the edge of it. "i’d leave your fuckin’ fix in the casket with you, then. would that make y’happy?" not his wittiest of replies, but it was the middle of the night. nobody could blame the redhead for being so slow to reply, and slow to think of any reasonable response. the more lucerne droned on, though, it took addy a moment to really grasp what was going on and, when his mouth finally caught up to his brain, he felt so, so pissed. this lucerne guy was asking for a fix right now? had this guy ever heard of sleep?

"no fucking way," he grumbled, running a hand through his hair. "i am not, going out in the rain, to meet you of all people, just so you can get your damn fix. bastard." though, the more he began to think about it, the more he began to realize that turning down his number one client probably wasn’t the best of ideas. sure, he had quite the long list of clients, all of them asking for product from time to time- but nobody bought drugs as much as this lucerne guy did. damn, he was so desperate for something so toxic, something that was practically poison to your entire system. and, honestly, addy didn’t mind that.

he’d watched his mother struggle with the same exact fuckin’ thing. he’d been her babysitter for way too long. drugs and drug users... they both were incredibly toxic.

with a sigh, he stood up from his bed. he pressed the phone against his shoulder and to his ear as he fumbled to throw pants on. "you better pay me a little extra." might as well try and push his luck. addy knew how desperate these addicts were to get their fix. he’d watched his mother break his piggy-bank and steal his birthday money as a child; he’d seen women who’d sold all of their hair. might as well try and take all of this guy’s money before he, too, eventually kicked the bucket. before even being asked how much more, he stated, "fifty."

this guy seemed to be fucking loaded; fifty extra bucks wasn’t going to kill him, now was it?

"same meetup place?" and that location was oh-so conveniently on the other side of town. great. just because addy was making pretty great money with this job did not mean he had a car or anything to go meet this guy in. he fucking hoped there’d be a taxi or some shit to get him there, because walking in the rain wasn’t really his ideal predicament at 3 in the fucking morning.
« Last Edit: August 05, 2019, 09:29:49 PM by Hootowls »

Offline truce.

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Re: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2019, 01:51:00 PM »

I WAS IN A FOG, I DIDN'T NOTICE EVERYTHING
WAS COMING ALL APART INSIDE OF ME
THERE WASN'T ANY WAY FOR ANYONE TO SETTLE IN
YOU MADE A SLOW DISASTER OUT ME
...
~ you were a kindness by the national



a
WILHELM LUCERNE NOUVEL.

Lucerne blinked, remaining unaffected by the bitterness in Addy's voice as he snarled down the phone, merely because Lucerne didn't seem to grasp why Addy could possibly be so frustrated to hear from Lucerne. He glanced at the front door's doorknob, squishing his mobile against his face as he listened intently to Addy's words. He chose to ignore the snide comment - that was something he knew he had to do with Addy - waiting until he began to complain before butting in abruptly, "You can say no." Even though that was a lie.

With Addy demanding for extra money for such a late night meet, Lucerne didn't appear to care for the extra cost of this endeavor. Fifty bucks? Well, he was desperate. "Lovely." Lucerne agreed nonchalantly, patting around his coat just to double check he had his wallet on him before repeating after his dealer, "Same meetup place. I'll be waiting." And with that, he ended the call, shoving his phone back into his coat pocket before pausing to reflect for a moment. A smile riddled his lips for a brief moment, smile lines tugging at his cheeks, before he chuckled to himself softly. Finally, he was going to get exactly what he wanted. What he needed.

He burst out the door, locking it behind him before he trotted down the staircase to the bottom of the apartment block, waltzing out confidently onto the sidewalk. There, he drew money out from a nearby ATM before gesturing for a taxi to pull over. Oh, he could already feel the sensation of his favorite drug coursing through his veins. He was itching for something more as he climbed into the taxi and bluntly stated the destination. The taxi pulled off into the busy street, beginning to make its journey to Barnard Street, and Lucerne bounced his knee in anticipation, shakily flitting his gaze out the window as he watched the traffic die down when they got closer.

There was a reason why they picked this street of all streets to meet up; it was practically a ghost town in the night time. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes whilst he waited, grasping a cigarette and lighter in his hand as the taxi pulled over on Barnard Street. Wordlessly, he paid the taxi driver, climbing out as the man called, "Have a good evening." "And you." Lucerne uttered softly in response before slamming the taxi door shut. His eyes followed as the vehicle left down the road and then he lit his cigarette, catching it between his lips before inhaling deeply, wandering down the street before standing beneath some shelter to escape from the rain. He leaned against the wall, cold eyes scanning the empty street calmly, aloof.

Addy would be here soon, and Lucerne could would be able to feel the opioids patch up every wound sustained from his unfortunate life. It was a quick fix - albeit a temporary one - but a quick fix to all of his problems nonetheless. The boredom, the racing thoughts, the emotional scars - did any of that matter whilst he was feeling the glory of his high? Lucerne tapped his foot impatiently, light body tremors and heart palpitations insisting that the cure to all of his problems was in the hands of Addy. As soon as he could get home, he would be free.

And then, he saw Addy approaching, and he inhaled his cigarette one last time before dropping it on the pavement and stubbing it out with the toe of his shoe. He waited for Addy to get closer before he gently exhaled smoke in the dealer's face merely for the sake of it. That was for taking six minutes and twenty nine seconds to pick up your phone. And, before he could even allow Addy to have a go at him for blowing smoke in his face, he automatically murmured, "You took your time, Adelbert." With the surprise on the other's face, Lucerne feigned a look of confusion, tilting his head and adding quickly, "I'm sorry, that was incredibly rude of me. Can I call you Adelbert? Or would you prefer Mr Douglas? Bert, Bertie?.." He paused to observe Addy's reaction before adding, more so as a note to himself, "We will keep with Addy."

He pressed his lips together to form a thin line, pulling out his wallet and digging through to pull out the cash before handing it over. "Added another ten dollars on top of the extra fifty. Gratitude fee, I suppose you could call it if you so wish."
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Offline elysian.

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Re: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2019, 04:06:46 PM »
addy douglas.
“you can say no.”
oh, addy was not going to take this douche’s word on that. while addy was definitely hitting the jackpot with this occupation, he needed every bit of money that he had had to get by. living wasn’t free, you know. living was so damn expensive that addy couldn’t blame people when they wanted to find a way out of their life. however, as lucerne didn’t even seem to hesitate agreeing to the extra fifty, addy silently cursed himself. damn it. should’ve asked for more.. it was too late for that, though, and as they hung up, he went right to getting lucerne’s order.

this lucerne guy was into the hard shit, too. he caught his lip between his teeth as he gathered everything that bastard had asked for before heading outside of the apartment. and, sure, he knew most dealers talked about “sampling their product” but, ideally, he didn’t need to to know that this was good shit for those druggies out there. if he lived in some other city, an even bigger city, played his cards right and got the right connections, he probably could have his own drug business at this rate. however, he was fine where he was- because he couldn’t leave. this place was all that he had ever known.

waving a taxi down, he shuffled in before glancing over all the text messages he’d missed. yeah, really seemed like he hadn’t had much of a choice about going and meeting this guy. abysmal? who the fuck was abysmal? the text made him want to tell the taxi driver to turn back around and drop him off at his home. what a prick. acting like the world revolved around him and him alone… all because he seemed to have money. what? did mom and dad know he was using daddy’s money to buy all of these drugs?

giving the taxi cab some money on his way out, he headed onto barnard- only pausing when he saw a certain man seeking refuge underneath some form of shelter. god, it was too early for all this. as he got closer, already thinking of a million insults he could possibly say, smoke was blown in his face. oh, that mother fucker. he briefly contemplated wringing his neck out, choking him to death then and there- but somehow, he refrained. must’ve been because he was too tired.

”you took your time, adelbert.”

adelbert…


what in the actual fuck? for a moment, he simply stared, gawked in surprise that the other man knew his name- his full name. well, shit. this definitely didn’t bode very well for him, did it? this guy was going to turn him into the fuzz; his career was over. it had been nice while it lasted, he supposed… the look of surprise was quick to be replaced by a scowl, and he instantly reached out and grabbed the taller man by the caller. “listen here, bastard, don’t ever call me that again,” he sneered, staring at lucerne for a moment before pushing him away as he said, “mother fucker. how did you even find that out? what all do you fuckin’ know?

he grabbed the wad of cash, skimming through it as he counted. “do you think my life revolves around you?” he asked as he was done counting, glancing at lu as he pocketed the cash in an envelope, and then held out a small, folded up bag. “there. that should be everything. go throw yourself a fuckin’ party.”

he paused before taking a longer look at lucerne, pursing his lips before asking, "are you fucking high, right now?"

« Last Edit: January 12, 2019, 10:42:25 PM by inny. »

Offline truce.

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Re: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2019, 06:51:02 PM »

I WAS IN A FOG, I DIDN'T NOTICE EVERYTHING
WAS COMING ALL APART INSIDE OF ME
THERE WASN'T ANY WAY FOR ANYONE TO SETTLE IN
YOU MADE A SLOW DISASTER OUT ME
...
~ you were a kindness by the national



a
WILHELM LUCERNE NOUVEL.

It was quite amusing, actually, to see the look on Addy's face through the plume of smoke that'd been blown his way. He could've laughed if he really wanted to exasperate Addy's annoyance, yet instead he was surprised that Addy actually kept his composure. That was a surprise. Addy was a spitfire. Was Lucerne being spiteful? Oh, yes. But, it was simply in his nature. After all, he was untouchable - Addy wouldn't dare hurt his biggest client, would he? Plus, Lucerne had a point to prove.

But, perhaps his next comment was the straw that broke the camel's back.

The shorter man grabbed him roughly by the collar, Lucerne raising an eyebrow, feigning surprise, as he allowed for himself to get pushed about by Addy. "Don't ever call me that again." Addy snarled, and all Lucerne could do was hum in understanding. He was pushed back, the lithe man stepping one foot behind to keep his balance with the force of being pushed, and he shoved his hands in his pockets as Addy angrily questioned him; this was where the fun began.

"What do I know? I don't know. I observed. The envelope - Yes, the one you usually have with you during these deals - quite clearly a male's handwriting which leads me to think that perhaps a client of yours sent you the cash in an envelope, but why would somebody do such an absurd thing? Male handwriting. A client. No. You quite evidently want to keep your full name a secret, possibly because you're afraid a whistle blower will expose you, hm? So, leads me to think... Family. Your father wrote to you, using your full name rather than your nickname, possibly because he doesn't know you go by the name Addy which would be peculiar if you and your father were close. You'd keep an envelope from family for sentiment purposes, quite possibly. Sentiment; it's such an interesting thing... Plus, wouldn't your own father have your mobile number? It's bizarre as he could very well have sent you a text message but instead he chose to send you a letter. Why? You haven't spoken to him in a long, long time.

"What else can I observe? Well, I know that it'd take a lot to push you over the edge because who would want to push about their biggest client? Oh. How do I know that I'm your biggest client? Good question. Firstly, just by judging your clothing, clearly the shirt is well worn in and it's likely you were asleep in it just til I woke you up. And the jeans? Hm, they're crumpled, they were left on your floor and they were the first thing you could pick up when you rushed to get changed for me so that you wouldn't disappoint me. Oh, you rushed? Yep, you did because I called you twenty five minutes ago and now you're here and, judging the traffic flow at this time of night and your address which I remembered seeing a glimpse of from our last deal, I'd say you..."


Lucerne paused to check his watch, shrugging and pursing his lips in thought before continuing, "must've left your flat within five to eight minutes after I hung up. Just enough time to get ready, grab the supplies and then be on your way. Quite an efficient dealer, I do take back my last text message I sent you." He grinned Addy's way, knowing well that he would have baffled and, even better, irritated the hell out of the dealer. Oh well. It was what Lucerne did best. "What I'm trying to say is that you must be smarter. Sentiment will get you nowhere - an envelope can tell people a lot more than just your name if they think hard enough. If I were you, I'd be thanking me."

As Addy counted up the cash, Lucerne tilted his head in thought with Addy's question. "No... But it probably should do." He sounded oh-so pretentious when he was this way, a mixture of arrogance, spite and exhaustion from having not slept for almost two days straight... Oh, and of course, a little dash of heroin. Lucerne carefully took the bag from Addy, admiring it for a moment before delicately folding it into the pocket of his coat. "A party for one sounds like an excellent idea." He uttered quietly, peering down the street before Addy asked yet another question.

"Not high enough." He responded, tilting his head to the other smile before, yet again, cracking a toothy grin, squeezing his eyes shut. His smiles were never genuine. If he'd smile at someone, they would have to assume that the smile was nothing but sarcasm. Lucerne breathed sarcasm. "This ought to do the trick, however." He then exclaimed, patting his pocket of drugs as if it were a companion.
« Last Edit: January 13, 2019, 06:54:28 PM by truce. »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2019, 10:54:03 PM »
addy douglas.
if addy had thought it was worth knocking bastard over here out because he’d called him his full name, then he was definitely thinking about murdering this man with the words that spilled from his mouth. envelope. family. father. haven’t spoken to him in a long, long time. if the circumstance was different, if he wasn’t talking to one of his biggest clients, he would’ve spat out what a fucking liar he was, to never contact him again, and he would’ve went back to his apartment- and cried. because he was right.

his mind flashed to when he saw he’d gotten that envelope, when he read every word again and again- “forgive me-- let me be the father i should’ve been when you were younger-- let me be there for you-- how’s your mom? she’s always loved you so, so much… here’s my address and number in case you want to get in touch...” how’s your mom. the remark made him want to scoff. how did he not know that ronnie was fucking dead? did he seriously not care that fucking much to keep in touch with her, at least? no. he didn’t care. so then addy didn’t, either.

but he kept the envelope, didn’t he?

“you don’t know a fucking thing so stay out of it!” he snapped, his hands curling into fists at his sides and-- if lucerne wasn’t his biggest client, he would’ve beat him to death right then and there. “you want to talk about fuckin’ family? my turn then, bastard. let me guess, mommy and daddy fuckin’ love you. you’re their favorite. they give you all this money, you’ve never had to work a day in your fuckin’ life - and you go and spend it all on drugs, huh?” this wasn’t the first time they’d argued back and forth with each other. this was only one of many countless times. lucerne knew addy was going to spit something back at him- if he wasn’t prepared for it, then it was all his fault. “you go and spend it all on drugs…” he repeated, pursing his lips in thought with a small hum. “hmph. you wouldn’t be their favorite if they knew that, would ya?” what a waste of money, a waste of a life.

“and your fuckin’ texts.” rummaging his phone out, he ran through the texts. if it’s inconvenient, meet me anyway… a bit pathetic, isn’t that? isn’t it pathetic to message me at three a.m asking for ‘the usual’, too? how much lower can you get?” shoving his phone back into his pocket, he then exclaimed, “and you’re not fuckin’ abysmal. who the fuck is abysmal?”

a party for one.
there was always this general rule addy had come to figure out, when it came to his clients. people would buy drugs so they could be high with their friends, girlfriends, coworkers- they did it for fun. people who bought drugs and had it all for themselves, got high alone.. they did it because they were addicted. as if everything about the odd bastard in front of him didn’t already scream ‘addict’ enough…

and with everything lucerne said, addy thought that lu just handed him perfect tools to dig even deeper.

“and you’re lonely.”

the words, stated as matter-of-factly as lucerne’s digs, rang in the silence of the alley. “you’re so fuckin’ lonely,” he reiterated, the words said in a hushed voice, above a whisper. with a short huff and shake of his head, he pulled out his own box of cigarettes, holding out one of the cigs for lucerne to light the end for him. “and how do i know this? well, i mean... i don’t know, i observe,” he taunted the other’s remark, glancing at him before putting the cigarette between his lips once it was lit. with a long drag, he held it for a moment before blowing it out, gaze following the smoke for as long as its trail could go. “drugs are your only friends. when was the last time you interacted with someone without drugs on your mind? what do drugs make you forget for a little while, hm?” raising his brows, he had such a shit-eating smirk as he shrugged and said, “but hey, what do i know?”

half-turning, he paused for a moment before saying, “and, hey-”

abruptly, he grabbed the other’s hand, putting his cigarette out on lucerne’s forearm. “you were almost right. i am the best fuckin’ dealer. with the best shit money can buy. remember that, bastard.”


Offline truce.

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Re: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2019, 05:02:30 PM »

I WAS IN A FOG, I DIDN'T NOTICE EVERYTHING
WAS COMING ALL APART INSIDE OF ME
THERE WASN'T ANY WAY FOR ANYONE TO SETTLE IN
YOU MADE A SLOW DISASTER OUT ME
...
~ you were a kindness by the national



a
WILHELM LUCERNE NOUVEL.

Lucerne wanted to feel proud of himself - he truly did. After all, he'd been itching to prove a point to Addy. Was there any particular reason he wanted to do so? Oh, no... No, not really. He just wished to show off his intelligence (which - yes - Lucerne knew that he was a perceptive man) which, of course, was an incredibly arrogant thing to do, and... Bad attention was better than no attention. In the next few moments, Addy would spew the exact reason why Lucerne had been making such a meticulous effort to keep on babbling away so that Addy wouldn't walk off.

He was lonely.

His eyes flitted downwards as Addy's hands curled into fists and, honestly, perhaps he'd pushed things too far. Expecting to get punched, Lucerne stilled himself as Addy snapped at him but, honestly... He would've preferred a good beating to what he received next. His face was riddled with apathy, watching Addy pick him apart and be somewhat correct in his findings. If Lucerne wasn't so appalled, he probably would've actually have been quite impressed with Addy's shot in the dark.

But then, it only got worse.

"And you're lonely." Addy said matter-of-factly, holding a cigarette out for Lucerne to light. He was unusually quiet, flicking his Zippo open and lighting the end of the cigarette for him before looking out across the street, shoving his hands into his pockets. He took a second to think everything through, slowly inhaling and then exhaling before quietly replying, "Daddy is dead. Even if he was still alive, he still wouldn't have loved me... Fantastic deduction about my mother, though - even though Cornelius is obviously the favorite child and so unfortunately you were incorrect about that, too." He then frowned, sharply turning his head to look at Addy.

"How does it feel to have such a vacant skull?" He retorted, pursing his lips before continuing, visibly deflating from Addy's all too true words. "I'm not lonely." He proclaimed, "I just choose to be alone." Though it was partly true, he did not want to admit that, a lot of the time, people could not stand him. After all, he was often too overbearing for most people. Being alone was what kept Lucerne safe. But, that certainly did not mean that sometimes (a lot of the time) he was a lonely man. That was the price he had to pay for being human, regardless of how void of emotion he wished to be.

His eyes followed Addy as he began to turn away, almost looking guilty for the harsh truth that Addy had deduced. How much lower could Lucerne get? Probably not much lower, unless being buried six feet under was also included in that narrative. If Lucerne continued at the rate he was at, he'd get to that point by the age of thirty five which was disappointing. He had hoped it'd be sooner.

There was no way that Lucerne could possibly have predicted what Addy would do next, regardless of any signs of presumptions made. Addy pressed the end of his cigarette against Lucerne's forearm, causing him to hiss and recoil in pain. Ripping his arm away, he instinctively took a look at the small, circular burn mark etched on his skin, he then flickered his gaze back to Addy, grimacing gently. "Duly noted." He uttered sarcastically, avoiding looking at Addy's face before he saw a taxi turn down the street.

"I must be off - I have a date with my only friend." He faked a snide smile, patting the pocket filled with the goods, before he turned on his heels, quick to stride away to pull the taxi over. "Laters." He sung before climbing into the taxi and refusing to look at Addy as the vehicle pulled off. Lucerne lowered his eyes, pulling back his coat sleeve to reveal the burn on his forearm. Plus the many needle marks littered across his forearm. Addy wasn't too far from the truth. He swallowed hard. Then, he leaned back and rested the side of his head against the window. Lucerne probably couldn't get much lower than this.
« Last Edit: January 14, 2019, 05:24:35 PM by truce. »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2019, 05:59:57 PM »
addy douglas.
addy initially figured lucerne had gone on and found a different dealer. what a fuckin’-- bitchass. he hoped everytime lucerne looked at his forearm, everytime he would shoot up, he’d see that damn cigarette burn and think of addy-- the drug dealer he just up and left to find someone else. usually people would give a simple heads up to at least let him know not to keep them on his radar- or just to give a long, heartfelt speech to someone about how they were working towards sobriety (months later they’d crash again, but okay). he doubted anyone else in this city had better shit than he did, and doubted they were as good of a dealer than he was.

that’s why he began to doubt everything he’d first assumed.

lucerne was a smart man. he would’ve known that there wasn’t any better dealer out there, nor was there anyone nearby with better goods... had he gone too far in their argument? had he actually gotten a few things right? did he piss lucerne off and drive him away? but, lucerne wouldn’t have kept quiet. it was impossible for the bastard to ever keep his mouth shut. wait, wait-- why the hell was he even bothered by that? good riddance, if you asked the redhead. he didn’t need that man. i mean, granted, he needed that bastard’s money, but he shouldn’t be bothered.

he shouldn’t be worried. but he was.

so that’s why he got in touch with some old ties, back from his past. if addy ever thought he’d interact with the gang again, he never would’ve thought it’d be to track down some drug addict in a city full of people. there was no way he’d even disclose why he wanted to see that idiot. when they asked for information, they didn’t bother to even ask what he needed this guy for-- instead, they tracked him down and got addy some information in less than twenty-four hours.

guess it wasn’t that hard to find a man named 'lucerne.' who would’ve fucking thought.

he knocked on the doorbell, waiting until the door opened before lifting his gaze and-- there was lucerne. "looks like i know where you live now, too, bastard," he retorted, taking a moment to look at the other and- "damn. you look like shit." he really wasn’t just saying that, either. he supposed no drug addict was ever handsome, he supposed. but still... damn.

as if already knowing what lucerne was going to say, he quickly supplied, "you know how many men around here are named—lucerne?" he pointed at the taller man as he stated, "one." then, without any cordial invitation from lucerne, stepped inside the apartment. and it... didn’t look quite like what he was expecting. but he supposed that, judging by how much money lucerne spent towards addy at the end of each month, he shouldn’t have been surprised.

"so tell me. what the fuck happened to you?" he tried to sound nonchalant as he looked over at the other man, raising a brow before stating, "or did you really just ditch me? find another dealer?" addy would try not to take it personal, but finding another dealer was like a slap in the face. the harshest breakup. worse than cheating, even. "don’t want to sound like fuckin’ sherlock, but it doesn’t seem like you to do that."
« Last Edit: August 05, 2019, 09:37:00 PM by Hootowls »

Offline truce.

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Re: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« Reply #8 on: January 15, 2019, 09:11:33 AM »

I WAS IN A FOG, I DIDN'T NOTICE EVERYTHING
WAS COMING ALL APART INSIDE OF ME
THERE WASN'T ANY WAY FOR ANYONE TO SETTLE IN
YOU MADE A SLOW DISASTER OUT ME
...
~ you were a kindness by the national



a
WILHELM LUCERNE NOUVEL.

Lucerne swung the front door open, his pyjama pants hanging loosely around his bony waist, as he was met with a very familiar face. He wanted to plaster an expression of surprise across his features, but all he could do was stare. Wait for Addy to explain his reasons for being there. He knitted his eyebrows together gently at the redhead’s blunt comment, only for Lucerne to utter in response, ”How perceptive.” For a brief moment, he wanted to know how Addy managed to find where Lucerne lived, but he supposed it could not be too difficult to locate a Lucerne Nouvel, even in this bustling city.

He took a step back, as if he was expecting Addy to enter the apartment. And, honestly, he did. Addy was not the type to be polite and have a little chit chat at the front door. He’d want to have a good nosey around. He held the door open, calmly clicking it shut as Addy entered the apartment and then he waltzed into the front room, expecting the other to follow. He could already anticipate what Addy wished to speak about and, if Lucerne was honest, he wasn't quite prepared to admit his mistake to anybody yet. ”Tea? Coffee?” He offered nonchalantly, wiping his cheeks with the palms of his hands as he felt the coarseness of a growing five o’clock shadow across his skin.

If he knew Addy would turn up to his apartment, perhaps he would’ve cleaned it up a little beforehand… Actually, that was a lie. What his roommate had the misfortune of learning was that Lucerne was incredibly disorderly when it came to things that did not matter to him. The flat, his appearance… That meant very little to him when he could be focussing on his medical degree and surplus of logical hobbies.

Lucerne’s long legs stepped up onto his coffee table as he walked across it, hopping into his favorite armchair and lounging across it comfortably. His cold gaze watched Addy carefully, taking in his features and attempting to decipher to reason why Addy had gone through all this effort to find where Lucerne lived and then confront him. Despite the heedless exterior, Addy’s persistent questioning could only lead to one thing in Lucerne’s mind - he was offended by the lack of contact.

Pursing his lips, Lucerne leaned over to the bookshelf beside him where he retrieved his mobile, the phone actually beginning to accumulate some dust on the screen. After all, he’d not looked at his phone since being discharged from hospital. Whoops. Briefly scrolling through his notifications, he noticed text messages sent from Addy, asking where he was and why he wasn’t answering. Next, he placed it on the coffee table in front of him, getting himself comfortable back in his seat, before turning and looking over at Addy once again.

”Good question. I collapsed." He stated bluntly, though internally he was terrified for how Addy would respond. "I was in respiratory and circulatory distress, then cardiac arrest without any heart action on the ECG. But of course, evidently I was resuscitated and admitted to the ICU so I could be was intubated and mechanically ventilated. Oh, and lets not forget the delirium, tremors and loss of bladder control. Cocaine is one hell of a drug!” He pressed his lips firmly together to form a thin line, swiftly averting eye contact away from Addy. Almost shameful. Guilty.

He then turned to look back at Addy, almost defensively, as he added meanly, ”I can explain it all for you if you so wish, but I cannot understand it for you.” And with that, he was quiet, awaiting a stern lecture from Addy. Lucerne understood that he had made a mistake, however it was risk he knew he had to take, being a frequent user.
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Offline elysian.

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Re: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« Reply #9 on: January 15, 2019, 05:02:26 PM »
addy douglas.
what a mess. that’s what addy could deduce as he waltzed about lucerne’s home, glancing around absently. tea? coffee? addy couldn’t remember going into anyone’s house and have them actually offer to fetch something. “unless you’ve got vodka or some other shit, i’m good.” after going through all of this effort to see this idiot just to know he was perfectly fine - looking a little shit, but rather fine - he kind of just wished addy would buy him the most expensive, best bottle of liquor he could possibly afford. knowing that probably wouldn’t happen, though, he instead glance around a bit more.

he didn’t know what he had been expecting when he’d been given the address. he hadn’t expected an apartment. he’d expected some rich, lavish place full of gold and marble or something else ritsy and in-your-face. instead, everything was incredibly disorderly. part of him wanted to laugh for thinking otherwise; everything about lucerne was never quite what was expected.

his gaze didn’t travel back to lucerne until he saw the other man go through his phone. seeing as he hadn’t appeared to see the messages addy had sent, he defensively said, “i wasn’t worried or anything- just fuckin’ wondered where you went.” maybe in the beginning he hadn’t felt worried. however, after the first few messages went ignored, that was when the worry started to settle in. which was odd. usually, the redhead didn’t give a rat’s ass what his clients were up to. usually, he hated to even think about what his clients were doing. but he supposed lucerne wasn’t quite his ‘usual,’ huh? was lucerne even human? the bastard carried himself like he was invincible or some shit-

“i collapsed.”

“you’re fucking kidding.”
although addy usually had a pretty damn good response or comeback to everything, for a moment he was completely caught off guard. so much for invincible. as lucerne talked, he merely settled for staring at him from across the room, listening to what he had to say. after his snide remark - what an asshole - addy shot him a glare before retorting, “i’m not some dumbass. i’m not even surprised.” because he honestly wasn’t completely surprised. all in all, he probably should’ve seen it coming. though, as much as he tried to wrap his head around why someone would do something that caused such pain, that caused death, all to chase some damn high... he knew he was a moron in that department..

“you’re one lucky son of a bitch. you know that?” however, the thought of overdosing seemed worse than death. at least if it had been a fatal encounter, there wouldn’t be the struggles that came after waking up. “i don’t think you do. because that’s-- you’re so stupid, for someone who acts like they’ve got all the brains in the goddamn world. who in their fuckin’ right minds even gets themselves in that situation? how could you do this to yourself? do you hate yourself that much-” realizing he was working himself into a frenzy - and that he was starting to wonder if that question was directed to lucerne, or someone else who’d had the same fate - he stopped himself early. turning his gaze away for a moment, he settled with a curt, “just a goddamn idiot.”

goddamn idiot that was pulling at his heartstrings. why did addy want to feel bad for him? nobody who did drugs deserved his sympathy. just. gazing at lucerne’s look of guilt, and shame… oh, he was really going to hate himself for this. standing up abruptly, he asked, “where’s your stash?” when lucerne didn’t reply immediately, he demanded, “show me where your fucking stash is.”


Offline truce.

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Re: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« Reply #10 on: January 16, 2019, 02:20:10 PM »

I WAS IN A FOG, I DIDN'T NOTICE EVERYTHING
WAS COMING ALL APART INSIDE OF ME
THERE WASN'T ANY WAY FOR ANYONE TO SETTLE IN
YOU MADE A SLOW DISASTER OUT ME
...
~ you were a kindness by the national



a
WILHELM LUCERNE NOUVEL.

"Am I kidding? You don't see me laughing." Lucerne questioned glumly, peering over to Addy from across the room, unconcerned. He knew that he'd get caught out one day, and perhaps today was the very day. Though, Lucerne had more so been expecting Mick to confront him first, or maybe Cornelius. Not even for a moment did Lucerne think Addy of all people - his dealer - would be the one to scold him for his misuse of drugs. He rolled his eyes at Addy's response, though choosing to sink back into his armchair as if magically he could disappear through it if he tried hard enough. 

He did not want to admit that, perhaps, Addy was somewhat correct through all that anger and rage. Lucerne was very fortunate, yet he was also very stupid, too. But, Lucerne had simply not realized how much he'd taken before it was too late. Intense suffering. And then, unconsciousness. Yes - he was afraid to die, but who wasn't slightly afraid of the inevitable? Yet, despite that fierce terror to feel life slip away from him... He wouldn't have quite minded if he had never woken up. The darkness was eerily peaceful, unlike the constant chaos in his head.

He released a heavy sigh, crossing his leg over his knee before replying in a soft utterance, "Somebody stupid enough to purchase drugs in the first place." He was silent for a moment as he responded calmly to Addy's hysteria, averting his eyes away from him as he chose to look out of the window instead, watching the busy street below. "An overdose is nothing more than a result of my risk taking. It's merely a gamble. Besides, it's difficult to imagine anything more stupid than putting a decision in the hands of somebody who would pay no price for their own actions... Mr Douglas."

And with that, Lucerne turned his gaze to stare straight back at Addy and he hoped to hell that the younger man knew exactly what Lucerne was trying to get at. He stood up, pulling his blue silk dressing gown back over his shoulders, ensuring nobody could possibly view the state of his arms. After all, they were adorned with constant reminders that he was nothing more than an addict. He could not bear to tolerate this lecture for any longer... Especially when his heart began to ache, and he began to feel the hurt that he was feeling on that day. Not the physical agony of an overdose. The emotional torment of wanting to succumb to it.

Lucerne wanted to speak, ramble on about more incoherent nothings whilst Addy gawked at him like he was crazy. That was what he was used to with Addy, not this. And, if Lucerne was honest, he never felt so weak and afraid in a long time. Clearing his throat, he twisted his head to look at Addy as he then demanded to know where his stash was. Ah. This was more serious than Lucerne had first calculated. This was the exact reason why he stared at Addy in awe, furrowing his eyebrows together. And then, Addy repeated what he said again, and Lucerne realized that he could not escape this one just by staring at Addy as if he was absurd.

"This is hateful!" He suddenly protested stubbornly, throwing his hands up dramatically into the air before staring at Addy. Give up, Addy, give up. He narrowed his eyes at him, waiting for one more moment before - "Ugh!" He huffed, climbing back up and over the coffee table before striding down the small corridor towards his bedroom. "Follow me if you must." He was dramatic as he flung his bedroom door open, holding the door open for his dealer and sneering sarcastically as the redhead entered. "There. The bottom drawer in the chest of drawers over there. Don't touch my cigarettes, I'm going to need one after this... Actually, don't touch anything if you can resist."
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Offline elysian.

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Re: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« Reply #11 on: January 16, 2019, 08:40:20 PM »
addy douglas.
”somebody stupid enough to purchase drugs in the first place.” it was enough for him to roll his eyes and give nothing but a short nod. ”so really fucking stupid.” and that was the truth. when it came between the two of them, addy honestly thought that he was the smartest of the two in this moment. sure, addy wasn’t the most literate, nor was he the most booksmart, but he definitely knew how to live a lot smarter than lucerne seemed to. spending most of his time - most of his life - on the streets really helped to make him this much smarter, and, hell, he probably knew more about the real world than this dumbass did.

difficult to imagine-- putting a decision in the hands of somebody -- no price for their own actions.. what was lucerne trying to get at, here? raising his brows, he asked, ”why’re you bringing me into this?” it took a few more moments for him to truly process it, but when he did, he shot a glare at the other man. bastard. don’t even try and think it’s my fault. i didn’t have you at fuckin’ gunpoint.” it wasn’t like addy was hoping every single drug addict he met with would overdose. well.. maybe for some of them, but he was just doing what he could to get by, with this job. all addy knew was drugs. like hell would he tell lucerne that, though. he wasn’t going for some sympathy card.

but, for some reason, he was giving lucerne all of his sympathy. god, it was disgusting. what had this guy - this bastard, this fucking drug addict, done to earn addy’s sympathy? as he watched him, though, it was pretty easy to see why the redhead felt such a way. it was the shame in his eyes, the guilt. he’d seen that look many times, before. for so many years.. no wonder he had such a fucking soft spot for the look of guilt and shame in an addict’s eyes- especially an addict he chatted to so often.

so that was why he went right into action. following after lucerne, he scowled at the other’s protests. ”stop being such a bitch about it.” it seemed like lucerne understood where addy was going with this. good. if the other man wasn’t pushing him away, begging him not to do anything... or maybe lucerne genuinely thought addy wasn’t going to do anything about the stash. walking across the room, he followed lucerne’s directions, opening the bottom drawer and - there it all was. the drugs, stashed away with cigarettes. ”what? are your cigarettes a secret obsession, too?” he sneered.

but then this was when he actually made quite the daring move. grabbing the stash, he walked briskly past lucerne, glancing around the place before- bingo. bathroom. he walked in before he tossed them in the toilet, not even thinking twice before flushing. ”i know, it’s hard for you to watch or whatever bullshit.” turning his gaze back over towards lucerne, he made sure to flush the rest of the drugs before heading out of the bathroom.

”listen here,” he demanded, keeping his eyes on the other man. ”don’t ask me why, don’t even ask anything. but i’m-” he paused for a moment, almost wishing he could say something else. almost wishing he wasn’t going to make this decision. ”i’m going to help you.” help him. last time addy had tried to get someone off drugs, though, he couldn’t say his success rate was that high... but for some reason, he was determined to help this hopeless idiot. ”and it’s not some fucking act of charity out of the kindness of my heart or some shit. i don’t feel sorry for you.”

more so, he would always blame himself if he didn’t do anything.
« Last Edit: August 05, 2019, 09:44:08 PM by Hootowls »

Offline truce.

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Re: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« Reply #12 on: January 17, 2019, 07:18:20 PM »

I WAS IN A FOG, I DIDN'T NOTICE EVERYTHING
WAS COMING ALL APART INSIDE OF ME
THERE WASN'T ANY WAY FOR ANYONE TO SETTLE IN
YOU MADE A SLOW DISASTER OUT ME
...
~ you were a kindness by the national



a
WILHELM LUCERNE NOUVEL.

Lucerne's cerulean eyes followed Addy as he waited for him to clock on to what Lucerne had been suggesting. Of course, he could not genuinely blame Addy for his own mistake and misfortune but, alas, Lucerne was not a kindest of souls when put in a precarious situation. He stood as still as a stone statue, hands behind his back calmly as he allowed for Addy to hiss venomously his way. "I never once claimed that it was your fault. It was nothing more than an accident." He paused, narrowing his eyes at Addy as he searched his features, trying to find any way to put Addy off of what he had initially set out to do.

"You were concerned about me." He announced aloofly, flitting his gaze up and down Addy as he then continued, "You made an effort to look slightly more presentable than usual. Clean shirt, had been folded in your cupboard I see. You also washed your hair." He pursed his lips slightly before adding as a side note, "Plus, you're wearing cologne... Special occasion, visiting me?" He cocked an eyebrow, smiling a nasty smile. It was instinctual at this point, the need to appear so antisocial and disdainful merely a fantastic veil to mask fear. Concern. Lucerne was worried; he disliked Addy in his home, confronting him on something which did not need confrontation in his eyes.

Deep down, Lucerne knew that he was nothing more than an addict. He was just not prepared to admit it yet. 

And so, when Addy would next demand to see his stash, Lucerne would reluctantly oblige. After all, a user wouldn't bother if they were to stop using drugs. An addict would fall apart. Lucerne was not an addict. Yet, not unusual in his character, Lucerne would surely not seem too impressed with Addy's persistent demand. Lucerne rolled his eyes dramatically in response to Addy's comment, allowing the other to follow him into his bedroom. He folded his arms across his chest, much like a child who'd just been denied ice cream, as his eyes bore into Addy. Watching. Waiting. The dealer pulled the drawer open to reveal his stash before making yet another unnecessary remark. "I am not obsessed." Lucerne admonished, tilting his head and knitting his eyebrows together with concern.

He was by no stretch of the imagination obsessed with anything other than his future career! Cigarettes, alcohol and drugs were only used to alleviate the chronic boredom of never having enough to do and heighten his thought processes. Where was there any fault in that? But then, his eyes widened as Addy then brushed passed Lucerne as he strode out of the room with his stash in hand. "Addy? Where are you going with that?" Lucerne questioned, his voice slightly higher in pitch than usual as he followed the redhead obsessively till he stood in the doorway of the bathroom, not even having a second to protest before Addy tipped the bag over the toilet.

"No!" He exclaimed, striding forwards as he looked down into the toilet, watching as his lifeline was flushed away. Remember, Lucerne. A user would not be obsessed. He inhaled deeply, releasing a shuddering breath before raising his head following Addy out of the bathroom. He would have to remain composed. After all, he was no addict who would feel affected by his drugs just being flushed down the toilet. He swallowed hard, tilting his head as he watched Addy, lips pressed together firmly. And then, he said the words Lucerne never thought he would never hear.

"I'm going to help you."

"I am perfectly fine, there is nothing WRONG with me!" He finally snapped, spit flying as he shriveled his face up in distaste. He breathed heavily, trying to remain stoic... His drugs were flushed down the toilet. He needed his drugs. He needed them. Clenching and unclenching his fist nervously, Lucerne took a step back, slowly shaking his head before chuckling lowly to himself in disbelief. "This is unbelievable." He exclaimed, finally turning his head back to look at Addy. "I need a cigarette." He spun on his heels and paced into his bedroom, taking out a new pack of cigarettes and lighting it with a shaky hand, though policy disallowed smoking indoors.

He took a long and slow drag, staring at the wall in thought, before quietly walking over and sitting at the end of his bed. He would not dare share this with Addy, but he could feel his heart race against his chest, panic setting in. What would he do without his stash? He'd have to purchase low quality product from that very suspicious gentleman from now on. If Addy would let Lucerne get his hands on any other dealer. He contemplated, ignoring the fact that he'd left Addy standing in the corridor, before taking another drag. Addy was going to make things very difficult for Lucerne, but perhaps Lucerne could deal with it.

If Addy really wants to play this sort of ridiculous game, then the game is on.
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Offline elysian.

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Re: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« Reply #13 on: January 18, 2019, 03:14:49 PM »
addy douglas.
although lucerne was usually a very hard book to read, addy knew what he felt. just by watching the other, trying to just get him to stop moving on with whatever plan he had, trying to get him to be distracted... ”maybe i had a fuckin’ date before this,” he retorted, glancing over his shoulder at the other, searching his features. god, addy never thought he’d hate someone’s smiles this much. the smiles were so obviously fake and the epitome of sarcasm. who could anyone have a sarcastic smile? ”or what? is there something also telling you that i wasn’t out fuckin’ someone?”

his remarks were defensive-- probably the giveaway that lucerne needed to know that addy wasn’t going around hooking up with the entire population. addy had been concerned about lucerne. perhaps he hadn’t consciously meant to look nice and presentable when he came over, but, somehow, part of his mind subconsciously told him to clean himself up a bit before coming over. lucerne was right. and addy absolutely hated it. but he couldn’t let the other’s remarks get to him. he couldn’t let the other deter him from what he was about to do. because as much as lucerne didn’t want to seem worried, addy could feel it.

how overdramatic. he watched as lucerne looked down the toilet, trying to gauge how he was feeling. oddly enough, lucerne wasn’t falling apart at the sight. the redhead could’ve sworn that if his mom had had her stash flushed down the toilet right in front of her, she would’ve been fishing her hand into the water, desperately trying to see if she could salvage even the smallest bit. she would’ve cried and clung to her hair, pulling hard at the roots.. but lucerne had merely taking a deep breath and followed him out of the bathroom, away from the stash. he narrowed his eyes, not quite believing that lucerne was as fine as he put on.

and then the other man snapped.

”shut the fuck up!” he retorted back at the other, even if he had admittedly been thrown off by the other’s lack of composure in that moment. ”you’re not going to recover if you’re still in denial! if you fucking o.d on those drugs, you need help!” usually he didn’t care to help his clients if they happened to overdose. but lucerne... he didn’t know why the bastard was different than all the other asshole’s he’d given drugs to in the past, but he wasn’t even going to dare question it. ”stop being such a fuckin’ bitch about it. i don’t usually sign myself up to be some drug addict’s babysitter again.” he wanted to retract the again in the phrase. but. it was too late. he doubted lucerne would even dig too much into it. he was too pissed and in need of his cigarettes.

”you’re addicted to drugs and nicotine? how are you going to afford this addiction once your mother stops funding it?” what kind of job did this guy have? part of him couldn’t help but wonder. after all, they appeared to be around the same age... addy liked to think that he had accomplished a few things in his life. i mean, he’d managed to stay afloat, managed to get his name out there so he could have a few good clients to sell his product. he waited a few moments before walking into lucerne’s room, leaning against the doorway and simply observing the other.

there lucerne sat on the edge of his bed, cigarette in hand. ”look,” he started, trying to think about how to word it without sounding like a fucking prick. however, deciding he couldn’t possibly word something considerately, politely, he pointed out, ”as much as i like watching you mope around, you kind of need to face the fucking fact that you’re an addict. haven’t you ever tried to read one of those ‘addiction recovery’ books?” addy had glanced through a few, and every single “stage” of this process always had the whole “stop being in denial” sort of thing. cheesy. but he supposed knowing that it was a problem would be somewhere for addy to start when it came to looking out for lu-- looking out for him? what the fuck?

sauntering over, he held his hand out for a cigarette. ”you live alone?”
« Last Edit: August 05, 2019, 09:46:09 PM by Hootowls »

Offline truce.

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Re: 「 letters from the sky 」- p.
« Reply #14 on: January 19, 2019, 09:59:52 AM »

I WAS IN A FOG, I DIDN'T NOTICE EVERYTHING
WAS COMING ALL APART INSIDE OF ME
THERE WASN'T ANY WAY FOR ANYONE TO SETTLE IN
YOU MADE A SLOW DISASTER OUT ME
...
~ you were a kindness by the national



a
WILHELM LUCERNE NOUVEL.

Lucerne's snarky expression was wiped off his face in an instant when Addy responded and was instead replaced with a glance of shock for a split second. For somebody who was so obsessed in wanting to snoop into people's lives, he definitely was not prepared for Addy's remark. "Improbable." Lucerne muttered quickly, eyes darting across Addy's features, trying to find way to justify his comment. He was silent, narrowing his eyes very slightly, before clearing his throat and looking away.

Nothing. Lucerne had nothing, rendering him silent. Whether it was his lack of experience with romance (and lust), the shock of what Addy said throwing him off or whether Addy was simply unreadable, Lucerne didn't know. And he detested that feeling of not knowing. "Hmm." He settled with mumbling, unsure on what to do or what to say before he was too late. Addy now wanted to know where his stash was. This was a complete failure on Lucerne's part, his heart aching with disappointment.

But, he couldn't show it. It'd probably please Addy to see Lucerne feel vulnerable, knowing him.

Lucerne was a ticking time bomb, close to being set off - it was only a matter of time before Addy would push him over the edge. Eyes fixated on the toilet water swirling at the bottom of the bowl, he watched stoically as his precious possessions were flushed away. Gone forever. wasted. He would not allow himself to get visibly upset, even though panic already begun to set in. Muscles tense, a feeling of discomfort across his body and anxiety swirling ominously in the pit of his stomach. He concentrated on his breath, slow and deep as he inhaled and exhaled, attempting to relax his racing heart and shaky hands. Lowering his gaze, he listened intently to Addy's next words as he watched how his hands trembled gently, anxiety sneaking into his system like the Trojan Horse.

Even he surprised himself when he finally snapped.

He glared daggers Addy's way as he ranted in response to Lucerne's outburst, clenching his jaw tightly together. He could not possibly admit that he was in dire need of help. With more frequent visits from his brother, concerned looks from Mick when he'd return home, Lucerne was slowly dragging all of the people in his close circle into the mess he'd created and shaped. Perhaps Lucerne did need help. Cornelius had suggested so when visiting Lucerne in the hospital, and his older brother usually didn't care about Lucerne unless the circumstance was grave. "I am not an addict; I am a user. There is a difference as you surely are aware." He uttered blandly in response, frowning at his dealer. Again? He repeated Addy's sentence in his head a couple of times, choosing to keep the newly found information to himself. For now.

"My brother and I made an agreement that mother dearest does not need to know about any of this; it'd be bad for her heart." He eventually admitted, growing more somber at the words. It was difficult to tell what Lucerne had meant, but he knew his mother knowing would not only stress her, but it'd break her fragile heart and soul if she knew what her son was going through. He thought about his as he sat at the bottom of the bed. Just thinking. Addy wasn't going to back down - as a dealer he knew too much about addicts to not be able to recognize one. Perhaps this was the indication Lucerne needed. Maybe he was just an addict.

He kept his gaze low, watching his feet as they shifted uncomfortably at the very thought. And then, Addy began to speak again. Lucerne chose to only glance back up at him at the mention of 'addiction recovery' books. "Never." He replied monotonously. "I was given the resources, but I threw them away." Because, nothing felt as safe as denying that his habits were awfully toxic. He paused for a moment in thought before pointing out, "I don't think I should go cold turkey." Of course, Addy would never fall for that, but it was worth a try.

His cold gaze followed the redhead as he wandered over, wordlessly asking for a cigarette. He pulled one out of the pack, handing it over before lighting it up for him. "I live with my roommate." He paused to take a drag, allowing the smoke to wander passed his lips again as he continued, "I am sure he's a very busy man. I wouldn't know because I usually don't pay much attention... Why would you like to know?" He tilted his head, eyes scanning Addy, wondering. If Addy was wondering whether Mick could help Lucerne too, then he was sorely mistaken. Lucerne wouldn't accept help from Mick. He wouldn't accept help from anyone.
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