Author Topic: angels on my side | journal/dump  (Read 483 times)

Offline Cubs

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angels on my side | journal/dump
« on: March 27, 2019, 02:29:18 AM »
hiya. this is just a place for me to store thoughts of mine to better organize them in a healthy way. feel free to interact here if you’d ever like, this is an open space! thank you <3
« Last Edit: April 05, 2019, 11:15:35 AM by Cubs »
down by home, i've seen this road before. i don't know if your soul can pay the toll. no crushing, no houses send flowers. syre cried a floral river into the valley where the sun set for hours. ⋆


Offline Cubs

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Re: angels on my side | journal
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2019, 02:34:29 AM »
goals — in no specific order; betterment of self.
- attend a gym regularly
- start drawing again
- get those self-empowering tattoos finally
- put more effort into being a good s/o
- make your new room a safe, happy environment
- allow yourself confidence/freedom
« Last Edit: March 27, 2019, 02:42:29 AM by Cubs »
down by home, i've seen this road before. i don't know if your soul can pay the toll. no crushing, no houses send flowers. syre cried a floral river into the valley where the sun set for hours. ⋆


Offline Cubs

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Re: angels on my side | journal
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2019, 02:48:20 AM »
reminder to self. i returned to bb because i missed it. i will allow myself to be free in what i choose to do here, in terms of writing or not. i do not owe anyone a certain amount of activity here, and carry no guilt for not being able to stick to certain characters/activity levels. this is a fresh start, though remember my long-time friends are here to continue to build relationships with.

avoid any toxic relationships. hold others to the same promises you made yourself- do not allow anyone to guilt you or make you feel any negativity for things such as inactivity or change of plots. make friends, but do not participate or entertain any drama whatsoever.

allow yourself to enjoy this, and hold no guilt; you deserve freedom to express yourself without deadlines or obligations and maintain a stress-free environment. :^)
« Last Edit: April 05, 2019, 08:29:10 AM by Cubs »
down by home, i've seen this road before. i don't know if your soul can pay the toll. no crushing, no houses send flowers. syre cried a floral river into the valley where the sun set for hours. ⋆


Offline Cubs

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Re: angels on my side | journal
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2019, 11:15:08 AM »
be gentle with yourself
down by home, i've seen this road before. i don't know if your soul can pay the toll. no crushing, no houses send flowers. syre cried a floral river into the valley where the sun set for hours. ⋆


Offline Cubs

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Re: angels on my side | journal/dump
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2019, 11:41:36 AM »
plans related to writing
- create a character
   - name ideas: jacksboro, santos, blueridge
- place in group (badlands? possible forbidden dual alliance to create drama)

i need to: create a pinterest board, seek inspiration, create a brief bio, create tags, create profile, and write a joining thread. perhaps even write a few small oneshots to get the character established to yourself and understood before posting!
« Last Edit: April 05, 2019, 11:46:32 AM by Cubs »
down by home, i've seen this road before. i don't know if your soul can pay the toll. no crushing, no houses send flowers. syre cried a floral river into the valley where the sun set for hours. ⋆


Offline Cubs

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Re: angels on my side | journal/dump
« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2019, 11:57:54 AM »
brainstorming (i.)
jacksboro blueridge — badlands member. former convicted felon sentenced to death. escaped during the blackout. imprisoned for counts of resisting arrest, assaulting multiple officers, and above all, murder. jacksboro was charged with the double murder of his fiancée, esti cabezas, and her lover, kieran tyler. before he was imprisoned, jacksboro was a wealthy businessman.
santos castellano
« Last Edit: April 07, 2019, 06:25:00 PM by Cubs »
down by home, i've seen this road before. i don't know if your soul can pay the toll. no crushing, no houses send flowers. syre cried a floral river into the valley where the sun set for hours. ⋆


Offline Cubs

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Re: angels on my side | journal/dump
« Reply #6 on: April 07, 2019, 06:26:38 PM »
i'm going to start with santos, and have him be my primary focus. possible double alliance in badlands and flintlock, or maybe in a backboard. will start in one, decide if doable in more (don't spread yourself thin).

creating a separate thread to layout his bio/tags, etc. for easy info.
« Last Edit: April 07, 2019, 06:31:44 PM by Cubs »
down by home, i've seen this road before. i don't know if your soul can pay the toll. no crushing, no houses send flowers. syre cried a floral river into the valley where the sun set for hours. ⋆


Offline finny.

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Re: angels on my side | journal/dump
« Reply #7 on: April 07, 2019, 06:51:19 PM »
sits down will delete if you want
you don't get thick skin
without getting burntHUB

Offline Cubs

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Re: angels on my side | journal/dump
« Reply #8 on: April 07, 2019, 06:55:25 PM »
♰ SANTOS

religion. raised in a very catholic family. currently believes in a twisted version of a religion threaded from pieces of spanish roman catholicism; worships saints rather than god. (emphasis that this is not a religion of any known established religion, but a fictional one only established to santos). does not follow the bible or any religious teachings. as a young boy, santos was taught of old saints, some established by the catholic church, others not. he found heroes in some of them. though loose and messy, santos still finds some comfort and loyalty in his 'religious beliefs'. he prays to these saints in times of need according to their patronage (ex: "saint julian, the hospitaller, provide me protection from danger as i seek it tonight, enable me power and strength." st. julian the hospitaller is a 'patron saint of murderers,' thus when committing such an act, santos would say a prayer like this beforehand, believing it to help him.) whether he believes these prays actually have some kind of (un)holy power, or he just finds comfort in them mentally, is unclear even to santos. perhaps this twisted version threaded from his former spanish roman catholic beliefs is a sort of ironic rebellion against the beliefs instilled in him at a young age.
environment. i.) santos grew up in an impoverished community. to escape this, as a youth santos would bike to the nearest 'beach,' though it was small and not well taken care of. he found both a fear and a love of the sea. more than often, this beach was empty spare for him and perhaps a few others. he would spend his days in the sun and in the water. the crashing of waves were both astonishing and terrifying to him. little by little, the boy would venture farther and farther into it's depths. oftentimes, santos was caught in violent riptides, especially being so young/small. despite this, he did not stop swimming or exploring it's lengths. he found solace in this beach. santos took care of the small, dirty beachside, religiously cleaning up any litter and even lightly weeding the surrounding areas. the beach became more of a home to him than any other he had known.
ii.) santos' at home environment was lackluster. when he was only a toddler, santos lost his mother to cancer. having no immediate family able to take him in, santos was put into foster care. the homes were overcrowded and busy, but he was taken care of. he stayed the longest with the second home he was placed in, as they were considering adoption, but ultimately could not. he grew older, and this happened more and more until santos grew out of his toddler stage, and his chances of getting adopted began to dwindle. he was a wild, rebellious child due to the lackluster nature of his childhood. he disliked many of the other children he was placed with, and as a result often got into quarrels. this only negatively affected his chances of getting adopted as well. it was a vicious cycle, and as santos neared his teenage years, he understood this. the frustration of moving home to home caused him to express it aggressively, and the cycle only worsened as he grew older. when he was thirteen, he began running away. oftentimes he was found with little trouble- he was young and naive. but by the age of fifteen, santos was pronounced a missing child. he got by through relying on a group of friends he had met, a street gang that was profoundly unlucky and extremely violent. he soon learned how to shoot a gun and by the age of sixteen, had committed crimes such as robbery, assault, and even murder. despite this lifestyle, santos was, in a strange way, happy. he had grown close to many members, and though fights did break out among such aggressive boys, santos felt he had finally found a family. they had each other's backs, there was loyalty; it was a brotherhood he had forever lacked. people took care of him. the blackout hit when he was sixteen, and the world fell into chaos. santos and his brothers, however, knew how to fend for themselves. the violence in the area heightened. people were growing desperate and afraid. in one night, santos lost five of his brothers over a territory dispute with a rival gang. they had been trying to rob a nearby store in an area outside of their claim out of desperation, and it ended badly. santos held his closest brother in his arms, trying desperately to stop his bleeding as the older boy sobbed in pain, before finally he was pulled away. after that night, santos was changed. he became angrier, colder, more detached, and as a result, he grew reckless and headstrong. he looked for a fight. he was ultimately called a threat to the gang, and they left without him one night, taking everything he had with them. he was seventeen when he was on his own in the blackout, learning truly how to fend for himself by any means possible.
« Last Edit: April 07, 2019, 10:46:19 PM by Cubs »
down by home, i've seen this road before. i don't know if your soul can pay the toll. no crushing, no houses send flowers. syre cried a floral river into the valley where the sun set for hours. ⋆


Offline Cubs

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Re: angels on my side | journal/dump
« Reply #9 on: April 07, 2019, 06:55:55 PM »
wifey :^)
i love u <3
down by home, i've seen this road before. i don't know if your soul can pay the toll. no crushing, no houses send flowers. syre cried a floral river into the valley where the sun set for hours. ⋆


Offline finny.

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Re: angels on my side | journal/dump
« Reply #10 on: April 07, 2019, 07:57:43 PM »
i love u too <3
you don't get thick skin
without getting burntHUB

Offline Cubs

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Re: angels on my side | journal/dump
« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2019, 12:29:31 AM »
TW: blood // death

Red. Red everywhere. Hands covered in it. White shirt gone red. Pooling below bruised knees. Droplets falling from metal shelves. Freckled across skin. Splattered on white walls. Red surrounded them, marking their undoing in bold hues. The fluorescent lights flickering, illuminating the scene in headache-inducing glare. It was quiet, part for the ragged breathing and distant gurgling of red. Hushed tones befell the scene, voices trembling or rasped in emotion. One boy was crying softly behind the shelves.

Santos knelt in the middle of the destroyed convenience store. Blood soaked into his jeans. Matted in his black curls. Stained his trembling fingers. It smelled of metal and gunfire. His shaking hands floated above the blonde boy's abdomen, above his soaking shirt, above the place bullets had just torn through. Pressure. Pressure- but there was no use. Golden eyes flitted up to meet his blue ones. He knew those eyes, yet he had never seen those eyes. Bloodshot and wide, brimming with tears. Blue eyes stained red. His pale lips trembled, but no words escaped him. He shook his head.

"You're okay--" Santos' voice cracked. "It's okay." He nodded his head.

Gunfire sounded in the distance, eliciting a soft cry of "fuck," from one of the fallen boys. It still wasn't over. It never was. It never would be. "Santos..." The blonde choked out, a tear running down his temple. He let out a choked sob, eyes closing in agony, brows furrowed in restraint. "Please-" The brunette shook his head, scooting himself closer to the fading boy. "I'm scared." His fingers clutched for the other's, squeezing his hand. "I don't wanna d-die, Santos."

All they had ever known together was violence. They lived in pure danger. They profited off the terror of others. They were the very makers of scenes like this- of fallen boys. The wasting of lives were a victory to them. Their gang was known as the most violent in the area; they had been the makers of this for years. They were only boys. Teenage boys with anger within themselves, healing from neglect or abuse or rejection. Killers and murderers, all of them. Naive boys, all of them. Ignorant and arrogant and reckless. Their graves would be unmarked, small, and welcome no visitors nor flowers. Doomed boys, from the very start.

"You're not-" He gasped, "You're gonna be okay, Ryder," He insisted, squeezing his hand. The blonde stared at him emptily. He knew he wasn't going to be okay. Santos knew it too. They chose, despite it, to live in this fantasy, though. In this fantasy, Ryder was okay, and Santos wasn't soaked in his blood. In this fantasy, they would be running back to their apartment, gasping for breath with wild grins and filled backpacks. In this fantasy, they were alone and safe for the night. In this fantasy, they could go back to pretending to being just friends. The only thing red would be their gun handles, marking the gang's brotherhood. "I'm gonna die tonight, Santos." The boy looked up to the florescent lights, tears spilling from his blue eyes.

"Just- will you stay with me? He whispered raspily, still staring above hopelessly.

"Of course."

The fluorescent lights flickered. Red dripped steadily onto the tile in the destroyed convenience store. The soft crying behind the shelves had stopped.
« Last Edit: April 08, 2019, 07:06:46 PM by Cubs »
down by home, i've seen this road before. i don't know if your soul can pay the toll. no crushing, no houses send flowers. syre cried a floral river into the valley where the sun set for hours. ⋆


Offline buddie

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Re: angels on my side | journal/dump
« Reply #12 on: April 08, 2019, 07:43:52 AM »
hi bb ily <3
& you and your writing never cease to amaze me <3
how is it so easy for you to be kind to people he asked
milk and honey dripped from my lips as i answered
cause people have not been kind to me     (  r.k.  )

Offline Cubs

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Re: angels on my side | journal/dump
« Reply #13 on: April 08, 2019, 09:42:17 AM »
ugh imysm tysm ur so sweet <3 <3
down by home, i've seen this road before. i don't know if your soul can pay the toll. no crushing, no houses send flowers. syre cried a floral river into the valley where the sun set for hours. ⋆


Offline Cubs

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Re: angels on my side | journal/dump
« Reply #14 on: April 08, 2019, 03:58:01 PM »
♰ SANTOS

- Haunted by the spirit of his former friend/love interest, Ryder. Santos has gotten better about this- seeing him less, but oftentimes he still sees him. Ryder never speaks, merely lingers in the background, blue eyes stained red still. He is a nonviolent spirit, though Santos associates him greatly with guilt and grief. Santos has learned to ignore the soul now.
down by home, i've seen this road before. i don't know if your soul can pay the toll. no crushing, no houses send flowers. syre cried a floral river into the valley where the sun set for hours. ⋆