Author Topic: Springfield  no matter where i go \\ oneshot   (Read 110 times)

Offline anton

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 no matter where i go \\ oneshot 
« on: April 22, 2019, 10:27:48 AM »
cw for cancer, talks of death, child death, and abandonment.

dying is easy, david had always told him, it's living that's difficult. he'd say it every time they lost a patient, every time anton broke down, every time he fell apart. he'd put a hand on anton's shoulder and he'd say it as though it should make it all easier, as though he should blame the one who'd let go of life for the heartache. but after ten years as a doctor, milling through the hallways, burying bodies, he couldn't disagree more. being dead, that was the easy part. that was when the pain ended and the peace came. but dying? it was a long process, a lonely one in the world they lived in. it was surgeries and hoping, prayers going unanswered. long nights in a quiet room, it was a sense of emptiness filling you up, leaving your body feeling heavier than any of the pain.

it was late, a little past midnight. he'd worked the day shift, tending to patients, a few surgeries. afterwards, he'd gone to his office, spent eight hours buried in books and papers. at some point he'd realized that he ought to go back to his room, that he ought to go to bed; he had four hours until he had to get back to work. but on the way up the stairs, one of the night nurses passing by mentioned that sadie hunt would need funeral arrangements soon.

❝she's dead?❞ he asked quietly, a dread in his voice as he remembered the little girl. seven or so years old, abandoned at the hospital months before. they'd thought the cancer was only in her kidneys, but the more they looked, the more they found. it'd overrun her body, every limb and organ riddled with it, and all they could do was pump her full of morphine and make the end as peaceful as they could get it. even in the old world, with chemo and radiation, she never could have survived; still, he ached to do more.

❝not yet, but she's got an hour or two left at best.❞ meg, the nurse, had said quietly, lips pursed as she held back any urge to be upset over it.

he nodded, and stood there for a long minute. meg eventually turned and continued along, and anton just... stood there. stood there in the dimly lit stairwell, lost in thought, and after a minute, he turned around and headed down the stairs. down to the first floor, weaving through the hallways in an apparent daze, before finding himself outside of sadie's room. it was dark and quiet, the only sound that of the thunderstorm outside, the only light a dim candle in the corner. and there she sat, seven years old, thin and fragile, curled up on the bed that was too large for her, eyes half open and staring at the doorway, straining to see him.

❝daddy?❞ she whispered, and there was hope laced in her tone.

he bit his lip hard at that, nearly drawing blood. her parents had dumped her there, abandoned her there with a hope they could save her, but they'd never come back. they'd promised her they'd come back, and they never had. ❝i'm sorry sadie, it's-❞ he almost corrected her, almost told her it was doctor carmichael, but he couldn't. he couldn't bring himself to look at her, dying all alone, and tell her the only one who'd come for her was the doctor she hardly knew. ❝i'm sorry, it's daddy. i'm sorry i took so long.❞ he whispered, offering her a tender smile as he entered the room, hands tucked into his pockets.

and she smiled at that, she lie there, on the brink of death, and offered him a smile. ❝it's okay, i knew you'd come.❞ she paused, turned her head and let out a series of coughs before turning it back to anton. ❝i don't feel very good. i haven't felt very good in a while.❞

he walked over slowly, lowered himself to sit beside her on the bed, and took her hand within his own. it was tiny in comparison, even with all the fingers splayed out it was hardly the size of his palm, but he still held it and smiled down at her. ❝it's alright, just close your eyes, you'll feel better when you wake up.❞ he mumbled in response, trying to keep himself calm, trying to fight the urge to cry. this wasn't his daughter, this wasn't his family, but it still hurt just as badly. no one, no one deserved to die alone.

❝can you hold me?❞ she mumbled weakly, tired eyes searching his face in the dark. ❝in the rocking chair, b-by the window. i like the sound of the rain.❞

he forced himself not to tremble as he nodded, standing and reaching over. seven years old and she was light as a feather, she hadn't eaten in days. but he handled her with care, like a piece of china, cradling her in his arms as he crossed the room to the rocking chair. he sat down, held her to him, and she held right back, taking some comfort in the thought that, in the end, she didn't have to be alone. she took comfort in the thought that she had her father back.

he sat there, rocking gently in the chair, holding her tightly, losing his fight. the tears began to flow freely, and he rested his chin atop her heading, counting every breath she took. counting as they slowed, slowed, slowed down to hardly anything at all, just short gasps.

❝daddy, i'm cold.❞ she whimpered, fingers weakly grabbing at his shirt. and that was when he knew it was really ending, when she complained of being cold in the eighty degree room. he squeezed his eyes shut, the tears burning like acid, unable to help himself but to be angry. angry that her parents hadn't come back, angry that she couldn't just survive.

❝just imagine a beach, sadie,❞ he mumbled, blinking his eyes open, arms trembling as they held her, but she was too far away to notice. ❝imagine sunshine and sand, and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore. just an endless beach in an endless summer.❞

she let out a sigh at that, at the thought of that infinite sunshine. she let out a sigh, and she didn't inhale again, and he didn't pull her away. not until her body was cold and the sun was beginning to rise. he held her to him, silently praying that, if there was a god, they'd be kind to her. she deserved that, she deserved some ounce of kindness.

[ 1113 words ]
« Last Edit: June 08, 2019, 11:20:53 PM by sango »
make the same mistake, blame circumstance