Author Topic: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]  (Read 3427 times)

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #15 on: August 04, 2017, 04:48:25 PM »

THERE I JUST SAID IT,
I'M SCARED YOU'LL
FORGET ABOUT ME .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
It would seem that Isaac, for the most part, would frequently feel a flutter in his heart whenever he and Logan were around each other. The unfamiliar sensation of the ‘love-bug’ or some sort of bizarre adoration for his friend never failed to brighten his day. Logan, simply, was like the sunshine than shone through Isaac’s dark and gloomy days. Isaac wordlessly praised Logan for his enthusiasm and optimism. Known as a down right pessimist, Isaac’s motto as usually something along the lines of ’I’m either right or pleasantly surprised’ with his negative outlook on life. However, it was quite a miserable world to live in when the first assumption was never anything pleasant or content. That was why, in a way, Logan’s dazzling cheerfulness was always enough to give hope to Isaac and he could never thank his friend enough for that.

However, some things deserved the pessimistic outlook over anything hopeful or bright. An example was the love that Logan and Isaac were finding so difficult to unite. How could they love each other when they were never even meant to be? Logan’s sunshine could never be one with Isaac’s downcast gleam of the dark, haunting moon. They were never meant to be, there were too many factors in the way of their love, and so they should’ve just left things in the past. Back to before Isaac cruelly abandoned Logan. Or, another example was this in very moment. This moment where Isaac knew that Logan’s words meant no bliss or happiness in the conversation that was about to ensue. At least Logan wanted to talk to Isaac after that song. He really wasn’t expecting a miracle to happen but, in a way, this was as close to a miracle as he was going to get. Logan actually spoke to him. He wasn’t expecting a word from the younger male, especially since Isaac appeared to dismissive of the song; Isaac knew what it felt like for a song of his to be criticised. It felt like a slap in the face, wasn’t it?

However, Isaac’s idea of song criticism came from ‘fans’ who were not impressed by his solo work after withdrawing from The Young Veins. Logan’s song seemed to receive disapproval only from Isaac which, honestly, would be more of a slap in the face than any number of fans complaining about the song. In some ways, Isaac wanted to feel guilty for being the reason Logan wrote that song but, at the same time, he couldn’t bring himself to do so just yet. After all, he felt offended in a way that Logan could write such a song about him for the fans to listen to... Maybe less offended and more purely shocked that the lyrics represented their stormy relationship so well. Logan’s misery gushed through the lyrics like a tidal wave, knocking Isaac off his feet. That suffocating feeling Isaac felt? Perhaps he was in fact drowning in the storm surge of Logan’s despondent thoughts. He sung about heartbreak. Isaac broke his heart. He broke Logan. This feeling which was eating at him painfully was what he deserved.

Logan didn’t deserve any of this. All this trouble with Isaac. Poor Logan. Isaac probably shouldn’t have bothered with that out-of-the-blue phone call to Logan, somewhat begging him to open up that space in his heart which was reserved only for Isaac. He shouldn’t have put Logan through all of this. Two months on tour with Isaac now? This would equate to torture for Logan. Seeing what he wants to have but can never reach it. Isaac couldn’t imagine how he was slowly killing Logan, taunting him with his presence. It was obvious that Logan loved him, Isaac wanted so badly just to say he loved him too, but Isaac would never be able to permanently show his affection for him. There was always some sort of stupid excuse from Isaac. He didn’t want the fans to know. He didn’t want Zack to find out. He didn’t want their relationship to fall apart... But, in reality, all Isaac was doing was stalling. He was such an idiot for playing with Logan’s heart in that way.

And so, he dreaded when he would have to climb onto the tour bus and face Logan. The musician appeared to have wanted to speak to Isaac about something and Isaac had a feeling he knew what it could be about. He silently hoped that all the others were still in the living room by the time he walked in. At least with that he had a valid excuse to escape the room if things got too tense. As well as being an idiot for playing with Logan’s heart, he was also a coward for not wishing to address the issue ever. Instead, in Isaac’s mind that was all taboo. Never speak about their relationship to Isaac. He’d shut Logan down as quickly as he could. It was purely out of fear of what could go wrong. Isaac would never wish that Logan would feel like he was not good enough because that was far from the truth. He was so drop-dead attractive, his personality and passionate love made Isaac feel so damn special... In fact, this in itself seemed like proof that Logan deserved way better than shitty, ’I’m only here to break your heart’ Isaac.

Walking into the bus, his heart felt like it dropped to the floor as he saw Logan seated alone, his back facing the bus door. Isaac had paused briefly, guilt riddling his face, before he approached Logan. After taking a seat opposite him, he leant forwards slightly, hoping that the conversation remained as amiable as this was. ”Thanks,” he began softly, his hands resting on the table, wringing together absentmindedly. ”I wouldn’t really say belong here, though... Zack’s already lectured me on what I’m not good at when I’m doing my job.” Yeah. Not good at focussing on the job when Logan’s around. But, let’s be honest, how could Isaac keep focussed when Logan looked like absolute perfection over in the green room earlier? Isaac wouldn’t tell Logan that, though. Of course not, duh.

And, besides, no amount of convincing could make Isaac change his mind: he definitely didn’t belong here.

He wanted to try say anything he could to keep the conversation going but it was a big mistake when he allowed the conversation to pause briefly. Logan got the chance to bring up the song. Or, hint towards it anyway. He tried to play the question off cool, instead only managing an almost dismissive huff of breath to pass his lips. ”I mean, yeah... It’s different than what I remember your — our — songs sounding like... I liked that bass line for the opening song.”  He tried his hardest not to even hint towards that gloomy, heart-breaking song which Isaac knew was about him. Did he have any backup plan for in case Logan did bring it up? Definitely not; Isaac was totally winging all of this. And so, as a somewhat spiteful attempt to prevent any mention of those particular lyrics, he added in a grumble, ”Some songs probably could’ve sounded better if you had...Uh, more guitar... Different lyrics...” Everything that Isaac would’ve contributed to the band in the past... He felt so horrible for the ‘constructive criticism’ he’d given Logan. He knew it’d be taken as ‘destructive criticism’ more than anything, mainly because of his last comment about the lyrics. He couldn’t help but sound like an obnoxious little prima-donna but he had to say anything to prevent those damned lyrics from being spoken about, even if it meant that he'd have to falsely lead Logan into believing that those lyrics were not even worthy of being turned into a song, let alone spoken about now in this conversation. Isaac was so horrible to Logan sometimes... What on earth could Logan see in him?







I'LL BE THERE AS SOON AS I CAN
BUT I'M BUSY MENDING BROKEN PIECES
OF THE LIFE I HAD BEFORE YOU .


- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
Samson had really hoped that, somehow, he hadn’t done something that bad and that he could fix whatever he had done wrong. But, Corey seemed more than just sad. He looked like he was in despair over what had happened. Samson began to think back to every moment in the show, wondering what possibly had hurt Corey in this way. He was puzzled, outright perplexed by all of this. He genuinely could not recall having done anything wrong but he would take the blame anyway, mainly because he didn’t want Corey being sad anymore. Sam wasn’t sure how to feel about Corey. Of course, in no way did he feel negatively about the assistant but, instead, he was wondering to what extent did he actually care about the younger male.

After all, within the first hour or so of meeting, the two of them were already calling each other friends. In fact, Samson had already shared a live performance with Corey, solely for him, and went into details of his personal life. There was simply something about Corey which made Sam feel confident that he could trust the other with his information. He liked the idea of them being close friends; though they didn’t have an awful lot in common, Sam liked to think that ’opposites attracted’ each other and that this was what formed the friendship that was the two of them. Sam knew that he could confide in anything with Corey and Corey would be there listening with an open ear. He was grateful for the support which he received from Corey. He’d humbly accept the support, thanking Corey a million times, probably.

However, some things between them were really getting to Samson too... Matters which he did not think he would ever consider in his lifetime. After growing so concerned over Corey, it began to make more sense, whether this became a reality or not. Did Sam like him? Like, as in, admired him romantically rather than in a friendly way? The mere suggestion alone made Sam feel a flurry of emotion within, mostly confusion but also a deep-set feeling of a wholesome warmth that he felt whilst thinking about Corey. Maybe he did admire him... Sam wanted to smile dreamily at that thought. Whilst it seemed pretty sweet, he concluded it was probably just him getting mixed up with the feeling of infatuation towards making a new friend.

Besides, Corey probably was happily married with a wife or something. When Sam was thirty years old, he was married with a wife anyway. In fact, he was happily with a wife and two kids already at that point. Corey appeared to love kids... Maybe he had his own? And then, Sam was just struck with the sudden realisation that he’d never asked Corey about his life at home. That’s so rude of him, probably. Perhaps that’s why Corey seemed so dismal. That was very, very unlikely, but Sam had to keep his options open.

When he hugged Corey, he wanted to be sure that the shorter male realised that Samson meant no harm in whatever he did wrong. He just wanted to comfort his friend and so that was what he did. The height difference seemed almost comical with the way Sam was so much taller than Corey. He felt like Corey was all small and cute and totally huggable... In a just friends way, of course (not). In a way, Sam didn’t want to let go, partly because he felt like this was going to help sort their problem out and partly because it felt so damn comforting. It felt like Corey fit perfectly in Sam’s arms, but he wasn’t going to sit on that lovely thought.

Instead, after they pulled away from the hug and Samson had a chance to explain himself, everything began to become clear. Oh. He’d done nothing. Nothing at all. There was no reason for him to have worried so much over Corey and yet he’d done so quite hopelessly. As Corey began to explain himself, he felt a weight suddenly off of his shoulders, enough for him to relax and fold his arms across his chest calmly. Phew. And here I was believing that I’d upset you somehow.” He ended his sentence with a short chuckle.

He paused to allow Corey to explain what had happened whilst Samson gazed back sympathetically, his lips curling down very slightly into a saddened pout. ”Oh no.” He began, ”That sucks so much. Hopefully he will warm up to you one day! Who wouldn’t want to befriend somebody as good as you?!” He attempted to assure, smiling to himself as he lowered his gaze down to their shoes. ”Crazy talented stud." He mumbled to himself before shaking his head and laughing. ”How’d you find out about my middle name? Samson Crazy Talented Stud Erwood; flows well, doesn’t it?” He tried his corny humour out on Corey once again, hoping that that would cheer him up as soon as possible. Sam wanted nothing more than for Corey to be happy.



« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 02:51:28 PM by Hootowls »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #16 on: August 04, 2017, 06:32:37 PM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
logan was known to be a very positive person. there usually wasn’t much that life could throw his way that would completely faze him, or hinder his spirit. the world was full of so many things that he loved and adored, so many places for him to perform and meet fans that adored him and the rest of the members of the band. it was hard to find him upset. genuinely, completely hard. as a matter of fact, impossible year had been the only song that could completely rip him apart like that in front of everyone. each line just felt like a fresh wound to the heart, each truth and ache spilling through his mouth reopening the wounds that he always worked so hard on mending. he could even remember when he had wrote that song, at his piano, gently playing chords, singing words that came from the heart just to pause and quickly write the progression down.

sometimes, even the most cheerful of people could have their moments. but logan wasn’t lying when he said he was incredibly proud of that piece. he didn’t care if people couldn’t see his pain bleeding through the woeful, heartbreaking lyrics. he didn’t care about what anyone said most all of the time, because they didn’t understand what he had to go through to evoke such a powerful message through a short song. did they even realize how much it hurt? logan and isaac could never be an ‘us’. it was hard thinking of them simply being friends without any rough patches in the way. maybe it was an awful thing to say, but he wished he had simply left things where they were. he shouldn’t have picked up that phone, shouldn’t have felt the race in his heart with the sound of his old best friend on the other line. he shouldn’t have invited him over. hell, why would he even think about letting the other in his house after all that he had done to him? why would he let the other evoke emotions out of him that made him cry and hug him for the first time in ages?

he shouldn’t have gotten attached all over again.

he could handle the thought of a few people disliking his work. he could handle the idea of a few panic fans not necessarily loving the direction the band went with death of a bachelor. however, he had yet to see much disapproval at all. the album was well-liked, and he assumed that it was because he got to write all of those songs from the bottom of his heart. that was all that he had been doing as he took a chance to become the lyricist for the band, as he explored that freedom in vices and virtues, and too weird too live, too rare to die. perhaps that was why he had felt torn to shreds every time he’d be singing his favorite songs, smiling and beaming, proud of all that the band had managed to accomplish - samson of course helping a couple times, as well as spencer - and incredibly happy of all that they had managed to do. part of him wanted to say that he felt bad about writing a song about isaac, and belting the lyrics and pain out to everyone for them to see. yet, how could he? that song wasn’t intended to hurt isaac; it’s true purpose had been to be an outlet for logan to pour his heartache into.

as much as he wanted to deny it, now, there was still a part of him that always cared for isaac. there was still a spot in his heart, reserved just for him- reserved for only him. it oftentimes would get in the way of his relationships, as he tried to move on from what he thought could’ve been. how could he try and love a different person when most of his heart still occupied the space of someone else? and now, here they were, stuck together for two months. all the while, the musician constantly being reminded that this had to be a mistake. there were already people breathing down his neck, waiting for isaac to make a big enough of a fumble. yet, despite all of the pressure that was on both of their shoulders, the brunet still was convincing himself that he wouldn’t take a single part of it back. that he wouldn’t take back the decision to let isaac come along with him. why would he when he still obviously cared about him so much? logan was helplessly hooked, and there was nothing he could do about it.

even as isaac had gently nudged him on the shoulder with his hand, even as he sit down.. he couldn’t help but notice how, how amazing he looked. the other had grown and matured so much the last couple of years. and, somehow, deep down, he hadn’t changed much at all. he was still the soft-spoken man he used to be. he was still the one that logan could stare at for hours and find so much to adore and love. those locks that he was so fond of were still unruly atop of his head. the way he carried himself was still very humble, very small, like he wasn’t the most handsome person in the room (which was complete bullshit to logan because he thought he always was). it was easy for him to slip back into how things used to be. it was easy to feel like he wasn’t thirty years old, and instead they were just teenagers, playing that silly cat-and-mouse game. it was easy to think that he was still begging for isaac to love him and that, this time around, things would be different. deep down, however, he knew nothing was going to quite change at all.

he offered a small, sympathetic smile as the other mentioned zack. the vocalist shrugged, gazing at the other with a fondness in his gaze as he assured him. “don’t worry about zack. he’s a bit of an ass to everyone when the tour first starts out.” maybe he wasn’t as harsh on others as he was on isaac, but who would he be to tell isaac that? “i’m sure once the tour is progressing a bit more, he’ll warm up to you.” hell, zack used to absolutely adore isaac when they were just naive kids. logan didn’t think he’d be going too far in saying that the guitarist had been his favorite person to talk to and help around most of the time. perhaps that was why he couldn’t stand the thought of him now, come to think of it; the young man had hurt him, too, but just up and leaving the way he did. huh. why hadn’t logan thought of that until now?

for a minute, as they slipped into the treacherous territory of mentioning the show, he could tell instantly that isaac knew what he was trying to get at. he must have known that logan was going to try and hint at it at another point in time. pursing his lips briefly, he forced a small smile to his lips at the other’s response, which was a bit dismissive, but-- like hell would loge let the conversation about it die down. “the bass line for the opening song?” he repeated, almost wanting to hear the other’s thoughts on every other song-- yet he refrained. there was more that he had to get down to, for now. he opened his mouth to carry on, only to be cut off by the other’s quick addition. you could tell, the moment the words had left isaac’s mouth, it had torn logan apart. “they.. they would’ve..” sounded better? with different lyrics? “how can you even say-- what makes you think you have any right to--” he was hurt. he was really hurt. and, when it came to protecting the songs that he cared so much about, he tended to stick up for those songs with his own life. “well, i didn’t know that my lyrics were so undeserving of your attention.” there was a dangerous glint in his eyes as he looked at the other- even when, looking past that defensive gaze, it was truly easy to see just how much the words had hurt him. “i guess we all can’t be as amazing as you, huh? you make it sound like these songs didn’t even deserve to be published. please, enlighten me how any of my feelings in those lyrics are any lesser-than.” he was getting worked up, he knew that. but he couldn’t help it. how could isaac not see? he’d worked so hard on the lyrics. getting them dismissed like that… it… it broke his heart, alright?

thes code


corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
as horrible as corey felt for making samson so confused, it was surprisingly heartwarming all the same. it was heartwarming because of just how quick the other was to apologize, even when he clearly hadn’t done anything in the wrong- just because he hoped it would make corey feel better in some way, if he was the one that had his assistant so upset. it was nice to know that the bassist cared enough; also, that he had been so quick to notice it and bring it up. corey couldn’t stand when people simply beat around the bush about matters like that. then again, perhaps that was simply a part of samson, now, seeing as he was a dad- and moreso a father figure when it came to the band. he cared, and that was probably the best thing to come out of this fiasco.

he tried not to think too much about his own feelings towards the other but, in the end, it was practically inevitable. he was helplessly head over heels for his guy. why wouldn’t he be? samson was everything that corey could’ve ever dreamed of. there was simply something about him that made corey a better person, inspired him to try and be so much more than the scaredy-cat that hid in the shadows. it was amazing, really. the two of them were both such opposites when you looked at them alone. yet, as the two became friends, it was easy to notice a few of their striking similarities. their stupid humor was definitely the most obvious one, so far. actually… come to think of it, perhaps that was the only thing they had in common. i mean, dallon was an extroverted, talented performer, with two kids, a former wife…

meanwhile, the closest thing corey had to a child was a small dog, and his longest relationship had lasted a couple of months at the longest so. wow. yeah, his love life was seriously lacking- if you could even say that he had one. the shorter didn’t go out on the town much, or avidly try to seek affection from random people. he wasn’t that type of guy, alright? so.. perhaps he was a bit worried about having a crush on samson erwood, of all people. it was highly, highly likely that he didn’t see guys in nearly the same light as corey - as in, he wasn’t attracted to them in the slightest - but.. okay, corey would be lying if he said he was completely fine with being his friend. there was a large part of him that said he was okay with just being there for him.

and then there was a tiny, small part of him that would always wish they could be a bit more.

perhaps that was why he took such small victories in all of the simple touches that they shared. um. and a really huge one after getting to hold the other’s hand for a whole flight. neither of them seemed to bring it up, and neither of them looked like they were intending to anytime soon. yet that had meant a lot to corey at the time. it… probably lasted for way longer than it should have, from a platonic stance, but it was definitely a score in the dark-haired male’s head. corey was truly a very clingy, touchy-feely person at heart, so… it was nice, to see someone actually dealing with it, and reciprocating.

god, corey bleu. samson had made him such a wreck of things (but in the best way possible, mind you).

while the hug hadn’t lasted nearly as long as he thought it would, his mind was still reeling through the memories. was it bad that he just wanted to pull him into yet another hug, hold him tight, and never let him go? it was uncanny, really, how well they fit together despite the height difference. if anything, that just made it all the more perfect. he felt completely surrounded by samson’s comfort in that hug, so much that it was actually quite easy for the act to lift his spirits a bit. of course he had pulled away a bit hesitantly, but he would simply blame his nerves on that. when he was upset, clinginess was simply an act that was second nature to him.

it was such a relief to see samson relax as he explained himself, quickly nodding his head. he couldn’t resist softly chuckling, shaking his head. ”psht, yeah. you totally upset me while you were out there,” he huffed, playing along with the other’s lightness of the situation. “i’m just so jealous of your bass skills. are you trying to upstage my crazy good triangle skills?” if corey was the envious type, hell he probably would be jealous of how amazing the other was at bass. yet, he didn’t need this show to truly know that. he’d gotten his own solo performance from the other when they’d first met and.. damn, it was making corey swoon all over again.

as the situation was explained a bit more, he couldn’t help but relax just the slightest bit. a soft, tiny smile came to his lips and he gave a small shrug. “i don’t know. i feel awful,” he explained, moving a hand to rub the back of his neck. oh, he had definitely messed everything up with isaac. yet, he couldn’t quite feel so upset about it when he was with samson. he still seemed briefly down about it, yet the other’s corny humor was enough for him to start laughing, the sadness dissipating. “oh, really? that’s your middle name? it was only a wild guess, really.” glancing around at the now startlingly empty venue, he hummed. “maybe we should start heading back to the bus?” it wasn’t that bad of a suggestion, he supposed.

while walking, he couldn’t help but absently have an arm hooked around the other, his head leaning against his arm as they made their way over. “you’re an amazing friend, you know that?” oh, wasn’t he telling the truth. the fact that he managed to deal with everything corey threw his way - silly, cheesy jokes and all - was a feat in itself.

thes code
« Last Edit: August 05, 2017, 12:16:22 AM by ᵐᵉˡᵃⁿᶜʰᵒˡʸ »

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #17 on: August 05, 2017, 05:45:37 PM »

THERE I JUST SAID IT,
I'M SCARED YOU'LL
FORGET ABOUT ME .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
Isaac would always look up to Logan for his positive outlook on things. Especially considering that Isaac himself was not the most optimistic of people honestly, it looked to him like nothing could get in the way of Logan; he was out to win, win, win. His cheery and upbeat temperament seemed to attract all sorts of people to him. Fans, friends and even strangers wanted to know more about Logan it seemed. Isaac could remember, when previously spending a lot of time with him, how easy it was who him to get into a conversation with people. How easy it was for him to impress people and get them falling all over him. He seemed to be able to conquer almost anything merely with his confidence and good attitude to life alone. Almost anything. Anything but that gap between him and Isaac. That gap between the two of them was like a furious river. No; it was more like a moat, created to prevent neither of them from ever crossing and meeting one another. In this instance, Logan was the outsider and Isaac was the king of the castle. All Isaac had to do was let down the drawbridge to allow Logan to cross.

He wasn’t a king, though. He never felt like anything more than just a pauper, starved of the love that Logan was trying so hard to give to him. If only he’d just let Logan in. Only then would Isaac realise how special Logan really was to him. In the meantime, all Isaac knew to do was to push him away again and again because that is the only thing he had ever done to Logan. Not once had he simply opened his arms to Logan with the intention to keep him there. It was a cruel game that Isaac was playing. A cruel game which he didn’t even realise he was playing with Logan. Well, in a way, Isaac knew what he was doing was wrong, but he didn’t realise the impact it really had on Logan. Whilst his constant rejection and flinching away from affection would hurt Logan insanely, Isaac never really understood how it felt to be in Logan’s shoes.

Isaac was never the type to go in pursuit for love. He was more the type to watch life go on from afar, daydreaming sweet thoughts of somebody he admired rather than make any attempt at reaching out for their love. A classic example was his affection towards Logan. To Isaac, his adoration for the younger man was notable in the way he wanted to care about him so badly. He really loved Logan. Or, did he simply like the idea of him? Isaac wasn’t too sure but, either way, that affection never made an outward appearance except for the brief moments they shared in private. Those innocent kisses Isaac would allow Logan to make on his cheek, Isaac’s arm around Logan’s shoulders, those times where they’d hug and would never let go or the time where Logan would constantly crawl into Isaac’s bed to sleep with him at night when he was scared... That was enough affection for Logan to know that Isaac cared about him, right?

Wow, Isaac was naïve. Of course that wasn’t enough for Logan; that wouldn’t be enough for anybody. Nobody wanted somebody as fickle as Isaac was being. Since when was love conditional? ’I’ll only show you love if it’s not when anybody else is around.’ Good going, Isaac. Way to make Logan feel loved. Before Isaac left the band, he began seriously questioning why Logan deserved such mistreatment from Isaac. He was too evasive of love and irresponsible when it came to treating Logan with all the respect and love he deserved; he didn’t deserve any of that rubbish from Isaac. So, why did Isaac come back? He was beginning to not understand why, if he was honest. He should have known that this would do nothing but hurt Logan in the end. Isaac was such a selfish friend when all he wanted to be was an ‘unselfish more-than-friend’ to Logan. Why was it so difficult to reach out to him then when all he wanted was for them to be in love?

And so, when Isaac came and sat opposite Logan, his head was in such a flurry, confused by all of the worry he was feeling when it came to Logan. When he allowed his eyes to study his friend's handsome face, it was easy to note how much Logan had grown up. The adolescent youthful appearance that he had once had going has matured into a classy, elegant look which Isaac was totally digging. His face was as beautiful as always and there was just something about Logan which made Isaac just want to reach out and take his hand in his own. But, he would never act upon that want. So much about Logan seemed to have changed over the years but he was still the very same old Logan that Isaac had adored in the past. That charming vibe he had about him was quick to draw Isaac in. He was addicted to his company and Isaac could never get enough of his friend. And yet, he still would act like Logan meant nothing to him.

When the two of them got into a conversation about Zack, Isaac’s gaze flitted away from Logan’s so that he could stare at the table, pondering with uncertainty. When he was still a part of the band, he could very easily claim that he was one of Zack’s favourite. After all, the two of them were always talking. When Zack had to escort the band around in public, he’d always be right behind Isaac, making sure that the fragile male was always kept fully protected. As well as that, their personalities seemed to work so well together. Zack’s straight-forward and blunt way of thinking suited Isaac’s headstrong and independent mind. The two had often had great conversations together and even greater debates over topics together. But, two stubbornly opinionated men when they didn’t like each other... That could pose a problem. Isaac was quick to step down without making much fuss over Zack’s apparent resentment towards him. After all, Isaac knew that what he’d done was wrong. He also knew that, ultimately, Zack was one tough guy, terrifying when pissed off, and so Isaac definitely did not want to mess with him. ”Maybe he will hate me a tiny less than he does now.” He added onto Logan’s comment, tilting his head very slightly in a look of frustration. Zack hated him. That was not news, and it hurt Isaac thinking about it.

Only for a moment was the show brought up and only for a moment was the conversation going well. Things started off pleasant when they were discussing the show in general. It was no lie when Isaac thought that the show was good. In fact, he thought it was excellent. The performance, the sound of the music, the lighting and stage effects... It was such an exciting concert. Isaac didn’t even know must of the songs apart from one which he had written and even then the beat of the drums made his heart want to beat at the same pace, quick and excited. He felt that the show was amazing, especially the crazy talented singer when he did literally anything on stage... But then, his internal gushing of the show was cut short by his worry that the one part of the show which made him feel awful would be brought up. His insulting comment easily changed the mood of the conversation.

Suddenly, his heart was left racing out of guilt and the sickening feeling he felt within from being so horrible to Logan. He panicked, okay? He was simply so afraid of having anything even close to being ‘the talk’ with Logan. He wasn’t ready to speak about that song. Not ready to listen to Logan’s thoughts of them, not as friends but as lovers. He was just scared. And so, when Logan reacted negatively to his disrespectful remark, Isaac wanted to just cry right then and there. But, instead, he was left staring at Logan as if he’d just seen a ghost. As Logan continued, Isaac tried to cut him off with a series of false starts but realised half way through Logan’s reply that it was best to keep his mouth shut and simply listen. Dammit, he’d hurt Logan so badly this time. Isaac’s heart throbbed with sorrow, realising the mistake he had done. He didn’t want to hurt Logan. He didn’t mean to. ”N-No...” He quickly attempted to backtrack, stumbling over his words pathetically as he lowered his head in frustration. ”I didn’t say they were bad songs, Lo. I just felt that some of the lyrics were just — Fuck, just stop getting so easily offended over everything!” He pinched the bridge of his nose, realising that that was probably not the best thing to tell Logan at this moment of time, especially since he was so hurt by Isaac’s previous comment. What a great way to avoid the conversation about that song, Isaac. Just piss Logan off instead so that he won’t want to talk anymore. Isaac felt so damn guilty for what he’d done, but he couldn’t back down. Not now, anyway.







I'LL BE THERE AS SOON AS I CAN
BUT I'M BUSY MENDING BROKEN PIECES
OF THE LIFE I HAD BEFORE YOU .


- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
It was a sudden rush of relief that Samson felt when he realised that — no — he didn’t actually upset Corey. Why did he assume so quickly that he had hurt the other? He had no idea; there was nothing he did which offence could even be stemmed from. All he did was walk out onto the stage and perform for an audience before returning to Corey. In some ways, however, the sudden concern seemed to surprise him delightfully. He wasn’t too sure why he cared about Corey that much, no offence to him. Like, they hadn’t known each other for that long and already Samson was looking at Corey like he was a God. He wanted to impress Corey. He had to impress Corey. And, you can’t impress Corey if he’s mad at you for something.

He cared a lot about Corey and, in some ways it confused him. Of course, there was nothing wrong with him caring about Corey, it was just the extent that he did so. Was it the nurturing streak in him? Did he just want to care for everybody in the group? (Was he Sam the mother hen?!) Or, was there something which Sam would not allow himself to consider just yet which could lead to a more logical answer? He just found the younger male so attractive with his perfectly chiselled jaw line and alabaster complexion and the way his smile simply screamed ’I’m a coy one’. Corey made Sam’s heart simply melt with the way he spoke so humbly, his soft-spoken and shy persona making Sam simply want to hold Corey in his warm arms and protect him from any harm. Perhaps that was a little bit over the top, but Samson just... Ugh, he admired Corey. Maybe more than he should admire him.

Despite his personal criticism about being so fond of Corey, he still took pride in the little moments that the two of them were able to share with each other. The conversations which could make both of them babble on and on; Make each other smile and laugh uncontrollably at the silliest of things; that one time they held onto each other’s hands for an entire flight because Corey was nervous... In ways, it felt like an elephant in the room. Nobody had brought it up yet and, personally, Sam wasn’t going to any time soon. Despite not wishing to really speak about it to Corey soon, he still viewed the experience as being something positive. After all, the thought of them holding hands alone make Samson’s cheeks burn in a blush and a smile grow on his lips. That’s got to count for something, right?

Sam wished so badly that he could have hugged Corey for much longer, but he felt that hugging for too long could have made things a bit strange, perhaps. Though Corey was the one to initiate the hug, Sam didn’t want to make things weird by hopelessly clinging onto Corey so that he was unable to let go. If he could, though, he would definitely have done that. Samson was one for affection; he enjoyed the physical sensation of touch. It always felt so caring and tender and he as definitely a sucker for feeling loved and making others feel loved. It was not far from the truth at all by saying that Sam was a total gentle giant. All he wanted was to cheer others up and make them feel appreciated and that was exactly what he’d do with Corey in attempt to cheer him up.

”Of course I am.” He replied, furrowing his eyebrows and scrunching his nose up, a playful smirk hinting at his lips. ”I’m so envious of your triangle skills; I’d always wanted to learn but it was too hard for me to figure it out so I guess my next best option was the bass.” He kidded whilst visibly relaxing. He was no longer fidgeting, eyes flitting around anxiously. Instead, he quickly began to grow more tranquil, his stance less tense and his voice less urgent.

When the real story of what upset Corey came to light, Sam couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy towards him. After all, he knew how it felt like to have an important idol. He could never imagine having met an idol for the idol to be unpleasant towards him. For Corey, this appeared to have happened with Isaac and he couldn’t help but feel bad for poor Corey. Who could hate that guy, anyway? To Samson, Corey was quite possibly the definition of perfection. How could one hate perfection? It just did not make sense that somebody could be so horrible to Corey. ”Maybe you caught him off-guard, I don’t know... Ah well! C’est la vie.” Sam didn’t want to sound dismissive, especially towards Corey, and so he hoped his sentence came across as reassuring rather than careless. ”That’s the good idea." He then pointing about, glancing about and realising that the majority had left the venue to go back to the bus.
 
When they began to walk back to the bus, Sam smiled like an idiot at Corey absentmindedly linking their arms together. He enjoyed this feeling of closeness that he got to share with him. When Corey complimented him, Sam looked down at his friend, eyes gleaming with delight at his words. ”You think so?... I think you’re pretty fantastic yourself. I’m really happy that you’re on tour with us.” He unhooked his arm from Corey’s just so that he could, obviously platonically (not, lol), wrap his arm around Corey’s shoulder thoughtfully. When they reached the bus, the small room seemed full with the few people congregating inside.

He pulled Corey closer to him affectionately just for a moment before keeping his arms to himself once again. ”What’s it like back at home?” He began out of the blue whilst he waited for the small crowd in the bus to slowly dissipate. He had been quite curious and, considering he hadn’t asked before, he had to ask now before he forgot. Besides, he kind of needed to know whether his keen interest for Corey was even worth it. He silently hoped for the answer he wanted to hear... ”You have — like - a girlfriend? Wife? Kids?” Of course, the former two he was kind of hoping he’d say no to. However, he wouldn't have been surprised if Corey was well established in a relationship already. After all, Sam had settled down by thirty and so assumed Corey could have, too. In a way, Sam sounded almost awkward when asking, mainly because he could only wish that Corey’s answer would be what Sam had in mind. However, the question seemed innocent enough for that not to be the intention, right?



« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 02:53:45 PM by Hootowls »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #18 on: August 05, 2017, 07:39:01 PM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
as much as logan liked to call himself a very independent person, he had been anything but that back in the old days. he’d cling to someone as much as he could. honestly, most all of the time, the person that he clinged to would be none other than isaac. why wouldn’t he? the two of them had been pretty close, once logan had decided to join the band. something about the guitarist had simply drawn him in, made him want to be around him. impress him. actually, everything logan did, more often than not it was because he wanted to make isaac feel proud. it was rewarding, to see a glint of affection in the other’s eyes whenever logan did something just right, just the way that he had been wanting him to. sure, there were tons of people that were a lot easier to please. honestly, he could walk up to someone and they would think the absolute world of him. he could strike a conversation with just about anyone, and they’d admire him without him having to try so hard. to him, though, he could have the acceptance of everyone and it wouldn’t be good enough. he wanted isaac, it was all he’d ever wanted.

yet, as much of an optimist as he liked to proclaim he was, deep down he knew. oh, did he know. they would never be a thing. the vocalist was a bit oblivious, but he wasn’t blind. he could see it, deep down in isaac’s eyes, that there wasn’t any affection for him. perhaps once upon a time he could pretend that there was affection. it had been amazing, truly amazing, to get away with simple touches. if he was lucky, he could give the other kisses on his cheek, on the top of his head, and the other wouldn’t recoil away. he could share a mic with him in front of hundreds, and it would seem like the two of them were all that existed in that moment. isaac wouldn’t play with him like that, not when he was so open and affection whenever it was the two of them. he could convince himself that there was still something there, something between them, in those brief, private moments.

but, this moment of privacy didn’t seem to be quite the same. there was obviously a question burning on his tongue, a question that he could just tell isaac wouldn’t want to answer. perhaps that was why he had convinced himself that it was a bit tense between them. that there was a stiffness in the air, hanging in the atmosphere and nearly suffocating him. this wasn’t how things used to be. hell, they wouldn’t be facing each other, right now. they’d be cuddled up on the couch, sharing small conversations about everything and anything. logan would be filling him up on all that he had missed, telling him all about his personal life that he hadn’t gotten to tell him about. logan would probably have his arms adoringly around the other, gushing and admiring him. showing him all the love that he possibly could. because he knew that, in that moment, he’d be lucky enough to get some of that love reciprocated. it was hardly ever much, but that was all that he needed.

leaning his head back, he found himself silently adoring him, just like he always used to. it was only the best choice to stay quiet about his adoration for the other, at the moment. majorly because he was scared that things, much like they already were, wouldn’t be the same as they used to. he was scared that, if he reached over to try and grab the other’s hand - a simple gesture that he almost always did when they were teenagers - he’d end up being rejected by the old band member. it always ended up hurting his heart to see him recoil the way he did. to see him grimace the slightest bit at the affectionate touches. deep down, however, he knew that isaac had to have enjoyed it a bit. why else would he let loge slip into his bed night after night, just to be with him? those nights had always been his favorite, majorly because it felt like he was seeing isaac in a more vulnerable way. it was there, side by side in a tour bed, that they really became so close.

it hadn’t been the most predictable friendship, that was for sure. when it all came down to it, logan and isaac were quite the different pair. the true definition of opposites. the singer and vocalist was almost always optimistic, with a cheeriness in his step and a happiness in his heart. most of the time, reading him was like an open book. then, there was isaac. his good old friend was next to impossible to read. he had a very soft-spoken way about him, a certain timidness. hell, wasn’t it obvious just by how logan was chosen to be the singer, instead of isaac? the lyricist had so many words to say, so many brash, blunt things to say-- and yet, he used the powerful and confident voice of logan’s to sing those words. it was because isaac, although his head was always such a flurry, his voice was too soft to truly get his thoughts across to the audience. deep down, logan thought that he was an amazing singer. even after all these years, logan still thought his voice was angelic.

he couldn’t help but smile a bit sympathetically at their own little conversation about zack. oh, it was so obvious that zack had adored the hell out of isaac. the guitarist could do anything and get away with it - like being a little cranky after sleeping in - and zack would laugh, ruffle his hair affectionately, and send him on his way to the interview. meanwhile, if logan or spencer would do the same, they’d probably be threatened to get their asses beat. not that spencer and logan found anything wrong with that at the time. actually, they thought that it was pretty funny - they usually did certain things just to rub zack the wrong way, so they deserved it - and found it nice that zack was a little bit less than a tough guy around isaac. after isaac had left, though, things had seemed to change. he hung out with them a lot, and he liked to think that the vocalist was pretty close to zack. however, he didn’t think it could be anything like the way zach had been towards isaac. “he used to love you, you remember that?” loge couldn’t help but chuckle at the small reminiscence. “oh, isaac ashford, he could never do anything wrong. he’s my favorite,” he said, imitating the taller man’s gruff, deep voice- perhaps just to lighten the mood a little bit. after such a long day, he figured that the two of them could both use some brightening up.

however, the conversation had quickly took a turn for the worst. everything isaac had said to that point was just a bruise to logan’s pride, a pride that he had built after so much hard work in this band. it was hurting him, to hear someone - and someone he thought so highly of - be so quick to say how the songs weren’t all that logan thought that they were. that the show hadn’t been as great as logan liked to think it had been. it was something that they always tried for; the group always wanted to put on the best of shows, enough that the fans would never be able to forget that moment that they’d gone. he figured that isaac would’ve liked to see the whole thing for himself, and truly get an opinion about the new panic experience. however, he knew that the other wouldn’t like it. there was no way that the other would have. it wasn’t like the old panic - it could never be like the old panic - and.. and that song. he knew it would be enough to tear anyone apart, especially since that song was directed straight for him.

while trying to bring the song up, though, it had taken a turn for the worst. he had been terrified of talking about the song - maybe isaac was, too - but. but now the thought of the song had almost completely been pushed to the back of his mind at all that isaac had to say. it had made him feel so hurt, so… so pathetic. he’d worked so hard on those songs, making sure that each and every detail was enough to make him feel absolute pride for his work. it was absolutely crushing. his heart was racing away in his chest, each hard, quick beat enough to feel like an almost fatal blow to his breaking heart. as the old band member tried to backtrack, attempted to take back all the words that he had said, logan couldn’t help slowly shaking his head. didn’t isaac already see that it was too late for that? didn’t he already see how much he had hurt him? “easily offended?” he couldn’t help but repeat, the hurt easily lacing his tone. “tell me, what were the lyrics? were they too much for you?” glaring at him, and. god, he hated himself. he hated the way that his eyes were watering, the way that his voice was cracking just the slightest bit. “you don’t like the lyrics because they’re too real for you. that’s why you don’t like them, isn’t it?” feeling his lip trembling, he turned his gaze away. “i sang about us. i wrote that song for you. and you don’t give a shit.. you don’t even care, isaac!” hesitating for just a moment, he then said, “did you ever care?” he didn’t even wait for too long. he didn’t want to know the truth to that answer. “actually- actually you know what? forget it.” the only thing that he could find himself doing was quickly standing up from the sofa, and storming towards his bunk. ignoring the tears sliding down his face.

thes code
corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
corey almost didn’t want to delve into how much samson truly meant to him. it seemed silly, almost, that he thought so highly of the other, and so quickly, too. the dark-haired male was completely infatuated with the other. he didn’t know how, and he didn’t know why-- or, well, actually, there were plenty of reasons why. samson was complete and utter perfection, everything that corey could ever dream of in a guy. he was the literal definition of tall, dark and handsome. and, well, that had been something that had been driving corey absolutely crazy. it was another thing to find someone attractive just from a distance; as a hopeless fan that thought of him as a god. however, it was another thing to meet him, get to know him a bit, and then form a big, helpless crush.

to him, it was a complete other thing to have been attracted to the other simply for his looks. there was always those moments where you could simply admire someone for how they looked, but never truly think about actually acting on those feelings. when it came to falling for everything about someone, that was a different thing. he was hopelessly enamored with the way samson joked with such a youthful spirit; the way he was so positive and cheery, and able to talk to anyone. oh, the way he was so humble, even when he possessed so many talents that people aspired to have. things like that made him feel such a race in his heart, a whole bunch of butterflies in his stomach. it was so different from his own shy, timid persona, and yet, somehow, that silliness and happiness that samson had was contagious. it was enough to ease corey out of his own, little shell he’d put himself in. it was the happiest he could remember being in years, and that was all thanks to samson. truly.

he couldn’t help thinking back on all of the amazing times that they had spent together. all the things that had made him become so fond of the taller. the tall, talented musician probably had his heart the moment he had sang those few songs for him. that small, personal performance - which had left him humming the tune to ‘love at first sight’ for hours on end - and the comfortable, silly chats. they’d even held hands for the entirety of a flight, all because of corey’s nerves for flight. there was no way the younger of the two would bring that up, and he doubted that sam would try and bring it up. it wasn’t that big of a deal, right? at least, the tatted man was trying not to think too much about it. samson was an absolutely amazing friend, that was all. it was still enough to have a light pink dust across his pale face at the thought of it possibly meaning something more.

as if holding his hand had been enough to make his heart race. hugging him had been enough to bring all those feelings right back up to the surface again. he figured he probably could’ve gotten away with hugging him for a bit longer? at least, that was what he had tried to tell himself. if he could’ve done that without making things weird, he definitely would have tried to do that. he could easily blame it on the fact that he was a very affectionate person to those he was close to. the assistant definitely wasn’t the best when it came to words, so the small touches were always something that he used. it just made him feel so loved, which made him figure it would have the same effect on others. but.. sam’s hug was simply the best. the hug, although he’d been the one to hug him first, had been comforting beyond words.

“i knew it!” he laughed, playfully imitating the other’s expression- even while the other could be the only one to look so damn hot doing it. “of course. everybody knows that the triangle is a very complex instrument. it’s the hardest instrument in the world to play, you know that?” seeing the other visibly relax was enough for him to do the same thing, laughing softly. “i mean. bass is a close second, so i guess i’ll give you that . .” it was nice to see how the conversation could ease the other back to being as happy as he was before he’d wandered over here.

it was doing a whole lot for corey, too. sure, he still felt absolutely awful about the whole thing. who wouldn’t be upset about it? anyone that knew panic well enough would just have to know about isaac ashford-- and any true fan must have absolutely adored him back in the day. he could remember being obsessed with the thought that a shy, anxious person just like him could make it in such a big business. maybe, to most, it wasn’t really that big of a deal, to most. but, like it was already stressed so many times, corey was a pretty anxious person. what wasn’t a big deal to most was pretty huge to him; and it only made it worse that he had turned a possible friendship with someone he thought the world of into.. well, nothing. sighing softly, he lowered his blue gaze to the ground as he shrugged. “c’est la vie,” he repeated, taking the reassurance for what it was.

while walking to the bus, he couldn't help but smile a bit to himself as there wasn’t any argument between the two of them. he enjoyed the closeness that the two of them shared. it didn’t seem like samson minded and, well, corey would be sure to remember that. as he met the other’s gaze, the look of delight in his eyes was enough to make his heart melt. “i’m lucky, really,” he hummed, smiling happily. however, as the other put his arm around his shoulder, that smile of his couldn’t help but brighten even more. he tried not to dwell on it too much, however, and tried to hide how he was practically beaming. “i get to watch panic perform? and all i have to do is make sure you don’t become a complete mess? yes, please.” seriously, they could keep the check at the end of it. it didn’t sit well, thinking he was getting paid for this.

he leaned into the other as he was pulled closer affectionately, unable to stop from smiling like an idiot at the touch. the next question was a bit out of the blue, something he hadn’t been expecting. then again, they didn’t really know much about each other. perhaps that was why the question had been asked. however, it was quick to make him feel a bit. “um, well…” he started, gazing down at his hands and anxiously tracing the bird tattooed on the back of his hand. it hadn’t even come to his mind what sam would think after figuring out that he was gay. would it mean that all of their affectionate touches would stop? would… it mean the end of their friendship all together? the thought was enough for his heart to drop. “don’t have a girlfriend, wife, kids…” he answered simply. for a moment, he considered leaving it at that, only to add, “say, samson?” glancing at him, gaze hopeful - hopeful that the news wouldn’t be too jarring - he decided that, welp, now or never. “how would you feel if i told you that i’m gay?” why was he making such a big deal out of it? why was he so scared that samson wouldn’t be okay with it? he liked to think - hope - it wouldn’t change anything.

thes code
« Last Edit: August 06, 2017, 07:09:32 AM by ᵐᵉˡᵃⁿᶜʰᵒˡʸ »

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #19 on: August 07, 2017, 12:15:13 PM »

THERE I JUST SAID IT,
I'M SCARED YOU'LL
FORGET ABOUT ME .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
Isaac cringed slightly at the thought of Zack’s sudden resentment towards him. He knew that, ultimately, he caused it, though, and so probably should have been a little more accepting of the hatred towards him. Zack once adored Isaac; it was evident in the way that Zack treated Isaac like a king. Isaac definitely received special treatment when he was in the band. After all, he was hard to cater for, especially since he wanted things to happen exactly the way he imagined it to be, no more and no less. If any other member at the time was so meticulous, Zack probably would have shut them down immediately. With Isaac, however, Zack would’ve done anything for him. After leaving, however, Isaac must have hurt Zack so much that the gruff man couldn’t even bear to tolerate him anymore. Isaac rolled his eyes at Logan’s joking imitation of Zack, a tiny smile creeping onto his face. ”Pfft...” Isaac huffed, ”You bet I was his favourite.” It was evident that Isaac was beginning to loosen up, feeling a bit less stressed out. ”Remember that time that I didn’t turn up to a rehearsal because I overslept and Zack didn’t mind but then Jon went for a toilet break whilst he was supposed to be warming up and Zack got soooo mad?” He reminisced, smiling to himself.

Isaac immediately regretted the next words he had said to Logan. ’It’d be better with different lyrics...’ Slap. ’Stop getting so easily offended...’ Slap. He knew those sorts of things would be the biggest slaps to Logan’s face and Isaac should’ve known that especially after spending years by his side. Logan lived for his work, thrived on the creativity of the lyrics he wrote, the way the instruments harmoniously collaborated together, the way he’d perform it with such passion and love... And now Isaac, someone who knew that Logan was basically dedicating that entire one song for him, was the one to tell him the hard ‘truth’. Of course, the song was far from imperfect like Isaac was claiming it was. In fact, musically, the song was a masterpiece. Isaac was simply unable to bear the painful truth that he hurt Logan and now Lo was ready to tell their story to the world. Isaac knew he had messed up badly by carelessly playing with Logan’s heart before rejecting him entirely. He never wanted to make Logan feel that way ever again and yet he was never willing to change his ways... One oxymoron after the next when it came to Isaac and his selfish ways... Logan didn’t deserve this pain. He never deserved it.

Isaac stared at Logan utterly astounded, lips parted pathetically as he was left completely speechless. He was trying his hardest to helplessly gather the shattered pieces of his heart before those pieces broke into even smaller pieces. He felt so selfish for feeling hurt by their interaction, but he couldn’t help himself from feeling defeated. When you break somebody’s heart, you break your own heart, too, after all. The trembling lip, the tears pooling in his eyes and the voice crackling weakly, Isaac knew that not only did he break Logan’s heart, but he broke his soul, too. It should only be Logan here on this tour; he probably never even stopped to think that all Isaac would do was destroy him once again and, whenever Logan approached this truth, all he wanted to do was hide from it. Isaac was a changed man. He was so gentle and soft-spoken; he couldn’t hurt a fly. Sure, he perhaps couldn’t hurt a fly, but his words could break a man into pieces.

And then, in that very moment, Isaac realised that they had never really been lovers nor enemies, only two strangers with some memories of each other. Whenever Logan would reach out for Isaac’s love, all he could do in response was shut himself down and hide from him. He never would allow them to be anything more than lonely strangers who both wished that they could be anything more. Logan never deserved to feel so rejected. Isaac never should have isolated himself from Logan. He had become a master at breaking hearts but especially at breaking his own. Breaking his heart with those past aspirations he so badly wanted to achieve, even if it meant abandoning the man who loved him. Breaking his heart with those impossible wants to become anything more successful than whatever failure he had become. Breaking his heart with trying to love the people he could never be able to love all because his mind would hold him back every single fucking time. It made him feel frustrated, sad, alone...

”Easily offended?” Logan had begun, Isaac watching his friend fall apart at the seams. Isaac could do nothing but watch Logan stupidly, wanting to say something, anything, but his mind was not allowing himself to think of anything but the bitter silence. He was supposed to be a lyricist, a man who could string words together beautifully, but now all he had was quietude that surrounded them. As Logan pointed out the horrible truth — yes, the lyrics were way too real for him that it scared him — Isaac quickly lowered his gaze shamefully down at the table which was between them. He wanted so badly to try silence Logan, try take back his words and just hold his wretched friend in his arms, but he knew he couldn’t. He was too late. ”Did you ever care?” Logan then continued. And still, silence from Isaac. Even when Logan gave him a brief opportunity to just tell him ‘yes’, the slimmest opportunity to try explain himself to Logan, he still said nothing, chewing on his bottom lip anxiously. This was one fuck up after the next and Isaac was going to do nothing about it.

Only when Logan stood up, Isaac’s eyes flitted back over to his friend, realising how badly he’d broken his heart. He quietly watched Logan leave and go to his bunk, waiting until the room become silent and sombrely static before he lowered his head and pressed his forehead against his folded arms which rested on the table. Fluttering his eyes shut, he felt saline slipping passed his close eyelids, lamenting over losing Logan all over again. He knew he shouldn’t have tried to depend on him. People always leave in the end. Isaac should’ve known by now that at the end of the day all he would have was himself and his misery; he knew that that had to be enough for him. But, it never was. He simply didn't know how to keep people around. All he did was hurt them. But, he needed Logan. Logan needed him too; so why did Isaac keep pushing him away?

Isaac didn’t know long he sat in the room, listening to the silence that engulfed him. Everyone must have gone to bed by now and yet he knew that he would probably be unable to sleep tonight. He felt so stressed out, homesick and scared to be alone. But, this was his own fight to win. I don’t need him. Isaac finally raised his head, staring hopelessly at the door to the bunks and wishing that he could just crawl his way back to Logan. He felt so alone and lonely. And, the saddest part was that he did not want to feel lonely. The difference between alone and lonely was that one could choose to be alone, just like how Isaac simply refused to leave for the bunks. No one could choose to be lonely and the feeling hurt so much worse than being alone. But, perhaps he was designed to be lonely. The feeling of melancholy would pump through his veins forever. After all, he always seemed to end up alone at the end of each day, simply wishing that someone could be there for him. The years previously, he could not help himself but be alone. Tonight, however, this had been all his fault. He messed up this time. And so this time loneliness won. Loneliness would follow him to bed, stay with him and hold him until he fell asleep.

Finally, he pulled himself up, wiping his eyes before lumbering gloomily to the bunks. He tried to remain as quiet as he could, conscious of the others sleeping, as he stripped down to his underwear and put his laundry away before crawling into his bunk. Resting beneath the covers, his eyes would not allow themselves to shut, his heart pounding away at his chest uncomfortably at the pain of hurting Logan the way he did. He simply stared up at the bottom of the bunk above him, listening to the peaceful breathing of the others in the bunk. And still, his mind could not break away from the need to crawl back to Logan. I don’t need him. He thought again, wishing that he could simply allow himself to sleep. But he couldn’t. After all, nights were made for him to overthink. To wish that tonight didn’t go the way it did. To wander what would have happened tonight if only he didn’t hurt Logan the way he did. Could loneliness take the place of Logan tonight? His thoughts lingered on the last question Logan asked Isaac before leaving. ”Did you ever care?” Of course Isaac cared. With every ounce of his being, he cared about Logan. He wanted him to feel happy. But, how could he break Logan’s heart and still claim that he cared about him? That was some fucked up logic on Isaac’s part.

Maybe he didn’t care about Logan. Maybe he never did.

But then, why was he breaking down whilst laying in bed, wishing he could go to Logan this instance and fix every mistake he’d ever made with him? Why did Isaac want to just be close to him, breathe in his scent and feel his comforting warmth? Why did he still want Logan after all this time? And then he thought: I do need him.

Isaac, feeling like his heart was going to burst, shuffled about in his bunk before climbing out and going straight across to Logan’s bunk. Holding his breath in anticipation, he froze in the same spot for a moment before finally tugging open the curtain and nudging Logan’s shoulder meekly. He then awkwardly clambered into the bunk, laying on his side to face his friend, wishing he could simply snuggle into the other’s arms and fall asleep happy. But, he knew that Logan could quite possibly become unhappy with Isaac in his space and so he prepared for him to kick Isaac out. Before anything else could happen, though, he filled the silence with a soft whisper, ”I’ve always cared about you.” Would Logan believe him? Probably not, but at least Isaac knew that this time he was telling the truth. He just needed Logan to finally know the truth.







I'LL BE THERE AS SOON AS I CAN
BUT I'M BUSY MENDING BROKEN PIECES
OF THE LIFE I HAD BEFORE YOU .


- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
Samson wished that he knew what his heart was trying to tell him. In some ways, he saw Corey as such a fantastic friend. His jokes made him laugh like nobody had ever made him laugh before, his smile was absolutely contagious and his presence made Sam simply want to always be around him. He liked being around Corey a lot so that meant he was a good friend, right? He assumed that that was how he felt about Corey, but there still felt like there was a void left between his thoughts. Something which he never thought he had to address. But, he had an urging desire to truly figure out his feelings for Corey. To him, Corey was more than perfection. Was that even possible? To Sam, yes it was. Corey’s perfect face, his perfect voice and freaking perfect personality. The way he laughed, that coy mysterious yet alluring vibe to him... Sam always wanted to know more and more about Corey.

Was he... Attracted to him? No, he couldn’t be. He’d been married to a woman, a commitment which had taken up the majority of his love life. Was he ready for a change like this one? Perhaps he was; he wouldn’t have felt so strongly for him otherwise, right? Should Sam suppress this feeling? Maybe it’d go away. The thought alone made his heart race manically; was it because he was nervous of the idea? Scared? Maybe he was excited, utterly intrigued by the thought of him and Corey together... How could he suppress his feelings when they were more than likely not going to go away any time soon? Maybe he did feel attracted to Corey... It would explain his excitement when around the other male. And, honestly, despite feeling scared about the idea, the thought of them being exclusive excited Samson. Was be getting ahead of himself? Ha ha, yeah probably... He was talented at letting his mind wander; who said they’d ever be a thing? No one did, but Samson kind of liked the sound of it anyway.

Kind of?... He meant ‘really’.

Reflecting on the moments that they had already shared together, it seemed like no surprise that Samson was so fond of Corey. Sam was the matchbox and Corey was the match; as soon as they met, sparks flew and a flame was born between them. A flame which Sam kind of never wanted to die out. Perhaps he was infatuated about the idea of being around Corey. That could’ve been the case... But Sam didn’t think so. There was so much he could think back on, so many things between him and Corey which made his heart flutter. That one time he sung a couple songs whilst playing the guitar for Corey, that feeling of pride he felt when Corey gushed about his voice. That time they held hands on the plane because Corey said he was scared. The time Sam introduced Corey to his kids and Corey was so sweet to Ava and Lincoln. That made Samson’s heart melt at the interaction between them. Of course he was letting Corey join him and the kids when they were to next get some ice cream. Definitely.

”Pssh... Okay, okay! I get it... You’re a musical genius. Are you sure Zack didn’t hire you as Panic’s new triangle-ist? Because we do have a vacancy there right now actually.” Sam kidded playfully, raising his eyebrows at Corey’s imitation of him before shaking his head and chuckling. He adored when the conversation between them was purely playful and joking. There was something so calm and easy about spending time joking with Corey. Perhaps that was why their conversations often drifted towards this sort of humour. It was captivating.

Feeling pleased at the kind words Corey was gushing about the band, Samson smiled to himself, feeling comforted by loosely hooking his arm around Corey’s shoulder. ”Aw...” He begun as a hushed mumble, fluttering his gaze down at Corey briefly before stepping into the bus. ”That’s really sweet. I always feel so overwhelmingly happy when I hear people excited to see the band perform, y’know? I’m just like, ‘that’s me! You’re happy to see me?!’ and...” He began lowering his head coyly, smiling to himself. ”I get so dang excited.” He ended in a whisper, hooking his bottom lip under his tooth in thought.

Samson noticed, immediately after he’d asked Corey the personal question about his love life, that Corey grew quite timid suddenly. Oh no... Had he asked the wrong question? Sam could remember when Natalia first filed for a divorce with him, even the mention of divorce would upset Samson to no end, almost to the point of tears. What if something similar happened to Corey? That would've been so sad if it did. He’d become a bit of an emotional wreck when Nat left him, mainly because he had still loved her. Or so he thought so. Months after the divorce, the affection began to subside. The things he once adored her for began to grow irritating. The ‘quirks’ she had made him sigh, her fiery attitude made him feel agitated. He knew then that the love they once shared was no longer. Now, the only thing which stopped them from parting ways permanently were their kids. If there was one thing that he would praise Nat for, it was her dedication to take care of Ava and Lincoln. She was a fantastic mother -  he was sure about that — and he was grateful that she was the mother of his children and not somebody who would’ve cared very little about the two.

As Corey began to explain himself, Sam nodded his head with interest. No wife, no girlfriend, no kids. Fair enough... He was surprised that he was single, actually. Or so, he assumed in that case he was single. But, how could somebody who was as beautiful on the inside as he was on the outside not be loved unconditionally by a lover? Who couldn’t adore Corey's sweet charm? And then, when Corey said Sam's name, Samson tilted his head to the side slightly, gazing at his friend with interest. He did not speak, yet gave him a look of intrigue, urging him to continue. And then, he said something which, honestly, Sam wasn’t expecting. However, there was no resentment in Sam for what Corey had just admitted. In fact, Sam wanted to physically jump for joy almost. But, he knew he couldn’t do that. He didn’t even know if he liked Corey in that way, yet, but wanted to find out hopefully. ”Well, I’d feel like I understand why you wouldn’t have a wife or girlfriend then.” Replied Samson, a delightful grin growing on his lips. His heart seemed to be rushing now excitedly, mostly at the thought that — oh my god — reality didn’t have to be too far from the little daydream he had earlier if he wanted to. ”So then, Corey... Don’t tell me you have a boyfriend... I’d be very jealous of him if you do.” Sam continued lightheartedly.

However, we all know that there was some truth in his words.


« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 02:57:31 PM by Hootowls »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #20 on: August 07, 2017, 06:00:05 PM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
the harsh words, the brash remarks, the criticisms.. he could handle all of that, and he could handle it from just about everyone with remarkable ease. fans - “fans” - could say whatever they wanted about him, and he’d shrug it off. that was because they didn’t know him. they were one face out of many, one face that he wouldn’t see nearly as much as those closer to him. so of course it was easy to shrug off brutal remarks from those he didn’t know. when it came to everything that isaac had said, though, it was enough to make it feel like his heart was breaking. it felt like his old friend knew just what to say to really get to him, to dig right down to his heart and shatter it. those songs had been written for him to cope, for him to be able to tell the world how he was feeling, all behind a soft and smooth melody that they could get lost in. for isaac to say that they would be better with different lyrics, with more of this or that… it was unfair. it sent a whole mix of emotions through logan, and he couldn’t even begin to explain them. he wanted to be angry, he wanted to cry, he wanted to tell him off. those songs meant everything to him. and, it was hard hearing the one he cared about the most reject them so easily, the way he did.

so of course he wouldn’t sit back and take it. the musician couldn’t listen to isaac talk that way. however, he had been expecting a response back. anything. the silence that had hung in the air whenever loge would stop speaking was only making the damage that much worse. it came to him, then. it was always the silence that hurt the most. maybe if isaac had tried to say something to defend himself, it would’ve bruised his heart just a bit less. perhaps if isaac had responded with anything, something for logan to chew.. hell, he could’ve said he didn’t care about him. that would’ve been a far smaller punch than the big ‘what if’ that came to mind. what if, all this time, isaac had never cared for him? the thought was enough to make the tears prick at his eyes even more. that couldn’t be. he had to care! at least a little, after all they’ve been through! however, the silence in the room filled the air and, honestly, so quiet that the heartbreak seemed to be almost audible. he couldn’t handle sitting there, anymore. he felt like he was being suffocated by all the pain, all the swelling emotions and troubling thoughts in his head making this moment unbearable. logan had to get out of there; if he stayed any longer, who knew what else would be said- or, rather, what wouldn’t be said - that would only hurt him more.

as he walked - more like dashed - out of the room, straight to the bunks.. he hated to admit that the distance between the two cut like a knife. the musician slowed down as he neared his bunk, simply standing there for a moment or two. resting his head against the cool wood laid between each section of bunks, he simply let the tears fall- trying his best to only let the quiet, almost inaudible gasping breaths slip through his lips. how pathetic was he? who was he, to think that he could bring isaac on this tour and expect it to not end in heartbreak? it always ended terribly for the two of them, whenever they came together. although isaac and logan shared a certain dynamic with each other.. they were, ultimately, just never meant to be. logan tried to deny it, time and time again. even whenever he sang impossible year, he always tried to convince himself that there could be a you and me, there could be something there. lifting his head from the wooden exterior, he slowly managed himself out of his attire, down to his boxers.

they just weren’t meant to be.

was it sad to think that, no matter what they had gone through, logan still loved him? the thought was just another painful hit to his heart. he’d been hopelessly in love with isaac ever since they were hopeless teens that didn’t know any better. sure, he had always been blind to most of the other’s lack of reciprocation, but now it seemed all too obvious. his mind was only causing more damage to him, replaying all those moments where loge was so in love. those moments meant the most to him. them being on stage, in front of hundreds of people, and getting to lean in close, feel his breath against his cheek. getting to hold his hand during an interview - with an asshole interviewer - to try and calm him down when he was a nervous wreck. even kissing his cheek, or getting to gently run his fingers through the other’s messy hair, had meant the most to him. that had been love. yet, all the times he figured isaac had merely been oblivious to the fact… it seemed more obvious that the other had been pushing his affection away, more than anything. how could he be so blind?

slowly, he moved the curtain to crawl into his respective bunk, the tears still streaming down his face. the singer had convinced himself that, for the whole tour, he wasn’t going to let isaac see how much his departure had ruined him. he’d been convinced that he’d be able to smile so easily, and convince his old friend that it hadn’t hurt him, really. yet, his lyrics had left everything pouring out, that side of him showing for everyone to see. and, even then, the only person that mattered, that ended up getting hurt, was isaac. in his head, he replayed the sight of looking over at isaac during the somber piano piece. although isaac’s gaze, for the most part, had been rather stoic… he could still picture the sight of slight realization, as if the last piece to a puzzle had been found. the poor stage tech must’ve been wondering what the song was about- and, how would anyone react if they found out a song of heartbreak was written about them? about something that hadn’t even existed in the first place? their love hadn’t been real, it had been equally one-sided. and yet it still hurt the two of them just the same.

the tears wouldn’t stop, even long after he had been laying there. he could’ve sworn he’d hearn isaac’s quiet, careful footsteps as he walked in, changed, and went into his bunk. that had been a while ago, and yet, he couldn’t help but still have that on his mind. was he just going to sleep like that? had it even bothered him, how much heartache and pain he was putting logan through? the thought made the tears fall at a quicker rate, his lip trembling, throat hurting from trying to hold back the painful sobs that shook his body. this was all his fault. in the end, there was nobody else to blame but himself. he’d let his love for the other blind him into thinking that bringing him on this tour would be a good idea. he’d let his affection and hope that everything would be alright blind him from the truth; the inevitable pain that was the truth. they could never be together. they’d missed their chance long ago.

he found himself simply lying there, his eyes staring blankly up at the wall. by now, the tears had subsided, only the subtle redness around his eyes and the trail that the tears had left on their journey down his face really giving anything away. not that he would let anybody know about it. how could het let them know that they were right all along?

if it hadn’t been for the gentle nudge of his shoulder, he probably wouldn’t have even noticed that anyone had opened his curtain. turning his head, he couldn’t help but look slightly surprised at the sight of him. his friend, the person that he loved, even after all the heartbreak that he had put him through. however, he still felt pretty hesitant. he didn’t know what the other’s intentions were and, for a moment, all he could do was simply stare at him like an idiot. it took him a whole other minute to register that isaac was clambering in, his lean body awkwardly climbing in. instinctively he moved to give the other space and- god, the nostalgia this brought flooding to the surface made him want to cry, almost. it reminded him so much of when they’d be on tour. logan always got terribly homesick, and always felt incredibly lonely during those long tour nights. this was like when he, young and needing comfort, would climb right into isaac’s bunk and cuddle with him. of course, this time, after all these years, the tables had turned. yet, it seemed like the both of them were desperately searching for that comfort, not just the hopeless singer looking for an excuse to cuddle up close with the one he loved. was… was it stupid that all of his heartache was slightly melting away, at the sight of the other here?

then again, this was how it had always been. no matter what isaac did, or how many times he would break logan’s heart, he was always forgiven. and quick to be forgiven, no doubt. “i’ve always cared about you.” the words rang through his head, on repeat, and he couldn’t help but feel a whole swell of emotions rising up in his chest. he wanted to cry again, wanted to show how happy he was that he did care- also probably meaning that there was something more, there? yet, instead, all that he could find in himself to do was simply an arm around the other’s smaller, more lithe frame. wow. his body type really hadn’t changed much, had it? still as lean as he had always been. “shut up,” he mumbled, although, it would’ve been insanely hard for anyone to overlook the affection that laced his tone. wordlessly, he rested his forehead against isaac’s own, tracing absent patterns into the other’s back with his index finger. these were moments where he felt like he could get away with the affectionate touches that he so adored; when it was simply the two of them, and the rest of the world didn’t matter. these were the few times were isaac wouldn’t immediately back away, or recoil at every touch. it was nice. it was peaceful. and it had logan convinced that they both felt the same.

i mean, did him saying that he cared meant that he shared the same feelings? logan’s own feelings towards the other was already evident. love. the thought had his gaze soften that much more. it caused butterflies to settle in his stomach, an uncomfortable, welcome feeling. although, in his heart that was still working on mending, he felt a whole twist of nerves for what he had in mind. he said he cared, right? wouldn’t this show that he actually, truly did? carefully, the hand that wasn’t around the other’s small frame gently cupped the side of his face. he found himself swallowing hard, his heart racing as he leaned forward the slightest bit. pressing his lips against isaac’s. it had just.. felt so right to do, in that moment. he’d been longing for years to feel his lips against the other’s own, longing to have his feelings reciprocated. it was now or never, right? all that he could hope was that isaac would kiss him, back. god, that was all that he needed.

thes code
corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
sometimes, corey tended to doubt most of his feelings. actually, corey usually doubted everything. his anxiety oftentimes left him checking and re-checking things that most wouldn’t, or second guessing what his heart was telling him. yet, when it came to samson, it was something that he definitely didn’t have to think about. simply seeing samson from across a room - like at the airport - was always enough to immediately lift his spirits. the idea of being away from him for a long time was always horrendous, too. just spending that week or so by himself in the apartment had him wishing time would go faster, merely so that he could see samson again. it was an amazing feeling, seeing him. he had watched countless interviews over the year, some of them featuring samson, but the camera never managed to capture just.. him. oh, it didn’t even come close to capturing everything.

it didn’t capture that spark in his eyes as he talked about something he was passionate about. there was absolutely no way someone could truly get a glimpse of his cheery, sweet persona just by watching him through a lense. and, of course he always looked handsome, even just by glancing around at pictures and videos of him that were all over the internet. yet, there was something about him that corey just felt like he’d been missing, you know? it was stupid, and it was hard to explain, but that appeared to be the only way he could word it. it seemed like there was a whole other side to sam than what he saw on cameras and, well, he was right. he’d gotten a sort of sense that the other was more like a fatherly figure - which he was because, hello, he had kids - but.. he also had that silly, joking side that didn’t really come out in front of cameras. it was absolutely adorable, was what it was. it was… definitely something that made corey absolutely certain he had fallen for the bassist, and that he had fallen for him hard.

although, corey absolutely sucked at making it known how interested he was in someone. well, most of the time, at least. he was simply too shy, never really one to try and make a move out of the crippling anxiety that came with the fear of rejection, or the thought of not having his feelings reciprocated. yet, in small ways, he was trying with samson. most of his actions was usually for comfort, either (mostly) for himself, or for samson. yet, there was only so long that he could use the whole ‘anxiety card’ before things started to get a little muddled or sketchy. like, for the flight, holding his hand for, say, five or so minutes would’ve been pretty easy to get away with, right? but, for the whole flight was a completely different thing. it was still sweet, though- especially seeing as samson didn’t even seem uncomfortable with the whole act. plus, it was nice, to compliment the other all the time, and see how bashful he’d get, how humble he really was. there were just so many things that made him love samson; and, so far, he was kind of trying to get as much of him as he could.

he couldn’t help but start laughing at samson’s playful, kidding statement. “oh, really? geez. maybe zack messed up and had a typo on the job description. stupid autocorrect,” he joked along, unable to keep from chuckling a bit, himself, when the other took notice of his imitation. it seemed like most of their conversations were full of laughter and, honestly, corey was all for it. he liked being friends with someone that could bear all of the silly topics they covered, as well as also be serious whenever need-be. it was just.. wonderful. purely wonderful.

as the other smiled so happily, coyly talking about his experience from witnessing people getting so excited about the shows, corey couldn’t help but feel like his heart was about to burst. it was easily one of the cutest things, if not the cutest thing, that he had seen all day. leaning into the taller as he rested his arm around his shoulders, he hummed. “you were amazing tonight,” he hummed, before quickly clarifying, “i mean, everyone was amazing- but, it was really fun to watch you, specifically.” however, as the other whispered the last part, corey couldn’t help but grin, amusement in his gaze. dang? oh, i figure it’s the best, gosh dang it.”

when corey had admitted that he was gay, he couldn’t help but feel his heart racing away uneasily in his chest. he hadn’t meant to have this kind of conversation- he hadn’t been ready. to everyone he talked to he was always so comfortable about his sexuality. it wasn’t like he thought poorly of the idea of being gay-- he just couldn’t stand the thought of not being friends with samson because of something as silly as that. he wasn’t sure, though. most people were really hard on their beliefs or thoughts, he supposed. besides, samson had been married by now, to a beautiful wife, had two kids. perhaps the reality was just a bit much, thinking that the other knew he was gay now- seeing as, most of the subtle hints he took towards the other would be just a tad more noticeable, now. yet, just by watching sam react, he couldn’t help but find himself relaxing easily. he shouldn’t have figured that samson would react badly to the news. actually, he seemed to be pretty calm about it. did he have any idea how much that meant to corey? the assistant couldn’t help but brighten at the relief, growing less timid with the admittance by the second.

chuckling at the other’s lighthearted words, he couldn’t help but grin. oh, if only samson knew just how much corey would gladly have him as his boyfriend. “guess you’re in luck, then,” he joked, rolling his blue eyes playfully. “oh, you know, if you’d like to fill in the position, i totally wouldn’t mind.” no, really. he wasn’t kidding. he figured that he wasn’t going to tell him that, though, and instead settled for smiling a bit to himself, shaking his head. “thank you,” he quietly thanked-- for not judging him for it, of course. however, the brief, quiet moment was over as he straightened a bit, beaming. “i mean, i have two dogs. i pretty much consider them as my own kids.” oh, the italian grey and the westie of his.. they were his everything. he could probably beam about them and brag about those two little brats almost as much as any dad would about their kids- except, well, samson probably had him beat in that department.
thes code
« Last Edit: August 07, 2017, 07:03:28 PM by ᵐᵉˡᵃⁿᶜʰᵒˡʸ »

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #21 on: August 08, 2017, 11:02:00 AM »

THERE I JUST SAID IT,
I'M SCARED YOU'LL
FORGET ABOUT ME .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
No matter how much Isaac wanted to let Logan in, he never could. Isaac was a shield, deflecting any of Logan’s shots to love Isaac. He didn’t know why he did it, but he did know that it hurt Logan immensely. Even after all these years, after all the pain Isaac put him through, he still loved Isaac as if Isaac was his idea of perfection. Isaac knew he was far from that, however. No perfect man would break his lover’s heart the way he broke Logan’s time after time. Could he even call them lovers? Never; they never had been lovers. Isaac was just so good at pushing dismal Logan away every single time. How was love so blind? How could Logan not see what Isaac was doing to him? He was horrific. He would never reciprocate the affection Logan gave him, even though he’d suggest that he would; he would only ever show Logan the love he deserved behind closed doors, as if Logan was his dirty little secret; he abandoned Logan when he needed Isaac the most...

Isaac could still recall those times where he realised that splitting from the band was the biggest mistake he had made. What hurt worse was the assumption that a relationship between him and Logan was what ultimately caused the split to take place. But, the fans didn’t really know, did they? Their blind shots fired at Isaac was probably what had upset him about the fans the most. His relationship with Logan never had anything to do with the split at all. Instead, the only thing he felt negatively about Logan at the time was how threatened he felt that Logan was prepared to spread his wings and fly the band in a different direction. Isaac had never expected that little bird to fly away and leave Isaac in the dark for several years, too. Whilst Jon spent countless hours trying to comfort Isaac after the split, nothing ever seemed to help heal the wounds that he inflicted on himself. Love was the biggest form of self-destruction, it seemed; the more he loved Logan the more it hurt when he lost him. 

Along with this self-destruction, the symptoms of grief made themselves apparent in Isaac’s life. It was horribly tragic watching him neglect himself when he hit rock bottom. All that stress-induced weight that he lost from his already weightless body, those nights where he could not sleep because his numb mind was too busy thinking of absolutely nothing, the dark purple rings hanging beneath his eyes and his sickly complexion... He did not know how to help himself out of that rut apart from by changing his ways entirely. And, that meant by fixing all the wrongs he made with Logan. He needed to prove to Logan that he loved him.

The feeling of nostalgia overwhelmed Isaac’s senses the moment he climbed into the bed next to Logan. The memories flooded back to him, all those times that Logan would crawl into bed with Isaac and the two of them would contently lay in each other’s arms, allowing the minutes to fly by. Those were some of Isaac’s favourite memories, that feeling of utter adoration that he had for Logan whenever they were together in bed. All his worries dissolved when they were in the privacy of the bunks, the fear that others will see them this way together becoming the last thing on his mind. Instead, it was simply Logan and him, holding each other. They were in love, despite Isaac’s constant denial. And so, when the two of them parted ways, it left an empty void in his heart. That space which was once filled with Logan’s warmth and comfort became a vacant vessel of memories and what Isaac wished they could’ve been. It hurt so much no longer having Logan by his side. To not be around him. To not be with him. To Isaac, Logan was that cutting pain within his heart that he never wanted to give up on. He knew in the years that he spent without him that he needed him. He needed his love, that attention he would always give to Isaac. And so, when the two of them lay beside each other, though Isaac’s heart was racing with the fear that Logan would request he return to his own bed, Isaac just wanted to feel Logan’s love again.

Isaac never wanted this moment to end. Logan had wrapped an arm around Isaac’s lean frame, delicate finger tips tracing small patterns on this back. This was just like how things once were in the past, the serene moments that they would share in each other’s company. These were the moments in which Isaac felt the most vulnerable, but these were also the moments where he’d allow his vulnerability to be pushed aside for some moments. After all, this was all about him and Logan. None of the outside world was invading. It was simply him, Logan and the dark. He began to smile softly to himself when Logan mumbled to him in response, the assurance that Logan had forgiven him for their conversation earlier. Luckily for Isaac, he knew that Logan was a very forgiving character. Helpful when all Isaac seemed to do was make mistakes. He allowed Logan to press his forehead against Isaac’s own, Isaac fluttering his eyelids shut contently and taking in the oh-so-familiar feeling of being held in Logan’s arms once again. He allowed his hands to loosen from the awkward folded position he had been holding, resting one hand on Logan's bicep, his other hand allowing his feather-light fingertips to brush across his collarbone. These moments were the moments which Isaac felt the most comfortable with. Those few moments where he’d happily accept Logan’s affection, where the rest of the world were oblivious to their affection and care for each other. In moments like these, Isaac was reminded that he more than likely was in love with his friend. The outside world would hide the truth from him but, when nothing else seemed to matter, he could see clearly the affection he had for Logan.

But then, he completely contradicted himself.

He allowed himself to relax, body close to Logan’s as he lay with his eyes shut, savouring this moment together. But then, he felt Logan’s hand cup the side of his face and his eyes blinked open with curiosity. What was this boy planning? Feeling content with the way they were laying together, he didn’t expect anything more to happen than the gentle touches that they were sharing. And then, Logan leaned forwards and pressed his lips against Isaac’s. The entire world seemed to stop in that moment, Isaac’s heart sinking painfully. Oh, no, no, no... This wasn’t happening, was it? His face contorted into a slight grimace, awkwardly pulling away from the kiss without any reciprocation. ”N-No — I....” Isaac tried to squeak under his breath, his apologetic and timid eyes wide and staring right back at Logan. But, it was not that loving gaze which they’d shared only moments before. No, that barrier Isaac guarded himself behind had been thrown between them once again. His previous gaze had loved Logan as a whole. Now, his cold, afraid stare almost appeared vacant. Unwelcoming. Hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day but here in Milan Isaac’s brick wall could be built in an instant. He just... He couldn’t kiss Logan back. He didn’t want to get close enough to hurt him again.

He wished that he could have done everything on earth with him, so why was he pushing him away yet again? Isaac didn’t understand. He should have kissed Logan back, but he was just too scared. So, instead, he looked at Logan silently for just a moment before he turned around, facing his back to his friend and staring at the curtain which could hide them from the rest of the world. His heart was thudding at his ribs aggressively and Isaac had to stop himself from wanting to cry. Just as soon as he thought he had fixed the trouble between them, he had to go and mess everything up again. No one could try to convince him that this was a battle of trying to find love; this was a god damned war.

Isaac lay in silence, squeezing his eyes shut and wrapping his arms around his lithe frame uncomfortably, wishing that he could simply disappear from this moment. He hated himself so damn much for hurting Logan like this. He was a monster. He should never have even called Logan that one lonely day... He was hurricane Isaac, tumbling in and completely breaking Logan apart yet again. He still didn’t understand why Logan still loved him. It felt crazy that he could love somebody who hurt him. Though, it did feel crazier that Isaac thought that he could hurt Logan and still think he loved him. You can’t hurt someone and still say you love them. It doesn’t even work that way. Isaac allowed his eyes to shut, trying to forget what had happened so that he could allow himself to finally sleep. He was so close to Logan in this moment, yet he never felt so far away from him. Isaac was no longer alone, but he was still lonely. And, as he drifted to sleep, he accepted that, tonight, loneliness had managed to fill the space that Logan was supposed to fill. But, then again, Isaac deserved to feel lonely after what he did.







I'LL BE THERE AS SOON AS I CAN
BUT I'M BUSY MENDING BROKEN PIECES
OF THE LIFE I HAD BEFORE YOU .


- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
Right from the start, Sam’s mind couldn’t help but wander back to Corey, again and again. He must’ve been out of his mind or something to be so fixated on somebody who he could only call a friend. He honestly didn’t know that much about Corey enough, but he definitely wanted to know everything. Much to his surprise, Samson wanted to know so much about Corey. He just had to know more about him. The younger male had sparked his interest, and whether it was his extraordinary sense of humour or how addicting his smile was (Sam really was trying his best to think of that in the most platonic way ever, mind you), he just felt really fond of Corey. Sam had met many people in his lifetime, but he had never met somebody quite like Corey before; he had never experienced a friendship form so quickly, he wasn’t even sure how it had all come to be. And, if he was honest, that thought really kind of excited him.

At first, that timid persona of the other had stunned Sam, causing him to over think the situation and... He was so thankful that he’d still been so eager to give him a chance, else he wouldn’t have gotten the opportunity to get to know such a fantastic person like Corey. Sam knew he had a habit of feeling doubtful over situations, especially in the more recent times after the experiences he’d gone through. Doubting Corey at first seemed to be a normal reaction from Sam, but the sudden, intense feeling of affection he felt for the other not long after that can’t have been a normal reaction. Corey had also come out of his shell quite quickly, which had also allowed Sam to grow more and more fond of him quickly. The two of them knew how to egg each other on undoubtedly and as Sam’s confidence fuelled them both, Corey’s comical sense of humour began to really shine. As a result, this created a perfect combination between them; Strangely enough, the two of them appeared so different but really they were so scarily similar to each other, no wonder why they were so fond of each other. It seemed like they were both young again, and it definitely did not feel like Samson was around five or six years older than Corey. The age difference seemed so insignificant after sharing their completely childish, immature conversations and jokes; Sam didn’t want to grow up just yet, and he was able to achieve that with the help of Corey.

Despite having been so doubtful over Corey at first, however, Sam seriously couldn’t doubt the feelings he appeared to have for the younger male now. Whether it was platonic or maybe something a little more real, Sam knew that he liked Corey a lot. But, regardless of what sort of fondness he had for the other male, Sam simply knew that he was the luckiest man alive to get to meet somebody as genuine and down-to-earth as Corey.

After gushing about how happy it made him feel that people would enjoy seeing him play live, he didn’t think his heart could soar even more with happiness than when Corey complimented him. ”Really?” He questioned as his face lit up with exuberance. Out of the thousands that he had performed for in the past, all the compliments he’d receive from fans or notable celebrities alike, nothing seemed to flatter Sam more than Corey praising him. He wasn’t sure why it made him feel so appreciated, but he didn’t care to think about that. All he wanted to think about was how he was feeling in that very moment. Pure elation. As Corey mimicked Sam’s choice of words, Sam blurted out, ”Hey! Are you imitating me?” He began chuckling, scrunching up his nose towards the other. ”I’m to emphasise my point here; the feeling is so freaking cool.” He decided to play along with this game which the two seemed to so easily fall back into.

Samson felt overjoyed by Corey’s response actually, smiling along at the comments he made about his relationship status. He shouldn’t even had begun to assume that suddenly he was attracted to Corey; perhaps he was simply daydreaming or something... However, he decided to remain evidently excited, almost throwing his head back with laughter at Corey’s response. ”Yes! Today’s my lucky day, I think.” He kidded, but quietly wished that he wasn’t. After all, his daydreams appeared greater than reality right now, if that could even happen. But, wasn’t a daydream always better than real life? If it meant that Sam could only daydream this ideal love with Corey, he would be happy staying in the little world created in his head forever. He cocked his head to the side, peering down at Corey supportively as he thanked him, only for Sam to shake his head slowly and respond with, ”Why are you sorry for? There’s nothing wrong with being gay; in fact, it’s really awesome to know! It doesn’t change my perception of you, y’know.” Well, learning this kind of did change his perception of Corey, but for the better. After all, this made reality take a step closer towards that beautiful daydream that kept flooding Sam’s thoughts.

With the mention of the dogs, Sam began to laugh, ”So you almost got your own Ava and Lincoln!” He joked, ”Are they as naughty as my two are?” Sam had always wanted to own a dog, especially since he was such a dog person. However, his lifestyle meant that it was simply too difficult to take care of one as, on tours, he’d be gone for weeks at a time. Natalia owned a cat, though, which the kids adored so at least they’d have some experiences around a pet. Samson noticed that people were beginning to go their own ways, heading to bed one by one, and felt that he should probably allow Corey to head to bed, despite wishing he would talk to the other all night. And so, Sam glanced over at the door to the bunks, humming to himself briefly, before looking back at Corey and apprehensively saying, ”So... I probably should let you get to bed tomorrow. We have a big day tomorrow exploring Milan.” In ways, he sounded eager at the thought of going to have a look around Milan. After all, this was a place he always wanted to visit; it was too exciting being here. And so, he gently squeezed Corey’s shoulder before taking a step back. ”I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Then, with a brief smile towards Corey’s direction, he turned to went to his bunk to go to sleep.


« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 03:01:30 PM by Hootowls »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #22 on: August 08, 2017, 05:38:39 PM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
logan was convinced that this was love. this had to be love. there wasn’t anyone else that he had met that made him feel anything like the way isaac did. the old band member just had this effect on him, this captivating presence that made only him matter in the vocalist’s eyes. he could remember trying to shower him with so much love- trying and, to him, succeeding. it seemed fairly obvious to just about everyone that he loved the other, or at least loved him enough to cause some speculation amongst the fanbase. he would constantly compliment him during interviews - lord knows none of the fans will ever let him live down the “sex tape” question -  and always be rather clingy whenever he was given the opportunity. if they were walking down the street, he’d always try to grab the other’s hand to hold it, ignoring the odd looks he was usually given from other passerby. and, oh, the stage. every touch he gave isaac while on stage always gave him chills.

all of those things, all of those memories he had, truly showed - to him - that he was completely in love with isaac. when it came to isaac, and how much love he showed, though, it became very confusing. that was what made this relationship of theirs confusing. what were they? were they more than friends, or were they simply destined to be great friends? sure, logan was sure to make sure that isaac knew of his love for him, but the reactions from every interaction was always a little peculiar, maybe a bit different than logan always expected. during interviews when they would be asked about rumors of their relationship status, isaac was always quick to dismiss it. whenever logan would give him all of those affectionate gestures out in public, or out on the stage, he’d always watch the other noticeably recoil away from his touches. yet, also whenever they were out of the public eye, isaac would always show him the most affection that the brunette had always craved. that was at least some form of love, wasn’t it?

it hurt, thinking about what could have been. to hear fans babbling about how isaac had left because he didn’t love logan anymore. that hurt, alright? deep down he knew that the rumor was complete nonsense, but.. it’s easy to get lost in your thoughts when you’re so vulnerable, such an easy target for all of the harsh rumors. all he had wanted to be for isaac was perfect, someone that would be hard for him to live without. he couldn’t help but wonder; did he ever find it hard, moving on without him? did he ever cry against jon like the way logan would so often break down crying against spencer’s shoulder? he didn’t want to know; either way, it’d still hurt.

nostalgia chilled him right to the bone when isaac had climbed into bed. his bed. those had been the most worthwhile moments of tour, simply getting to clamber on into isaac’s bed and hide away from the world for a while. gosh, they were such dorks back then. he could remember his heart racing so quickly just to be near the other, let alone to hold him, and be held back just as affectionately. all their playful fights and arguments over food- which, back then, had easily been the biggest of their concerns. whenever the popular duo were together, it seemed like nothing really posed a big threat. there was nothing to be scared of, whenever logan was with isaac. the man was logan’s own little slice of paradise, always had been, always will be. so of course it was enough for logan to have a stupid smile on his face as he rested his forehead against isaac’s, as he closed his eyes blissfully. what more could someone want than to lay in bed with the one that they loved? it made his heart beat away pleasantly in his chest to feel his affection finally reciprocated. to feel the other’s hand resting on his arm instead of being folded across his chest had him smiling. the lightest of touches brushing against his collarbone.. it all felt so surreal, to be in a moment like this with him again. all that he wanted to do was capture this moment, to be able to think about it whenever he really did question whether or not isaac loved him.

because, in this moment, he was loved.

perhaps that was why he had tried to see how far he could take it. that had to be why he had opened his eyes, and cupped the other’s face gently with on hand. isaac had no idea how badly logan had wanted to feel his lips against the other’s own. there was no way he could’ve known how many times logan would get lost in conversations, simply because he was staring at them and had managed to completely draw a blank whenever it was his turn to speak. of course, he thought so much more than simply the physical aspect of his attraction for the other- but a kiss. it would’ve always been so perfect if he could show all of that affection and love for the other just by a kiss. it had lasted a moment and, for that moment, logan wanted to think that isaac wasn’t going to pull away. he’d actually been rather elated at the thought that he was simply hesitating, a little shocked, but still wanting to kiss him back just as badly. so, needless to say, when isaac had pulled away from him, nothing reciprocated… saying that his heart had broken was definitely not an understatement. he had opened his big, brown eyes, staring at the other, trying to look at his face for an answer, a reason that he wouldn’t be getting out loud. yet, every single second that they both looked at each other only made it hurt that much more. it would’ve been alright, to see the other looking at him with disgust- that way, he’d know there was nothing between them. that way he’d be absolutely certain that isaac couldn’t see him in any romantic way. instead, though, all he was met with was a blank, guarded stare. he had wanted to see affection in that gaze, showing that he cared, he really cared. he loved him.

but instead of bringing those walls crashing down, logan had brought them right back up again.

he wished he could take it back. he wished that he had it in himself to speak up, say he was sorry, that he had messed up, he’d messed up. yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to be sorry. why should he be the one to apologize? isaac just had him so confused, had his head in such a flurry. one moment, everything seemed like it was alright. like they were on the right track, the track logan had always dreamed of. then, only seconds later, that guard of isaac’s would be right back up again. it made him want to cry. staring into those vacant, unwelcoming eyes. he’d never felt so alone next to someone that he considered a second home. yet, he’d already shed too many tears for that day, and logan would be damned if he cried in front of isaac. there was simply a part of him that he wasn’t comfortable showing. it wasn’t even because he was scared of what isaac would think; it scared him because he didn’t want isaac to blame himself. deep down, he already knew that he was. logan didn’t want to make it any worse by letting the other see or hear him cry. instead, he simply settled for furrowing his brows, the only sign of hurt that he’d let the other see before he turned away. before he pushed him away, as he always did.

but logan couldn’t find it in himself to stop there. he couldn’t find it in himself to let the other turn his back to him and leave it at that. isaac meant the world to him, the absolute world. also… it was easily one of his biggest fears, a fear that had been with him since that day they had met each other for the first time in years. he didn’t want him to leave. the thought was enough to put his once-mended-now-broken heart into even more shreds. he didn’t want isaac to forget. there was nothing that kept logan awake at night more than the terrifying idea of being forgotten,nothing that left him tossing and turning more than the thought that he wasn’t ever in isaac’s mind. that was the last thing he would ever want.

so of course he didn’t just leave things be, like he probably should have.

with a painful heart, he moved closer just the slightest bit. and hesitated. he knew this wasn’t the best choice, but the way the night had come to this left a sour taste in his mouth. carefully, he gently ran a hand through the other’s hair, soothingly, and pressed the smallest, lightest kiss to the top of his head. a wordless sign, a simple expression. an i still love you. after that, all he could find it in himself to do was hesitate yet again, before retreating back to where he’d been before. like the coward he was. in the dark, he could barely even make out the other’s lithe frame, yet he still admired it just the same before he closed his brown gaze. today had been a mess of things and, tomorrow, logan was certain that he would try with every part of him to make up for it. he’d find something to do that would win the other over, whether that meant bringing them back to good terms, or just.. wowing him. he didn’t know. but he was going to try.

thes code
corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
corey knew that he wasn’t exactly the easiest person to get to know. towards most people, he could actually be a bit shut off. the short male was kind of like those people you always heard about; you could exchange a couple words with them, but, near the end of the conversation, you begin to realize that you’d learned next to nothing about them. there was no real reason why he was so shut-off, or why he just plain sucked at socializing, but.. it scared corey, sometimes. the only time it had truly scared him was the thought of getting off on the wrong foot with samson. from the very first moment that featured him stumbling through his words to thinking he was on the verge of complete panic, he had it set in his mind that sam probably didn’t even like him-- but, he was given a chance, and.. well, he liked to think that he had redeemed himself a bit. or, moreso like samson had let him be a more real version of himself-- which, really, was pretty rare.

dorky was probably the first thing that came to mind when corey tried to think of how to explain himself. but, oh, he had truly met his match when it came to the complete and utter dorkiness that was samson. perhaps the bassist had started out a bit more reserved, a bit more professional. come to think of it, that meeting was supposed to be professional, wasn’t it? the very thought of that was enough to make him want to laugh because, oh, it had been far from it. nearing the end, they had reached topics that corey could never even recall talking about to anyone else. simply thinking about it was enough to lift his spirits. the two of them seemed to know how to egg each other on, noticeably making both of them have such a confident, humorous air about them. that day… spent with getting to know samson as an actual person, more so than just a musician he’d seen on stage.. being able to hear him perform some of his own songs (which corey totally didn’t buy on itunes right after he got home pfft).. it was completely obvious that the tatted, dark-haired male had starting falling for samson in that short timespan, and had only fallen deeper and deeper the more he got to be with the other. he was hopelessly crushing on samson. but, oh my god, samson was way too good for him. there was no way that he, out of the thousands of people that knew him, deserved him. he was way too out of his league. he wanted to say that he was fine with it, but, was he really?

although he liked to think he could ignore the facts, he had to face them at some point. while he could stand the thought of being simply friends with sam, there was always a part of him that would want to be more. his heart panged just slightly at the thought. he was fine. platonic, or something a little more ideal, more real; the younger would take anything that he could get. after all, it was samson, the greatest guy he’d ever met. why would he be picky about their status?

retracting his statement from only moments ago; there was definitely something way cuter than simply sam’s’ smile. the elated, bright look on the bassist’s face, accompanied with the brightest of smiles, definitely had to be the most adorable thing. after all the times he must have heard that, and he still lit up so brightly just the same. it was enough to make corey smile brightly, himself, laughing fondly. “of course!” he was quick to assure, reaching up - wow, he had to reach up more than anticipated - to gently ruffle the other’s hair. “it was so cool!” he wished that he could carry on about the other’s pure jubilation, the glee sparkling in those stormy blue depths, but-- well, when he got the opportunity to joke around with the artist, he didn’t miss it. “me? oh, heck no, why would i do that?” he couldn’t help joining in on the laughter. “gosh dang, it really freaking seems like it.” seriously, who didn’t enjoy a good laugh every now and then?

wow, was it even possible to fall that much more for someone? maybe it was simply the talk about his relationship status that was making him wish that much more that samson was a part of it. yeah, that had to be the only reason why.. even though he’d been wishing the other was more than just a friend for a lot longer than this conversation between them. it was pretty heartwarming, really, to see that it wasn’t a big deal to samson- actually, it didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest. “oh, wow, that’s all it took? just a suggestion and now you’re all for it? gotta say, i was expecting you to play a little harder to get,” he joked, amusement lacing his voice. oh, he wished it was that easy to be able to call samson his. what even was sam’s orientation? he tried not to think too long on that, seeing as, well, he’d had a wife, which ruled him out from being just gay. but, hey, corey was hanging onto that last thread of hope. he couldn’t help but soften his gaze at the other’s following words, shaking his head slowly to himself. well. okay. guess samson might as well take his heart now, for all he cared. “are you even real? i’m pretty sure it’s not humanly possible to be this amazing.” of course he was simply kidding, but a compliment was still a compliment. those words meant alot to him, it really did; it wasn’t that often that corey could just tell someone and they wouldn’t even flinch.

“they’re not nearly as adorable as ava and lincoln,” he gushed, because, okay, he loved his dogs- but ava and lincoln were simply too cute. “well, maybe just a little more ornery.” it was hard to imagine the other’s kids as being trouble makers, but, well, he supposed he didn’t know them all that well. “a little italian greyhound and a westie.” why not just fill him in? he had a whole memoir of pictures that he could show the other, too, but.. well, it was late. he could probably save that for another time. he hadn’t even realized how tired he was until sam mentioned going to bed. his gaze lifted to look at the bunks, humming to himself. “right. a whole day traveling around milan.” honestly, the other’s own excitement made corey that much more eager to go. he knew next to nothing about milan but, with samson, he was sure that there was so much fun waiting for them around the bend. softly smiling at the gentle squeeze to his shoulder, he nodded his head. “g’night, samson,” he hummed, watching as the other went towards his bunk. the two of them shared the same bunk, which corey was actually pretty happy about. with a sigh, rubbing at his eyes tiredly, he waited a couple moments before he wandered towards the bunk area, ready for sleep.

thes code
« Last Edit: August 09, 2017, 03:32:00 PM by ᵐᵉˡᵃⁿᶜʰᵒˡʸ »

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #23 on: August 10, 2017, 10:19:17 AM »

THE ATLANTIC WAS BORN TODAY
AND I'LL TELL YOU HOW ...
I NEED YOU SO MUCH CLOSER .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
One day, Isaac would get to wake up, roll over onto his side and kiss his lover on the forehead good morning. Today wouldn’t be one of those days but, funnily enough, it felt very close to it.  He came to his senses, hearing the sound of mumbling voices and movement from within the bunks. People were waking up and the day had begun. He left out a gentle sigh, his body tangled beneath the sheets of the bed and warm from his friend’s body heat beside him. Laying on his back, his eyes blinked open groggily, his head turned to the side so that the first thing he could see was the serene sight of Logan, still fast asleep oh-so-peacefully. This was just like in his dreams, begging for the opportunity to relive the past where he could wake up in the presence of his best friend, them sharing a bed together. Mornings always were better when they started with him.

Isaac’s lips hinted at a loving closed-lip smile, still too half-asleep to fully register his surroundings. All that he could really focus on was Logan, anyway. God, it’d been so many years since they last ever shared a moment like this together. After the split, it used to be where Isaac would wake up every morning and, there Logan was, on his mind yet again; this time, though, not only was Logan on his mind, he was within his reach, too. It was so easy to just press his forehead against Logan’s own, hold onto his hand softly and... Though all of this was within his reach, Isaac wouldn’t get that close to Logan right away.

After all, last night had frightened him — he felt that Logan rushed into things too quickly — but he could never resent him for it. In fact, he kind of resented himself for not kissing back. It wasn’t even that he didn’t want to, he was just so scared of things going too hectic in their relationship and then losing Logan all over again. He would sacrifice a kiss to keep himself safe from heartbreak. Was it a cowardly thing to do? Probably. But, Isaac didn’t care as long as he could protect himself. At the same time, though, he simply wanted to kiss him so badly... But he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

He was a master of self-destruction, claiming that he cared about Logan all the while confusing the hell out of everyone including himself with his unpredictable ways. Why could he not just make his mind up? Either stop playing with Logan’s heart by fully loving him or fully not? He couldn’t simply decide to love him when it was convenient; he had to love him always or not at all. But, in the time being, he wanted to do the former. He wanted to gaze into those inviting eyes of his. Isaac used to always fear that he would forget the colour of his eyes. He didn’t want to lose those small memories of who his friend was after he left him... And, he never did forget those warm brown orbs. How could he? They were mesmerising, and in this moment he wanted to see them again.    

And so, he rubbed the rheum out of his eyes, stretching this lithe frame out gently before rolling onto side, closer to Logan, and pressing his hand against his shoulder, nudging him awake gently. His eyes lit up adoringly as he gazed at Logan slowly wake up, tired and disorientated as he moved around very slightly. And then, those alluring brown eyes met with Isaac’s own, and Isaac wanted to grin like an excited child who’d just heard the chime of an ice cream truck. But, instead, he fluttered his eyes tiredly, heart melting with smite at the sight in front of him. Logan with his adorable dishevelled morning hair, his tired eyes and the way he'd very slowly and peacefully wake up made Isaac feel a calming sense of euphoria. Everything about these little moments made his heart swell. Was this what happiness was? Waking up next to the one that he loved? Maybe it was. Isaac wouldn't mind waking up to his face every day.    

When he shared his gaze with Logan, he felt butterflies dancing in his insides, nuzzling the side of his face back into the pillow. "Good morning, sunshine." He mumbled very softly under his breath, evident in his voice that his greeting was to be taken lightly. Perhaps he meant more to the words than it seemed, however. After all, Logan was his sunshine, honestly; he was the light that was keeping him going on this tour. "Sleep well?" He then asked, occupying himself by tucking Logan's unkempt hair behind his ear.








HERE'S TO YOUR BRIGHT EYES
SHINING LIKE FIREFLIES ...
THE MEMORY OF A LIFETIME .

- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
Samson woke up with a sort of new-found enthusiasm, a feeling which he had not felt for a long, long time. It was unlike the exuberated attitude which he had yesterday after the show, however, and more like the mixed feeling of troubled thoughts yet also the eagerness to get out of bed and start his day. Or, more specifically, get out of bed to see Corey. For some reason, he felt a strong inclination towards wanting to learn all he can about Corey, and how could he learn all he can about him if he isn’t with him? And so, when Samson woke up, he stretched his legs out, his socks poking out from the curtains because of his height. Hey, being 6’3ft was hard sometimes but honestly Sam wouldn’t want to be anything shorter.

He rubbed his face with the palms of his hands, letting out a soft yawn before rolling over and kicking his legs over the side to slowly slide out of the bunk. And, after brushing his hand across his pyjama bottoms (He was definitely a pyjama t-shirt and bottoms kind of guy, even though his trousers were always too short, revealing his bony ankles), he went straight to the bathroom with his toiletries and change of clothes to get ready for Corey the day. Don’t worry, he made an effort to spritz some extra cologne over him; gotta be smelling amazing for Corey himself. After leaving the bathroom, he trduged into the living room area, realising only then that he probably was one of the only people actually awake. He checked the clock on the wall. 5:57am. Oh. Oops. Not his fault he woke up in a cold sweat, heart racing and his troubled mind jumping recklessly between the excitement of seeing Corey and the prolonged heartache of abandonment.

After all, Samson hadn’t been as radiant and full of zest as he used to be in a long, long time. Weeks. Months. Ever since Nat had filed for a divorce, he appeared to become as depressed as the pillow next to him that she left behind. Nothing seemed to make him feel happy anymore. Even his children hurt him, as horrible as it sounded, because seeing the kids meant seeing her again. But, he knew that one day he would have to let her go. He’d have to forget the way she smiled at him whenever he’d say something amusing, the way she’d kiss him when he was least expecting, the way she was so confident in what she did. Even confident when she tore him down to the ground. What a beautiful mess they had been. But, Sam had to let her go. He had to let go of the feeling of her arms wrapped around him, the way they’d take their kids to school together, the way she’d say his name with so much love...

He had to let go of her because that was what she used to be, not what she was now.

In ways, his fondness towards Corey made him feel guilty. Uncertain. Afraid. He wanted so badly to just open up to him right away about the worst of him, all those self-conscious, paranoid and nervous thoughts he’d think of. He wanted to accept Corey with open arms. But, that meant there was a risk of being abandoned again. He wasn’t sure he could have his heart broken in that way ever again; it’d be the death of him. He took a seat on the sofa, hunched over and resting his face in the palms of his hands in thought.

Why was he not good enough?

It was a persistent query, locked inside the cell in his mind, begging and begging for an answer. Why did she not want him anymore? What was it that she hated enough to leave him over? Why was Samson not good enough? Would he not be good enough for anyone at all? He let out a sigh, a sickening feeling growing in his stomach.

What if he wasn’t worthy of being loved?

And then, the door to the bunks opened and Sam quickly looked up, the stressed appearance on his face dissolving and the sick-to-the-stomach feeling in his stomaching fading away rapidly as he saw Corey enter the room. He began to smile, resting his chin on the palms of his hands. To him, Corey was like a radiance of positivity; around a happy Corey was a happy Sam. ”You’re up early.” He commented, his eyes following Corey as the younger male took a seat beside him. And then, instead of the nauseating feeling which had occupied his belly moments ago, butterflies took over, fluttering around madly at the appearance of Corey.

Whilst he was so utterly heartbroken, it was hard to love himself wholly. But, within this moment of happiness from the sight of someone who loved him for who he was, he realised that loving himself was not self-indulgent in any way. Learning to love himself was an act of healing. And, in those quiet moments he shared with his assistant, he began to love himself just a little more than he did when he woke up.



« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 03:04:01 PM by Hootowls »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #24 on: August 10, 2017, 02:35:42 PM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
while logan had been overdramatically thinking that he’d never get any sleep over what he had done, he’d gone to sleep surprisingly easy. he’d been severely jetlagged from the flight over, and the show had truly managed to tucker him out. while the beds weren’t the most comfortable things on the planet, they were absolute heaven to logan’s tired body. he had slept peacefully, better than he would like to admit, actually. was it so bad to sleep well after what he had just put the both of them through? the memories from last night bothered him, made him wish he could sleep his troubles away. he shouldn’t have kissed isaac. it had been too soon, something that definitely shouldn’t have happened. and yet, he kept reliving that moment. how it felt to have isaac’s lips against his, to have him so close to him…. the feeling was a dream, but it had just ended up becoming a nightmare of things.

gentle shaking was what had woken him up. as he slowly managed to wake up from his slumber, he briefly wondered if it even was isaac. had he left him in the middle of the night? the thought made his stomach tighten uncomfortably. then again, why would someone be waking him up? usually it was zack if he’d slept in for something, but he doubted that had to be the truth. when he finally opened his tired eyes, logan couldn’t resist the soft, tired smile that came to his lips. isaac. he couldn’t remember ever feeling so… relieved. he released a soft sigh as he gazed into the other’s beautiful brown eyes.

it had been so long since he’d felt butterflies in his stomach, that long overdue feeling of his heart racing, that pleasant feeling of euphoria. even after the rough night they had gone through - because of him - he was surprised that things just.. slipped back to where they were. nothing had seemed to change, or at least in this moment. there didn’t seem to be any resentment in isaac’s eyes- and it was even amazing enough to logan that the other had even stayed in here with him. it wasn’t like he was going to be complaining about it at all. hell, he was going to take advantage of it. he could still gaze adoringly at the other, take in everything about him.

which, oh god he was going that.

isaac was… was it too offensive to say beautiful? that was the only word that his groggy mind could come up as he looked at the other’s features. it was all too perfect, too wrong to try and put his look into a category of beautiful, or flawless. his eyes were taking everything in about the other. was it so bad that he couldn’t stop staring? it was making butterflies flutter around like crazy in his stomach. the affectionate look in his eyes; the way he hadn’t quite rubbed all of the night’s sleep from them; his unruly, untamed hair that much more adorable in the mornings. even as he spoke, that faint grogginess still in his voice, it was enough to make logan want so much more. more mornings of waking up to see him, waking up to that amazing, perfect face of his. was that too much to ask for?

closing his eyes briefly as the other gently tucked a piece of his hair behind his ear, he hummed. “not too bad, actually,” he responded, his eyes still tiredly closed as he quietly asked in return, “how’d you sleep?” yet, even while sleepy, and still somewhat tired, the brunet couldn’t manage to stay still. instead, he managed to move forward a bit, resting his head into the crook of the tech’s neck and shoulder. “mm… i still want to sleep,” he hummed as reasoning for the sudden, close cuddling. okay, come on, who could blame him? who wasn’t just a little bit touchy-feely in the morning? especially when someone had his heart racing this quickly, and in possibly one of the most pleasant ways possible. “we should sleep more,” he groggily tried to persuade his friend, the smallest of smiles coming to his lips. it probably wasn’t the best move, seeing as they were still terribly jetlagged. but. maybe resting their eyes for a bit wasn’t too bad?

after a moment, he managed to wrap his arms around the other, as if to keep him in place. not that he was scared that isaac would leave. he was still here with him.. he just wanted the chance of him pulling away to be a little slimmer. there was just something about this closeness between them that he didn’t want to let go of. it was a comfort, something that convinced him that everything was going to be just fine between the two of them. nuzzling his shoulder, he softly breathed, “you’re the best…” for staying, for being the warmest person to ever cuddle with.. he wasn’t sure. that was for isaac to decide.

thes code
corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
corey wasn’t usually much of an early-bird. he was usually the kind of person to sleep in, enjoy the time he got to rest while he truly had the chance. however, as he opened his eyes, he could already tell that it was early in the morning. there wasn’t any sort of chatter in the room - still the ever-present snore from whoever that was - and everything was just.. quite peaceful, really. his blue eyes peered at the curtain of his tiredly, contemplating if it was even worth it. what would be the point? he was arguably the only one even awake at this hour. then again, he thought over that last statement. if he was the only one awake right now, he could probably go through the showers and everything before there was a long waiting line for that sort of thing.

his lips turned down into a displeased frown at the thought of leaving the warm bed, yet he still forced himself to roll out of bed just the same-- and save himself from nearly falling to his death because, wow, he’d forgotten that these were bunk beds. after recovering from that embarrassing fall, he moved and began to gather up all of his needed stuff rather slowly. he wasn’t really in a rush, seeing as it was just about six am. stretching his thin arms above his head as he collected his things, he couldn’t help but hum shortly at the smallest popping of joints. man, he was getting too old, wasn’t he? the thought made him roll his eyes at himself before he made sure he had everything, and started making his way on over to the bathroom. even as he took his shower, he couldn’t help but think about how the hell sam managed to fit in here, if he even tried to at all. and, well, wasn’t it sad that he’d been awake for only a matter of moments and the taller was already on his mind?

that guy… the thought was enough to make corey smile like an idiot as he stepped out of the shower, quickly throwing on something besides his pj’s - shorts that hung loosely on his bony hips, and a slightly oversized shirt because why not - and into something more.. presentable. why he wanted to look ‘good’, he wasn’t even sure. pfft, it definitely wasn’t for samson, though. catching himself blushing in the mirror at the thought, he quickly turned his gaze away from himself and instead left the bathroom. it wasn’t even like there was any use in trying so hard to look decent enough. his confidence in himself was surprisingly low, if that wasn’t quite obvious enough. it wasn’t even just the way that he saw himself from a mirror- it was the constant anxiety that his voice wasn’t quite right, or that his smile was too much, or he was too much. and just… he was a bit of a mess of things.

yet, with samson, none of that truly seemed to matter. all of his anxiety went away simply by staring at the other from across a space. it was pretty amazing, really. he didn’t even have to think about how he looked, how he acted, or put up a front that would make him be a little more to himself, a little unnoticeable. he didn’t care about that when he was with samson, though. there wasn’t a moment where he’d say something and regret it, or where he would exclaim something and want to cringe for being so loud. he was himself around him and, honestly? he loved it.

as he opened the door, he couldn’t help but relax from his troubling thoughts at the sight of samson. his pale lips slowly turned to a smile, his tired eyes lighting up happily. “i could say the same about you,” he commented in response, rubbing at his eyes as he made his way across the room towards the sofa that samson was seated on. “didn’t expect anyone to be up this early,” he yawned, chuckling shortly as he turned his blue eyes to gaze into the other’s own once seated beside him.

“jet lag got you?” he questioned, although the two had slept fairly easily on the plane. perhaps the other was up for a different reason, that probably didn’t need to be said. he kept that thought to himself as he leaned his head back against the sofa, gazing up at the ceiling. “i’m getting too old to be up this early. we’re too old,” he joked, a certain happiness in his tone that he wouldn’t want to explain out loud. of course, this happiness was simply from being around samson. just being around the other was like an instant wave of indescribable happiness, unleashing butterflies and things of the like in his stomach, making his heart race so fast.

he carded his fingers through his hair as he leaned back up, closing his eyes. “i could see your socks poking out from the bunk last night. how on earth do you get any sleep, resting like that?” of course, he was only making fun. it was adorable, in a way, how the other was so tall that his socks poked out from the curtain. suddenly, as he thought about it-- he had talked more this morning than he usually would to anyone in weeks. which.. this was pretty amazing, and samson was the one to blame.
thes code
« Last Edit: August 10, 2017, 06:37:51 PM by ᵐᵉˡᵃⁿᶜʰᵒˡʸ »

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #25 on: August 11, 2017, 10:09:07 AM »

THE ATLANTIC WAS BORN TODAY
AND I'LL TELL YOU HOW ...
I NEED YOU SO MUCH CLOSER .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
If Isaac was honest, he was expecting little sleep that night. The man asleep beside him loved him, wanted to kiss him, wanted to take care of him... Why was Isaac here, in bed under the sheets next to him, just to sleep? Of course, there was something more that Isaac was not willing to accept just yet. He wanted to give his best friend all the affection he deserved. He loved Logan, that was for sure, but there were so many factors which held him back, stopped him from actually being able to share that love with him. Why was it so difficult for him? To Isaac, it was torture in his brain for wanting someone so bad but also being the one keeping them apart. And, there was no way that he could prove his love to Logan through words alone. What would be the point? Logan would never believe him. Isaac hated that Logan was convinced that Isaac was embarrassed to love him. He never was... He was just scared to get a bad reaction from others. Scared their relationship would fall apart. Scared to lose Logan all over again. He could never allow that to happen.

Was it too forward to admit that Logan was absolutely beautiful, even with the typical bed-head, scruffy look he had going on? In fact, his sleepy innocence looked just as, if not more, beautiful than his everyday appearance. It was just... He looked so content and happy, that lazy smile that tiredly showed on his lips as soon as he opened his eyes to see Isaac still there... Yeah, Logan was beautiful. He could remember the first day they met, Logan’s looks took Isaac’s breath away almost. That dorky teen boy he once knew with those big black framed glasses, the shaggy fringed brown hair and the skinny frame... Even today, all grown up, he would still take Isaac’s breath away. And, when he gazed back into Logan’s eyes tiredly, he wanted to just go ahead and ask, ”Do you even realise how amazing you are to me?”... But, he held his tongue, settling for simply watching his friend caringly. No hint of distaste nor judgment was to be seen in his deep brown eyes, mostly because in this moment, nothing scared him.

With Logan’s eyes tiredly closing again, Isaac didn’t feel as nervous with his affection when he tucked Lo’s hair behind his ear, his fingertips delicately gliding across his jawline as he retracted his hand back to himself. ”I slept okay.” He replied, almost dismissively, even thought that was far from the truth. It was probably the best sleep Isaac had had in a long time; the comfort and warmth of Logan, despite the awkward encounter before they went to sleep, was enough to comfortingly lull Isaac off into the deepest sleep. After all, Isaac found comfort in being at home, a feeling so calming; and, Logan was Isaac’s idea of home. The familiar love that he used to always receive from the other... Why did he ever give it up? Losing him made him feel so lonely, so unloved... But now, feelings of appreciation flooded back to him in an instant at the love that Logan shared with him.

As his brunet friend cuddled up to him, wishing to go back to sleep, Isaac let out a short huff of laughter, reciprocating after a brief pause by scooting slightly closer to Logan, curling up into his arms. ”We shouldn’t sleep more.” He tried to insist, but it was almost impossible to resist the warmth radiating from Logan, his arms wrapped devotedly around Isaac so that they could stay in each other’s arms for as long as they could. Logan was just so irresistible. Isaac was sure that he was addicted to his touch. And so, instead of pulling away like he was suggesting he would, he, too, enveloped Logan into his embrace, holding him close just like Logan was doing for him. His heart raced with a feeling he had missed for years. It was that feeling of finally being home. That feeling that Logan’s arms were the one place Isaac wanted to remain in.   

He nuzzled his nose into Logan’s untamed locks of hair, fluttering his eyes shut again blissfully. It always felt like that, in these moments, they were going to be okay. These were the times that Isaac was convinced that he and Logan could make it through the rollercoaster that was their rocky relationship. Lips pressed mindlessly against Logan’s head, Isaac slowly began to smile to himself gently, his heart fluttering at Logan’s breathy comment. Despite everything bad which had been going on around them, all that heartache that had passed and all that was to ensue, Isaac and Logan seemed to be in a new world together hidden behind the curtain of the bunk, their hearts beating as one and their affection growing stronger. If only things could be this way forever. But, in the meantime, he allowed the compliment to pass, appreciation shown by pulling Logan slightly closer only for a moment before loosening his grip again. And then, after several seconds, ”Maybe we can rest for five more minutes.” He decided, his eyes shut and his long locks of chocolate hair ruffled and falling just above his eyes. Even when Logan was at his worst, he was still the most beautiful human Isaac had ever known. Like now, when he was at his best, it reminded Isaac that he wanted Logan forever. He never wanted this feeling of bliss to end. These moments were the moments in which he could say that he found happiness again.







HERE'S TO YOUR BRIGHT EYES
SHINING LIKE FIREFLIES ...
THE MEMORY OF A LIFETIME .

- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
He wasn’t quite sure what drew him to liking Corey so, so much. One thing for sure was that Corey’s personality and temperament was inspiring. Inspiring enough that Samson had begun subconsciously mimicking Corey’s humour, his enthusiastic attitude and even simple quirks like the way he’d raise an eyebrow at Sam all the time. He, in fact, really enjoyed who Corey was as a person, in general. Even apart from the fact that he was very attractive (which, hey c’mon, he couldn't even try deny it), his heart seemed to skip a couple beats whenever he spent time around the younger male. What he could appreciate most is Corey’s enthusiasm to really get to know Sam. Though he was a fan of the band, Sam knew that Corey wasn’t doing any of this to get his fifteen minutes of fame. If anything, he’d shy away from that attention immediately; Corey was too timid. And, in the ways he put effort into spending time with Samson, he realised that Corey was doing this to be there for Sam, not for any limelight, not for any cash incentive. There was nothing more beautiful than Corey wanting nothing more from Samson apart from his company.

His mind had settled down almost immediately after seeing Corey walk in. Though he was honestly very surprised that Corey was up at this hour, he was also actually quite grateful that he could come to soothe his fragile mind, especially since Sam was admittedly growing concerned over the overwhelming worries in his head. He let out a quiet, tired-sounding chuckle, leaning back in his seat and folding his arms, looking over at the assistant. ”What can I say; I guess I’m a bit of an early bird.” That was surely an understatement but still spoken with a light humorous tone in his voice regardless. After all, waking up early made him an early bird, but waking up long before six am made him a worrier, someone who was awake because his mind was flooded with bad thoughts.

Samson looked down at his socks, laughing as Corey commented on seeing them. ”It’s an art.” He responded jokingly. ”The way I sleep with my feet sticking out has taken many tours to master.” He grinned at Corey, finding it hilarious how Corey had picked up on it. Yes, Sam was seriously tall, yet it was seriously funny to witness. When he first began touring, he’d even sleep on the sofas some nights because at least with them he could spread his legs out and sleep a little more comfortably. However, it was a skill to learn how to sleep just fine in a cramped bunk, and it seemed to be working for him.

When questioned about jet lag, Sam chewed on his lip, nodding his head in thought for a moment before his nod morphed into a slight shake of the head. ”I wish it was jet lag, actually... I... Nah, I slept off the jet lag on the plane.” He spoke quite awkwardly suddenly, avoiding any eye contact with Corey. And then, nervous laughter. He carded his fingers through his hair, staring at his socks in contemplation for a moment before turning his head and looking back at Corey again. ”I don’t know if you’ve heard much about it... You probably haven’t heard a lot at all. I mean, like, it’s over social media but I haven’t really said much about it and I-” He paused his long-winded ramble to laugh again very awkwardly. If he was honest, he hadn’t really spoken to many people at all about the divorce, particularly about how he felt about it. He had bottled it up a lot, almost like a clam which would refuse to open up,

”I wake up a lot in the night.” He finally admitted, holding his hands together as he nodded slightly, eyes fixated on the ground as he spoke. ”I worry about things a lot, y’know. Especially with... my divorce and all. I couldn't get back to sleep so I got ready for the day instead.” He paused, a sad smile automatically playing on his lips. He was the worst when it came to talking about the more serious topics in his life. Especially since he was so used to bottling things up, when he did speak, his emotions were whack. A smile when he spoke about what made him sad did not mean he was okay. It meant that he would struggle to react normally to hurt. He wanted people to believe that he was okay, though. No one had to worry about him, anyway. ”I always wonder what I did wrong.” He added apprehensively, unsure whether he should continue talking or if Corey didn’t want to deal with his attempt to open up. Truly a worry wart, worrying about whether he was being a burden to Corey or not. He probably was.


« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 03:05:53 PM by Hootowls »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #26 on: August 11, 2017, 11:55:40 AM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
ever since their very first tour, logan had struggled quite a bit to try and get some sleep. there were many long bus rides to a new destination. and, usually the time the bus was moving was also the time that logan would spend hours wandering restlessly. it had been easy, the first tour; whenever he couldn’t get any sleep, he could easily just climb into isaac’s bunk and be welcomed with open arms. no matter how tired the other teen had been, he would always stay up late and talk to the vocalist until he would fall asleep. it had been heartwarming and, honestly, loge had never experienced anything like that since then. now, though, it was simply so amazing to have his old friend in bed with him. there was such a warmth that spread from his heart throughout the rest of his body, happiness and grogginess combining to bring quite a pleasant rush all over him. he had been expecting to wake up alone in the bunk, to feel disappointed in himself for what he had done last night. yet, it didn’t seem like the attempt had pushed them any further apart.

at least not now, when they were together like this.

although he wasn’t quite daring enough to say it out loud, logan would gladly admit that isaac was just.. perfection, in his eyes. angelic, in a way, with the way he seemed so pure, so free and at ease in this moment. there was nothing better than getting to look into those gorgeous brown eyes, and see that look of care in his gaze. there wasn’t any distaste for logan in those eyes and, for now, he felt forgiven. isaac, in logan’s mind, had always been more of himself in these moments. he would give logan affection, here. and.. okay, maybe it did hurt a bit in public, when he was denied the other’s affection. maybe it hurt, to be the embarrassment in isaac’s eye whenever he tried to show the world just how much he cared for him. none of that mattered behind this curtain, though. logan could show almost all affection, and he could get away with anything. the kiss had been a bit of a mistake on his part, yet it seemed like isaac was quick to forgive. just like the two of them always were; they could never stay upset with each other for too long. perhaps the gentle kiss on top of the other’s head had eased isaac’s nerves? he wasn’t sure.

he relished in the brief, affectionate touch that isaac supplied. the subtle display of affection of the other tucking a strand of hair behind his ear had been enough to make the tired musician smile to himself. oh, god, the gentle glide of fingertips across his jawline had been enough to make lo melt. opening his eyes to gaze at the other, he hummed, gently ruffling the other’s unruly hair with his hand. ”good,” he murmured, deciding that he would take ‘okay’ as an alright answer. part of him wanted to think the other had lied; had he kept him up late? had he made his mind run amuck with thoughts about that kiss? he couldn’t find himself to ask, though. it seemed like a topic as fragile as that would ruin this comforting, welcoming atmosphere the two of them had brought about. so, instead, he decided to keep his mouth shut about it. they could talk about it some other time.

he was too busy cuddling up to the other, anyway.

logan was always rather touchy-feely in the mornings, even when he was up and wandering around - zack was not very happy with random hugs in the morning, in case anyone was wondering - and.. well, he definitely wasn’t going to miss his chance to cuddle up with isaac, of all people. he mumbled something incoherent in response to isaac insisting that they stay awake, that they shouldn’t sleep. yet he didn’t argue with him too much about it. deep down, he knew that the other would cave in first. loge was always a bit stubborn when it came to these kinds of things - these kinds of things being ‘precious, oh-so precious cuddling time’ - and he’d be damned if he would let the other leave so easily. he couldn’t help but smile to himself in silent triumph as he was enveloped by isaac’s own loving embrace. wow, was he still dreaming? this had to be too good to be true.

he hummed happily at the other’s decision to rest for a couple more minutes, too blissfully happy to care about opening his eyes, or opening his mouth to say much of anything at this point. instead, he settled for gently running a hand up and down his good friend’s back, gently tracing the knobs in the other’s spine. it was so peaceful and, in this moment, he was happy. he didn’t want it to end, he didn’t want to roll out of the bunk and face the world again. isaac meant the world to him and- well, the rest of the world could wait for him. there was nothing quite like feeling isaac’s heart beating, nothing like feeling the brunet’s arms fondly wrapped around him. he hummed an absent tune, quietly, just enough to lull himself the slightest bit. ”... ten?” he tried to persuade the other again, the time feeling like it was going by too fast. five minutes wasn’t enough. he needed more of this- and. he didn’t want to let go of the other so soon. because at the end of their brief moment of rest, they’d have to leave the bunk. and.. and logan was still craving this kind of affection he didn’t want it to end so abruptly, which he knew would happen as soon as they got up. ”an hour?” he mumbled, even though he knew that was a bit of a reach. ah, he was just messing with him (even though, no, really, he wanted to stay like this for another hour or so).

thes code
corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
honestly, corey hadn’t been expecting for samson to be.. just to be such a genuinely nice guy. usually there were celebrities that let the fame get to their head, made them rather unpleasant. samson, though, was so far from unpleasant. this had been the best couple of days of his life, and saying that truly wasn’t an understatement. he couldn’t reflect on a time where he’d felt so happy. and, although he knew that there weren’t any romantic feelings directed towards him, he felt loved. perhaps it was in a platonic way, but it was the most caring, euphoric feeling. it was great to have someone there for him, to laugh with him and enjoy the simpler things- like the happiness that would come off of sam in waves, or the way his eyes would light up so adorably whenever he got complimented. there were so many things that corey adored about their conversations, samson’s presence. it made his nerves go away, made this tour so much easier for the timid male. he knew that he definitely wouldn’t have been able to handle it, if not for samson. the other let him cling to his side - probably because he knew corey wasn’t the best on his own, really - and really, he was grateful for that. he’d done this tour to get to travel with the band, get to watch them; and, out of it, he ended up finding a really great friend.

he settled in comfortably beside samson, crossing his arms over his chest and still trying to wake up. judging by the other’s tired chuckle, it seemed like he wasn’t the only one in that boat. ”i have no idea how, or why, you are one,” he chuckled, tired eyes looking at samson who, damn he looked good- and was that cologne he smelled? he tried to shake the thought from his head and instead noted, ”this is probably the earliest i’ve been up in a while.” the shorter simply loved his sleep. he just wasn’t used to sleeping on a bus, he decided. or perhaps he wasn’t used to sleeping somewhere besides his own, comfortable bed. or... okay, maybe it was because of the excitement that the idea of talking to samson brought him. he hadn’t expected him to be up, but, he had wanted to see him.

”ah, yes, quite an art,” he commented, joking along, ”so long as i don’t get tripped by your long legs, i’ll admire it.” part of him was curious how the bassist managed to comfortably move around this place. it wasn’t like the bus was uncomfortable, by any means. he figured that it would be a little uncomfortable for someone of sam’s height, though. it was still pretty adorable to get to see the other’s socks just slightly, slightly sticking out. hey, at least the guy found a way to comfortably sleep while on tour, he supposed. kudos to him for that; corey was, like, nearly a foot shorter - okay maybe not a foot but still -  and he was struggling.

the moment his friend started to become quite awkward, corey couldn’t resist eyeing him with concern. had he done something wrong? said something? it made a pit of worry settle uneasily in his stomach. yet, as the other started to talk, spoke about his concerns and his worries.. he couldn’t help but find himself completely invested in what he had to say. divorce wasn’t the easiest thing to talk about, he knew that; it had briefly been touched upon, that first day they met, but it was pretty uncharted territory nonetheless. he hesitated a second before he quietly spoke- trying to make sense because, god knows he wasn’t the best when it came to words. ”you shouldn’t ask yourself what you did wrong. because.. you probably didn’t even do anything wrong, in the first place,” he offered, watching samson, whose sad gaze was on the floor. ”sometimes.. things just don’t pan out the way you thought they would.” gently, he lifted a hand to rest on his shoulder. ”and you can’t help that.”

hesitating a moment, he gently, reassuringly squeezed the other’s shoulder before he shifted and stood. ”i think you could use a cup of coffee,” he softly decided, a small smile tilting his lips. ”don’t act like you don’t want it, either,” he added lightly, an attempt to slightly, at least slightly, lift the other’s spirits up a bit. they could talk about it as they drank the caffeinated beverage. luckily it didn’t take that long for the two cups to brew, or for him to carefully add some sugar - judging by sam’s seeming eye for sweets, it didn’t seem like he’d favor black coffee - before making his way back.  carefully handing the other a cup, he settled comfortably back where he’d been, carefully cupping the drink as he took a small sip. ”you know.. if you want to, you can always talk to me about it.” which was true. it wasn’t like corey was going to do anything with the information- except maybe just try and use it to think of a way to make him feel so loved, like he couldn’t possibly do anything wrong.
thes code
« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 03:09:17 PM by Hootowls »

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #27 on: August 12, 2017, 07:31:06 AM »

THE ATLANTIC WAS BORN TODAY
AND I'LL TELL YOU HOW ...
I NEED YOU SO MUCH CLOSER .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
Isaac could recall times like this where, in the past, Logan used to crawl into bed next to Isaac and Isaac would happily welcome him in with open arms. He cared about Logan a lot and honestly, if staying up to comfort the singer until he would fall asleep was what he needed, then Isaac was happy to do so. He, in fact, felt flattered that Logan would choose to fall asleep with Isaac for comfort. Was Isaac his safety blanket? And, in fact, Isaac felt less alone when Logan was with him, asleep in his arms. And so, when he left the band, admittedly at first, he felt almost nothing when it came to sleeping alone in his bed every night. But, as he grew lonelier, he began to realise the mistake he made, how much he needed Logan. He was missing him, missing him terribly, and those nights alone felt like they never wanted to end. Now, it seems like the roles had switched; Logan had become Isaac’s safety blanket. He needed his reassurance to comfort him. Isaac needed Logan and it hadn’t been too long after the band splitting for him to realise this.

He needed Logan and his handsome face. He needed him and his charming personality which thousands loved. He needed him and that unconditional love he’d give to Isaac. It wouldn’t matter what wrong Isaac would have done, Logan would forgive him instantly. It was helpful especially since Isaac was prone to always making mistakes it seemed. He missed Logan’s adoration and care, the soft comforting touches he’d give to make sure Isaac felt okay. To Isaac, Logan was literally the whole concept of perfection. Logan had to know this, too, but he probably didn’t... Especially since the one person who could prove that to him couldn’t even have to guts to show him how perfect he was. Isaac needed Logan to know. He needed Logan to realise that he, as a person, was an inspiration to so many amd for a good reason. But, Isaac could never bring himself to do it. He couldn’t do it because of his own selfishness. Logan needed to know how much he was loved and maybe one day Isaac would be the one to show him.

But, in this moment of solitude, Isaac knew it was the perfect moment to simply care for Logan the way he was doing so. All the feather-light touches, all the love and affection he was giving to Logan, he was doing it to try to prove that Logan was loved. His fingers drew light patterns across the small of Logan’s back, eyes shut placidly and his breathing steady and slow, his warm breath against Logan’s skin. He would wish nothing more than to stay like this forever, but knew that it would be unlikely, honestly. Isaac was quick to doubt the relationship they shared together, mainly because of Isaac, himself. Was he even good enough for the perfection that was Logan? Absolutely not. He didn’t believe that Logan deserved any of the shit that Isaac would put him through. He deserved somebody who would give him unconditional love. Always. He most definitely didn’t deserve to not feel loved because of Isaac’s flighty love. And yet, he’d still hold Logan close. He never wanted to lose him or let him go. Was that selfish? Probably. But, in some ways, he didn’t care. He just wanted Logan’s addictive love.

Honestly, Isaac wanted this moment to last forever. He never wanted to ever lose this feeling of bliss that he felt when he lay in Logan’s arms. Moments like this he missed terribly. After all, nobody else’s arms felt as inviting as Logan’s. He needed his affection, even though for years he tried to deny it out of... Out of ‘he didn’t know’. Was it because he was embarrassed? Maybe. Wanting to play with Logan’s heart? Probably not. Simply scared? More likely. In this moment where the two of them were tangled in each other’s arms was a moment which Isaac never wanted to have end. He’s missed Logan’s affection terribly and, well, nothing felt better than laying close in his arms first thing in the morning. If he could do this every single day of his life, he would be happy for ever. When Logan hummed to himself contently, Logan felt his heart swell up with a feeling of joy. Logan was so happy, and Isaac was the reason why. He deserved to always feel this way and, in some ways, Isaac only wished that he could provide that consistent adoration for Logan. But, realistically, they both knew he never would.

”Ten?... An hour?” Isaac questioned, amusement lacing his voice. ”Nice try, Lo... Five more minutes.” He insisted, chuckling very lightly at the end of his sentence. He was too busy gushing in his mind about how damn cute Logan was, especially after just waking up like this. However, Isaac secretly wanted the both of them to be able to remain in each other’s arms for just an extra hour, and extra two would be even better. But, he knew that they had to get up soon, anyway. Besides, they were going out for breakfast soon. Actually, Isaac was quite excited for breakfast; apart from the worry that he’d have to eat with the rest of the team who all disliked him, he was looking forward to seeing the sights that Milan had to offer. And, more importantly, Logan was with him. ”What time are we supposed to be ready by... For breakfast?” He asked out of the blue, his fingers playing with strands of Logan’s hair pleasantly.   







HERE'S TO YOUR BRIGHT EYES
SHINING LIKE FIREFLIES ...
THE MEMORY OF A LIFETIME .

- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
Sam took a moment to wipe sleep out of his eyes, resting comfortably back in his seat. Though he still felt like he was half asleep, he still was awake enough to point out to himself that — oh, wow — Corey did look quite nice today. Quite? Of course, he really meant ‘very nice’ today. Musing on whether or not he should vocalise his compliment, he instead replied to him, “My assumption was that you were probably the type to like your lie-ins.” He added onto Corey’s conversation, then adding, ”Maybe it’s the new environment! I remember when I first began touring it was a nightmare to try and sleep. The temperature of the room, everyone snoring... It all adds up, really.” He laughed, aware that he was more than likely a cause of people being unable to get to sleep. After all, not only was he a drooler but he was also, most definitely, a snorer. A brief pause filled the air for a second, Samson weighing up the pros and cons of the compliment. Con: Sam would probably get all smiley and coy about it. Pros: literally, too many to mention, though a notable mention would be that Corey's reaction would be so damn adorable. “You look really nice today.” He finally settled for a vague comment but still felt a rush of adrenaline, none the less, from saying anything complimentary to Corey.

Samson exhaled a huff of amusement, shaking his head with a smile playing on his lips. ”I’ll try my best not to trip you up...” He paused, a playfully flirtatious joke popping into his head in that moment and causing him to snicker to himself cheekily. Gosh, Corey, you’re supposed to fall head over heels for me, not over me.” He looked at Corey in amusement, evidently very proud of his joke. However, not going to lie, he kind of wanted his statement to be the truth. After all, his daydreams were not going to go unrecognised completely, and what was the best way to show what was on his mind by subtle jokes? Maybe there were better ways to go by impressing Corey but Sam was a bit rusty at this, all right?

As soon as Samson began to grow awkward, his insides began to twist with the feeling of nervousness. After all, this was a big step for him. He hadn’t spoken about his divorce in such detail to anyone before. Instead, he had been quick to bottle things up just like he always would. Smile and nod whenever anyone would ask if he was fine would do the trick. If anybody really noticed his bizarre reactions, they would have probably felt perplexed by just how ‘okay’ he seemed to be after the divorce. But, then again, he was just very good at acting happy. It was a bad habit; it left him isolated in his own thoughts, panicking all alone and pushing everyone away from him. When Corey began to give him advice, however, Samson’s pent up feelings of anxiousness began to slowly but surely melt away. ”I guess so.” He replied shortly, chewing onto his lip as he watched the ground, kind of afraid to look anywhere else in case he began to get emotional. “I feel so dumb and oblivious about it all. I thought everything was going fine. We had a great house, our kids were happy, sure we argued a bit but nothing ever got out of hand... I just... I don’t get it.”

Samson froze briefly, his baby blue eyes flitting over to Corey as he squeezed his shoulder gently and then stood up to go make them coffee. At first, he didn’t say anything, feeling slightly flustered that Corey was being so kind to him. But then, with Corey’s light humour about Sam acting like he didn’t really want a coffee, he began smiling, eyes darting to the ground for a moment before he looked up and watched Corey as he began to make the hot drinks. ”A coffee sounds really good right now, thank you.” He mumbled, his voice having grown meeker than it would usually have been. ”Milk and one sugar, please.” He chose not to say much else whilst he waited for the drinks to be made, mainly because he knew that this serious topic of conversation deserved their full attention, regardless of how awkward that made Samson feel.

As Corey returned swiftly with the coffees, he took his own from Corey, thanking him quietly, before taking a sip. He then held the warm mug on his lap, staring down into the drink, listening to Corey’s next comment. He was quiet for a moment, contemplative, before asking for the reassuring answer, ”You sure?... I don’t want to be a pain in the butt by bringing it up like this all the time.” And there, in his words, showed a flicker of insecurity. There was a lot more where that came from, honestly. If there was one thing that Sam feared the most (besides being abandoned, obviously) it was that he was terrified of being disliked, terrified of being nothing but an irritant to those around him. The thing that Sam felt afraid of in this instance was annoying Corey. Corey was the last person he wanted to infuriate, all because Sam wanted Corey to like him loads. And so, he unreasonably feared for the future of their friendship; he didn’t want Corey to dislike him...

And so, out of the blue, Sam placed his mug on the table so that he could put his arm around Corey’s shoulders, softly pulling him into a one-armed hug. ”I’m grateful to have you as a friend.” He said in a hushed whisper, his heart beating very slightly quicker than before.


« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 03:12:25 PM by Hootowls »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #28 on: August 12, 2017, 06:26:56 PM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
there was no way isaac knew about just how much he had meant to logan, back on those long tour rides. he could remember a few times where the other wouldn’t be happy about being woken up after a big day, or on a night where they had to wake up surprisingly early in the morning… yet, nonetheless, he’d always invite logan in, let the vocalist wrap his arms around him so tight. he’d be startlingly homesick, all of those days, and isaac had always been there to comfort him. thinking about it was enough to make him smile a bit to himself, nuzzling the other’s shoulder gently, sleepily. even when everyone would go their own separate ways after touring, and he was cured of his homesickness, he found himself missing something else- and, that had to be crawling into bed with isaac, instead of having to sleep by himself again. he could remember calling him at godawful hours of the night and- and, still, the then-guitarist would answer anyway. just to soothe logan’s mind, keep him from feeling so restless. once he didn’t have his good friend’s bunk to climb into anymore, or any more guts to call the other on those sleepless nights, he was just.. lost.

unloved.

sure, logan knew that he had tons of thousands of people that loved him. there were thousands of people constantly messaging him on twitter, running towards him while he was walking down the street so they could get a picture or autograph. and, logan loved all of them just the same-- yet he liked to think that his love was so much deeper for isaac. it was so much more complex, held so much meaning that he couldn’t dare to explain. logan knew that he was in love, that he was loved. just not by the right people- because, he could have all the love from those fans coming off in waves, yet none of it seemed worthwhile if he didn’t feel isaac’s life. he wasn’t even afraid to admit that he loved himself. he had plenty of self-love, plenty of confidence that he definitely wasn’t the worst person to be friends with. yet, even with the thought that he was happy with himself, comfortable in his own skin, meant nothing if isaac didn’t love it about him. pathetic, he knew. but nobody understood. they didn’t get that he needed that handsome, beautiful man’s love.

and that he was feeling it, right now. it felt like all of the pieces he had sloppily glued back together himself were finally sticking, mending back the way they were supposed to. this was when he could show isaac all of his love, all of his care, and he wouldn’t get pushed away. he felt loved. every small gesture from the other simply proved all that love. the simple running of the other’s fingers across his back was enough to give him the most pleasant of chills, pulling the other closer to him, begging for that love he was feeling so strongly. he wasn’t sure what isaac felt about him - he wasn’t sure anybody did, for that matter - but he could at least convince himself that he cared right now. these light touches would be gone the moment the curtain was pulled back, so he simply had the decision to cherish every moment of it for as long as he possibly could. as he held him so close, he closed his eyes, a smile forming on his lips. what he had done to deserve even moments like this with his friend, he wasn’t sure- but he was incredibly grateful for every featherlight touch, every caring embrace.

he was happy, for the first time in a very long time. sure, there were other things that had made him feel so much joy, something very much like happiness- but this was happiness at its realest, in the most genuine way possible. his heart was racing away in his chest, the smile on his lips ever-present, unwavering. humming an absent tune to himself was simply the only way he could really express this feeling, because he wasn’t sure how else he possibly could. a quiet, sleep-laced chuckle escaped his mouth at the other insisting that they only stay in bed for five more minutes. well, it was worth a try, he supposed. “mm… i just won’t let go,” he decided, then, briefly squeezing the other’s lithe frame to prove his point. of course he would, when the time came, but he could at least joke about it, now. “we leave… in.. i dunno..” honestly, he was too tired right now to care, too busy being lulled back to sleep by the gentle breathing from his brunet friend, by the gentle beat of each other their hearts. he could feel a heaviness washing over him, about to make him fall asleep yet again. but, this time in the other’s arms- and so, for that reason, he didn’t even fight it.

until just a few minutes later and-

“logan!”

the voice startled him awake again, his brown eyes, now wide, peering at the curtain. a string of curses ran through his mind. zack. there was a pause from the other side of the curtain, before he carried on, “you’ve gotta get up to get ready for breakfast some time, buddy.” he felt stiff at the words, yet he still managed to gently clear his throat, eyeing the curtain as he managed, voice still groggy from the slumber he had just been woken up from.
“yeah, yeah, i’m up. give me a couple minutes.” he heard the familiar laugh, before hearing the sound of footsteps retreating from the bunk. that was enough to settle his heart he hadn’t even realized had been racing from the fear of the guard moving the curtain to reveal the two, so close. oh, god, he hadn’t even realized how tight his grip around poor isaac had been. “shit, i’m sorry.” quickly loosening his grip, he moved back just a bit so that he could gaze into the other’s eyes. “close call,” he hummed, his hand resting on the small dip of isaac’s side, his thumb gently brushing over, just barely feeling his rib cage underneath his light touch. “but, i guess it means it’s time to get up..”

the disappointment was obvious in his voice. it really, really was.
thes code
corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
rubbing at his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up a bit - corey was always a bit slow to get up in the mornings, it was even worse right now - he blinked a couple times before turning his gaze back towards the other. he considered what samson said, slowly nodding his head. “you know, that’s what i figured, too,” he hummed, leaning back comfortably to add, “i don’t even know how i’ll sleep once it’s actually on the go overnight. that sounds impossible on its own.” he barely managed to bite his tongue about the soft snoring he had heard from underneath him- even while he had found it quite adorable, nonetheless. he relished in the brief moment of quiet, as would any soft-spoken person like him, until he heard the other’s next words. a compliment? it was enough for him to turn his gaze sheepishly to the floor, briefly wrapping his arms around himself. “i do?” he could feel his cheeks burning just the slightest bit, dusted a light pink, his heart racing just a bit… yet, he tried to keep his cool. catching his lower lip in his teeth for a second, he gave a modest shrug before responding, “oh, it’s nothing.. you look- you look really great, though..” which, oh, was that the biggest understatement of the century. samson looked absolutely amazing, enough to make his heart feel so.. full, if that made any sense.

sobering up from the brief moment of sheepishness, he straightened up a bit, a smile growing on his lips at the other’s words. as soon as the playful joke came from samson, he couldn’t help but laugh softly, leaning his head back against the sofa. “oh, sorry, sorry,” he apologized, amusement lacing his voice. “but hey, who said i can’t do both?” if only samson knew how head over heels he currently was for him. part of him wished that the other could just see already. not that it would change anything, he decided, but it would at least be great knowing whether or not the feelings were mutual- instead of the crazy guessing game constantly going on in his head.

corey wanted so badly to just hug samson, right then and there. he wanted to, because god did the other seem to need the comfort. yet, all he could do was sit back and listen to everything that he had to say. perhaps he wasn’t the best person to give advice, but at least he was listening. at least he was listening intently, hearing every word loud and clear. that was all that samson truly needed, right? frowning for a bit, he glanced at his shoes before looking into the other’s beautiful eyes. “well,” he started, looking at the ceiling and running his tongue over his lower lip in thought. “you see the best out of everyone, you know? perhaps that just.. had you blinded. that doesn’t make you dumb at all.” love was blinding, he supposed. the shorter simply wished that love didn’t have to be so cruel towards samson. he could feel his chest tighten a bit at the thought. what on earth could samson have done to deserve that? he seemed so.. so undeserving of that. anyone that would want to divorce him had to be just-- blind, or something. what a catch samson was. but, instead of focusing on his own rant in his head, he settled for trying to do something that’d help samson out.

to the assistant, making him some coffee seemed like a nice gesture. he had just felt so bad, felt like he wasn’t helping out much-- at least the other could talk to him over a nice cup of coffee, to wake him up, let him think for a bit. the small smile he had earned from the bassist had been enough to have his heart soaring, feeling like he had accomplished at least something from seeing that perfect smile. it didn’t seem like it’d be a bad thing to console the other with. he wasn’t certain if he had been helping much at all- especially since he lacked the confidence to talk about much of anything, especially when it came to love and heartbreak. both of which were something that corey was very much inexperienced with, but he was trying. of course he’d try; it was completely worth it if it made samson’s life that much easier.

insecure. corey had seen it multiple times before- and from himself, nonetheless. it made his heart sink, thinking that the other had such an insecurity. “what? are you kidding me?” he asked, trying to make his tone light, reassuring. he took a sip of his coffee before carrying on, “seriously, i think you’re the last person that could ever be a pain. you’re great, really.” and, while he was trying to put the other at ease by saying those things, he really, truly meant it. samson was so damn sweet and kind; there was no way that corey could ever grow tired of him, or dislike him, simply because he was bringing up something so personal to him. he offered a small smile, shaking his head to himself as he fondly thought of the other. wow, if only he could see himself the way corey did. “you could wake me up in the middle of the night, or this early in the morning. i don’t mind at all. it wouldn’t make me dislike you, or anything.” was it bad that he actually.. kind of appreciated this talk with him? was it so bad to be happy that sam was talking to him about this all?

as he felt sam put his arm around him and pull him into a hug, corey couldn’t deny that his heart had skipped a couple beats just from that simply action. leaning gratefully into the touch, he fluttered his eyes closed briefly. “wouldn’t ask for anyone else as a friend,” he hummed, enjoying the brief closeness. “are you feeling any better?”
thes code
« Last Edit: August 12, 2017, 07:05:42 PM by ᵐᵉˡᵃⁿᶜʰᵒˡʸ »

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #29 on: August 14, 2017, 10:58:00 AM »

THE ATLANTIC WAS BORN TODAY
AND I'LL TELL YOU HOW ...
I NEED YOU SO MUCH CLOSER .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
This was the first time in a long time that Isaac felt entirely happy. Just him and his favourite person, close in each other’s arms. In love. Happy. Isaac was in absolute bliss. In those moments, Isaac realised that all he truly needed in his life was Logan as his soulmate. That sounded like what the perfect scenario would be, as cheesy as that sounded. He chuckled tiredly at Logan’s statement that he wouldn’t let go of Isaac if was to try get out of bed, sighing jokingly and responding, ”Oh all right... I guess I have no choice but to stay here.” He wasn’t complaining, though. The idea of staying with Logan for a bit longer sounded fantastic. And so, with his heart racing excitedly, he snuggled up to his friend for warmth, allowing himself to start drifting off to sleep again.

But then, Isaac heard Zack’s voice just on the other side of the curtain. He felt his lungs fill with fear, enough for him to hold onto his breath as he listened attentively to what the other man was saying to Logan. His eyes had widened, staring at Logan worriedly as the younger male responded to Zack until Logan pulled him close to his body. If there was once thing Isaac really didn’t want, it was to get caught with Logan by Zack of all people, especially since Zack was so dead set on keeping the two of them apart. And so, Isaac shut his eyes, hoping that Zack would just leave.

And then, luckily, he felt his body relax at Zack’s laugh before footsteps signalled that he left the room, though Logan still gripped tightly around his body. That was so close and yet they were still safe. If Zack had just pulled back the curtains to reveal the two of them tangled in each other’s arms, Isaac knew how that story would end, and it wouldn’t be a happy fairy tale ending he would hope for. When Logan realised how strongly he was pulling Isaac to him, a quick apology wasn’t even needed from Logan as, in fact, the tight grip comforted Isaac. ”S’all fine.” Isaac replied shortly, locking his gaze with Logan’s, pressing his lips together at Logan’s despondency at the idea of getting up.

But then, Isaac began to smile. And then, he began to laugh quietly. He lowered his gaze for a moment, eyes focussing on Logan’s chest, as he recomposed himself, brushing the back of his hand across his lips to wipe of his smile. ”That was a close one. He was like right there.” That shouldn’t have been something that amusing to Isaac but it had been the most he’d smiled or laughed on the tour yet and, honestly knowing him, that was a fantastic achievement on his part. ”I gotta get to my bunk without anyone seeing me come from here. How will this even work?” He questioned himself, hooking his finger on the curtain to tug it very slightly just to that he could peek his eyes out and see that no one else was nearby before turning back and pulling Logan back into his arms briefly. ”See you in a bit.”

And then, in the most unintentionally comedic way ever, Isaac rolled over to face the curtains, opening them up before sliding out of the bunk at snail’s pace to avoid making too much noise. He bit down on his lip when he landed, glancing back at Logan and smiling shortly before quickly clambering over to his own bunk, grabbing his change of clothes and toiletries and going to the bathroom to get ready. After he got ready, he returned to Logan’s bunk very briefly, glancing in and imitating Zack jokingly, ”Gotta get ready for breakfast sometime, buddy before he took a deep breath from anxiousness, walking into the living room and kitchen area. To his luck, however, the door to outside the bus was left open and most of the other staff members and Zack were nowhere to be seen. However, Spencer was sat at the table, his phone on the Twitter app whilst he was drinking a coffee and eyeing Isaac cautiously. Isaac gulped, avoiding any eye contact as he went to the mini fridge and took out a soda. He really wasn’t a big fan of coffee but admittedly could drink soda at any time of the day, as inappropriate as that was.

”Isn’t it a bit early to drink that?” Spencer suddenly spoke up gruffly, Isaac stopping in his tracks to look at Spencer sheepishly. ”Probably is.” He replied stoically, but still proceeding to open the can and take a sip out of it. ”A bit pathetic but okay...” Spencer sighed, shaking his head slowly before returning to scrolling through Twitter. Isaac’s gaze fixed on Spencer for a moment, eyes worried and self-conscious, before he trudged off, head low, and taking a seat on the sofa whilst he waited for Logan.

Whilst he waited, he decided to copy Spencer, having a look at his social media whilst he waited. His Instagram and Twitter had blown up with a series of tweets directed towards him, comments on his most recent Instagram photo and general craze from the Panic fans. He looked through the comments and tweets, knowing exactly why the fans were going so mad, and then he stopped at a tweet which attached two photographs of him on the stage last night, one of him focussing on going through sound check with the guitar and the other of him looking out at the audience fearfully. Oh God, he looked like an anxious wreck up there; and so, he put his phone away, leaning back in his seat and sighing before taking another sip of his soda.

Time to cue the havoc and rage from the fans for the rest of this tour. This would be interesting to see.







HERE'S TO YOUR BRIGHT EYES
SHINING LIKE FIREFLIES ...
THE MEMORY OF A LIFETIME .

- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
Having slept very little the night before, it was evident that Sam was tired with the way he kept yawning and simply looking like he could do with some more sleep. However, he knew that, even if he tried to now, he would probably be unable to get back to sleep. He was a very light sleeper, any small noise seemingly waking him up. He brought up the subject about what could potentially be the cause of Corey’s lack of sleep, trying his best to be as helpful as he could. ”I thought the same thing when I first stayed on a tour bus. But, it seems like it’s easier to sleep on the bus whilst it’s moving; the movement helps lull me to sleep anyway.” He tried to offer, shrugging his shoulders after a moment. When he complimented Corey, the younger male’s reaction was enough to put a massive smile on Sam’s face. ”Of course you do!” He exclaimed, his eyes gleaming with joy at the sight of Corey growing so coy over the compliment. He had to be honest, he found Corey absolutely adorable, especially whilst hugging himself and blushing a soft pink... He was so adorable.

When Corey returned the compliment to Sam, Sam raised his eyebrows and cheerfully exclaimed, ”It’s nothing?! I am not letting you get away with that, Mister Bleu.” He began to sound more confident as he spoke each word with a smile on his lips, pausing for a second before, ”You look really nice today.” He assured, lowering his gaze for a moment and thinking about Corey’s compliment to him, feeling his heart flutter as he replayed those words in his head. God dammit, Corey; always making Sam’s heart race.

As their humorous yet very complimentary exchange continued, Samson parted his lips in a fake-shocked expression, raising his eyebrows and shaking his head slowly before be began laughing once again. ”Oh, wow! I mean, if you wanna... Feel free to do so. But, I’d rather you fall for me than over me; you could hurt yourself otherwise, y’know. Best we not risk that one.” Was this supposed to be some sort of flirting on his part? Umm... Maybe, but Samson probably meant all of this platonically, right? He really didn’t know what he was doing but, honestly, he kind of enjoyed it a lot. He loved the butterflies in his stomach, the heart racing against his ribs and the burning sensation on his cheeks. He felt like a young school boy again falling in love for the first time.

Soon, things grew slightly grimmer as Sam brought up his divorce. He was so awkward when he spoke about it, especially since he’d never really opened up like this before to anybody about it. Months and months of keeping everything to himself, wallowing in gloominess and paranoia, he was actually surprised he could still appear so happy and okay. He was grateful to have Corey around, especially at this time in the morning. He couldn’t have imagined what he would’ve done if he went by the entire tour, thinking to himself like this and keeping himself awake with anxious thoughts. He'd not be able to even the tour at this rate from exhaustion. At least Corey was here, fortunately, for Samson to start talking to. Maybe, because of Corey, Sam would be able to sleep easier at night. Samson pursed his lips in thought as Corey spoke, nodding his head slowly in agreement.

”I suppose you’re right there... Nat was such a good wife, but then I thought about all the things he had said and done which had hurt me. She was so mean sometimes.” He gulped, hoping that his out-of-the-blue in-depth comment wasn’t too much for Corey. ”I don’t know how I’ll move on, y’know. Like, you see so many divorcees never meet anybody else in their life. I’m so busy with my job all the time, like, I don’t know if anyone will ever want to love me again, y’know? I don’t really fancy the idea of being alone.” His last sentence was spoken in a whisper, eyes glazed over and fixated on the floor in thought.

To Sam, the sweetest thing Corey had done was make coffee for him so they could sit down together and have Sam speak about his worries. It really made Sam feel like Corey cared about him a lot, and it was just what Sam needed, especially when he was at a point in his life where he felt so unloved. Corey’s coffee seemed to do the trick, though, helping Samson to just relax a little bit and open his heart up to him. And, it seemed to be really helping. The panicky Sam who woke up this morning with the same old intrusive thoughts was now seated on a sofa, sitting next to a man he was fond of and feeling a lot better about himself, especially after releasing all that pent-up energy he’d been repressing for months.

Samson released a sigh to try to relax his nervous body, combing his fingers through his hair to try and distract himself from how he was feeling. It was strange because no one would ever be able to guess that Samson was as insecure as he was. In ways, he was confident with himself. He knew his abilities and talents and good points and bad points... What he felt insecure about, though, was what other people thought of him. Sure, it was probably quite common for people to think this way but, honestly, feeling so insecure made him also feel isolated as a result. He knitted his eyebrows together very slightly, in fact looking a little surprised, that Corey was reassuring him that he was not being painful. He wasn’t surprised that Corey was saying so, of course, but surprised that he didn’t find Sam irritating. He didn’t realise that his insecurities had convinced him that everybody would find him an annoyance, especially Corey after Sam mentioned the divorce. He began chuckling quietly at the mention of the ridiculous times to talk to him. ”Okay then,” he began to joke softly, ”Expect to be up at 3am tomorrow morning because I will go wake you up to talk to you about space... Oh, and time travel.”

When Samson pulled Corey into a brief hug, he felt his heart race with excitement at the feeling of being so close to him. He knew that he was already very fond of Corey. In fact, he felt this fascinating gravitation towards the younger man. He wasn’t sure what it was, but assumed the kindness from Corey was a definite factor. He smiled when Corey spoke, tilting his head to rest it on Corey’s shoulder for a second before sitting up straight and pulling away, albeit reluctantly. ”I’m feeling so much better... Thank you.”


« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 03:14:23 PM by Hootowls »
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