Author Topic: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]  (Read 3029 times)

Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #30 on: August 14, 2017, 09:00:14 PM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
logan hadn't expected to wake up this morning feeling so happy. he had expected to wake up and have nothing but regret on his mind, from that stupid, way-too-soon decision that he had made. he would be lying if he said he didn't think about what it felt like to have his lips against isaac's, even if just for a couple seconds, even if it went unreciprocated. that kiss should've messed everything up- if it had happened between anyone else, it would've ruined everything. yet, the two of them were pretty notorious for acting like the bad things never happened and, honestly, logan was pretty fine with it right now. it was nice to have the other in his arms, to be in isaac's arms, and to just feel so.. blissful. "man, i'm a genius, " he joked, taking the moment to absently run his fingers along his friend's back--

but of course zack had to ruin it. of course.

the man probably had no idea that he'd ruined the moment- he most definitely had no idea isaac was even in there to begin with. the thought was enough to make his heart race. oh, god, if zack ever found out about what had been going on, that the two were even sharing the same bed, he would've gone absolutely crazy. to say that he would've shipped isaac right back to the u.s was actually fairly possible, in logan's eyes. yet, all the vocalist could do was simply sigh out of relief, close his eyes again, and rest his head back against the other's. he didn't know if they'd ever do this again but, if they did, maybe they could be a bit more careful? he wasn't sure.

it had all been worth it, though. definitely worth it. that had been the best night's sleep he had ever gotten while on the tour bus, now that he thought about it. he wasn't the best whenever he had to sleep alone and, really, this had been so comforting. it let him know that isaac really did care, after all these years of thinking that he didn't. the thought was enough for him to smile gently, bringing one of his hands up to gently run through the other's hair as they finally locked eyes. it was selfish, he knew, but he wanted to keep isaac all to himself for the day. he wanted to say that it was because he wanted to protect the tech- but, really, while that was one of the reasons, he was actually moreso determined to let the other know how loved he was.

the other's laugh had distracted him from those thoughts almost immediately. it wasn't often that logan heard that gorgeous, quiet laugh, but he always cherished it just the same. how someone could make a laugh even sound so modest, he wasn't sure- but it was absolutely perfect. "that's not- " he started, only to chuckle and gently push the other. "you're such a dork, you know that? " there was still affection lacing his voice, though. damn, did the brunet have logan wrapped right around his finger. "you know, i think that you've got it in you. just sneak on over there, " he hummed, watching as the slightly taller moved the curtain just a bit. he couldn't help but beam a bit more as the other pulled him into his arms once more, no matter how short lived. "right. " and off isaac went.

and, oh god it was hilarious.

logan tried to hold back the laughter as it bubbled from his chest, but nothing had prepared him for the way the other slid out of the bunk and made his oh-so daring trip back to his bunk. the laughter he tried to hold back ended up spilling from his lips, covering his mouth after a moment to try and quiet himself. oh, that had just been too good. he snapped out of his senses as the other started to walk to the bathroom because- damn, he looked good. how had he not noticed this godly, shirtless sight throughout the whole night? he watched as the other left, watched the slight sway of his hips as he walked into the bathroom, and then returned moments later. he chuckled a bit before he, too, forced himself to get up, gather his stuff, and trudge on over to the bathroom to get ready. loge most definitely wasn't a morning person, but the couple minutes they had spent cuddling had truly put him in a good mood. while changing, he couldn't wipe off the smile that stayed on his face- and that smile still remained as he walked out, threw his couple of items back into his bunk, and headed out towards the living room and kitchen space.

glancing at spencer on his way into the living room - looking rather pissed off, probably from seeing isaac he deduced - he offered the smallest of smiles. "morning, spence, " he greeted, getting his own greeting in return. while things had been pretty rocky for the two of them at the airport, it seemed like things were slightly back to normal. the drummer certainly wasn't happy about logan and isaac's relationship, at least the two didn't seem to have negative feelings towards each other. um. so far, at least.

upon seeing isaac, he smiled more genuinely. "ready to head out? " he asked, gently nudging the other's shoe with his own. logan was... well, he was worried about what fans were saying- or, more so, what fans were saying to isaac on social media. logan usually didn't check his all that often but, really, he was truly holding it off for now. he didn't want to see all the tweets or dms, or posts about how 'lawford was back'. it made him feel a little sick to his stomach. "ever been to milan? " he asked casually as they started to head out of the bus, shoving his hands in his jean pockets. "there are so many great places to go.." and, honestly, logan knew exactly where he wanted to go. and he was planning on taking isaac right there with him.

thes code
corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
samson looked so tired. it made corey's heart sink, made his stomach twist in the most uncomfortable of ways. he liked to think that samson was an early bird all the time- but, was it because he liked getting up early, or because he had no other choice because of all of his thoughts? corey wished that there was something that he could do but, honestly, corey wasn't the best with words. and he wasn't sure if telling the other to go back to sleep would help him out very much. "oh. i don't know. i can't say i've ever tried to sleep on a tour bus, before. " guess there were first times for everything. i mean, he had managed to fall asleep pretty easily while on the plane - because he'd been holding samson's hand - so he figured that the moving bus wouldn't be the worst of things. the last thing he had expected was a compliment, of all things. it wasn't often that he got complimented- and, usually, corey was quick to think the complete opposite. a low confidence; what else could he say? as samson exclaimed that of course he looked good, he couldn't help but just shake his head to himself, a smile placed on his pale lips. "you're ridiculous.. " of course, that was said with all the fondness in the world, though.

raising his brows in response the other's words, he found himself becoming just the slightest bit more sheepish. god, couldn't he stop? he was feeling his heart racing, the light pink that had been lightly dusted over his cheeks becoming hotter and hotter with each second. he moved one of his arms that had been wrapped around his thin frame to wipe at his face, laughing quietly to himself at the other's exclamation. confidence was something corey was definitely lacking; but, well, the simple, assuring compliments that sam showered him with made him feel just the slightest bit more sure of himself. he paused for a bit before looking in those gorgeous - gorgeous - blue eyes, before softly uttering, "thank you. really. "

as samson gave perhaps one of the most over-dramatic, feigned expression of shock corey had ever seen, he couldn't help but start laughing, the other's own laughter joining in, as well. he raised his brows as he carried on the humorous - yet oddly sweet? - conversation. "wow. quite the gentleman, caring about my safety like that, " he joked, his blue eyes gleaming with amusement. "so just to set the record straight- i'm only falling for you, right? does this include lots of attention, cuddles, and chocolates? " of course corey was totally not joking. him and samson didn't have anything going on between them- and, if they did, the tatted male was pretty sure it was one sided. though that didn't make the butterflies any less real, or the way he could find his heart racing just by talking about how crazy for samson he was.

as they started to think and talk about the divorce, corey couldn't help but feel so bad. he was awkward in any normal situation, and this conversation was honestly kind of tearing him apart. i mean, who wouldn't feel bad about what samson had to go through? who knew how long samson had kept this all to himself? that thought was enough to make him feel absolutely terrible. samson... he seemed to have quite a good front about it all, seeing as nobody else really noticed, or seemed to keep him in check. at least he was grateful that he was talking to somebody about it. the bassist more than likely didn't even need to have a full-on conversation about it; just someone that would listen, give their input from time to time, and to listen to him vent about his struggles was probably so great from him. he.. he wanted samson to not have such a weight on his shoulders, he really, truly did.

"mean? " he repeated, his brows furrowing in slight concern. why on earth would anybody be mean to samson? the poor guy probably couldn't hurt a fly if he tried. "maybe it's good you got out of it, then, if it was so.. toxic. " the word left a sour taste in his mouth, but. wasn't he speaking the truth? then oh- oh god. sam's next words had absolutely broken him down. he wanted to make samson feel cared for, maybe even loved. he wanted to, and so badly. yet, all he could do was simply stare at the other, unable to keep the longing out of his gaze as the taller stared down at the floor as he uttered, "i'm sure there's somebody out there who would love to have the chance to. " smiling softly, and gently nudging the other with his elbow, he added, "i mean. you're a great guy, you know. "

making coffee had been the right thing to do, hadn't it? he wanted to think that it was lame of him, to simply stand up and make the two of them a cup of joe. but, truly, he couldn't find it in himself to regret it now. the way that samson seemed to relax a bit more, look far less troubled than when he had first started talking, was enough to make corey's heart soar. he'd figured it had simply been the kindest, more polite thing to do- and, well, it looked like things were starting to pay off, a bit. taking a sip of coffee, he lifted his gaze to watch the other as he visibly relaxed a bit, his lips smiling just slightly against the mug. damn, was he happy that the other was noticeably better off. perhaps that what happened when you were so fond of someone, the way he was.

sinking back, more relaxed now from the sight of samson seeming less nervous, he watched the other carefully. just by glancing at the other, it hadn't seemed like he had that many insecurities. i mean, he wasn't overly confident, he was definitely humble. but, the insecurity of not being interesting enough-- of annoying someone, was startlingly obvious in that moment. part of him wanted to go on about it all day about how, no matter what, the other was so.. so amazing. the thought of him growing old to anyone, of these conversations of theirs ever growing old, seemed completely odd and peculiar. perhaps samson wouldn't believe his reassuring words that it was basically impossible for anyone to dislike him, seeing as it was coming from someone that was pretty fond of him-- but corey was being completely and totally honest. as samson chuckled quietly at his words, he couldn't help but noticeably brighten a bit at the other's attempt to lighten the subject up. it wasn't that he was tired of the conversation at all- more like, he was so happy that samson seemed more at ease about everything. just... happier. "ooh, yes. let's have long chats about aliens and stars and all things nasa. " was it bad that corey literally wouldn't mind being woken up at that godawful hour to talk about this random stuff?

.... probably, yeah.

although the hug had been brief, corey could feel his heart still racing surprisingly quickly. he had fallen for this man, and he had fallen hard. he was surprised that the other couldn't even feel his heart racing so hard and quick in his chest. "any time, " he assured, taking yet another small sip of his drink before gently placing it down on the table. "and. i mean, if you're still wanting me to fall for you- hugs help. " just something to amuse the other a bit- but, no, really, he wanted another hug. like, right now but he didn't want to admit it yet so shhh.


thes code


« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 02:40:41 PM by ᵇᵒ »

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #31 on: August 15, 2017, 02:58:10 PM »

THE ATLANTIC WAS BORN TODAY
AND I'LL TELL YOU HOW ...
I NEED YOU SO MUCH CLOSER .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
”You’re such a dork, you know that?” Isaac huffed, rolling his eyes playfully with a coy smile playing on his lips as Logan gently pushed him. Moments like these made Isaac feel completely comfortable in his skin. Though he was soft-spoken, he was not a shy man yet certain situations could make him as timid as a small dormouse. Example: Zack. That man could make Isaac cower with anxiety with a single glare. But, here in Logan’s arms, Isaac felt like he was truly himself. A mystery of a man, quiet yet mischievous, almost expressionless yet full of vibrancy. With Logan, he could be himself, the man that Logan knew and loved the most. ”I’m your favourite dork, though.” Isaac quipped, raising his eyebrows at his friend before he made his move to leave the bunk with a fantastically comedic exit.

As he climbed out the bunk, with his back turned to Logan, he bit down on his lip at the thought that Logan may be looking his way and he was so okay about that. Surprisingly, if there was one thing that Isaac didn’t feel too self-conscious about, it was his appearance. This included his very limber, bony frame which really just came down to genetics, unfortunately. He struggled to put much weight on let alone any muscle mass and so what was left was a very lean frame that was totally catching Logan’s attention regardless. He felt his heart race with mischief at the thought as he gathered his clothes, a slight alteration to his gait as he made his way to the bathroom with the way his hips swayed gently side to side. He just wanted to catch Logan’s attention. He liked attention, especially Logan’s. And so, when he locked the door to the bathroom, he leaned against the door for a moment with a grin on his lips, feeling enthralled with affection for Logan, before he got ready and made his way into the living room. It felt like ages sitting awkwardly with Spencer nearby whilst he waited for Logan to get ready. He had managed to finish his drink, throw it in the trash and sit back down before Logan made an appearance.

When he saw Logan walk into the room, he raised his head and allowed his gaze to follow the other male, noting silently to himself how handsome he looked in what he was wearing. Isaac, on the other hand, lowered his gaze afterwards to look down at his idea of casual clothing: an off-white dress shirt, sleeves rolled up very slightly and his buttons not buttoned up right to the top to expose a little bit of his chest, black trousers and dress shoes as well as a pair of sunglasses that sat on top of his mop of chocolate hair. He always seemed to almost over-dress compared to everyone else but, in a way, he honestly didn’t mind if it meant that he felt good about himself. He nodded his head at Logan’s question, quite nervous actually about going out. He knew that, in the past anyway, it was quite easy for him to be recognised by fans whilst in public and, especially now that Logan was so notable, Isaac feared that it would be too easy for fans to find him and heckle him.

But, he still stood up, pulling his coat on before following Logan out of the bus. He hummed thoughtfully at Logan’s question, eyes warily looking over at Zack and the rest of the entourage as he spotted them waiting for the two of them, and he started walking slightly closer to Logan as he replied long-windedly in an attempt to distract himself, ”Uhh, I haven’t actually. Remember we were gonna go on tour here one time but decided last minute to miss Italy out? That’s the only time I’ve ever really thought about going here.” He paused, allowing Logan to gush about how nice it was in Milan. ”It does look really pretty here. I’m liking the hustle and bustle.” His gaze wandered away from the group as they all walked a couple of steps ahead, Isaac’s eyes taking in the beautiful scenery instead. And, yes, that included subtle glances other at Logan every once in a while.

And, together they walked down the stretch of paving ahead of them, weaving in and out crowds of morning commuters, in silence after that. Ahead, it began to get harder to see the rest of the group walking ahead, them walking much quicker than Logan and Isaac were. Isaac tried to keep an eye out for the others, particularly the tall Jon-replacement who was the easiest for Isaac to locate in this crowd. But, this was to no avail. Also, this didn’t seem to matter anymore when, at a busy zebra crossing, Logan’s hand clasped around Isaac’s upper arm, pulling him in another direction and crossing the road. ”Wait, what?” He questioned quizzically, looking over his shoulder to find that the others were still walking the other way. ”They’re over there, Lo.” He pointed out, just in case Logan had thought that the group has crossed the road. But, that was not the case. Upon finding out that Logan already knew that and that he had other plans, a smile lit up Isaac’s face briefly, relief flooding his body knowing that he’d have some more time to be away from the rest of the disapproving group.

Isaac decided not to question Logan’s choice, knowing well that he’d been here many times before and probably could remember this part of town fairly well. He followed close beside his friend, peering around curiously and wondering where the hell Logan was taking him. That was until, a couple of streets away, Logan walked into a small, boutique café. He furrowed his eyebrows following him to a small table with two chairs either side where he then took a seat and removed his coat. ”Is this a date?” He half-joked, half-wished it really was, as he cocked an eyebrow at Logan with amusement, crossing his legs and folding his arms comfortably. He then had a look around the café, wondering what it would actually be like to be on a date with Logan. It sent butterflies bursting into his stomach, fluttering about madly at the thought alone. ”Have you been here before?” Isaac asked in an attempt to distract himself from that exciting thought.







HERE'S TO YOUR BRIGHT EYES
SHINING LIKE FIREFLIES ...
THE MEMORY OF A LIFETIME .

- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
When the two of them were joking about, Sam couldn’t help but feel the feeling of pure glee from the flirtatious joke between them. Sammy wouldn’t mind if Corey fell for him; in fact, he’d feel flattered. Maybe even more than that... Maybe he’d feel like the luckiest man in the world? That sounded more right. ”A gentleman always takes care of his fellow gentlemen.” He feigned his classic ‘posh’ accent which, honestly, sounded absolutely hilarious. ”Oh yeah, definitely.” He went along with the joke — wishing it wasn’t a joke — with amusement lacing his voice. ”All the attention, cuddles and chocolate for you, the very best.” Ugh. Corey had no idea how much Sam would spoil him if he was his. Did Sam just think that? Oh. Oh. Even to Samson, this idea of being attractive to Corey was still totally unfamiliar to him, enough for him to dismiss it quickly.

He held his breath apprehensively as he said the word. Mean. Yes, Nat was mean to him. Very mean. She definitely ‘wore the trousers’ in the relationship, as pathetic as that sounded. They were supposed to be a team; there wasn’t supposed to be any insults or name calling or constantly upsetting Samson because things were not going her way... She fell out of love long before he did. He watched his own wife drift away from him, only grow more cold and more hostile to him. His body almost shuddered at the thought alone, misery striking his heart once again. ”Maybe it was good that I got out of that one...” He considered, his voice frail and worried. Even if Nat hurt him, he would’ve stayed with her if he ever had the choice; after all, he didn’t want to be alone. That thought really scared him. But, Corey’s reassurance was enough to relax Sam’s worried mind. ”You think so?” He asked coyly at Corey’s compliment, his eyes fluttering away from him and smiling shyly to himself.

Samson was quick to feel less insecure once Corey assured that he was definitely not annoying. It was something he really needed to hear, especially since he was so concerned about being an irritant to people, especially Corey. He was the type to bottle emotions up, convincing himself that it was a bad thing to speak to somebody about his feelings, especially negative feelings. And so, speaking about his divorce and how he felt about it seemed like the biggest offence. Samson glanced up briefly as people began to enter the room, commenting with surprise, ”Wow, time flies.” He smiled and greeted them good morning before returning his focus on his favourite Corey Bleu. ”I hope you’re not just saying that; I’d love to talk to you about space. Like, I totally think aliens are out there somewhere.” He responded with amusement laced in his words.

Whilst the hug had been only momentary, it sent feelings of euphoria tingling through Samson, a child-like enthusiasm just to be this close to Corey. Though his mind was still evidently in a bit of a jumble in terms of his feelings for Corey, he could confirm for certain that he was definitely fond of Corey. After all, there must’ve been something special about the shorter male for Samson to be so open about the end of his marriage in such personal detail. He hissed with a smile playing on his lips, eyes gleaming with contentment as he gazed over at Corey. ”I’ll keep that in mind next time I want to woo you.” He kidded, though he may of actually kept that thought in the back of his mind just in case Corey wasn’t kidding. What was he thinking? Of course Corey was kidding; Silly Sam and his daydreaming ways.

And then, Zack walked back into the room after leaving to go wake the singer up, nodding his head towards the both of them and announcing, ”Let’s wait outside for Loge; he’ll be up and ready soon.” And then, the brusque male left outside with another two of the tour staff and Ian. ”The boss has spoken.” Samson said jokingly to Corey, standing up and brushing himself off before walking out of the bus, not forgetting to nod over at Spencer and greet his fellow band member with a smile on his lips. He and Spencer, over the years, had grown quite close as friends. Spencer was a great guy, always wearing his heart on his sleeve, modest and kind. In many ways, Samson was grateful to get to know Spencer.

He turned his head to look at Corey as he stepped out of the bus, Zack approaching them and tipping his chin up at them. ”Sleep okay?” Zack asked Sam caringly, Sam saying nothing but nodding his head convincingly. ”Hey Core, have I introduced you to Zack yet?” He then asked, pausing to notice Zack shake his head silently in response. ”Corey. Zack’s a big softie at heart.” He stated teasingly, raising an eyebrow at Zack with a smug look on his face. Zack huffed and shook his head in response, it being almost impossible to tell that Zack was, in fact, very amused by that comment. ”And Zack,” He then continued, ”Corey’s a really nice guy.” He smiled over at Corey, hoping that all the care he already had for the younger male wasn’t so blatantly obvious. God, Sam, play it cool, you dork.

He turned his head to notice Logan and Isaac leave the bus, then checking on Corey to see if he had recovered from the guitar tech’s unwelcoming conversation towards him the night before. Before he could allow any opportunity for awkwardness to arise, he waved Logan good morning cheerfully before following along with the rest of the group, making sure that Corey was close beside him. ”Times like these are some of my favourite moments of the tour. It’s like everyone playing happy family with each other, y’know,” He paused to chuckle at his comment before continuing, ”like we all go out for a breakfast together as a big group and there’s never a dull moment.”

And, he was right. After all, the strong, playful personalities which came with the group meant that there was always something interesting going on within the group. Corey was a timid soul yet in ways Samson had a feeling that Corey would capture the hearts of everyone else on the tour. Everyone would want to know him, be friends with him but, ultimately, Samson kind of wanted to say that he was Corey’s favourite no matter what was to happen on this tour. Did that sound possessive? Uhh... Ha ha, nah.

Spencer suddenly appeared by Sam’s side, peering at Corey for a moment before glancing up at Sam. ”Remember last time when Zack took us down the wrong road here and it took, like, half an hour to find the right café.” He reminisced, Samson chuckling in response and replying to his comment, the two of the talking amongst themselves for several moments before bringing Corey into the conversation. ”Okay so,” Sam paused, letting out a soft snort of laughter at the thought of the memory, ”Last time we went to Milan, Zack kept getting us all lost. That’s why Ian has got his phone out over there; he’s following Google maps. Imagine literally everywhere we go here in Milan but with us taking a detour through the entire town almost just to get there.” He had to be honest, Corey probably had no idea what was going on, but Samson would gush on anyway. That was just the way he was: completely sociable and really wanting to ramble on to Corey.


« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 03:17:47 PM by Hootowls »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #32 on: August 15, 2017, 09:36:01 PM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
"don't worry, you're my favorite." maybe he meant to not add dork in at the last part. eh, the action would probably go unnoticed by soft-spoken man anyway. it was nice to see some confidence radiating off of the other, to see him rolling his eyes and smiling-- as well as having as sassy of a remark as usual. the thought was enough to cause him to chuckle quietly to himself, resting his head back down against the bed tiredly as the other made the absolutely amazing exit that he hadn't been expecting. it was like so much had changed, but this... this dynamic, or whatever you wanted to call it, hadn't changed much at all between them. a smile formed on his big lips. everything about this he had missed so terribly. oh, he'd missed it, he really, really had.

his chocolate gaze followed the other as he made his way towards the bathroom, unabashed as he ran his eyes over his form. speaking of things that he had missed... part of himself was cursing at himself that he hadn't taken the time last night to truly admire everything while he had the chance. and the fact that he had been shirtless for pete's sake. well. at least he got this brief chance to look at the other now. if there was something that he knew about isaac, it was that the other wasn't embarrassed about his body in any way. dear god, why would he be? his body was perfect. with those slim legs, that slender frame that logan could admire all day... he couldn't help but think that isaac knew, somehow, how much power he had over logan in this moment. the vocalist couldn't help but smirk a bit, shaking his head in disbelief. that damn tease... the way that his hips swayed gently side to side with each step was absolutely killing him in that moment. his heart, that had been wildly racing as he watched the other, unashamed, suddenly sank as the bathroom door closed. shaking himself out of his thoughts, he almost wanted to berate himself. he'd probably looked like a fool, sitting there and completely daydreaming about the other. he absolutely did not want to think about how much affection had been filled in his gaze. so, instead, he allowed himself to just get up and get dressed.

for a moment or two, he had actually considered not wearing his thick-framed glasses. he hated to admit that the act of being blind for the rest of the day had seemed almost worth it when it came to simply looking good for isaac. glasses weren't the most attractive thing in the world - even while logan thought that he totally rocked them, personally - so he thought it wouldn't have been a bad choice. yet, perhaps it would've been a bad decision, since he probably wouldn't have been able to read off of the menu. or get the absolutely best view of isaac as he could. that white shirt looked so good on him; everything did, actually. part of him felt a bit timid about his own wear; a light blue, collared shirt, black jeans, and comfy sneakers... then again, he had always felt mildly under-dressed when compared to isaac's casual wear. even while they were walking out of the bus, he couldn't help but glance briefly over his shoulder to look at the handsome male behind him. damn, did he look amazing.

while isaac hummed in thought at his question, the brunet took the time to wave in greeting to samson, a smile plastered on his face as he went about giving a few silent greetings towards the rest of the people that had been waiting for them. his gaze wandered absently towards isaac, finding the sight of him far more beautiful than any of the scenery around them. "oh, wow, you're right. that was so long ago, too," he hummed, forcing himself to tear his gaze away from the other to instead glance around. "i used to not think much about it but, you know, it's definitely grown on me the last couple of years. there's always something to do. even if it is just getting lost and sightseeing for a couple of hours." the band had some pretty good memories from around here. he could go on about it for forever, but he found it more worthwhile simply to take everything in- everything being, well, isaac of course.

honestly, he'd been rather preoccupied. his mind had been focused on when and how he could manage to get isaac away from the rest of the group. there was a bit of method to his slowness, actually. the fact that he was taking his dear sweet time wandering after the group, his hands shoved comfortably in his jean pockets. even when zack would glance back at him, as if urging him to hurry up, he would simply offer a small, casual shrug. perhaps the guard knew exactly what he had in mind. but, well, as soon as they got to a busy intersection, logan went ahead and took the chance as he saw it. getting mixed in with the crowd, he grabbed isaac's arm and started tugging him in a different direction. the crowd helped carry them along, farther away from the group. "just give me a couple minutes," was all that he responded to the other pointing out that, no, they were totally going in the wrong direction. he could do without going to some big restaurant for breakfast. he couldn't help but grin to himself as the other fell in step just a little bit behind him. isaac was going to love this place, he was sure.

at least, he hoped he would fall in love with this cafe's charm the way that logan had. it was small, modest. it was quite peaceful, actually. out of all of the times he had come here, usually people didn't pay him any mind. it was nice, to be somewhere without being constantly asked to sign something or be in a picture- even while he adored that attention, nonetheless. as the other asked if it was a date, he could feel his cheeks burning just the slightest bit-- but tried his best to push that feeling away as soon as it had come. "what? no. can't i just take my friend to get breakfast somewhere nice?" but in logan's mind, it was totally a date. this was so much more than simply buying his friend something nice to eat- in his head, of course. he wanted to sweep isaac off of his feet, dammit. he really, truly did. the other's question was enough to shake him out of his thoughts, nodding. "countless times," he recalled, laughing softly to himself while adding, "i always end up wandering on my own and getting lost. but, at least i found this place in the process."

a rather energetic, cheery waitress came to greet them and take their order for drinks while giving them time to look at the menu and order. feeling like he desperately needed some sugar, logan went for ordering a latte. no doubt was he going to add more sugar as it came along, though. it was fairly obvious that the waitress didn't know about either of them, enough for loge to relax just the slightest bit. that was one less thing for isaac to worry about, right? he sure thought so, at least. while she left, giving them time to glance over the menu, he couldn't help but glance down at his phone, which was currently buzzing in his pocket with all sorts of text messages- all of which from zack. quietly grabbing his phone, he settled for simply turning his phone off, placing it face-down on the table, and lifting his gaze across the small table to look at isaac. "what do you think of it, so far? it's pretty small, but i like it."
thes code
corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
corey was enjoying this flirtatious joke far more than he probably should've been. he hadn't held flirtatious conversations - whether or not he should actually take this one seriously - in years and.. actually, corey didn't mind it. he felt like he was on top of the world in all honesty. "oh, you're a gentleman, and charming too? am i dreaming?" he couldn't help but laugh at the other's hilarious posh accent, quick to add, "and, oh boy, that accent just gets me." part of him wished that this conversation could be so much more than a joke. even with the humor laced in their voices, he could still feel his heart racing against his chest. "the very best? i mean, i'm totally fine with some cheap chocolates and mediocre cuddling. unless you're, like, the best cuddler ever, or something." there wasn't a doubt in his mind that the taller male was freaking amazing at cuddling and-- and why was he even thinking about it? it wasn't like it was going to ever be happening.

mean... he couldn't think of any reason why someone would be mean to samson. the other was too nice, really. it made a burning feeling in his stomach and, honestly, corey didn't find it to be a very comfortable sensation. it was... it was so unfair, that samson had been treated that way. he was certain that the bassist hadn't done anything that made it alright to treat him that way. yet, there was nothing that corey could do about it. so instead he listened on, gently nodding his head in response. "it couldn't have been good for you, mentally. emotionally," he hummed quietly, unable to imagine how awful it must've been to have the thought of falling out of love with his own wife on his mind all the time- especially with her being awful towards him. as the other seemed to relax just a bit more at the reassurance, he couldn't help but straighten up, a bit more confident. "are you kidding? you're quite the catch." leaning back, his light blue gaze watched the other, adding, "when you meet her, she'll be one lucky lady."

...
okay, but couldn't corey at least pretend that it was possible for samson to think about him, romantically?

irritating was definitely one of the last things the assistant would ever think about samson. the other was so entertaining, always had hilarious topics on his mind. he egged corey on, made him such a happier person simply by letting him be himself. yet, he didn't want the bassist to think that was the only parts of him he wouldn't mind being around. he didn't dislike the other sharing his negative thoughts and feelings; he actually felt so appreciated simply by their short chat. although corey was very much inexperienced when it came to divorce and heartbreak, he definitely didn't mind helping his friend out. as people began entering, he couldn't help but hum shortly in agreement, feeling his brief moments of extrovertedness wavering just the slightest bit. "i would literally love it. like, duh, there's obviously something out there," he joked along, amusement shining in his gaze as his eyes locked with the other's baby blue hues.

hugs definitely cheered corey up from time to time. it appeared that it was no different for sam, who had given a hug that made the assistant simply feel so happy. he felt so childish, with the way that his heart was racing away, able to hear his heartbeat ringing in his ears. he didn't know when, or how, he had fallen so hard for the tall male, but he knew that he was in a hole that he couldn't get himself out of. he couldn't help but laugh as 'wooing' was mentioned, quickly nodding his head. "you better. i'm telling you some pretty important stuff here, you know. you sure you don't need a pen and paper to jot these things down?" in all honesty, he had figured that upon samson being told that he was very much gay, things would've changed just the slightest bit, at least. yet it seemed like nothing had changed; it just gave them more things to joke about. even if they were on a more flirtatious level.

as more people started to flood into the room, corey couldn't help absently turning his gaze around. he almost immediately recognized all of their faces; spencer, zack, ian... his mind was reeling at the thought that he was so close to people that he had watched from afar for so long. that didn't mean he'd be any more out of his shell, though. it seemed like that was something that only came about when he was with samson- or, at least, when he got to know and click with somebody as well as he clicked with the bassist. standing up, he pulled the sleeves of his sweater down absently, balling his hands up around the comfortable, baggy fabric.

he couldn't help but smile softly to himself as zack caringly asked how sam slept. part of him couldn't help but wonder just how aware of this situation zack was. that was a thought best saved for another day, he decided, as samson was quick to introduce the two. core. that was a new one. but... honestly, it warmed his heart to hear it, the smallest of smiles on his lips as he silently shook his head in response. zack. big softie at heart. honestly, corey knew him moreso for his gruff and intimidating appearance. but, okay, maybe he'd grow on him. smiling up at samson, he shook his head- all the fondness he'd really allow himself to show. samson was oblivious towards his affection but, well, he figured other people wouldn't be so unaware. "it's nice to meet you." well, hey, he hadn't stumbled over his words like an idiot yet.

corey, one. anxiety, zero.

at the sight of logan and isaac leaving the bus, he simply tried his best not to stare too much. after all, he had yet to truly recover from the harsh conversation that the two had shared last night. he watched, instead, as samson and logan both waved cheerily towards each other. oh, of course. the two were pretty great friends, from what the fan base had been quick to pick up on- even while others dared to take it a step further and create a ship for them. dear god. i mean, lawford had totally been real. were they stupid? "i figured they'd be your favorite, socialite." samson seemed to be a pretty social person, and corey could imagine he joined in on all the exciting moments during breakfast.

honestly, corey didn't know what he was going to do while they all ate breakfast. he knew that he wasn't much of a talker; even if someone else was the one that initiated the conversation, he stammered and hopelessly stuttered over his words like crazy. but also, he didn't want to cling to samson like a lost puppy; wouldn't that be annoying? especially with these two months of touring? besides, his personality wasn't really the most bearable, he knew that, and most people usually didn't find it the best to chat with and- snapping himself out of his thoughts, he tried to ease up a bit.

perhaps he was simply less at ease because of the crowd. his gaze absently wandered around at all the passerby as they made their way throughout the town, catching his lower lip between his teeth. corey was actually a pretty anxious person- had samson figured that? or did he simply think that corey was simply shy? perhaps that was a bit of information he should save and share for another time with samson. his attention finally focused back on the conversation at hand after realizing that samson was no longer talking to just spencer anymore. as he listened to the amusing story, he shook his head out of disbelief. "really? i can't believe it," he laughed softly, glancing at ian with his phone out and turning his gaze back ahead. "at least you guys must know this place pretty well, then." amusement laced his voice, humming shortly.
thes code


« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 02:44:15 PM by ᵇᵒ »

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #33 on: August 20, 2017, 10:02:28 AM »

THE ATLANTIC WAS BORN TODAY
AND I'LL TELL YOU HOW ...
I NEED YOU SO MUCH CLOSER .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
When Isaac found himself following Logan into a sweet and small Italian café, he raised his eyebrow in a playfully suspicious way as they took a seat. He wanted to say that he was joking when he asked if it was a date but, honestly, he kind of wished that Logan would just say yes and they could share a loving moment together. But, Isaac knew that his fantasies were always far from the truth. He was self-destructive and, if Logan would of said yes, Isaac would probably have interjected impulsively with rejection. Still, his heart sunk desperately at Logan’s response. ”I’m just kidding...” He drew his voice out, half-jokingly, half-defensively, wholly-saddened that this was not what he secretly wished it could be. And still, he gave Logan an impish look in an attempt to conceal any hard-feelings.

Isaac had his elbow on the table, head resting in the palm of his hand as his eyes scanned over the menu mindlessly. After all, all that could really fill his thoughts was the beautiful sight ahead of him. Logan, seated in front of him, eyes flitting across the words on the menu, eyebrows furrowed very slightly with concentration. Isaac’s gentle brown orbs couldn’t help but wander coyly towards Logan every once in a while, a hint of a smile playing at his chapped lips blissfully. It felt like it was just him and Logan alone together at this table, playing out an absolute dream that Isaac never even realised he wished would be reality. But, this was reality, they were only here to get breakfast before reuniting with the group. Nothing more, nothing less. This was no fairy tale dream that Isaac could wish for, the one where Logan would sweep him off his feet and prove to him that Isaac had not hurt anyone and that he would be loved for the rest of his life. But, who could love him? He was out of his mind.

Sometimes, reality sucked. But, not this reality. It was no perfect dream, but it seemed very close to it. Isaac sat back in his seat as a vibrantly pleasant waitress wandered over to take their drink orders. Finding coffee quite distasteful, Isaac went for a hot chocolate which was very typical of the taller male as it was no surprise that he really liked chocolate. He glanced around the café briefly, noting that there was only one other table occupied with an old woman seated, reading a newspaper. If this was America, Logan probably would have been recognised by now; Isaac being with Logan could have caused an uproar instantly by fans who would’ve spotted them. But, this was peaceful. Quiet. So close to perfection. Isaac pressed his lips together, remaining quiet and serene, as he peered over at Logan on his phone. By now, the rest of the group probably knew about their disappearance and were worrying. In ways, Isaac felt guilty about it but it seemed like Logan had it all under control. ”I think it’s really sweet.” Isaac replied to Logan’s question, taking in the view of the Tuscan-styled décor.

He wanted to continue speaking about the exceptional choice of café for them to eat breakfast at, but instead different words burned at his throat and yet, for the time being, he held his tongue. Instead, his eyes were left staring at the food menu absent-mindedly, in thought about the best way he could phrase his next words. His heart began to feel heavy, his chest tightening nervously as an anxious nausea began to overwhelm him. He wanted Logan to know, he needed him to know, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to tell him. He sat back in his seat as the waitress came back over with their drinks before very cheerfully asking for their food orders. Isaac’s gentle voice wavered nervously as he ordered a small platter of pastries as the sweet tooth in him had been eyeing them out at the counter ever since they walked into the café.

When the waitress went, Isaac exhaled a shaky breath, evidently growing more jittery the more he thought about what he was going to say, taking a sip of his drink and thinking to himself before blurting out, ”Yesterday... I don't want to hear you sing that song anymore.” He paused, his doe-eyes staring wide at Logan as if he was a deer in the headlights of a car. And then, he let rip. ”I don’t want you thinking that there will never be a 'you and me'; because I... I didn’t spend days and nights talking myself into calling your mobile to ask for a job - and accepting it immediately - knowing that I will go through hell and back on this tour just to mess you about again or get a pay check before disappearing off the face of earth again. I don’t even know what you think of me anymore, Lo, but I’m going to tell you right here and right now that you need to scrap that song off the setlist this instance because I didn't tag along on this tour to mess with your head; I tagged along to create a you and me again, okay? I'm trying to fix the mess that I made seven years ago.” He paused, his voice having wavered weakly towards the end of the statement from the emotion he was overwhelmed with, his eyelids blinking back tears. ”And I don’t like that song because it reminds me of how much I hurt you.”

He let out a heavy breath, lowering his gaze suddenly as his heart rapped madly against his ribs, his fingers quickly carding through his hair nervously. He would never explicitly apologise for the things he did but Logan knew Isaac well enough. This emotional ramble was enough for Logan to probably know wholly that Isaac regretted his choices in the past. In fact, perhaps this word vomit from Isaac was more meaningful in a way, especially since Isaac was definitely the type to keep his thoughts and emotions to himself, bottled away for nobody else to see except for in the complex lyrics that he'd write. And so, Isaac’s lips parted, his final words on the tip of his tongue as he considered keeping it from Logan. But then, ”I don't want to live the rest of my life knowing that you were the one who got away.” Isaac’s eyes avoided Logan’s timidly after that, fixated on the hot chocolate in front of him and thinking about how his heart that was shattering all over again.

He was here in Milan for Logan. He was here to fix the relationship between them. He wanted Logan’s friendship. Logan’s love, however, was still Isaac’s adored enemy. He wanted Logan’s heart so badly and yet so many things prevented Isaac from reaching it. Isaac was trapped in the castle, the drawbridge hoisted up and leaving an ominous moat between him and Logan. All Isaac could do was stare out the windowsill, watching across at the man he wouldn’t allow into his heart no matter how badly he wanted to. Maybe there was little point in Isaac trying. Maybe he should have left Logan as the one who got away; it would’ve been easier for Logan that way. And yet, something kept telling Isaac to push on regardless. After all, this dark tunnel they were lost in must come to an end someday. Seven years of misery seemed like seven years too long. Maybe there was hope for them. Just maybe.

Spoiler: show
 for u fren








HERE'S TO YOUR BRIGHT EYES
SHINING LIKE FIREFLIES ...
THE MEMORY OF A LIFETIME .

- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
As the coquettish conversation progressed on, Samson was beginning to find it more and more amusing. Were they going too far with this joke? Ah, of course not — oh, and also it wasn’t so much a joke, not in Sam’s mind anyway. The idea of treating Corey to the world seemed quite ideal to Samson, honestly. He wanted the younger male to experience life in love, something which he seemed to have lacked a little bit of in his life so far. Sam wanted to be the one to show him what it was like to be loved. In whatever way this meant, Sam was sure that there was some sort of affection that he held for Corey in his heart and it was totally okay to care about him in this way. ”Cheap chocolates and mediocre cuddling? My God! What do you take me for?!” He exclaimed jokingly, ”I have you know that my cuddling is a top notch luxury. Maybe I’ll prove it to you some day.” He teased, cocking an eyebrow over at Corey and wishing he actually could hold Corey in an embrace one day. I mean, cuddling could be platonic, right? After all, they appeared to be quite good friends already.

With the conversation of his divorce causing his mood to feel lower, he couldn’t help to wonder why the events in the last few months even took place. Being with Nat for so long, it shocked him that she never gave him a definite reason to as why she left him. It left him baffled, completely confused and wondering where he went wrong. What he knew, however, was that after months of thinking about it to himself, he finally realised that he didn’t deserve to be treated the way Natalia had treated him. Samson never deserved to have to go to bed, wandering why the woman who was asleep beside him had yelled at him earlier in that evening over the most trivial of things. Why did she have to call him awful names just because she was annoyed over something no normal person would get annoyed over? He swallowed hard at the memories, eyebrows furrowed in thought. He even had begun to accept that fact that he may not have been in love with her anymore, or that his love for her had changed a lot after realising this fact. When Corey began to reassure him, Samson smiled to himself bashfully, peering back over at his assistant. ”I’m excited to meet her one day; I want her to feel like a queen.” He replied with a glimmer of hopefulness in his eyes.

However, something felt wrong when he spoke.

He would have felt a bit less uneasy it he had simply said, “lucky person”. But, why would he even say that? He’d always known himself to be firmly straight, having only had a romantic interest in women in the past. Corey was a special one, though. Or, was he only a rebound attraction? Sam’s thoughts felt so muddled up. He didn’t really know what was going on and, in ways, he wasn’t sure he was ready to take on the responsibility of knowing the truth. Maybe he should simply loosen up, stop stressing about these little things in life... Let go of all that he once knew.

Samson felt his cheerfulness return when familiar faces began to flood the room. Sam was a sociable man, the presence of people he cared about always bringing a smile to his lips. As he’d love to think, the more the merrier; that was probably the older man’s motto honestly. When introducing Corey to Zack and vice versa, he was very excited to do so as he was very evidently fond of the both of them. Sam chewed on his lip with eagerness, his baby blue orbs flitting between Zack and Corey. Though he gathered from the time they spent together that Corey was quite nervous and ‘socially awkward’ (he wasn’t really sure what he could call it, and so he decided on that term), he seemed to be doing quite fine when talking to a man as visibly intimidating-looking as Zack. Samson would stress, though, that Zack was a lovely person. His thick-skinned persona was only a way to protect the band as people were too scared to approach them with Zack around half the time.

By the time they began walking together and Spencer joined, a lot of the time was spent with Spencer and Samson babbling to one another. The two had grown quite close ever since Samson joined the band only a few years back. However, the group was almost stopped in their tracks when Zack stopped and looked behind to find that two people had split from the group: Logan and Isaac. Zack cursed under his breath, uttering at Ian to find the café as quickly as they could so that Zack could start trying to locate Logan. Sam grimaced, glancing at Corey with a look which silently screamed ’awkward’. He knew that look from Zach meant murder was about to ensue. Logan and Isaac were going to be in huge trouble.

As soon as they reached the café, the group all sat as a big table, Zack refusing to take a seat and instead walking back outside to start trying to contact Logan. Samson’s eyes followed Zack’s movements, watching him angrily pace outside the café, before he turned his body to face Corey a little more, his elbow up on the table with his chin resting on his hand as he gazed over at the younger male with a glint of affection in his eyes. ”So, Mr Bleu.” He began, a cheeky smile lacing his lips. ”Tell me about your tattoos; I see the ones on your hands and neck. Have you got any more?” He paused his question, curious of what Corey’s answer would be. He then added audaciously, ”Are you as mischievous as your knuckles tell me you are?”


« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 03:20:25 PM by Hootowls »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #34 on: August 20, 2017, 09:56:37 PM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
as the other kiddingly responded that he was just kidding, logan couldn’t help but chuckle. “suuure you are,” he joked playfully back, trying to make the other seem back at ease. still, he couldn’t help but wish that this was a date. the thought was enough to do miraculous, amazing yet still painful things to his heart. it was beating away in his chest, reminding him just how happy and in love he was with isaac. or. was he in love with him? he liked to think that there was certainly a difference between loving someone and saying that you’re in love with someone. he wasn’t completely sure what that difference was, and he didn’t care to explain it to himself. there was no need to. as he stared over at the other, and watched him closely, he couldn’t help but find his chocolate gaze softening.

while he wasn’t quite sure of his feelings, he was sure he wasn’t completely off by saying that  he was in love.

he glanced between the menu in his hands and the other man seated in front of him. he couldn’t help but smile the slightest bit, then, his eyes looking him up and down briefly. “you look great, today,” he said with ease- because, what, could he not compliment his friend? it wasn’t like there was more implied in his sentence. he just meant that his friend - his friend and simply just his good ol’ friend - was looking incredibly hot and handsome and sexy nice, today. gently pushing his thick-framed glasses back up, he turned his gaze back down to his menu with perhaps the cheesiest grin on his face at the fact that he had gotten to compliment isaac. okay, perhaps that had meant quite a bit to logan. he wasn’t going to be lying. “you always had a way of making everyone feel underdressed,” he laughed softly, as if to try and cause a distraction from looking too far into the compliment he had given the other.

was it sad that logan was actually picturing this as an actual date? yet, while on most of the dates he’d gone to on the past would be filled with endless chatter, he liked how quiet the two of them were. it was because they simply knew so much about each other, that conversation wasn’t deemed necessary. besides, loge knew that the ex-guitarist wasn’t the most fond of constant talking. while it was usually an impossible task for the vocalist to keep his mouth shut, he managed to do so and try to simply enjoy the moment for what it was. his eyes lifted to stare at the other, a fond smile coming to his list as the other ordered hot chocolate. “some things never change, i guess,” he mused, referencing the slightly taller male’s endless love for chocolate. it was completely adorable, how the other still bore such a sweet tooth for anything chocolate. after all of these years, too… it was enough to make his heart swell with all the fond memories they used to share, his brown eyes gazing over at the brunet across from him. “i like it better than being in some bigger cafe with a huge table of people,” he admitted, nodding his head. sometimes, while logan loved interaction, it was nice to get away.

and it was even better to get away with isaac.

as the two received their drinks, and then ordered, logan gave a brief hum in thought before requesting a fruit salad - because, wow, lo would actually try and eat somewhat healthily for once in his life. he noticed the waitress glance between the two of them as she left, a smile forming on his lips before she turned around and headed off back to the kitchen. logan wanted to question it but, for the time being, he wasn’t going to think much of it. instead, he stared at his coffee, stirring it gently before lifting it to his lips and taking a large sip of the drink. while doing so, he glanced over his cup he held in his hands to stare at isaac, his lips turning into the slightest bit of a frown. it seemed like there was so much on other’s mind- and, he very much so liked to think that it was his fault. had what he said - and did - last night upset him? the thought made his heart plummet. it was all his fault…

“i don’t want to hear you sing that song anymore.”

the words had been so shocking to him that logan felt like he could almost drop his coffee mug right then and there. instead, he stared with wide, surprised eyes as the other then carried on. part of him couldn’t believe what he was hearing - and part of him was also scared that this was just something that was going to get his hopes up way too high. yet, as the other carried on, he couldn’t help but find himself getting wrapped into his every word. it was all so believable- he knew that this couldn’t be something that would end up crushing him in the end. it just couldn’t be. so, instead of growing somber like isaac had, he instead beamed. “that song… it really helped me out, you know?” he began to gush, placing his mug down and gently tracing the top of the mug with his finger. “i felt like, when you left, i just.. lost a part of myself, actually. writing a song about everything that had happened seemed like the best way to get it back. you know, i sat at my piano for hours, simply playing chords. singing about how it felt. because, you know, years passed, and i still missed you so badly. plus.. you know, people not being the most accepting of my feelings towards you...” those “guests” at the “party” were definitely spencer and zack, and others that shared their same opinions. but. it didn’t bring logan down. he was too glad to finally be talking about it. still smiling, he rested his head in the palm of his hand, his elbow propped up on the table. “but you’re back, now. and,” catching his lip in his teeth for just a moment, he contemplated whether or not it was a good idea to carry on before he added, his voice noticeably softer, “i feel like that part of me is back again.”

while he realized he’d been gushing about the song, probably ready to be rambling about every little line and every little meaning to how it correlated to isaac, he found himself try and derail himself from those thoughts. instead, he simply straightened up again. and noticed--  shit. he was such an idiot. logan wasn’t blind; isaac had obviously been trying to apologize to him. that caused his chocolate gaze to soften noticeably, his smile briefly fading. “i won’t sing that song, anymore,” he softly assured, his puppy eyes locking with those beautiful doe eyes of isaac’s. “i’ll find a different song as soon as we get back on the bus, promise.” people probably wouldn’t be fond of the change, but, honestly? their opinions didn’t matter to logan. what truly mattered to him was that he wouldn’t be hurting isaac anymore. after all, impossible year had been written to heal himself from the damage the departure had done; he didn’t want it to end up damaging someone, and give off the opposite effect. it wasn’t right.

releasing a short breath, he leaned back against his seat, running his fingers through his hair. “and, about the kiss,” he slowly brought up, looking at the other, watching closely to see if the anxious male would suddenly start collapsing in on himself. god, did he hate being the cause of that. “it.. wasn’t right to suddenly do that, i know. but it felt so right to do at the time…” it really had. it really had felt like the most perfect moment in a long time to cup the other’s face like how he had longed to do for years, and to lean forward and kiss him. yet… “i thought… it had seemed like you would’ve kissed me back, then.” yet, after all these years of knowing isaac, all of the signals he sent him always ended up confusing him even more. he’d want to make a move, yet whenever he wanted to, something would happen to convince him that isaac felt otherwise. at least now was a good time for the two of them to talk about it.
thes code
corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
was it bad that corey was truly enjoying this conversation? the longer their silly little chat went on, the more corey couldn’t help but find himself chuckling helplessly at their own silly ways. perhaps it was a bit more flirtatious than he had expected, too? either that or corey was really, really deprived of seemingly common things like flirtation and love. it had been forever since corey had truly tried to flirt with someone, or even try and seek a relationship. his friends always tried to make him go on blind dates or meet their friends but, honestly, corey had never really been interested. he eyed the baby-blue-eyed man from across him, smiling briefly to himself. well, he hadn’t been interested much until now, that is. “oh, geez, i’m sorry. didn’t realize that i was talking to the best cuddler in the world, or something.” he couldn’t help but smile as he joked along yet, as he thought about it, samson probably would be the best to cuddle with. he could just… wrap him up in his arms… and, why was he even thinking like this? like he had a chance. still, he couldn’t help but laugh at the other’s next proposition. “it’s a date, then! let’s talk about aliens and space while eating chocolates and cuddling.”

maybe corey had really low standards or something, but that actually sounded amazing.

it was definitely quite different than this conversation about samson’s divorce. while it definitely wasn’t corey’s most favorite thing to talk about, it seemed like something that was completely necessary. it couldn’t have been good on samson at all to have to keep all of these emotions to himself. who knew? there was probably - no, definitely so much more for the two to talk about on this subject. there was a noticeable lift off of samson’s shoulders, but there had to be more in-depth conversations for things to truly make him feel at ease. corey would be more than glad to be the person to listen to everything he had to say. the tatted male loved just getting to listen to someone share their thoughts and feelings with him. especially when it was someone he truly cared about, like samson. he managed a soft smile at the taller’s reply, nodding his head. he was glad that they had managed to steer away from the sad talk of the past- and instead talking about the hopeful talk about that happy fairytale ending they both hoped for the other. honestly, samson had deserved so much love and happiness from someone else way before corey truly knew about the sad love life from before- now, in corey’s eyes, he deserved it that much more. smiling hopefully, he nodded his head,  “i’m sure that you will.”

 was it bad that it left a bit of a heavy feeling in his chest to only being using pronouns for the opposite gender? of course, corey should have known. why would samson ever be interested in someone like him? a guy, nonetheless. perhaps part of him had hoped that he would be a different case for samson, that their playful flirtations were going somewhere. yet, this conversation only seemed to remind him of how far away they truly were from ever being… being.. something. he tried not to show how let-down he was by the thought, though. what would the point of that be?

corey, as a big-time fan of panic, had always assumed that there was more to zack than what showed on the outside. he was still intimidating as hell, though, and the dark-haired male couldn’t find it in himself to say much if anything else to the other. yet, just as he started to assume that the man was pretty chill and actually really nice, he couldn’t help but have a brief change of heart when he saw the man practically stop the group in their tracks, and turned around with a look of absolute rage. it made his skin crawl in the most uncomfortable of ways. if looks could kill, he was sure that gaze would’ve found its way straight to isaac and logan and made them practically drop dead. he clenched his jaw briefly, silently praying that he never had to see that look directed towards him. mental note; he should never do anything that would risk him getting that look of complete hatred in his eyes. sharing that brief look with samson, he turned his gaze away and instead tried to focus on something else whilst spencer and samson talked. he wasn’t really one to partake in conversation, anyway; he was fine with simply keeping to himself for the time being.

as they reached the large table, corey settled for sitting nearby samson. i mean… hopefully it wasn’t too much of a bother, that he was being a bit clingy? he dismissed that thought almost as soon as it had come, though, when he saw the glimpse of affection in the other’s eyes. “well, mr. erwood,” he playfully joked as he glanced down at his knuckles that read the unfitting word, ‘mischief’. ”i think that’s for me to know, and you to find out.” the cheeky response caused him to smile playfully over at the other. hey, perhaps he was still a bit playful from their conversation earlier that day. either that, or the older man’s cheekiness was definitely egging corey on. they tended to do that whenever they chatted.

humming briefly about the inquiry regarding his tattoos, he tugged absently on the fabric of his sweater. “um. i have a lot, actually.” gently pulling the fabric of his sweater sleeves up to his elbows - honestly kind of insecure about his thin, pale twig arms - he smiled at the sight of his tattoos. “i think you’ve seen most of them, though. like this web,” he gestured to the one on his elbow, obviously fond of the ink all over his arms. “i kind of want to get full sleeves. but. i don’t know. i’m not the best with pain tolerance. i could barely get the tiny one under my eye,” he chuckled softly, shrugging his shoulders. upon realizing he had been rambling a bit, he grew a bit flustered, absently running his fingers over the dark lines on his arms. “sorry for going on a bit, there.”
thes code
« Last Edit: August 22, 2017, 08:28:17 PM by ᵐᵉˡᵃⁿᶜʰᵒˡʸ »

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #35 on: August 21, 2017, 12:42:15 PM »

THE ATLANTIC WAS BORN TODAY
AND I'LL TELL YOU HOW ...
I NEED YOU SO MUCH CLOSER .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
Isaac rolled his eyes coltishly at Logan’s joking back, an amused look lacing his features. ”I was kidding.” He whined softly, pausing for a second before sitting up tall in his seat and looking over at Logan with a glint of mischief in his eyes. ”I bet you wish I wasn’t though, huh?” And, honestly, even if Logan didn’t wish that Isaac was joking, Isaac wished that Isaac was joking. Of course he wanted this to be some sort of cute little date, the two of them sat together at a hidden local café with lovely staff and a sweet old Italian woman sat a couple of seats away. The two of them together in quietude for once, able to simply be in each other’s company happy and in love. But, this was not quite a date. Self-destructive Isaac wouldn’t allow it to be, anyway. He didn’t want to lead Logan on, knowing well that if he did, he’d probably break the younger male’s heart all over again. He didn’t want to hurt Logan anymore. He just wanted Logan happy and for Logan to be happy he couldn’t be messed around by Isaac. As much as one part of Isaac wanted to love the man, the other part of him wanted to just sit back, allow him to escape the hurricane that was Isaac. He couldn’t lead Logan on, and leading Logan on would be allowing this breakfast to be a date.

To love somebody unconditionally meant that pain like this was to be expected, but Logan’s happiness was Isaac’s happiness and if that meant fixing their friendship and then leaving things that way, then so be it. That was unconditional love.

With his pointed finger following each word as he read on the menu, he paused briefly to look up at Logan as he complimented him genuinely. He smiled coyly to himself, turning his head away with embarrassment as his cheeks flushed a soft shade of pink. ”Pfft...” He mumbled in response, almost dismissively, remaining silent for a couple seconds before replying gently, ”I can say the same for you.” Typical Isaac, trying to flip the compliment around immediately so that it could end up being directed more so for Logan. Isaac was never the best with compliments. He’d just get all flustered and shy and try to deny that anything about him was worth a compliment. Especially around Logan, compliments from the younger male always got Isaac into a bit of a blushing mess, mainly because compliments from Logan meant the world to him. To try brush off the embarrassment he was feeling from blushing such a rosy shade, he gazed down at his outfit, shrugging his shoulders in response to Logan’s addition to the compliment. ”You think so? I wouldn’t call this much more overdressed than what you’re wearing today which, by the way, really — uh — suits you... Yeah.” He tried to return the compliment, albeit very awkwardly. He could only hope that Logan knew that Isaac was trying his hardest. He would not have bothered with an attempt at a compliment otherwise.

Isaac cocked his head to the side, a look of perplexment on his face as Logan settled on ordering a fruit salad. ”Lo, the fruit salad is an actual fruit salad, not a bowl of skittles y’know?” He teased, knowing very well that his best friend was usually a big fan of the candy. And, besides, Isaac knew his friend for loving all sorts of junk food. So, him ordering a salad came to a surprise but it was probably a more sensible option than the pastries that Isaac had ordered. And then, after that short conversation, the table fell silent once again with no help from Isaac to get another conversation going. After all, he was too preoccupied with the intrusive thought of ’I need Logan to know.’ The words that he feared to speak to the male last night were the words he knew Logan needed to hear at some point. To Isaac, there was no better time to tell Logan than now.

And then, Isaac’s statement fell out of his mouth in a flurry of honest yet jumbled words. He needed Logan to know.

He was quite shocked at his short-lasting confidence that overcame him as he bumbled his statement to Logan. He had to know why Isaac acted the way he did last night. It wasn’t Logan’s fault; it was Isaac’s own lack of confidence and a difficult way to dealing with his problems which was the issue. And so, he slunk back to his nervous self, gulping as he stared at Logan awkwardly. The reaction he received from Logan was not one that he was expecting. Instead, Logan began to gush excitedly, much to Isaac's surprise. He still remained sombre and stoic, listening intently to Logan’s bright words and unsure what to think of the conversation's direction. In ways Isaac felt quite guilty that Logan seemed to be so cheerful about speaking about the song and yet Isaac was being so miserable. In fact, he felt quite heartsore that he ever made Logan feel that way and yet he allowed himself to listen on, not without his heart sinking at every word Logan had to say. After all, Logan deserved Isaac’s ears when talking about this. And so, Isaac quietly took a sip of his hot chocolate, nodding his head at the appropriate times.

His heart jumped as Logan hooked his smiling lip between his tooth, feeling butterflies dancing in his stomach as he listened to Logan’s final, loving comment. He stayed silent for a moment to allow for Logan’s words to sink in before lowering his eyes to watch the miniature marshmallows bob around in his drink. ”I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.” His voice was feeble and weak as he uttered those words quietly before a slight hint of a smile showed on his lips, ”I’m glad you feel that way now, though. I feel like that void I had has been filled again, too.” When Logan began to assure Isaac that the song would be changed before the show tonight, Isaac’s face visibly began to brighten with relief, his smile growing just a fraction. ”Thanks... I bet you have loads of amazing songs to replace it with.”

But, his smile did not last for long. Logan brought up the kiss, causing Isaac’s smile to fall off his face as panic set in instantly. He grimaced very slightly, his head twitching to the side anxiously as he looked away from Logan and instead lowered his head nervously and stared off to the side of him. ”Well, that’s where you’re wrong.” Isaac suddenly uttered coldly, his mood taking a turn for the worst. He swallowed hard before lifting his head at looking straight at Logan, suddenly withdrawing from the pleasant conversation before and building up those barriers once again. Logan didn’t deserve to be treated this way, but Isaac couldn’t help but react with irritability when he felt overwhelmed and, to him, the thought of the kiss alone terrified him to no end. ”I don’t want to kiss you, Logan... I just - Listen; we can’t be anything more than friends, okay? What part of that don’t you understand?!” He hissed defensively, his body almost visibly trembling from the conflicting emotions that he was feeling. He wanted so badly to just allow himself to be held in Logan’s embrace, feel his soft lips against his own and this time welcome them adoringly... He wanted to, but he couldn’t. He’d just hurt Logan again, and he cared about Logan too much to break his heart all over again. He was bound to hurt Logan again, so why make the pain worse by leading him on?







HERE'S TO YOUR BRIGHT EYES
SHINING LIKE FIREFLIES ...
THE MEMORY OF A LIFETIME .

- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
Was this something that Samson should be doing? Throwing all of these flirtatious jokes Corey’s way, that didn’t seem right... They had just met and, after all, Samson was getting over a divorce slowly but surely. Was this simply some sort of rebound? Perhaps it was, and Sam should knock it off before he messes up their friendship. But, Sam couldn’t. He was now hooked on these playful comments that Corey was giving him and he needed more, more, more. Samson shook his head in feign agitation, clucking his tongue in response to Corey’s comment before pointing out, ”I’m not only the best cuddler; I’m also the best hugger, kisser, flower giver, hand holder... Oh, and the best date, too.” He kidded, putting his hands on his hips. It was funny because, as he stated all of these sweet signs of affection, he subconsciously imagined himself giving all sorts of adoration to Corey. Holding hands, taking on dates, giving flowers... Sure, this was all probably just part of that long-standing joke they now had but... It did seem quite sweet, honestly. He began to laugh at Corey’s next statement, bringing in the other conversations that they’d spoken about that day. ”Sounds like a great date. I don’t need a candle lit dinner to have a good time.”

The change of topic regarding Sam’s divorce, however, was something which he didn’t want to go through yet knew it was the right thing to bring up to Corey. After all, he instantly felt so much better after releasing the inner demons that were trapped within him for so damn long. It felt like for months he was suffocating. He couldn’t do anything but wallow in the pain of his bad memories. But, speaking to Corey, it felt like all of his troubles were washed away peacefully. He actually felt at ease about it for the first time in a long time. He was glad that talking to Corey gave him so much hope for the future. Sam was no lost cause. He was so much more than a divorcee; he was Sam, the bassist for a renowned band, an awesome father to two even more awesome kids, a down-to-earth and caring friend... Samson wasn’t trying to sound arrogant for thinking in that way; he was just trying to veer himself down the path of self-love. That was a good start, right?

He smiled gently at Corey’s kind words, however an uneasy feeling was left sitting in his stomach. Why did it pain him so much to use the female pronouns when thinking about the future? Was it that he was afraid of ever loving another woman, scared that they would just go down the same path as him and Nat did? Pfft. Maybe. Was it that he seemed to find Corey too cute to see him as only a friend? Pfffffft... Maybe. He bit on his lip, smiling softly to himself at Corey’s agreement that Sam would treat his next lover well. Maybe one day it’d be Corey that he was treating well... But, uh, who was he kidding?

When the group arrived at the café, Samson almost expected Corey to come and sit by him, feeling a surge of joyousness when he did take a seat beside the tall male. After all, Corey didn’t really know the others all too well. Was Sam bad for not introducing him to everyone properly? Ah, probably, but Sam kind of wanted Corey all to himself, if he was being honest. And, besides, he was glad that Corey sat beside him; it made it easier for the mood from their last playful conversation to slowly seep back into Sam’s words. The words of playfulness, a flirtatious hint of mischief...Samson was a down-to-earth and humble man, yet he was known for his confident and bold moves, this being a classic example.

He raised a curious eyebrow over at Corey in response to his teasing comment, leaning back in his seat and loosely folding his arms. Ah. Keeping it a mystery for me to discover. That's a smart move.” He teased, gazing over with his bottom lip jutted out very slightly with a feigned look of disappointment. But, he wasn’t going to stop there just yet. ”So, my little Romeo,” He began kiddingly, in reference to Corey’s jokingly alluring comment, ”Will I be able to find out about the meaning of any other tattoos in the meantime?” Despite the jokes that were being passed between the two of them, Samson was, in fact, actually very interested in these tattoos on Corey. He didn’t even strike Samson as being the type who’d want to have tattoos and so that really caught Sam’s attention, if he was honest. And, also, he could only imagine that Corey would be kind of like the sentimental type, those tattoos on his body telling everyone his story. A creative way for a quiet young man to express himself. It was really smart, actually.

Sam shook his head quickly at Corey’s apology, ”No, no. I like hearing what you have to say.” He replied, smiling at the younger male gently. ”I really like that tattoo.” He then said, pointing at the tattoo of a guitar neck. ”What does it say there? Death Before... Dishonour?” He used this moment as an opportunity to place a feather-light fingertip on Corey’s skin, his finger following the words he read out loud before pulling his hand away again and looking back up at Corey. ”Even if you decide not to get any more tattoos, I think the one’s you’ve got now are really cu- cool.” God dammit. That was a close one, having almost said ‘cute’ instead of ‘cool’ like the massive dork he was. Hey, so what if he thought the tattoos were cute, right? I mean, what he really meant was that he thought the man with the tattoos was cute, but he wasn’t going to say that out loud, was he? And so it'd have to do; The tattoos were cu- cool.


« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 03:23:14 PM by Hootowls »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #36 on: August 22, 2017, 08:27:52 PM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
logan started to smile more and more as the other grew noticeably more confident, a delighted chuckle passing his lips. “who, me?” he jokingly responded, placing a hand on his chest and slumping in his chair as a sign of defeat. “ah, damn. i guess you’ve got me there.” although, to be honest, logan was only hoping that the other would take his phrase as a joke. oh, god, he wanted this to be so much more than a simple morning out on the town with isaac. he wanted this to be a date. and, in his head, this was a date. to logan, his mind was already envisioning this as a moment where he really got to amaze isaac, where he got to try and sweep him off of his feet. sure, he might have held some charm and charisma back in the day, but he had gotten a lot smoother than he would openly admit. however, if he did openly admit that, yes, this was totally a date - a date that was kinda a date but kinda not a date? - he knew that isaac would stop opening up. the thought made his heart sink in his chest. this was the most confident the tech had been in days; the last thing he wanted was to do something stupid to take it all away. loge was starting to feel so happy to see isaac feeling comfortable in his own skin again.

it made this cafe so much better, made everything so colorful. this almost-date was exactly what logan could have envisioned and more. things were brighter, things were more vibrant, and it made his heart skip beats erratically away in his chest.

as the other briefly looked up and met his gaze, logan was surprised that he hadn’t blushed just from that act alone. he looked so damn perfect, even while doing things all that simple. all that logan could find himself doing was staring affectionately across the table at him, watching those cheeks dust a light pink shade. “don’t act like that,” he laughed softly, shaking his head. “seriously, you look amazing. it really complements you.” not to mention that the few undone buttons of the other’s shirt were quite the sight… yet he decided that it was something best left to himself instead of telling his brunet friend. as the other brought up his own outfit, trying to return the compliment, he couldn’t help but smile softly with the quietest of laughs. it was adorable watching the other try and return the compliment, even while logan knew so well that he wasn’t the best with taking or returning them. the other, although he was the most amazing lyricist logan had yet to know, truly did lack the ability to convey his words on something other than pen and paper. glancing at his light blue shirt and jeans, he smiled slightly more. shrugging. “thanks, isaac.” he said that, allowing the other to know that he wasn’t overlooking his attempt before continuing, “you might not be too overdressed compared to me. but you pull it off better,” he joked, a smile on his lips. but oh, he wasn’t kidding. he so wasn’t kidding.

as the other made the playful jab at him regarding his eating habits, logan couldn’t help but laugh heartily. “gee, you tell me this now,” he mused, a playful glint in his eye as he then continued, “you know, i’ve just decided that it’s okay to get something healthy in before i down all the junk food in sight.” some things had just never changed; one of things evidently was logan’s adoration for junk food. he absolutely loved all things that held a lot of sugar, and then next to no nutritional value. as the table fell silent, he didn’t think much of it at all. instead, he had been gazing down at his coffee, a soft smile set on his large lips. he had simply figured that isaac wanted some quiet time; some time in silence had never been rare when he was around the other. yet, the last thing he had figured to happen was the other to speak out in such a flurry of words.

he had been so happy, his heart beating away in his chest. while the words he said didn’t have the most cheerful meaning behind them, he was happy because he got to talk about it all to isaac. quickly shaking his head, he added, “it wasn’t your fault. you know me, emotional and everything.” then again, he had been an emotional wreck once isaac had left. to this day, he still didn’t sleep quite as well as he would like to- because thinking of cuddling up to isaac in his bunk wasn’t an option anymore. yet, this was still enough to make his heart race with glee. especially as the other mentioned that he had great songs to choose from. he started to actually grow a bit more timid about it, his smile softening that much more as he gazed down at the table. “really? you think so?” perhaps he was just saying it to make amends with his words from yesterday. yet, as always, the gullible, forgiving logan was falling for it. he didn’t even care if the other wasn’t telling the complete truth; he was happy because at least it meant something. his songs meant a lot to him, after all, and the person he considered the best songwriter of all time telling him he had a good song made him… it made him happy.

yet, logan had fucked up. oh, god, he had fucked up.

the suddenly cold attitude from the other caused logan’s smile to vanish right away, instead being replaced with a look of confusion. he stared at the other once he lifted his head to look at him, brown eyes wide with sadness and bewilderment. what did this mean? hadn’t he just been saying he hadn’t come here for no reason? that he didn’t want logan to be the one that got away? yet, already, he was feeling isaac slipping right out of his grasp again. right when he had figured that he had a grip tight enough on the other where he figured he wouldn’t be able to slip away… his heart dropped right away in his chest. he didn’t know how any of this could possibly get any worse…

“i don’t want to kiss you, logan… we can’t be anything more than friends, okay? what part of that don’t you understand?!”

on second thought, logan stood corrected.

“isaac… i-i…” logan thought that he could cry right then and there. as a matter of fact, his eyes were tearing up. “i just thought…” yet, hearing his voice crack- he stopped. he knew he couldn’t do this again. he knew that he couldn’t start crying over the same person for the second day in a row. dammit, he was stronger than this. yet, all he wanted to do was hide away from the world for a while. crawl back in his bunk, alone, and stop trying to play off like he really was as strong as he was pretending to be. he stared down at his lap for a minute before he regained his own composure, smiling softly- yet, the smile barely seemed to pass his lips, let alone meet his eyes. “you’re right. just friends. i was stupid for thinking there was- could ever be anything between us. i get it,” he quickly said, even while the words left the worst taste in his mouth, and left his heart he thought had been pieced by together throughout the morning was suddenly being broken all over again. the smile he’d forced to his lips faded almost instantly after he said that, instead turning his gaze around the cafe once more. that once vibrant, colorful look that it had was gone now. it was like he was seeing out of black and white and… and…

so much for what could have been their first almost-date.

straightening as the waitress happily delivered their plates, he watched her as she then asked if they were going to have anything for a small dessert or if they wanted anything else. logan was quick to try and brighten up, attempting to make the mood brighter as he asked, “do you want anything, isaac?”
thes code
corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
perhaps it wasn’t the best thing to be jokingly flirting with samson, right now. i mean, he had just been talking about how he was scared he wouldn’t find love again… and, while it wasn’t quite evident that samson didn’t dabble with both genders, corey was pretty sure that he didn’t hold much attraction for him at all. why would he? yet, then again, perhaps that was what made this okay. it was obvious that there wasn’t anything between them, so why should it matter? or, at least, that was what he was telling himself- because he definitely was enjoying this conversation. huffing out of amusement as the other put his hands on his hips, he laughed, “wow. sassy much?” before he then carried on, “lucky for you, i am the best person to give cuddles, kisses, and flowers to. what a match, right?” oh, and my hands are pretty great to hold, too, so.” he said all of this with amusement glowing in his eyes, yet also… kind of wishing that he wasn’t kidding? something seemed so amazing with the thought of so much as getting to hold samson’s hand, or cuddle with him somewhere on the cramped bus. why was he so hopelessly in love with this thought? “who needs a candle lit dinner when you can do that, anyway?”

while they had talked about sam’s divorce, corey honestly wished that he could’ve been more help. he knew that he lacked a lot of experience when it came to love- if even saying he really had any experience, come to think of it. it only got worse when it came to thinking about marriage, or divorce-- and, needless to say, corey definitely wasn’t the best person to come to with advice about love. yet, he didn’t think the point of the conversation had been to give him advice. if anything, it appeared more like this conversation was needed to closure. the poor bassist needed to close that door so that he could open another one and, well, corey was glad he was the one the other had come to for it. besides, it wasn’t like corey was going to go blabbering about to everyone about what they’d talked about; the dark-haired male was ridiculously loyal, honestly. all that he cared about was what it took to make samson feel happy and, well, nothing else truly mattered on this tour other than that.

he was honestly kind of disappointed that his heart felt so heavy at the use of only females pronouns. why should something like that surprise him, by any means? then again, maybe corey was truly getting his hopes up whenever he considered the idea of them ever becoming a ‘thing.’ he stared at the other as he contemplated this, yet couldn’t help but find himself completely distracted as the other caught his lip between his teeth and smiled. damn. the things that samson erwood did to his heart… he was wondering if it would be the death of him, honestly, having to stare at someone so perfect- so out of his league.

maybe he should start introducing himself to people more often, corey decided. then again, he also didn’t want something to happen like what went down with isaac again. until he truly got his mind sorted out on what to do, he was perfectly and completely fine with sitting beside samson the whole time. he liked to think that, even once he got introduced to everyone, he would still choose to sit beside the tall male. the other truly did put his mind at ease and, while he probably would be a nervous wreck when talking to anyone else, he was actually himself when he was near samson. already, he could tell that the conversations they were going to have were going to be completely and utterly insane. they were in a rather mischievous mood, in their conversations.

raising an eyebrow, he gave a playful smirk and nodded his head. “yeah. i like things better that way,” he hummed, although he couldn’t resist laughing at the other’s feigned look of disappointment. god, samson was such a dork. he lifted his head to gaze back up at the other as he called him by ‘my little romeo’, honestly not knowing whether to feel somewhat flattered, flustered, or even more playful by the comment. probably a mix of both, he decided. leaning back a bit, he glanced over his tattoos in thought. maybe he could save the ‘mischief’ meaning for later, he supposed.. “i don’t even know where to start,” he admitted, glancing between a couple before gently placing his hands on the table once he came to a decision on which one - ones - to start with. “so… the dove and the skull…” he began slowly, contemplating how to word it the way he wanted. “i originally got it for love and death. but, i’ve heard a lot that good things don’t last forever, so… over the years it’s kind of been heartbreak or death… kinda different paths in life on each hand, i guess..” it sounded pathetic trying to explain it but- well, the tattoos were actually there for a reason. the shy boy was too timid to explain his story; why not have it on ink?

as he was quickly reassured that it was completely fine to talk - a thing that corey didn’t do often - he couldn’t resist smiling a bit at the remark. honestly, it meant a lot; he needed assurance just like that. his eyes followed the other’s light touch against his skin as he read over the words inked on his skin. trying not to be too wrapped up around the touch and to instead focus on the tattoo. death before dishonour… he nodded his head, humming. “for loyalty,” he explained, trying to think of how else he could possibly explain it-- but, well, he supposed that the tat could do enough talking. however, at the other’s next statement, he couldn’t help but finally find his wording back. his brows raised, a chuckle passing his lips. “ah, yes, so cu- cool,” he laughed, although once again he could find himself getting a bit flustered with the thought of samson ever almost calling anything apart of him cute. he wasn’t going to mention it, though, as he instead just smiled and said, "thank you, though." while most people usually thought negatively about tattoos, corey... liked to think that these actually were far from being negative. they meant everything to him, after all.
thes code
[/quote]
« Last Edit: August 25, 2017, 07:36:31 PM by ᵐᵉˡᵃⁿᶜʰᵒˡʸ »

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #37 on: August 28, 2017, 04:06:48 PM »

AND MY INK'S RUN OUT ,
I WANT TO LOVE YOU
BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
Isaac was actually quite surprised that he wasn’t blushing a bright rouge from the compliment that Logan had given him. After all, compliments from his friend would always certainly create a very flustered Isaac. He was never the greatest at taking compliments, often rejecting them or pushing them away and growing coy instead as he was, as one would say, quite a modest man. There was no way in hell that there would be anything out there to compliment him for - he’d convince himself - but Logan was always the greatest at proving him wrong with a hundred and one compliments. Isaac rolled his eyes meekly, his cheeks burning a gentle pink as he refused to make any eye contact with the man seated in front of him, causing his heart to skip a beat lovingly. ”Pfffft...” He huffed gently, the smallest of smiles creeping onto his lips. He then lowered his gaze to note what his outfit looked like on him. ”Thanks, I guess.” He responded awkwardly, though the swooning glint in his eyes was enough to admit that he was truly quite grateful for the compliment. 

It was a good thing that Isaac was talented at words when writing them down on paper; he was definitely the worst when it came to verbally expressing his thoughts and feelings, however, and this conversation made that evident. Trying to flip the compliment around so that it was directed towards Logan was such a typical thing for Isaac to try do. After all, he did kind of believe that Logan's appearance today was worth the compliment. When Logan so easily flipped the compliment around once again, Isaac slowly shook his head in feign disbelief. ”Oh, please. Have you not seen yourself today? You look amazing.”

Honestly, Isaac expected that this conversation would surely take a turn for the worst. Even he could not predict how he’d react to the topic that he dragged himself into: the song. The idea that Logan had written a song about him almost made Isaac sick to his stomach with guilt, knowing that he had caused those feelings to stir inside of the singer. But, Isaac would be a hypocrite to criticise Logan for writing a song with Isaac in mind; After all, Isaac, too, had written lyrics about Logan. A lot of songs, actually. He’d never admit to doing so, though, unlike Logan. And, he kind of hoped that Logan had never listened to any of the songs. Again, Isaac would be a hypocrite, though, complaining about Logan hearing his songs since Isaac had kind of gone out of his way to keep tabs on Logan and the band over the past years. Was that a creepy thing to do? Uhh, maybe?..

The songs Logan had produced since Isaac left had been... Different. But, what was Isaac expecting? In ways, the change was nice and, in fact, some songs really caught Isaac’s interest. Logan was very talented, Isaac had to give that to him. ”Yeah,” He began, chuckling somewhat nervously under his breath, subconsciously kneading the back of his neck in thought. ”A friend of mine really liked that one album of yours... Uhh, Too Rare to... Die? I, uh, I dunno.” He shrugged his shoulders dismissively, trying to play things off cool even though, honestly, some of those songs were a masterpiece. But, after that, the conversation took a turn for the worst.

Isaac should’ve known right from the start that all good things must come to an end.

All it took was one slight twist in the conversation to render Isaac almost speechless, sinking back into his seat uncomfortably and wishing that he wasn’t sat at this table with Logan trying to have this conversation. Of everything that Isaac deemed inappropriate to speak about at the breakfast table, the kiss seemed pretty high up on Isaac’s list, probably in the top three. It was like playing Russian Roulette when starting conversations with the scruffy-haired male; anything seemed to set him off, cause him to shy away like a timid mouse who was afraid of being caught or cause him to grow so icy cold and defensive almost as if everyone in the world was his enemy.

But, Logan was not his enemy, was he?

With his head hanging low now, he stared at the table, bewildered by the words that spilled from his forked tongue. ’I don’t want to kiss you’, oh fuck off, Isaac. He didn’t know how it was even possible but he was sure that, in that moment, he hated himself more than he ever had before. The look in Logan’s eyes was enough to break Isaac all over again, so much so that he was afraid to look at his friend. Yes, Logan was his enemy now; the man’s broken heart was enough to destroy Isaac and his soul. And so, Isaac swallowed back the bile rising in the back of his throat, the sickening feeling overcoming him from the realisation that he was destroying what he loved.

He wanted to run away from all of this as Logan began to talk, his wobbly voice crackling over words sadly causing Isaac’s heart to plummet painfully. He dared to flicker his eyes up sheepishly at Logan, though refusing to meet his eyes with Lo’s, as he silently listened to his friend speak. The hard, stoic look on Isaac’s face was easily mistaken as a look of insensitivity, his emotionless gaze fooling all those around him for the gaze was one to mask the flood of emotions inside of him. He was a sensitive man, easy to crack and easier to crumble. But, Isaac hated himself for being so damn stubborn, for believing that a sign of emotion was a sign of weakness. And so, he learned the art of the deadpan; He needed his shield and battle armour protecting his heart at all times in the form of the blank face watching Logan taking the news that Isaac wanted them to remain as friends, almost as if Isaac was happy to see Logan hurting.

Only Isaac was the one to know that that was so far from the truth.

Isaac stared pathetically, wanting to visibly grimace at the smile which then played on Logan’s lips. A great performance, Lo; it almost fooled Isaac, thinking that Logan was okay. But, Isaac knew that that was only wishful thinking. He’d hurt Logan and he knew that he would do absolutely nothing about it which only made things worse. ”Yeah...” Isaac mumbled under his breath quietly, feeling like he was betraying his heart with his next words, ”I would’ve thought that from last time you’d realise that we would never work out.” He paused, lowering his eyes to look into his mug of hot chocolate, nodding his head as his heart throbbed painfully, ”We are just not really meant to be.”

Whatever was left of the vibrancy of this place had completely dulled at Isaac’s harsh words, with Isaac wondering why he was creating so many problems for them. This was for the best though, right? Establish the boundaries before things got too far, right? The higher they go together, the further they’d fall if things went wrong and so Isaac was here, shackling them down to the ground and throwing away the key.

Of course this wasn’t for the best, realistically. This was just breaking Logan’s heart over and over again.

Isaac folded his arms tightly around his torso as the waitress approached the table cheerfully, placing the plates on the table. He thanked the woman very softly, his warm brown eyes peering through his mop of hair at Logan distantly when the other asked him a question. ”No, this is good.” He uttered grumpily, motioning at his plate before lowering his eyes and eating one of the pastries after the waitress left. As much as Isaac wanted things to return to normal, pretend that none of this had ever happened, he was left in awe at the shocking conversation that unfolded in front of the two of them. How did Logan not hate him? Maybe he did hate Isaac for what he’d done... He wouldn’t even be surprised. He wasn’t very likeable anyway.

”Do you regret it?” He suddenly stumbled his words out stupidly, squeezing the pastry between his fingers and thumb more firmly, the dough pressing together. Isaac definitely wasn’t one to discuss emotions but this was Logan and Isaac just had to know how badly he’d fucked up. ”Bringing me on tour... Do you regret it?” He then clarified, his eyes fixated on his breakfast awkwardly as he simply couldn’t bring himself to look at Logan again after he witnessed the heartache in his eyes earlier. Isaac felt like a monster. Maybe he was a monster, one of those ones from people’s nightmares who’d cause them to wake up crying. Isaac was good at making people cry, it appeared to be. Maybe he was Logan's worst nightmare, no matter how much Logan was willing to deny it. Whatever it was, Isaac knew that he was no good for Lo.







WE MOVE JUST LIKE
THE MOON & SUN ...
THEY KNOW THEIR LOVE
SPINS US ROUND .

- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
All Samson could do in response to Corey's reply was huff a breath of amusement in return, nodding his head towards the other who had his hands on his hips. Oh, and you’re calling me the sassy one here?!” He responded playfully to the entirety of Corey’s comment. Part of Samson was scolding himself for participating in this light-hearted flirtatious conversation; less than a year ago he was still married to a woman whom he had kids with and so it seemed very out of sorts to be flirting with a younger man, even if it was all a joke or something. But, another part of Samson praised himself, taking pride in having the strength to rebuild that lost confidence when it came to this sort of stuff. After all, he felt like a phoenix, rising up through the flames of a divorce and fumbling back to his feet. This was the first step to healing a broken heart, right? He continued, with a smile of his lips, ”Oh, are you? What a match! We are perfect for each other, I think. Too bad everyone else is totally third wheeling; this would’ve been such a sweet date... Except I’m okay with Zack paying for all this.” He laughed, trying to keep his almost very hinting comments as jokey and light-hearted as he could. After all, he couldn’t quite figure out his feelings. He was simply letting his heart do all the talking.

Samson had the tendency to simply never be able to understand his feelings. He was a man who felt emotions strongly, especially the feelings of love and adoration. He liked to think that his mostly optimistic outlook on almost every aspect of life helped heighten the positive emotions within him, but that came with the confusion of what his intense feelings were all about, too. And, when it came to Corey, his soaring heart and almost permanent smile on his lips, the ‘love-sick’ puppy eyes following Corey and the enthrallment of being around the other was almost enough to convince him that he was falling in love with him, but Samson knew that couldn’t be the case. He’d never really felt any attraction to a man before, and hadn’t felt any sort of attraction towards anyone apart from Nat for all those years that they were together. What was this that he was feeling? It couldn’t be love, could it? Ah, probably not. Sam would be quick to brush the suggestion off. After all, for so long he was convinced he’d only ever be in love with one person ever again and that was his now-ex wife. How could he ever love again after that? Things would change in time, despite Sam being oblivious to the fact.

 ”I can tell,” Sam hummed cheekily, leaning back in his seat and cocking his head to the side at Corey. ”It’s okay, though. The less you reveal, the more I am left to wonder.” Did that comment sound like another shot at flirting? Maybe, but Samson was going to allow for Corey to be the judge of that, listening for the sort of response Corey would give to that comment. When he listened into Corey’s discussion about his tattoos, Sam folded his arms, his baby blue eyes tracing the patterns across the younger man’s skin with intrigue. To Samson, he felt so at ease when Corey spoke with his gentle voice, his mind focussing on each and every word of his as he spoke. When the meaning behind and dove and skull tattoo was revealed, an inspired look almost lit up Sam’s face, the grim truth hitting home instantly. ”That’s so smart...” His voice trailed off, distracted by his own thoughts as he gazed at the tattoos. Heartbreak or death... That was a sad truth. He’d already experienced one, it’d break him if he’d have to experience the other, too.

But then, after some contemplation, he finally pointed out, ”Life doesn't always hold unhappy endings for us all, though. I’d like to think that the ’and they all lived happily ever after’ isn’t just something I’ve read to my kids for the past seven years; it’d suck if that was all a lie.” He chuckled under his breath, his laughter fading as he knitted his eyebrows together in thought. ”I think people’s 'heartbreak or death' comes from being too afraid to go and do what’s best for them... And it’s sad because I know it’s the case for so many people. Great things will never happen in comfort zones, but great things do exist out there... Even those happy endings which seem so far away. Whether it's from romance or an aspiration, love will always exist somewhere.” He paused, realising that he'd quickly grown quite philosophical almost by what he was saying. But, it was probably a nice thing for Corey to hear, perhaps... Or maybe Sam enjoyed the sound of his own voice in that moment, inspired by Corey's words.

"When I was younger, I really wanted music to be my life. I was so, so unhappy at the job I had to work at before, but I was comfortable doing it for my life. Comfort is unhappiness, in my opinion. And so, I stepped out of that comfort zone, started a band, managed to actually get myself out there and I'd like to think that, in regards to my job, I am very happy now. To me, the music is my idea of love and, for as long as the music I've written and performed is out there, I will be happy. No matter what heartbreak goes on in my life, I have love through music and so I'm always going to be okay, if you get me?" He went silent for a moment, pulling a face as he gazed down at the table. "That was a bit of a long-winded thing from me, sorry."

At Samson’s stumble over his next words, an embarrassed smile played on his lips as he hooked his tooth on his bottom lip. ”Shhh...” He hummed playfully, ”Y’know what I meant.” And, after gently nudging Corey’s shoulder, Sam leaned back in his seat, smiling to himself like the dork he was. After all, Corey commented on his little blip, meaning only that he had probably figured out what Samson was about to say. I mean, there was nothing wrong with calling Corey cute though, right? It was an innocent enough comment... Possibly.

And then, Sam raised his head after two waiters came by to the table, one with a large antipasti platter for the table and the other with a pot of black coffee in one hand and a basket of toasted ciabattas in the other. They placed it all down on the table, Sam assuming that Zack had gone and placed the order whilst he was pacing about in and out the shop from the worry of Logan going missing. Samson would be worried but he knew Logan was with his friend and that they were probably going off somewhere together to catch up. Fair enough, right? And, whilst his close friend would go catch up with his friend, Sam would get to know his special friend a little better. And, Sam was really enjoying it.

Picking from the platter, he ate a little before exclaiming to Corey enthusiastically, ”Okay, y’know, there’s one thing you’ve got to know about Italy... Food here is the best. I’d say Italian food is at least on the top three of my favourite cuisines, and it’s obviously ‘cause of the pizza.”   



« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 03:27:03 PM by Hootowls »
◜ WISH YOU WERE HERE ◞
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Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #38 on: August 30, 2017, 07:22:20 PM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
there wasn’t a sight more adorable than isaac’s own modesty; that light pink dusted over his cheeks, the way he adamantly tried to avoid gazing over at him.. it was all so adorable, one of the many, many things logan had adored back in the day. sometimes, he’d try nearly any compliment he could possibly think of. usually it resulted in a flustered guitarist, who usually rejected the compliment or tried to shy away from the kind words. it… kind of sucked, really, how the other didn’t think he was deserving of those compliments. as logan gazed lovingly across the table at his friend, he couldn’t help but think about just how wrong he was. what kind of person would he be to deny the other of such compliments? he truly deserved to be showered with them, constantly. daily. silently, logan decided he could- would do that. the other was going to have his heart soaring with confidence by the end of this tour, the vocalist told himself. he gazed briefly over as the other huffed, and then gently thanked him for the compliment. all that logan could do was softly smile, even while all he truly wanted to do was wrap that lithe frame in his arms. “it was nothing,” he assured, gently taking a sip of his coffee as he boldly added, “thank you, for giving me someone so perfect to look at.”


well, shit, logan.

perhaps the phrase had been a bit much, but lo managed to somehow act like he hadn’t said anything flirtatious, in hopes the other would simply brush it off and think nothing of it. he lifted his gaze from his drink just enough to see isaac shaking his head in disbelief. you look amazing,” he responded. however, after a moment, he offered a humble smile before shrugging, taking the compliment for what it was. “thanks. i try,” he decided on saying, his voice just slightly playful, slightly joking, as he fixed his glasses. honestly, lo’s eyesight could be real shitty at times-- he needed these glasses, even while he would openly admit he didn’t wear them nearly as often as he should.

was it bad that logan hadn’t expected the conversation to somehow stay so cheery? sure, usually he always had such a cheery voice in attempt to make sure everyone else felt cheery, no matter how somber the topic was- yet, usually it didn’t work with isaac like this. perhaps it was because he was actually happy to be talking with the lyricist. the vocalist hadn’t been thinking about how isaac would feel whenever he had heard that song. he had doubted that isaac would listen to any of his songs, actually. all that he wanted to do was have a song that allowed him to get that horrible weight off of his chest. there were a lot of songs that he would write about the other, only to feel ashamed for thinking about him so much that he’d just scrap the piece away immediately. perhaps he wasn’t entirely happy that he had to change the setlist; but, truly, there was no happiness better than seeing isaac relax. if that’s what it took, then so be it.

all logan had wanted to do was make isaac proud. that was why last night had crushed him so much. the thought of isaac, the best lyricist ever in logan’s eyes, not liking his music had truly broke his heart. yet it seemed like the two of them had made amends about it. the brunet was grateful for that much. “too weird to live, too rare to die?” he hummed, nodding his head. “i’m proud of that album… all of them, really.” he poured his heart into every song he made; it would be hard to say which one would be his favorite album. perhaps the more current one, because it suited the person that he currently was… but, he liked to think that all of them had a piece of him- something that he adored.

now, this conversation, was something he absolutely didn’t adore.

poor logan had figured that, since they were talking about the touchy subject like the song, that all conversations could be said at the table. yet he was quickly coming to regret that decision, watching as isaac grew more distant. as that soft smile and bright look in his eyes dimmed and hardened. he didn’t know how much of this he could take, but he knew that he was falling apart fast. there was only so much that logan could handle. there were so many things that he wanted to talk about, too. as his big, brown eyes glanced at isaac- timidly turning his gaze away towards the countertop, he decided that some things were best left to himself. god, why did he always go and screw things up? was that all he was good for, nowadays?

”I don’t want to kiss you… I don’t want to kiss you…” that phrase was running through his head multiple times, each word a stab to the chest. it was hard to describe this feeling.. yet he could remember it, that exact feeling, from years before. heartbreak was a painful thing; it wasn’t an emotion you could simply forget about, no matter how many years you tried to recover from it. his heart was broken, right then and there, laid out across the table for all to see. logan wore his heart on his sleeve; it was hard for him to hide just how he was feeling. he didn’t even want isaac to see him like this. didn’t want him to notice the slight water in his eyes, the cracking and wobbling in his voice. he didn’t have much of a choice in that matter, though.

it only hurt to look across the table and see a completely different reaction from isaac, the perpetrator of this beautiful, tragic crime. the vocalist’s sad, damaged expression was simply met with a hard look. he didn’t care. the thought cut straight down into logan’s heart and soul, his entire being. the thought made him want to stand up and walk away from the situation; leave before either one of them got hurt any more than they already were. because logan was hurt enough, and he was sure this conversation was only going to cut deeper. catching his trembling lower lip in his teeth as he looked at isaac, he could only feel his heart pounding painfully in his chest. was isaac happy with this? was he happy to see that the lead singer wasn’t? it hurt. it hurt, so much so, that logan couldn’t even find it in himself to keep meeting those hard brown eyes. what purpose would it do? make him start crying all over again?

but then, isaac said something logan did not want to hear.

”we are just not really meant to be.” those words struck him harder than any of the previous words, leaving him shaken and hurt and in pain and just- god, he was a mess. “don’t…” he started suddenly, defensively, heartbreak and a certain gleam of defensiveness evident in his eyes as he uttered, “d-don’t say that. please...” was it because logan wasn’t ready to face the truth, or because he genuinely believed they were meant to be? logan wasn’t entirely sure, but he was also so confused and unsure of himself in that moment. the least confident he could ever remember being. “we can be.. we can be something. you can’t say we ‘aren’t meant to be’, okay?”

however, whatever fight that had been left in logan had simply deflated. the fight that had flashed in his eyes briefly before was gone as the waitress came by, settling for turning his gaze away. he had a forced smile to his lips, nodding his head gently as the waitress left. trying his best to seem like everything was alright. yet, the innocence and beauty that had surrounded this place was now long gone. just a distant memory compared to what they now had. there was a sickness in his stomach, suddenly at a loss of an appetite as he stared down dully at his food.

he kept a soft smile to his face- even when he could feel the water gently pricking at the corner of his eyes. his head lifted as the other suddenly stumbled out some words, his eyes widening briefly in surprise. yet, as the timid male continued to explain the question, he found his gaze gently soften. his fake smile had vanished, though, as he settled for gently tracing the corner of the bowl his fruit salad was in. “i could never,” he answered, simple as that. it might have been a short answer, but it was the truth. swallowing hard, he managed to lift his gaze to look at the other across the table, holding his stare. “i just… wish i could be better, for you,” he admitted softly, downcasting his gaze insecurely.

for those next couple of minutes he couldn’t find it in himself to do much of anything. all he could do was stare blankly down at the fruit, reeling his mind to try and think of something he could say or do to make this situation better. the only moment he truly saw that opportunity arise was when the waitress slipped the check down. quickly, he grabbed the check, a bright, hopeful smile on his lips. “i’ll pay,” he decided, not leaving room for argument as he glanced at the price and dug around for enough money in his wallet. “don’t worry about it.” it was the least he could do, right? after upsetting him that terribly, he would do anything to try and see a smile on those lips again.
thes code
corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
corey couldn’t help laughing softly in response to the other’s playful quip, nodding his head. “of course i am,” he responded, nodding his head, “but i didn’t say that i wasn’t sassy, either.” then again, compared to the two of them, samson probably had more sass. corey wasn’t exactly one to say ‘salty’ responses or anything like that to someone. actually, he was someone that wouldn’t even say much if anything to someone else. yet, he had to admit that he was enjoying this conversation so much. more than he would admit. perhaps it was wrong for the two of them to be so playfully flirting with each other. yet, was this also sam’s definition of flirting? or was corey simply imagining things? regardless, this sort of conversation was making his heart soar. his confidence was piecing together again, a bright smile playing on his lips as he listened to everything the other said. “we were meant to be, really. like, seriously, want to try being my boyfriend?” he joked - wished he wasn’t - a small laugh escaping his lips as the other commented on zack paying for the date that could have been. “oh, will zack pay for all of our other dates, too? or does that mean every date night will be spent with people third wheeling?” of course, he didn’t expect there to be any future dates. but he still liked to imagine them going somewhere, even if it was just a thought he’d keep to himself.

the assistant wasn’t really what you would call a ‘hopeless romantic.’ there were some days where he was sure that there was such thing as “the one” or there was someone that he could endlessly love and spoil and pour his heart and thoughts out to. yet, there were also some days where his two tattoos on his hand truly stuck out to him; heartbreak or death. i mean, was there truly a love that lasted for forever? in what few relationships corey had had in his life - like, one? two? - corey was pretty sure he was better off to his own devices. he was just… too shy, too timid to truly be someone that people would be interested in spending the rest of their lives with. yet… he liked to think that, with samson, something would be different. he’d never been so happy in his life, or so he could recall. he knew that he was hopelessly crushing on the other, getting back all of those hopeless romantic ideas of maybe, just maybe, this would turn out different than the other relationships he’d experienced back in his younger days. but, again, he figured this went down the side of ‘heartbreak’ on his two alternative storylines displayed on his arms. why would someone as perfect as samson ever want to settle with corey, the imperfect shy guy?

“hm…” corey hummed playfully, as if pondering over the other’s words - which, really, he was moreso gushing over them than anything. “who knows? maybe i’ll always leave you a little something to keep you intrigued.” because oh, god, did corey like the thought of keeping samson interested in him. perhaps both of their words were borderline flirtatious- yet corey was quickly learning to take them all more as a joke than anything. as he began to pour over his tattoos, he found himself growing sheepish as the other trailed off in thought about his last tattoo story. his eyes lifted to look at those inspired blue hues, only to lower his gaze to look absently at the two tattoos. “it’s alright, i guess…” he hummed, the slight lack of confidence briefly peaking through his words. although he was very proud of the tattoos that he bore, he did get shy when actually explaining them out loud. while most were quite clever, he always silently feared someone not quite getting it.

as samson started to talk, though, he found himself hanging onto every word. he listened intently, interested in what the other had to say about the topic of ‘heartbreak or death.’ he couldn’t help but start to smile affectionately as the other talked about his story in the music industry, nodding his head. “no, no. it’s alright,” he was quick to assure, moving his hand to gently trace the dove tattoos with the pad of his thumb- a bad habit of his he did, truly. “i liked getting to har what you had to say, honest. i remember you talking about your job on a periscope one time,” he recalled, lifting his eyes to look over at the taller male, smiling. “i’m glad you found something that made you happy in life.” wasn’t that everyone’s goal in life? find something that made you happy? whether that be a person, place, or thing? corey wasn’t too sure. but he was happy that samson had found that with his passion for music.

looking down at his tattoos again, he tried to recollect his thoughts. “i mean… i’m sure it doesn’t always end one way or the other,” he started, biting on his lip and glancing up at the ceiling as he pondered the idea some more. “maybe there are some that last… that, you know, break the cycle.” he looked sheepishly down at the table, then, sighing with a short huff. thank goodness he didn’t have to word things all the time; perhaps he really was just best off not saying much. “i dunno. i wish my story can be one of those exceptions.” yet he knew not to get his hopes up. sure, right now, most people were usually in the prime of their lives. people were married at this time, getting married, maybe already having kids and starting a family. meanwhile, all that corey had was a dream. a dream that he’d been working on for years but to no avail. perhaps his storyline was destined to end as heartbreak or death. who knew for certain, though?

“i do? well, did you mean ‘cu’ or did you mean ‘cool’?” he teased the other, waggling his brows to show that, oh, samson definitely wasn’t fooling him. yet he liked to think that the bassist hadn’t been talking about just corey. he had been talking about his tattoos, of course! he thought that the tattoos were cute/cool, or whatever he had meant to say. although, he honestly was hoping that he had meant to call corey, himself, cute. the thought was enough to make his heart skyrocket, as well as with his confidence. samson erwood had corey’s heart a mess, that’s for sure.

corey had been surprised to see the amounts of food being placed down on the table. no doubt would this group finish it all, though. he hadn’t even realized how hungry he had been, honestly. he waited a bit before carefully picking a bit of everything - even though he did turn down the coffee, seeing as he thought just the one cup from this morning had been plenty - and gazing down at it. it had been a while since he had actually gone out to eat and, truly, he was enjoying it. as he ate a little, he couldn’t help but smile fondly at samson’s enthusiasm. “i believe you. this food is delicious.” leaning back against his chair, he hummed delightedly before jokingly saying,  “don’t worry. as your assistant, i will find you the best pizza that milan has to offer. maybe even some pasta, if i really like you.” which. he did. oh, if only samson knew.
thes code
« Last Edit: August 30, 2017, 08:41:17 PM by ᵐᵉˡᵃⁿᶜʰᵒˡʸ »

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #39 on: August 31, 2017, 03:12:17 PM »

AND MY INK'S RUN OUT ,
I WANT TO LOVE YOU
BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
One quality that people could often see in Isaac was the refusal to accept any sort of compliment. After all, he couldn’t accept something that he did not particularly agree with. And, any sort of praise of him was definitely nothing he’d ever think to himself about and so he’d be quick to dismiss it. With Logan, the younger male seemed abundant in a million and one sweet words for Isaac to hear. Being showered by his love meant the world to Isaac and yet all he could do is blush coyly and shy away from any sort of compliment. Chewing on his lip timidly, a flicker of a smile grew on his lips, peering over at Logan. And then, he felt his breath almost leave his lungs at Logan’s next words. ”Wha-?” He squeaked, visibly trying to conceal the massive smile that was trying to show on his lips. The bold move from Logan shocked Isaac, honestly, but in the best of ways. ”You don’t mean that.” He was then quick to try dismiss, lowering his gaze very quickly as he felt his cheeks burning and the smile shyly tugging at the corner of his lip. Compliments like that made Isaac almost melt in Logan's hand like putty, but he had to hold himself back from visibly taking a liking to his words. After all, it'd only fuel Logan more if he knew how much of a confidence boost it was to Isaac.

But then, Isaac became a hurricane once again, only to tear apart all that was good in the conversation with his stupid change of topic. He was the human incarnation of chaos. Despite the gentle and soft-spoken exterior of him, Isaac was anything but peaceful around Brendon in these moments. Around Brendon, a storm would twist inside of Isaac. He’d only become this dynamic when it was raining like in this thunderous storm of words, the blue, blue water drops pelting down and flooding his fragile mind. Whenever he’d open his mouth to speak, only thunder would roar instead, his sharp tongue shocking Logan like a lightning bolt striking his friend's heart. When the conversation took a turn for the worst, stormy Isaac would make sure that nothing would be left standing. His hard gaze remained deadpan though inside of him was all twisted and being torn apart from the lonely gales gushing through him and, God, even sitting in front of Logan in that moment, he never felt so alone.

The worst part was that Isaac knew that he was a terrible person. Good people would never hurt the ones they loved the way Isaac would hurt Logan’s heart and soul. He knew he was a bad person, and he was trying his very best to be better... He knew that trying would never be enough to fix the destruction that this hurricane would leave behind. He was so sorry. There came a point where Isaac was less surprised when people would leave him - his old friends, all of whom called him an asshole who was always too bitter and closed off for his own good, for example — and more surprised when someone would actually stay with him and like him for who he was. Like Logan.

So, why was he taking that for granted?

Isaac didn’t think that anything could possibly go as pear-shaped as the conversation that was unfolding in front of him. Not only did Logan bring up a too-touchy subject and not only did Isaac throw away Logan’s feelings as if they were disposable but then... Logan became defensive over Isaac’s cruel words. ”We are just not really meant to be”; the words Isaac wished so badly were not true but he knew he had to stick by them anyway. After all, Isaac was afraid. If everything was to collapse beneath them and their love, what would Isaac have left after losing Logan? That’s right — nothing. And, you can’t really miss what you never had. The trick to save Isaac the inevitable heartbreak was to simply not allow Logan into his heart.

So then why did his heart still hurt like this?

The words rung through his ears like a grenade whistle, every single heart-wrenching word leaving Logan’s lips like grenades being dropped on Isaac’s heart. How much did he have to hurt himself to realise that this was definitely not the right way to go by things? All Isaac was going was tearing them apart. But, love was good at tearing people apart.

”Logan.” Isaac interjected sternly, leaning forwards in his seat very slightly. Though trembling lightly from the adrenaline pumping through his veins, his heart thumping at the dark cave he called his chest, Isaac refused to back down in that very moment. He simply couldn’t allow for Logan to continue this way. It was too damn hard to sit and listen to. ”You gotta cut this shit out, all right?” Voice crackling uneasily, he was fighting against the vacant vessel of his heart, that space needing a piece of Logan yet closing the doors in his face every time. He wanted so badly to tell Logan, but he didn’t know how to; He just wanted to push aside the fear of them falling, just open his arms up and pull Logan close... Tell him all the little thoughts he’d have of him. Allow them to fall together. Fall in love or fall apart? That was the question that burned at Isaac's mind; what would it be? Most of all, Isaac wanted to tell him that he loved him. Isaac was in love with him. He knew after the deep contemplation he’d have in his living room every night, laying back as he stared distantly at a muted television screen... He was nothing without Logan. He loved him and he always had loved him.

On those evenings that they stood on the big stage together, lights glaring down on them, fans chanting their names, them getting themselves lost in their beautiful songs. Together.

Those nights they'd spend curled up in each other's arms, mumbling almost incoherently at each other, half-lidded eyes tired and at peace. Together.

The times where they'd follow each other around like each other's shadows, always finding different ways to make each other laugh and smile. It was always a goal to make Logan smile his stunning smile, and he was almost certain Logan wanted to achieve the same thing with Isaac. Together.

The months after leaving him, Isaac wallowing around miserably, regretting ever leaving Logan behind. The guilt consuming him and wishing that he could turn back time to be back in his friend's loving embrace. Back when they were together.

Even with all of that, that would never be enough to change Isaac’s response, though.

”I don’t care if you think we can ‘be something’ or... Uh.” He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose as he squeezed his eyes shut. ”Lo...” He finally said softly, flitting his gaze up at Logan once he recomposed himself. ”Just... Stop trying to get your hopes up; it’s only going to hurt the both of us more.”

And then, he went silent. Lowering his gaze miserably, he chose not to bother to speak to the other for a while as he ate, thinking back at what had commenced moments before. It shouldn’t be sad, realising you loved someone. It really shouldn’t be sad like the way it was for Isaac. After all, Logan had seen all the haunting baggage Isaac would carry around with him and yet he’d never mind. Instead, he’d embrace Isaac’s flaws, never try change who he was and instead love him for what he was. He was the only one who just understood; and yet, Isaac couldn’t allow himself to open up to Logan, no matter how much he wanted to.

After quickly stammering over his question self-consciously, he refused to even look up at Logan, instead poking around mindlessly at the crumbs of the pastries he’d just demolished. But then — ”I just... wish I could be better, for you”. Isaac raised his head, his eyes landing on Logan’s just for a moment before Logan flitted his gaze downwards. Isaac allowed for his lips to part at that sentence, almost rendered completely speechless from shock. ”W-What?” Isaac mumbled, keeping his eyes fixed on Logan with concern as he hugged his torso awkwardly. ”I, uhh, what do you mean? You’re doing just fine.” He tried to reassure Logan, albeit very unsurely. Guilt. It was the only feeling that had overcome Isaac. His antics was making Logan doubt himself and that was something Isaac tried promising to himself he’d never do to Logan: He promised himself to never hurt him. And, look at what he was doing here. He was failing. He was a failure and he hated himself for it.

After the conversation went to a standstill, Isaac actually felt quite grateful. He was stressing out at such a ridiculous time in the morning. 10am was too early to worry about how bad of a person he was, especially towards Logan. And so, he decided not to linger on the conversation even if it meant not speak to Logan at all. Instead, he kept his eyes low timidly, finishing off his hot chocolate. And then, after the waitress came by with the bill, Isaac leaned back in his seat to dig his hand into his pocket for his wallet. Not another moment passed though before Logan stated that he’d pay for everything. ”Oh, no, no. I can pay for mine.” He tried to argue, but was quick to stop trying after seeing how adamant Logan was to cover the cost. ”Are you sure?” He paused just for a moment before continuing, ”Uhh... Thanks.”

Standing up, Isaac brushed the crumbs off of his pants before tucking the chair in and following Logan out the door, walking quite close to the side of his friend despite how awkward and sheepish he was feeling after the tense conversation over breakfast. He peered around, taking in the beautiful sights around him before looking over to the most beautiful sight of them all. His chocolate brown eyes focussed on Logan, jutting his bottom lip out very slightly. ”Will, um... Will Zack be mad at us?” He asked worriedly, quickly averting his eyes to follow his footsteps on the busy sidewalk. He was thinking ahead very quickly upon realising that now they would have to return to the thunder storm that was Zack. In that very moment, Isaac began to feel his heart race a lot quicker.







WE MOVE JUST LIKE
THE MOON & SUN ...
THEY KNOW THEIR LOVE
SPINS US ROUND .

- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
Samson had to be honest here; He was enjoying this conversation more than he was letting on, which was honestly a surprise as he was evidently finding this talk really amusing. But, not only was he grinning like an idiot, quipping back with very flirtatious and playful words and laughing at Corey’s responses, but also his heart was pounding with an excited nervousness at his chest, his stomach swarmed with butterflies. Was this conversation acceptable to talk about? Sam didn’t even know whether it was appropriate or not, but he’d still go along with it. Mainly because he was really enjoying it. ”Want to try be your boyfriend? Don’t worry, I’m already trying my best to, here.” He kidded back before wondering whether he was kidding or not. Like, he was so fond of Corey but was it too fond for this to be only friendly? He chuckled to himself gently, lowering his head to shake it very slowly with amusement.

And then, the topic of the tattoos arose, peaking an interest in Samson to begin to discover what the tattoos really meant. Sam didn’t want to be the type to make assumptions about others, but Sam saw Corey as the type to really think about the meaning behind tattoos before wanting them inked on his skin for life. If Sam ever wanted a tattoo himself, he knew that he’d have the same sort of mindset. After growing quite philosophical about his views of love, or lack thereof, it really did bring to Sam’s attention that he’d been, in fact, speaking from experience almost.

Maybe all there was was heartbreak or death. Nothing good will last forever, and he’d experienced that first hand with Natalia. Oh, Natalia... She was an absolute killer queen and she didn’t even realise. She’d killed Sam on the inside by breaking his heart into a million pieces. How can anyone else ever pick up a million pieces and make his heart whole again? That seemed... Impossible. He was terrified of being alone, and yet he was almost convinced that he was only playing out his worst nightmare nowadays. Who could ever love a disposable man like Samson? Second-hand lovers like him were not worthy of ever finding someone else to love, right? There had to be something seriously wrong with him if Natalia chose to lose him so easily. This would only turn into a vicious cycle: fall in love, lover sees all of Sam's deadly flaws, lover leaves him and Sam is alone again. Just like what Nat did to him.

They were in love. How did she slip through his fingers so easily?

Sam’s lips curled into a gentle, closed-lip smile, his eyes fluttering down at his lap. ”Oh yeah... I blab on Periscope.” He chuckled, thinking back to all the things he’d say on a live stream video. Thinking about it, maybe he was destined to be alone in life. Maybe his lover was supposed to be his music. All he could do for the rest of his life is write depressing songs about how he was never good enough for anyone... Was he getting upset over Nat again?

Yeah... Maybe he was.

It was at such an inappropriate time, too, whilst he was seated at a table in a café eating breakfast. He was supposed to be chilling out, talking amongst people and being okay. Instead, his tired eyes glanced at everybody else at the table, his smile slowly dissolving off his face in contemplation. Everybody around him was happy, all made of rose-coloured glass. And whilst they were all sitting and laughing amongst each other, Samson wondered whether he was truly happy, too. After all, he’d been smiling and laughing this morning. But, maybe he was only fake happy. He was definitely not the type to want to go on and on about how he felt about things. He was definitely more the type to want to bottle his emotions up; After all, he enjoyed his reputation as the cheerful, carefree man that he used to be. The man he still could be... As long as he was playing pretend. Toothy grins and hearty chuckles were good at making others believe that he was totally himself again, but he knew inside that he had a lot of healing to still do.

Samson shrugged his shoulders at Corey’s comment on heartbreak or death. Unlike Corey who wished he could have a happy ending, Samson was almost entirely prepared to write himself off as a lost cause. It’d be too much for him to become a dreamer again, merely wishing to find somebody else out there who could ever love him wholly for him... Almost like how Sam was beginning to feel for Corey. He just wanted a happily ever after, but he knew it was unlikely. ”I think your story will be one of those exceptions.” He assured, a glint of care in his eyes as he looked over at Corey. ”I mean, who wouldn’t want a happy ending with you in their life? They'll be lucky to have you; You’re a really good person. You don’t find a lot of good people in the world these days.”

Whilst the group wandered back towards the hotel, Samson’s eyes took in all the fantastic sights that Milan had to offer. All the Tuscan-styled shops all placed neatly along in a row, small stalls on the side of the street selling fruits and nuts and souvenirs... It was all truly fascinating. You don’t get these sorts of things back in America. He looked over at Sam, pursing his lips playfully before replying, ”I didn’t mean ‘cu’ or ‘cool’.” He paused, realising that Corey knew what Samson had almost said. And so... Why don’t he just confirm it? ”I actually meant cute, for your information.” He stated sassily, carding his fingers as he averted his gaze from Corey to have a look around the street, a cheeky smile playing on his lips. Though it seemed like he was only fooling around, only Sam knew that he was definitely not just kidding.

”Maybe even some pasta if you really like me?” He repeated Corey with amusement, peering over at the assistant with raised eyebrows when they began to talk about the cuisine. And then, he continued with a feign arrogance, ”In that case... I’m looking forward to that pasta dish, Mr. Bleu.” His tease was a joking suggestion that he just knew that Corey really liked him but... If only it was really the case. Sam’s gaze lingered on Corey for a moment longer before quickly looking away and continuing walking along with the group. Corey was a really nice guy; Samson liked his very playful humour, those moments where he’d grow a little shy, the way his smile was truly charming... Corey was like a breath of fresh air, his very youthful sort of ways fascinating Sam. To Sam, he was slowly but surely learning that he was really liking Corey... It must be a ‘new friendship’ sort of thing, probably.

Sam glanced over to see Zack trying to call Logan’s phone again, only to click his tongue in frustration and shake his head angrily. ”I swear to fuck they’re going to be in big trouble when I fucking find them mother fuckers” Zack hissed, cursing like an absolute sailor with annoyance. Sam knew he was only this mad because he cared a lot about Logan. For the time that Samson was a part of the band, Zack honestly kissed Logan’s ass like crazy. He was so protective over the singer, Sam was sure he’d literally take a bullet for him. And so, when things like this happened, it was no surprise that Zack would totally freak out. In ways, Sam felt sorry for Zack that Logan was putting him through all this stress but, at the same time, Logan needed some time alone with his friend. Sam knew that well enough and he knew Zack did, too, but Zack wasn’t ready to accept that Logan and the former guitarist needed to spend time with each other. As long as Logan was happy, Sam would be happy. ”Remind me not to ever wander off without telling Zack first... I don’t want my butt kicked in.” He muttered to Corey jokingly before laughing to himself.


« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 03:29:28 PM by Hootowls »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #40 on: September 02, 2017, 11:10:06 AM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
it wasn’t like logan was always so quick to compliment people. he simply tried to state the truth as often as he could; it wasn’t his fault that those statements directed towards isaac were usually compliments or sweet words. those words simply had the most profound effect on the other, in a way that would make the vocalist’s eyes lighten up every time he saw his reactions. there was nothing better than watching that faint smile on his lips, only to be seen trying with great difficulty to keep from smiling even more. the way the other squeaked out a response was like heaven to the singer, wishing that he could bring back that delightful sound. instead, he tried his best to take in that moment. the way that isaac was timidly gazing down, a blush dusting over his cheeks and a smile on his lips. maybe it had been surprising to isaac, and that’s why he was acting this kind of way. however, logan wanted to think, being the optimist that he was, that it was for more than just that reason. “of course i do. how could i not? i mean,” he was quick to assure, his gaze running briefly over what he could see of his brunette companion in that moment. “look at you..” perhaps logan was feeling a bit too confident in that moment- but isaac’s reactions always seemed to egg him on.

however, that happiness that he had felt rising in his chest was almost immediately squandered away. his heart that had been practically soaring with delight suddenly felt like it was… it was gone. now, logan actually was a rather confident person most of the time. he could take most harsh comments from people and still be left standing on his feet. hell, sometimes he’d even join in on the joke about himself, much to the amusement of others. however, it could never be like that when it came to isaac. he could feel his stomach twisting uncomfortably in knots, could feel the tears making his eyes water behind his thick-framed glasses. even the slight tremble of his lip was enough to give him away; this wasn’t some insult he could simply make a joke about and then forget only a few minutes later. this was something that was tearing into him, taking parts and pieces of him that he didn’t want removed. it all hurt so much; it all felt like there was nothing left inside of him, anymore.

did isaac know how badly he was hurting him? his brown eyes gazed over at the other briefly, his eyes sad, expression hollow. it didn’t seem to logan that the old guitarist felt sorry for any of these actions. if anything, that was what made the knife in his heart dig even deeper. what did logan even mean to him? was he some sort of puppet, for him to pull logan’s strings and manipulate him in whichever way he wanted? was he a toy, meant for the other to play with, only to leave him once he found no more use in his broken ways? logan was struggling to make any sense of how things could go from talking about a song, talking about how there was a possibility of a ‘you and me’, to there suddenly being almost nothing between them anymore.

he took off his glasses, holding them in one hand as he desperately wiped at his eyes with the other. he didn’t want to cry. he didn’t want isaac to know how much this was hurting him. isaac seemed to be doing just fine, tearing logan apart- so why should logan feel so heartbroken over being torn apart by someone that obviously didn’t care? it… it shouldn’t have been worth his time, or his tears. but for some reason, it was. oh god, it was. his mind couldn’t stop replaying the harsh words, taking him down to an all-time low upon every revisit to those statements. him and isaac had never been a thing, sure, but logan couldn’t help but feel like this conversation was taking away a piece of him away- all the hopes he’d held so high.

swallowing hard, he forced his gaze down onto his untouched bowl of fruit, placing his glasses down on the table. “all those years ago…” he started, his voice crackling dangerously as he tried to recollect his thoughts. “did i meant nothing to you, then, too?” maybe he had been blind all of those years, thinking that him and isaac could be a thing. perhaps it had been just him who had enjoyed the late night talks, had enjoyed getting to hold isaac close and be held close on those long bus rides. perhaps it had only been logan that had fallen under isaac’s spell, that had fallen completely in love with the other. he wasn’t afraid to admit that he loved him. he’d admit it back then and he would gratefully admit it now. things hadn’t changed, his feelings unwavering for the other. hell, even right now, as he was faced with the grim truth that they were nothing, that they would always be nothing, he still loved him. it was starting to become obvious to the singer that isaac didn’t feel the same way. however, love couldn’t be helped.. logan couldn’t see himself moving past this, moving past isaac. that in itself seemed impossible, no matter what.

“i don’t care if you think we can ‘be something’ or… uh.”

“you don’t… y-you don’t care?” the words were enough to have logan’s heart racing uneasily in his chest, the fight-or-flight response kicking in. he could feel the anxiety bubbling its way up towards his chest, choking him, as he struggled to come to the realization of everything that had been said. “i don’t…  how could you…? why can’t we…?” he struggled to formulate a response, instead forcing himself to go silent in that moment, and instead force his watery gaze to glance around the small cafe. as much as logan loved this cafe, he knew that he’d never want to come back. after all, why would he come back to the place where his heart broke?

“just... stop trying to get your hopes up; it’s only going to hurt the both of us more.”

flashing a brief look towards the other, he couldn’t help but bitterly mumble, “right. because you seem so hurt right now.” it had been merely a defensive jab, but.. wasn’t it also a bit of truth? isaac was rejecting logan, pushing away all that he was and all that they could be, and he didn’t seem the least bit remorseful about it. how could logan not feel at least a little bitter over that action? yet… despite that, he still loved him. god, he loved everything about him, all that he was, all that he could be. even after the other had left him broken and bruised, shattered, even, the singer’s feelings still remained the same. perhaps that was a bit twisted. but, who could blame him?

isaac was.. he was beautiful. untouchable. perhaps it was that quality about him that made him all the more desirable. logan a bird just hopelessly attracted to that shine, that light. the two of them knew each other inside and out, far better than anyone else knew them. logan still loved him. he was so in love with him that, god, he couldn’t stand the thought of him remaining untouchable. he couldn’t stand the thought that the other wouldn’t just open up and give him a chance. he couldn’t stand the thought in not trying, in not being able to say that he had given it all he had. god… worse of all, logan couldn’t stand the thought of, in those beautiful, chocolate eyes, being seen as undesirable.

yet, that was how he felt.

he found his eyes moving from the table down to his lap as the other reacted to his words, catching his lower lip in his teeth in attempt to make it stop trembling. “no, i-i’m not,” he stammered out, anxiously wringing his hands in his lap, unable to meet the other’s gaze. he closed his eyes, then, forcing a smile to his lips- although it was a sad, forced type of smile, the kind that barely tilted the corner of his lips. “i’m not good enough for you, you know?” of course he knew. that was why logan’s heart had just been put through the ringer. that was why he was left completely rejected by the other, time after time. “i wish i could be. god, i want to be.” he crossed his arms over his chest insecurely, feeling so small in that moment. he was fighting to keep the faint smile on his lips, desperately in a fight between his mind wanting that smile to fall, but also wanting to keep the unconvincing after up. “i’m just. not meant to be loved. it’s fine.” because what was the point in love without isaac? what was the point in having someone to love, someone that would love him equally back, if that person wasn’t isaac?

logan wasn’t worthy of that sort of perfection, it seemed. he was still the same, undesirable logan that he’d always be.

logan wanted to be grateful that the conversation was gone. he really, truly did. yet, part of him wished that it had kept going, simply so that he wasn’t left in his own thoughts, in his own head. it was a complete storm in their, a whirlwind of feelings. of love, of heartbreak, of happiness,  of insecurity, of sadness… he would much rather be talking to the other, even if it was a change of subject. one glance over towards isaac, though, and he knew that the other would much rather be left to his own thoughts. picking up his glasses, he slid them back on as the waitress came back around to give them the bill. he forced a cheery, bright smile to his lips - even while he felt like he didn’t have the energy in him to do so - as he reached in his pocket to take out his wallet. he couldn’t find it in himself to speak much else, though, his throat too tight, constricted. all he did was fish out the money and pay for the bill, as well as leaving a tip before they left the place.

logan was still absolutely starving, having not touched any of his food- but he also didn’t have much of an appetite at that moment, too, if that made any sense. he shoved his hands in his pockets as they walked, gaze on the ground ahead of them as they made their way towards the place the rest of the group had gone. “it’ll be fine,” logan answered reassuringly, gently nudging the other’s arm- surprised that they were even close enough for him to do that, seeing as how distanced they seemed emotionally. “i’ll cover for you. he never gets mad at me.” there was the occasional outburst towards him, but other than that, zack seemed to be a bit of a softie towards logan. perhaps he had taken the other’s spot as his favorite, nowadays.
thes code
corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
behind the jokes and the playful attitude, corey was honestly finding this conversation borderline flirtatious. he wasn’t going to look into it, of course. why would samson actually want to flirt with corey? perhaps it was merely because of knowing corey’s sexuality that the two were making these light remarks back and forth. i mean, samson was obviously straight - at least judging from his last relationship, which was marriage, as well as having kids - and corey was just… looking too far into things. getting his hopes up. yet that didn’t seem to dull the brightness in his eyes, or mute the sound of his heart pounding away in his chest, nor did it stop the comfortable knots in his stomach, the warmth that was spreading throughout him. he didn’t want to get his hopes up-- but, in this moment, couldn’t the world just let him pretend? “oh? you know, i think you’re quite the catch..” not that corey was going to admit he was actually being honest, or anything.

tattoos weren’t necessarily the best choice, corey had to admit. people tended to have a preconceived notion about the person he was before they even talked to him, majorly stemming from the ink that littered his body. and, while he had gotten them as a way to sort of leave his story out there for all to see- he still tended to shy away and cover his body up with long sleeves and the most modest of clothing. maybe they were majorly there for him to see, too, to remind him of all of his values and mistakes and imperfect perfections-- an attempt to find self-love over the thing he was the most insecure and self-conscious about; his body.

yet the one tattoo that always had meant so much had been the meaning of heartbreak or death. sure, perhaps that hadn’t been the original meaning when he had gotten them. all those years back, getting them for the meaning of love followed by death. yet, that meaning hadn’t stuck with him over the years. there was just.. a piece of him that didn’t think that was true, in life. especially after all of those years of never finding love. all those years of realizing that, maybe, love wasn’t as real or as common as one would think. he gazed down at the tattoos, gently brushing his thumb over the lines of ink, his blue eyes thoughtful. although, while he had lived a life nearing thirty years, now, he couldn’t even begin to choose which path he was heading down. there were lots of things that were going great in his life. yet, to say that his life was mapping out like one of the story archs on his hands seemed… incomplete, in a way.

he lifted his gaze back up towards sam’s baby blue hues, getting lost in the azure gaze before he found himself again- forcing himself to nod and give a soft laugh. “i think it’s great,” he hummed as they mentioned periscope, shrugging. “you’re just as crazy in real life as you are on periscope, much to my surprise,” he playfully jabbed, a glint of amusement sparkling in his gaze. yes, sam was a bit of a dork - more of a dork than he would have originally guessed - but.. he was so genuine, and corey was honestly loving all of it.

his gaze softened as they reached the topic of heartbreak or death again, feeling the butterflies coming alive in his stomach all over again. “i worry about it,” he admitted, shrugging and adding with a slight huff, “more than i should, really.” running his fingers through his messy mop of hair, he hummed thoughtfully. “because… oh, i dunno.” corey’s love life wasn’t exactly the greatest-- which made it seem like it’d be that much harder to break through that little storyline he had found to describe life. “there’s usually not a lot of good people in the world, i think, because the world just isn’t so great, back.” wasn’t that true? i mean, samson was one of the greatest people corey had ever gotten to know, and the world decided to have him troubled with a painful divorce and an even more painful reminder of it nearly every day. and, corey liked to think he was a decent person- yet all he’d been faced with in life was rejection, a lack of love.

did he just.. not deserve to know what true love was?

“i don’t want it to be only a happy ending, though,” he hummed, absently tracing shapes and figures against the table top. he could feel his heart racing with slight anxiety, not quite confident enough in how to word his next couple of statements.  “i mean. happy ending or not, it’s still ended by death. and i want… i want something that transcends past death, you know?” smiling to himself stupidly, corey gave a short laugh and shrugged. “i just.. i want a love like that. sappy and cheesy, i know. but, really, that would be.. that would make it all worthwhile.” his heart was still racing away in his chest, partly out of worry of the other not getting it- either that or simply thinking he was a basketcase for thinking about something as next-to-impossible as that.

as they started on their way back to the hotel, corey shoved his hands in his jean pockets, eyes wandering around at all of the beauty that milan had in store for them. he was honestly really enjoying the idea of touring- getting to see what a place had to offer, and then moving on to the next place to find other interesting and beautiful landscapes. plus, i mean, getting to watch panic perform almost every night literally made corey’s life feel complete, so. his brows raised as the other sassily responded to his previous question, honestly having not expected the other to make that kind of remark. and, oh man, did he love that he did. “you think i’m cute?” he played along, trying to sound confident and joking- even though his cheeks were burning all the while. “i think you’re pretty handsome. do you think cute and handsome look good together?” hey. samson was incredibly handsome. wasn’t a lie, there.

“hey, hey! just because you knew didn’t mean you had to ruin the suspense like that, jerk,” he joked, playfully and lightheartedly shoving the other, the tall bassist barely even budging. okay, so corey really, really liked samson. what of it? the other didn’t need to know that. “geez. what am i going to do with you?” he gave himself a brief moment to look at the other, take in the sheer perfection that was samson erwood, before he tore his gaze away. honestly, he didn’t know what he would’ve done if samson hadn’t been so kind to him. he’d be so lost on this tour, so lonely. samson… samson made him feel like he was part of something, like he was actually someone with a role on this tour. also, he’d started to make him feel more comfortable in his skin, more confident-- and that spoke volumes.

okay. honestly, was corey the only one whose skin was crawling at the sight of zack angry? he watched as zack cursed and stormed ahead, practically fuming because of logan and isaac having wandered off. “he’s scary,” corey chimed in, although feeling a smile coming to his lips as the other laughed to himself. “seriously, why would anyone want to get on his bad side?” then again, just by watching zack and how he looked about, and down at his phone methodically, it was obvious that he was worried. who could blame him, though? he probably cared tons about logan - corey wasn’t so sure he cared much for isaac - and to think of him being lost in the big city of milan must’ve been a terrifying thought. “he’s never gotten angry at you before, has he?” he couldn’t picture it but, hey, you never know.
thes code
« Last Edit: September 03, 2017, 11:11:13 AM by ᵐᵉˡᵃⁿᶜʰᵒˡʸ »

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #41 on: September 03, 2017, 06:26:52 PM »

AND MY INK'S RUN OUT ,
I WANT TO LOVE YOU
BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
Isaac didn’t think his heart could possibly hurt the way it was in that moment. Not only was it a feeling of remorse, regret and guilt, but it was the uneasy feeling that he was tearing Logan to shreds right in front of him and he could do nothing but sit back and watch. He slid to the back of his head, his eyes becoming a cinema screen to watch the tragedy take place. On the screen showed the face of Logan the broken man. Isaac had defeated him this time in this war, so why did Isaac feel like his world was turning on its head? Why did Isaac feel so tainted? The camera then panned down to a dish where several pastries were once placed delicately, the plate now empty and barren. Sounds almost muffled out for a second. Isaac didn’t like the film; was this real life? It surely didn’t feel like it. Real life didn’t hurt this badly.

But, this was no tragic film. This was reality.

In a matter of seconds, Isaac was dragged out of his chair by the throat, him flailing around helplessly and crying out as he was then thrown at the cinema screen, falling right through back into the real world. His eyes were wide, gawking in shock at the plate in front him as if it was the most interesting thing in the room. Anything to avoid accepting the blame for breaking Logan’s heart.

”Did I mean nothing to you, then, too?” Isaac’s head whipped up again, staring at Logan with an almost scowl-like grimace hinting at his face, too bemused by the series of events unfolding in front of him to even process anything that was happening let alone react accordingly. As if he wasn’t already bad enough at dealing with his emotions, this conversation was enough to render him completely useless and out of touch with his external emotions. Instead, his mind was flooded with feelings, all negative, at the sight of Logan breaking down at the table. It was even borderline impossible to actually respond to Logan with the way he spoke with such misery lacing his crackling voice.

”No Logan, I —" Isaac tried backtracking, unsure which direction he could even take this conversation without losing Logan all over again. But, it all seemed useless now. He’d already lost Logan again, hadn’t he? It was always his fault. What good would it ever do to break his heart in the way Isaac just did? That wouldn’t bring him back to Isaac; That wouldn’t fix Isaac’s own heart; Breaking his heart wouldn’t even make Isaac feel any better... So, why was Isaac doing this to him? He was king of self-destruction. Maybe he was born to lose. ”It’s not like t-that, okay? I just meant like... I, uh... I...” He began slowly shaking his head side to side in bewilderment, left speechless as he simply didn’t know how to take control of the situation.

Why was Isaac doing this to Logan? To him, Logan was the most beautiful human being he’d ever met, inside and out. Logan was the sun to Isaac’s moon; their love for each other span their world around. It was difficult to find a kind of love so intense and strong, so unconditional and caring... And yet, Isaac could never take it for what it was. He wanted Logan’s love. He wanted those late nights together in bed, watching films together. He wanted those sweet dates he’d only dream of in his head late at night. He wanted Logan in his arms. He’d missed the colour of his eyes, the occasional gravelly rumble in his voice as he spoke, the scent of his skin... Isaac could admire him all day. His beautiful Logan... Not his beautiful Logan. For as long as he pushed him away, he couldn't have him. Things didn't work that way.

”No! I do care, Logan, God. I just... I...” He stammered frantically over his words, his voice coming across as irritated more than anything, even though in reality he was simply freaking out. He gulped nervously, quickly brushing his fingers through his mop of hair before hissing, ”Listen to what you sound like right now, Lo; like, all of this is so pointless, just stop it. It was the only thing he could do, beg out of frustration to get Logan to stop with this. After all, this was sending Isaac down a very steep tunnel of guilt and self-hatred, a direction which he never wanted to return to. He wanted to just stand up and leave the café, but he didn’t even know where he was. He needed Logan to guide him back... And so, he’d stay, reluctantly.

”Right. Because you seem so hurt right now.”

He froze at Logan’s next, bitter comment. In that moment, he felt his heart being pierced by those daggered words and Isaac honestly felt like he was growing to vomit from the overwhelmingly sickening feeling of anxiety. His head was in such a flurry, he could no longer think straight. And so, his shoulders slumped, defeated, staring with his lips parted stupidly at Logan. Then, he muttered softly, ”Yeah. More than you can imagine.” And, it was all he felt he had to say before he withdrew himself, refusing to even look in Logan’s direction.

Turning his head away, his bit on his tongue, trying his best to not let his emotions get the better of him. Instead, after taking a deep breath and blinking away almost invisible tears of grief that spiked at his eyes sharply, he looked back, swallowing away the lump in his throat and trying his best to remain stoic and unscathed by Logan’s responses. But, it really hurt. It really hurt knowing that he was the reason for Logan’s misery. They say that when you break somebody’s heart, you break your own heart too, and in this moment Isaac could see that that was the whole truth.

He found himself feeling considerably worse when Logan began to speak more, convinced that he was not worthy of Isaac’s love. Oh God, that was so far from the truth. Logan was the reason why Isaac believed that he was of some value. Without Logan, he was nothing. He was a lost cause. Logan was everything to him; he was his sunrise and sunset, his every smile and every tear, he was treasure in Isaac's eyes... Everything Isaac did, he did so whilst in love with his best friend. And so, it tugged at his destroyed heartstrings painfully when Logan had convinced himself he was not even worth it.

No, Logan... You were worth it all.

Isaac wanted to start crying again — God, like the wreck he was — but he managed to get away with a tear or two pooling up in his eyes as he watched Logan devoutly avoid his gaze from Isaac’s eyes. ”Logan...” Isaac squeaked sheepishly, leaning forwards in his seat helplessly as he watched his friend with sad eyes. ”I just... I... Please... I’m s-sorry it has to be this way.” He stumbled over his words pathetically before calling it treason. He was betraying his heart by dismissing Logan's feelings and what he had to say to Isaac. No. He cared so much for his friend, and so why couldn’t he prove it? Instead, he felt pathetic the way he then sat back in his seat, defeated, and keeping his hands to himself.

”You are... Good. I, uh, just believe me, okay?” He tried, albeit very awkwardly. He wanted Logan so badly to be his. If Isaac was not so afraid, Logan would be loved so much by him. But, Isaac was never a good lover. He didn’t even know how to love, he didn’t even know what love was. He was already awkward enough with any sort of relation between people and so anything to do with love was an impossible feat for Isaac. But, for Logan, he was trying his best. But, his best was never enough, especially since his best was just plain pathetic. ”You are loved already, Lo. You know that.” He sounded almost dismissive with those next words, holding his head in his hands after for a moment as he sighed sadly.

Despite often loving talking to Logan, Isaac was actually quite grateful that he didn’t have to keep talking to Lo after that tense conversation. After all, his mind felt frazzled, it felt burnt out entirely, so much though that he didn’t think he could even speak at all from the stress. He released a deep breath, feeling more at ease with sewing his lips shut so that he did not have to speak at all. Instead, he simply wanted to contemplate to himself, process the grief that he was feeling of losing Logan all over again and wonder how, or if, he could fix the situation. And so, whilst they walked out of the café, Isaac simply chose not to try bring up a new conversation, instead walking in silence, close beside Logan, whilst allowing himself to simply think to himself about what had happened and how he could fix things.

In Isaac’s mind, the only way out now was to lose Logan by going down this road... Or, allow the younger man into his heart. But, the latter came with its own set of risks, those that Isaac had feared for over a decade. He was so afraid of getting too close, scared that, if they were to fall apart, Isaac would simply be unable to cope. You can't miss what you never had, so never letting Logan into his heart seemed like the only logical answer...

But, Isaac was beginning to see the flaw in his 'genius' plan.

Occasionally brushing shoulders with Logan with the way Isaac was subconsciously walking so close to Logan, he had a new worry that Zack would be mad at him for the two of them sneaking off. After all, he was beginning to feel like Zack’s emotional punching bag, honestly. Isaac peered at Logan for only a brief moment, nodding his head in response to Lo reassuring him that it would be all right, before Isaac continued to follow him in silence, gaze fixated on the ground below him as he walked.

And then —

”The fuck were you two?!” A loud snarl resounded as Zack appeared from the side of Isaac, cutting in front of the both of him. ”Lo! I’ve been trying to call you all morning, was your phone switched off? I was scared something may have happened to you.” Zack exclaimed grumpily, though his voice gentle towards Logan. But then, flaming eyes turned to Isaac, irritated by his presence alone. ”And you... You have a lot of explaining to do, Ashford.” He uttered with a hint of hostility in his voice. Isaac swallowed hard, taking a small step back hesitantly. ”I’m sorry, I — uh — my bad.” He squeaked out in a hushed, timid voice, avoiding eye contact with anybody. Oh, God. Isaac wasn’t mentally prepared enough for the thunder storm that had been taking place that morning. He’d never felt so defeated.








WE MOVE JUST LIKE
THE MOON & SUN ...
THEY KNOW THEIR LOVE
SPINS US ROUND .

- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
Samson huffed a breath of laughter as Corey poked at Sam jokingly, a glint of amusement in his gaze. ”Pffff... Much to your surprise?! Corey! Crazy is my middle name, y’know? I would not be me if I didn’t come with my eccentric personality.” He responded to him with his voice laced with amusement. In ways, Sam took some pride in his personality, mostly because half the time it had people responding with, ”Sam, you’re such a dork, you know that?” or ”Sam is such a typical dad” which, funnily enough, Samson found really quite amusing. He loved being seen as being slightly unconventional, honestly.

Samson felt himself settle down from the previous flirtatious conversations when the topic of the tattoos arose. And, more importantly, the meaning behind them, specifically Corey’s fears revolving around the meaning. Sam’s gaze flickered over to Corey, watching the younger male with a hint of concern on his face. ”Yeah... I get you. The world can really be a nasty place, especially to good people who don’t deserve any bad.” When speaking those wise words, all Sam could think about was the way the world was treating Corey. After all, the man was thirty and yet he’d not yet found somebody to love. If only Sam could take away that worry from Corey somehow, turn this bad ending into a good. After all, Corey was a really good, genuine guy... He didn’t deserve a bad ending.

When the conversation continued on, it was evident that Sam was listening intently to every word Corey spoke with the way he leaned into the conversation very slightly. He smiled thoughtfully, thinking to himself that he, too, dreamed of a love like that. He wished for a forever with somebody, though knowing well that it’d be a difficult feat to achieve nowadays for him. He was a lost cause but, for Corey, the assistant was sure to find someone out there somewhere. ”I think you’ll find a love one day that will feel like it can last forever. Forever is a long time but someone will want to spend that forever with you.” He reassured gently before pouring some black coffee into his coffee cup and taking a sip. He then leaned back in his seat again, looking back at Corey with a hopeful glimmer in his eyes. ”It will be all worth it. Someday, you’ll find someone who is going to look at you like you’re the greatest thing in the world.” Just like how Sam was looking at Corey in that moment, right? He chewed on his lip in contemplation, lowering his gaze very quickly after that.

 ”Pssssh, better luck next time, Core.” Samson sung light-heartedly, exhaling a breathy chuckle as Corey tried to shove him playfully. He then turned his head to his assistant, giving his a cheesy grin before he shook his head with amusement. Sam was grateful to have Corey around, honestly. If he wasn’t on this tour, then you could be sure that Sam would probably be walking back to bus by himself. Of course, he did enjoy touring a lot, but sometimes it could get a little lonely when people were talking to everyone else but him. And, those moments, though not an everyday occurrence, had happened to Sam before, especially since sometimes he felt that others looked up at him as more so the dad of the group in a way. Corey abolished that label, though, bringing a sense of positive naivety to the conversations and inspiring Samson to act a little more youthful and energetic, meaning that he had become more talkative.

Samson pulled a face when Zack ranted angrily, looking down at Corey just after the younger male spoke up about Zack’s behaviour. ”Agreed.” Sam laughed, seeming very peaceful and relaxed for someone who’d just watched the band’s tour manager and bodyguard rage like an angry bull. And, no one wanted to see Zack angry; it’d be the death of them if they were the reason for the fiery man’s vexation. All Sam could do was raise his eyebrows in amusement, a grin playing on his thin lips, as he watched Zack march to the front of the group, focussing on texting on his mobile. Though Zack almost seemed too obsessed over keeping the band members safe, Sam could see why he was so consumed in trying to find Logan. After all, Logan was a very familiar face; he was internationally a famous star and so, obviously, Zack had to make sure that Logan was protected in public. Zack was just doing his job.

”Ah, I mean he has gotten mad at me before, but it’s often over trivial things and, before you know it, everything has been resolved again. So, I wouldn’t really say he’s been too angry at me... But, then again, I think I’m a bit of a typical ‘teacher’s pet’ — I’d hate to get on his bad side.” He replied in high spirits, strolling onwards. But then, he furrowed his eyebrows together when Zack suddenly diverted off course just outside the venue, storming off through the crowd. ”Uhh...” Sam hummed with confusion, the group, without second thought, following Zack through the crowd and passed a guarded gated entrance to where Sam then saw Logan and Isaac walking back towards the bus. And, Zack was approaching them quick. The group caught up to Zack and the two others, Sam hearing snippets of Zack’s exasperated lecture. Ohh no, he was not happy.

But then, Samson’s gaze fell on Logan, eyes quickly growing concerned at the state his best friend appeared to be in. Downcast, dismal and downright broken. Something must’ve gone wrong at their breakfast together. ”Hey, I’ll catch you in a bit, Lil Romeo.” He murmured teasingly, placing his hand on Corey’s shoulder for a brief moment before passing the assistant and approaching his best friend quickly. Zack, at this point, had rolled his eyes and walked off into the venue, Isaac taking a couple steps away and folding his arms awkwardly. ”Hey, Loge... You good?” Sam said softly as he got to his friend, folding his arms across his torso and tilting his head as he looked over with worry.

Logan had confided to Sam all the memories he’d shared with Isaac, updating him fully on the history between both men. In Sam’s opinion, Logan deserved a requited love from the former guitarist, especially seeing what they had been through together. However, Samson could never help but feel slightly protective of his best friend, especially with the knowledge that the guitar tech did abandon Logan for years with no goodbye; a real dick move on his part, in Sam’s opinion. He was cautious of Isaac, afraid that history would repeat itself and leave Logan an emotional wreck again. But, Logan deserved love. Ultimately, Samson just wanted his friend to be happy.

Seeing the defeated look in his eyes tore Sam apart, and he could help but sigh and shake his head slowly. ”C’mere, you.” He hummed, pulling Logan into a tight hug and resting his chin on his head. ”It’s gonna be okay, Loge. I promise.” He mumbled with a gentle, soothing voice, holding his friend close for comfort.


« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 03:32:41 PM by Hootowls »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #42 on: September 04, 2017, 01:17:20 PM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
logan could remember this kind of pain. this definitely wasn’t the only time he had felt it, before. oh, all those years ago, when isaac had left, his naive heart had taken the blow even harder. he thought he had built his heart back up stronger than before, and maybe he had, but there was only so much he could take before he sank back into that same state as when isaac first left him. the same numbness that settled in him as when the two parted ways, the same sadness and despair that had caused him to cry against spencer’s shoulder almost every night. his eyes stared down at his untouched food, yet he felt like he was in a completely different place than a beautiful, cozy cafe in italy. it felt like he was at a barren wasteland, fighting in a war that he couldn’t win. isaac had never been his in the first place.

but then, why did he feel like he was losing him?

his eyes dared not to look across the table at isaac; his villain, his hero, his captor, his savior. questions were burning in the back of his head, the only sensation that was pushing past the numbness in his body. god, what was wrong with him? usually he could put up a facade, smile gracefully throughout any situation. spending most of your life in the limelight had helped him pass off like his life was perfect. but, right now, those skills and his charisma were currently failing him. there was nobody else but isaac to blame for that. he had taken everything away from loge, stripped him right down to the core- and decided to take that piece of him away, too. panic was bubbling up in his chest, he couldn’t breathe and--

he barely listened to isaac’s stammered words. however, he did get the point- just like last night, isaac was trying to backtrack. didn’t he know that it was already too late? didn’t he see that it was too late to try and take things back? “last night,” he started, voice monotone, quiet, as he gazed down at the table. “when you said you always cared… you lied to me?” because people who cared didn’t sit there and watch their friend end in complete turmoil, watch the destruction of someone they cared about with a stoic expression. didn’t say that they cared only to turn around and stab them right when they least expected it. what was isaac getting out of this? what part of this conversation showed that isaac cared?

but logan knew that, given the chance, he’d fall right back into the false sense of ease. if isaac said he was sorry, say, half an hour later, logan would be quick to forgive. he would always take his sincerity and fall right back into how things used to be, even while it was obvious he wished they could be something more. why, though? why did he keep doing this to himself? to them? anyone else that was stuck in this cycle probably would’ve moved on by now, and figured there were other fish in the sea. but all that logan wanted was isaac. there was nobody else that he loved more than he loved that man. he gazed across the table, briefly, empty, vacant eyes peering cautiously over at the other. as much as the other broke his heart, it was impossible to be without him. he was the light in this darkness- even while they were the ones that had turned off all the lights, in the first place.

“you can’t just tell me to stop, isaac,” he argued at the frustrated quip, feeling the broken shatters of his heart racing away in his chest, in his stomach, prickling his hands and fingers and everywhere else. as he gazed over at the other’s irritated gaze, he felt himself lose that bit of fire he’d had prior. swallowing hard, he forced himself to meet the other’s gaze.  “it might all be pointless to you, but to me, it means something. we mean something.” lowering his gaze down toward the table, he gripped his hands tightly in his lap. ”there are some people i’d fight for a hundred times over. even while it’s obvious they won’t do the same.” the dig was sent with a brief glance towards the other, only to lower his defeated gaze once more down to his lap.

as the other responded to his bitter comment, all logan could find it in himself to do for a moment was give a short, dry huff out of disbelief. yeah, right… how could this be hurting isaac? he didn’t care. not about this conversation, the potential relationship there could’ve been. he didn’t even care about the person that he was hurting, the person that was lying in shambles right in front of him. with teary eyes, he forced himself to laugh- but it was empty, barren, just like what was on the inside of him. “honestly, isaac? i doubt that.”

what sensible person could say that he was hurting when he was the one causing the hurt? all that he had to do was let logan in, and just… let him do all the things he had dreamed about for years- for longer than a decade. it would be a dream to sweep the other off of his feet, surprise him with every turn of the corner by showering him with gifts, with surprise dates. with love. to dance with him in a place full of people, or even in a home at three in the morning with just the two of them there. what part of this did isaac not get? what part of logan did isaac not want?

that last question stuck to him more than anything else, thinking about it more often than one would think. he always pondered over what about him could isaac not find desirable? with every glance in the mirror, with every time he asked himself that question, the answers always became clearer. his mop of hair.. his glasses… his small, slight build… the way he laughed, cried, smiled.. after finding a new thing with every glance towards himself, with every new imperfection he saw in himself-- he ended up realizing that, well, all of him was the problem. he wasn’t good enough for isaac, on the inside, or outside.

he wrapped his arms around himself insecurely, his empty, soulless gaze refusing to meet isaac’s eyes. a frown that felt like it was permanently etched on his lips was the only real sign of emotion- the sign that there was anything left of this man. “it doesn’t have to be this way. you… you never give me a chance to show you i’m worth it… because i’m not, right?” feeling his hands shaking, he folded them tightly together on the table, the slight shake of his hands evident. “you can do better than me, i know. but i.. i c-can’t..” he could feel his voice wavering, his eyes watering more than he’d like to admit. “i can’t find anyone better than you. b-because there- there isn’t-- there’s not...” as he flailed around helplessly for words, he released a shaky breath.

closing his eyes as he felt a single tear leave one of them, and allowed the tear to fall.

there wasn’t anyone more perfect than isaac, alright? and… and logan couldn’t handle the thought of seeing anyone else. couldn’t stand the thought of isaac finding perfection in someone else. couldn’t bear the thought of isaac leaving him all over again.

as the other tried - awkwardly, might logan add - to convince him that he was ‘good,’ he felt at a loss. his eyes remained closed, in fear that opening them might release even more tears than the one that had already betrayed him. it felt like a burglar had stolen his insides, every little part of him. had swept up the fragmented pieces of his heart, even, and stole it all, too. he took a deep breath as he hesitantly opened his red, irritated eyes. “but i’m not loved by the one that means the most,” he managed, struggling to keep his voice even, the slight quiver betraying him. logan wouldn’t lie to isaac; he wouldn’t cover up the truth. he had done that for too long. now was when he left everything on the table, even while it was leaving him bursting at the seams.

even while it was obvious that the sentiment meant nothing to isaac.

as they made their way back to the venue - or to the group, whichever came first - that same sense of numbness washed over him again. he felt like a dead man walking, insignificant. his usual, confident air was replaced with insecurity, slumped over and looking as small as ever. he refused to look at or talk much at all to isaac as they trudged back. that was the better option, seeing as neither of them were in much of a talking mood. yet, that also meant that logan’s mind was now his greatest enemy in that moment. feeding him thoughts of doubts and insecurities, of worthlessness and grief. the only comfort he could find was the occasional feeling of isaac’s shoulder brushing against his own, even while he wouldn’t admit that it was keeping him centered.

as zack appeared in front of them, logan couldn’t find anything else to do but simply stare at the other. as he yelled at isaac, he briefly pulled out his phone from his pocket to glance at all the notifications from zack. shit. if their almost-date had gone well, maybe he wouldn’t be feeling so bad. instead, all that he felt pooling in his stomach was regret. “hey, take it easy on him,” logan interjected, before zack could respond to isaac’s timid words. “we fell behind a bit. i didn’t see what would be so bad in going somewhere else. i’ll make sure my phone’s on next time.”

zack didn’t seem to give a shit, but he still rolled his eyes and stormed off- a typical reaction, he supposed. as they wandered into the venue, logan could only find it in himself to stay where he was. he couldn’t find it in himself to look towards isaac, to even do much of anything, really. yet, his gaze lifted up at the sound of a familiar voice- seeing samson looking over, asking if he was alright. “me? oh. yeah. yeah, i’m great,” he tried to answer, unconvincingly, as he gazed at the tall bassist. he didn’t have the energy to force a smile to his lips, anymore-- besides, it was samson, why would he even try and pull off that act? the two of them knew each other fantastically well; there was no way anything would get past samson.

as he was pulled into a tight hug, logan felt something in him just.. finally let go of whatever control he had left of his emotions. resting his forehead against the other’s chest, he wrapped his arms tight around samson and let the tears finally spill. “i-it hurts…” he managed, closing his eyes as he let the other try and soothe him. what exactly hurt? he wasn’t even sure, anymore. his heart feeling like it had been ripped out of his chest? logan finally getting it through his stubbornly optimistic head that there could never be a ‘you and me’ when it came to him and isaac? he wasn’t sure. he didn’t know if he’d ever be certain of that, and that was arguably what hurt the most.

thes code
corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
the reminder of their previous conversation about samson’s middle name was enough to make him laugh all over again. “who could blame me? sometimes that personality of yours somewhat covers up the crazy from time to time.” the other’s personality, though he wouldn’t voice it out loud, was ridiculously loveable. who wouldn’t fall for that cheery, bright personality? while some people liked to think that all he had was the typical dad personality, corey thought that was only one, small thing to note about sam’s personality. the optimism and bright way he carried himself was truly something admirable.

corey, seeing as they got past the flirtatious comments and remarks, was willing to relax the slightest bit. however, there was still the slight race of his heart, the faint, light feeling in his head that was borderline-euphoric. a smile was still tracing his lips, even while it was softer now that they talked about his fears about the grim ‘heartbreak or death.’ “it’s kinda rough. but, you know, everyone has their own problems.” corey’s just happened to be that he was destined to spend the rest of his life single, apparently. that was something he thought he could deal with, though, even while he thought that he could deal with it. he could be worse-off, you know. he could deal with that. what he couldn’t deal with, would be having the life like samson; getting a divorce, and falling out of love. samson didn’t deserve that. he could never deserve that.

it was incredibly heartwarming to see how intently he was listening to his words. it was enough for corey to feel flustered, almost, unused to actually having attention- not that he was hating it. he liked that he had samson’s attention, like gazing into those beautiful, baby blue eyes. as the other responded to his brief rant about love, he found himself smiling softly, gazing at the other, nodding. “i hope so. i’m kind of running out of time for that,” he joked lightly, a short huff of laughter passing his lips. he glanced briefly at the floor, a heavy feeling setting in his chest because, wow, that was honestly kind of true. he wasn’t getting any younger. if anything, what was the chance of someone as, er, inexperienced as him finding love? he gazed at the other with a gleam in his eyes, hopeful. “that sounds like the most amazing thing,” he hummed thoughtfully, briefly imagining that kind of look in samson’s eyes. but who was he kidding?

“stop being a jerk, jerk,” he light-heartedly sung back, a certain happiness in his chest at the other’s nickname for him. if anything, samson was the literal opposite of jerk. he was too kind, with a heart that was made out of pure gold. to imagine anyone breaking that golden heart of his just… made corey figure only the worst of people could do it. besides, if samson hadn’t believed in corey, and tried a little harder to get him to open up, he’d be all alone on this tour. sure, corey didn’t mind the occasional silence from time to time, but he wasn’t a fan of loneliness. smiling at the ground, he huffed shortly before gently bumping against the other. “this tour is going to be great,” he said happily, an excited light in his eyes. this tour had been so fun, already. there was maybe the small downside - making his idol hate his guts - but.. there was getting to watch panic perform, and getting to spend time with samson.

the latter definitely made up for everything, believe him.

corey watched zack angrily rant and curse and swear with a slightly intimidated gaze. come on, who could blame him? the man was simply too intimidating for the young man. “gee, you sure sound worried about it,” he hummed in response to the other’s light, relaxed demeanor. “oh no. there is no way that look is amusing to you.” he couldn’t help but laugh softly as he said it, though, as he watched the other grin while watching zack storm ahead of the group. soon after, corey settled on just observing instead of saying much. i mean, he liked to watch-- even while he would much rather be gazing at the handsome, charming individual that was by his side. “i can’t tell which one he is more; pissed off or worried.” either way, it was arguably decided that those two emotions made a lethal, deadly combination.

“pfft, teacher’s pet,” corey playfully name-called, his brows raising in slight amusement. “i would hate to get on his bad side. maybe i’m better off just avoiding him.” while he liked to think he was joking, the smaller would probably be skirting around the terrifyingly intimidating man as often as he possibly could. as much as he was enjoying getting to talk to samson on their way towards the bus, he couldn’t help but look with confusion towards zack’s furious rampage towards logan and isaac. as they followed in suit, he couldn’t help but feel his heart sink, feeling bad for loge and isaac both getting chewed out like that. while he couldn’t hear the full conversation, he could hear enough, and judge by their expressions, that maybe everything wasn’t all peachy at the moment. he turned his gaze away, feeling like he was watching something that he definitely shouldn’t be.

the only moment his gaze lifted was when the other talked to him again, his blue eyes lifting to look at the bassist before he started to walk away. he smiled to himself, briefly relishing in the cute nickname before he started to make his way back toward the bus. while he contemplated on going over and saving isaac from the onslaught of words, he knew he didn’t have it in him. he wouldn’t have it in him, either way-- it was just that last night’s encounter hadn’t quite built up his confidence to talk to the other, by any means. so with that, he settled for climbing into the bus, and deciding to simply spend some time to himself. it definitely wasn’t a bad option to him.

so, with that, he grabbed his headphones, pulled out his phone, and scrolled through songs as he sat down on the couch.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2017, 06:58:26 PM by ᵐᵉˡᵃⁿᶜʰᵒˡʸ »

Offline truce.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #43 on: September 06, 2017, 08:12:39 AM »

AND MY INK'S RUN OUT ,
I WANT TO LOVE YOU
BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW .

- Isaac James Ashford -
a
This wasn’t supposed to hurt, but it did.

The last time Isaac had experienced this sort of heartbreak, it was after he chose to depart from the band. Only after the failure of The Followers did Isaac realize the mistake he made. He’d lost Logan, and all so unnecessarily. He chose to leave his past behind and all it did was haunt him, guilt laying down like a rock in his chest. It was the pain that kept him awake at night, pacing back and forth in his living room, eventually slumped over asleep on the couch. It was the sort of misery that followed him throughout the years without Logan, then without Jon, then without any of his family nor any of his friends. It was the pain which tore him apart with loneliness, his only friend being himself all alone again. This was a pain that Isaac promised himself to never cause himself ever again, because he was not sure he could ever go down that spiral of self-hatred and remorse ever again. But, he was creating this tragedy himself. And that only meant one thing: This wasn't supposed to hurt. But, it did.

But, a catalyst cannot help itself but spark when reacting to a mixture of fear and unexpected conversations.

Isaac’s cold, cold warm brown orbs stared across the table that kept him apart from Logan, looking through his friend’s distraught eyes. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul, and Isaac could never agree to that statement more when all he could see was chaos and destruction within Logan’s sad gaze. It had become the badlands, a barren wasteland where the bones of lamented hopes lay scattered across the dry, crusty earth. Vultures circled the lands, cawing to stay away, stay away, death’s here to stay, over and over again, staring down with horror-struck eyes at the king of Logan’s broken heart, poised almost proudly on a mountain of massacred dreams and ideals. It was Isaac, ruling his own empire of dirt within Logan’s soul; within the wasteland, he was up to no good. In fact, he created the wasteland. He desiccated the luscious lands of love and happiness. All that Logan wished for them to be was very quickly destroyed by Isaac and his foolish ways.

Logan was Isaac’s favorite person to lose. Watching from behind the barricade of fear, he watched as his imprudent work destroyed the lands of Logan’s soul. No, Isaac could even be sure that, in that moment, he had annihilated the entirety of Logan’s world.

Stammering pathetically over words to try explain himself, Isaac was quick to realize that he was definitely having a mental hiccup. None of what he was saying made much sense. He was simply stupidly stringing words and fillers together to try sound at least kind enough to try answer everything that Logan was saying. But, he was, just as usual, doing more harm than good. ”Wait, wha- no... Lo, you know I meant it when I said it. Why the hell would I lie?” He tried babbling with an exasperated jumble of words, throwing his hands up in frustration. However, he knew that this conversation was already too far gone; there was no way to turn things around again. He’d broken Logan’s heart again, just like he always did in the end. What had he become? Isaac was truly a monster. He was Logan’s greatest nightmare dressed as some sort of daydream in an alluring part-unbuttoned dress shirt and innocent glimmer in his doe-eyed gaze.

All Isaac could do next was knit his eyebrows together with part-annoyance, part-frustration. Otherwise, it was almost as if Logan’s argument didn’t even affect him whatsoever. In fact, it seemed like it the arguing had resounded off of Isaac like it meant nothing. But, on the inside, panic had set in. Was he mad at Isaac now? Was he going to start shouting soon? It was unlike Logan to ever really get mad at Isaac and so now, even though realistically he wasn’t going to be shouting across the table at Isaac — it was in the younger man’s nature to be very good to dealing with situations as calmly as possible — Isaac was worriedly convinced that Logan was about to lose his temper at him. Though Isaac knew he deserved whatever was coming his way, he felt his heart going quicker. He despised raised voices, especially raised voices directed towards him. It always made him so defensive, so afraid. And so, naturally —

”Stop trying to convince yourself that there’s anything meaningful between us!” He snapped defensively, throwing himself back deep into his seat with annoyance. And then, flailing his arms pathetically with gestures, he continued, ”Look at what you’re doing to yourself, Logan! You... You’re not even — even thinking rationally right now, are you? How difficult is it to get your head around this?” He then leaned forward in his seat, resting a closed fist on the table whilst he felt his heart tearing itself to shreds at his revolting actions. ”We. Can’t. Be. Together. All right?” His voice crackled weakly at his final sentence, feeling whatever flame of exasperation dissolving instantaneously. He hated what he’d just begun: stupidly agitated over Logan’s hurt. Good going, Isaac. Way to look like the bad guy, here. He shook his head defeatedly, lowering his gaze as he relaxed his fist, avoiding any eye contact with Logan after his next, hard-hitting words. If only Logan could understand Isaac’s screwed up way of thinking... No, Logan, Isaac would fight for him to the ends of this earth... But, right now he couldn’t. He was so horrible to his friend, he wondered why Logan even gave him a second chance. All for Isaac to blow it, too.

Isaac felt his heart break at the sound of Logan scoffing at Isaac admitting that he felt hurt. But, honestly, Isaac didn’t have the right to feel so hurt, in his opinion. After all, he caused all of this and, really, Logan was the one who deserved to feel hurt right now, not Isaac. And so, Isaac almost felt okay with Logan’s bitterness. Isaac wanted to flinch at Logan’s forced laughter, feeling awfully guilty for ever treating him like he didn’t deserve love. Of course Logan deserved love. Out of everybody that Isaac knew, he felt that Logan deserved love the most. But, Isaac was never a good lover. As much as it hurt Isaac to think about — he wanted Logan all to himself, after all — he knew that, realistically, Logan was better off finding somebody who actually deserved his perfection. Not some scum like Isaac, a man who couldn’t even hold onto any sort of relationship long enough to allow it to flourish and be cherished. And so, when Logan responded to him bitterly, all Isaac could do was sit and take on the hurt that he was feeling, deciding that perhaps it’d be best if he kept his feelings to himself this time. After all, he didn’t deserve the sympathy of hurting, too.

And so, he wanted to speak up, to just take everything back and tell Logan, ”Forget what I said. I promise to love you for the rest of our days.” but, realistically, Isaac didn’t see that happening any time soon. And so, he had to settle for the heart-breaking alternative of watching, not only Isaac tear Logan apart, but then Logan tear himself apart, too. He was rendered almost speechless by Logan’s woeful worrying, wanting to just tell his friend that all that he was beating himself up about could never be the case... But, even if Isaac spent his entire life trying to convince Logan so, for as long as he treated his friend like dirt, Logan would never believe a single word he’d say. Isaac’s heart pained, a rise of nausea reaching the back of his throat as adrenaline chewed at him anxiously. Whatever he said now, he knew that Logan would simply not believe him. This was useless. ”It’s not like that, Logan...” He drew out Logan’s name painfully, watching his friend with soulless eyes defending his shattering heart. ”I just... C’mon, Lo. I thought you figured out by now why we wouldn't work...” He tried beating around the bush, wishing not to go into any details because he knew that would only break Logan down even more.

But then, Isaac watched glumly as a tear slipped from Logan’s orbs, then realizing that this was the end for them. Logan was a strong man but the tears were enough to show Isaac that he’d lost this fight. He’d fucked up and lost Logan all over again. And so, in a subdued silence, Isaac lowered his shamefaced gaze. He swirled his index finger mindlessly on the plate in front of him, simply wishing for this conversation to now be over. And then —

”I’m not loved by the one that means the most.”

Isaac’s mouth opened to speak, but he knew his next words should never come out. It was an almost ”But, Logan... I do love you. I’ve loved you ever since I met you and I’ll continue to love you until the day I die.” but... Instead, Isaac stilled himself just for a moment for slowly nodding his head, eyes stupefied and lips quickly shutting again. He wouldn’t reply. He couldn’t reply, because the only words he could think of in this moment was the truth. And, Logan couldn’t know the truth; Isaac knew that would only hurt him more. Instead, he let out a breath, stressed out and trounced, before mumbling grumpily, ”This conversation is over, Logan.” before ushering the waitress over for the bill.

Isaac felt like a complete asshole when they made their way back to the venue, thinking back on the tense conversation and wishing that he could simply hold Logan in his arms and tell him that everything was okay. But, no. Isaac was the villain, he was the bad man who killed whatever hope was left inside of Logan’s heart. He was a murderer, he destroyed Logan’s joy in seconds. Oh, God, he was a bad, bad man — he knew that already. When Zack cut in front of the two of them just outside the venue, Isaac was already prepared for the worst, though he was quite terrified of whatever was coming next. He’d had his fair share of misery and ruining good things today, how much more did he need to deal with? When Logan intervened in Isaac’s defense, Isaac was shocked that Logan had still stuck up for him even after the tragic conversation they had earlier. Isaac shot Logan a confused side glance when the other took the blame for the incident and, when he looked back he saw Zack simply roll his eyes and walk off to go do fuck-knows.

Isaac, instead of speaking to Logan again, not even to thank him, quickly took a step away from his friend when Jon’s replacement (he really should’ve taken a more vested interest into learning the names of these people) approached Logan, talking to him quietly. Isaac narrowed his eyes very slightly, watching as the two of them began to hug before Isaac decided that enough was enough. He had to go somewhere else before he broke down. And so, releasing a heavy breath, he quickly turned around and hiked his way back to the bus, eyes low to the ground and his face somber and miserable.   

As he climbed onto the bus, he took notice of that ‘kid’ — what was his name again? Cor — Uh, Corey? — seated on the couch in the bus. Hm... Isaac chose to walk past without acknowledgement, too busy replaying over and over in his head what had all taken place and how it all ended with someone else giving Logan the affection he deserved. Isaac took back what he said earlier. Logan was better off finding somebody who deserved his perfection but, whoever wanted Logan, Isaac was certain he wanted Logan more. And, there was no way Jon replacement was also going to become an Isaac replacement. No way in hell.

Having gone to his bunk to pull out a notepad from his luggage — better known to Isaac as his writing book — Isaac returned to the living room area, taking a seat at the table nearby the couch. A perfect place to see Corey, the man who could give him some answers about the new bass player, and an equally perfect view to look out of the open bus door to watch Logan with another man very jealously. At first, Isaac did try to relax himself by trying to jot down some words, some lines, anything that he was feeling in that moment. Noting down how he thought was an almost foolproof way to relax him. But, this time, it wasn’t going to cut it. He shoved the nib of his pen into the page, breaking through a couple layers of the small notepad in frustration when he realized he really couldn’t get his thoughts straight.

And so, instead, he finally dropped his pen onto the table, raising his head and watching over at Corey until he caught the assistant’s attention. And then, he couldn’t help but be snarky, mainly due to his natural awkwardness especially after the rude way he spoke to Corey the night before, when he then stated, ”I didn’t realize that the band had become so lenient on bringing groupies along with them on tour.” He couldn’t help himself but begin speaking to him, saying such a mean comment even though he knew the guy was the bass player’s assistant. But, Isaac did have his ulterior motives. After all, he wanted to scope out this new bass player who seemed very close to Logan and who better to get facts from than the guy working with him? All Isaac wanted to know was whether he’d just lost his Logan or not and he was sure he could get an answer from this guy.








WE MOVE JUST LIKE
THE MOON & SUN ...
THEY KNOW THEIR LOVE
SPINS US ROUND .

- Samson Nathaniel Erwood -
a
It seemed like today the two of them were going full circle on the mood of the conversation as, towards the end of the breakfast, they were stuck speaking about the grim topic of love, or lack thereof, yet again. Sam knew that both he and Corey were single, both in different ways and both feeling hurt by the fact, and so they both had a good enough reason to feel strongly for this subject. Samson pursed his lips in contemplation, lowering his gaze in thought at the topic of heartbreak or death. The words struck a chord within Sam, something about the concept behind it bringing Sam to think. A lot. ”You’re definitely right there.” He begun, shrugging his shoulders thoughtfully. ”Everyone does have a fair share of problems in life, but I’d like to think that they can still hope and believe that, whatever happens, it’s happened for a reason and things will be okay at the end of the day.” Like, his divorce. Maybe he went through some hardships, but he hoped that — just maybe — one day he would manage to find someone who’d want him for him.

Sam couldn’t help himself but become fully invested in what Corey had to say because, honestly, it kind of made Samson really sad to hear that Corey felt so hopeless in love. It was hard for Samson to vouch for after his experiences, but he truly did believe that love was a very special thing. One day, he wanted Corey to get to experience it, knowing that the happy feeling would never vanish for the rest of his life. ”Never!” Samson exclaimed with a smile then springing onto his lips, eyebrows raising with surprise at his words, ”Love doesn’t have boundaries or limits, y’know? For as long as you’re alive, you will never run out of time when it comes to falling in love and being loved by someone else. It’s only a matter of time before you find love. The countdown has begun!” He chuckled gently at his playful words towards the end, kind of wishing that it could be him at the end of that countdown.

”It’s my job to be a jerk, hun.” Sam sung back yet again, this time with a sort of feigned sassy attitude in response to Corey, before he snickered to himself with amusement. And then, as they continued to walk onward, Samson chewed on his lip to try conceal the cheery smile on his lips as he walked beside Corey. After the assistant bumped against him to get his attention, Sam was quick to look down at him, allowing for his smile to suddenly shine at Corey’s comment. ”It seriously is. It’ll be great. Tours are always the best, I promise you're gonna love it.” He responded, a sense of enthusiasm bubbling within him. Honestly, Sam just had a feeling that something about this tour was going to make it the best one yet. Already he was enjoying the tour a lot — especially with Corey spending a lot of time with him — and, as well as getting to do what he loves the most, he would be able to do so spending time with people he cared about.

Whilst Zack ranted angrily about the other two runaways, Samson was strangely calm about the whole ordeal. After all, Sam had spent years getting to know Zack, it took time to get used to the fiery, tough man. Sam threw his head back, laughing at Corey’s comment, before shrugging and pointing out, ”Hey, hey... Zack picks on the weaklings. Strength is stoicism, so he’ll never bat an eyelid at me.” Sam joked. When the two of them took to observing Zack’s behavior, Sam tilted his head, curling his lip before answering, ”Hmm... I’d say they’re pretty equal feelings right now. If he wasn’t worried we wouldn’t be walking back to the venue so fast, and if he wasn’t peeved we wouldn’t be watching him lose his cool over there.” He smiled with entertainment at the thought.

When Samson approached Logan, he couldn’t help but smile sadly, sympathetically, his way. If there was one thing that Sam knew for sure, it was that Logan was absolutely over the moon with the return of the guitar tech. Sam could see it whenever he saw his friend; when Logan was spending time with Isaac, when Logan was on the stage performing the night before, even the way Logan had been talking oozed this new kind of enthusiasm that Sam hadn’t seen for a long, long time. Sam could see the joy in Logan, all until now. A cord within him had snapped. Logan had been broken and, as Sam flitted his gaze over to Isaac for a brief moment, looking very awkward, he already knew who the culprit was.

”You’re great?” Samson questioned softly, his voice gentle and caring. He knew instantaneously that, no, Logan was not too great right now. He was suffering. Badly. Samson knew what heartbreak felt like, that feeling of wishing to be loved by somebody for so long, only for that love to get stomped on and tossed away like it meant nothing. Samson knew that broken look on Logan’s face; he’d seen it in his own face months prior. ”I know you’re not really.” He then hummed in disagreement, pressing his lips together to form a tight line.

And then, he pulled his best friend into a tight hug, gently rubbing the top of Logan’s back as any sort of reassurance. And then, he felt his shirt growing slightly damp, the strained sound of Logan’s voice pointing out to Sam that Logan was crying. Empathetically, Sam felt horribly saddened for Logan, his heart twisting sickening at the thought of his friend hurting this way. ”I know it does, Lo...” He mumbled in a hushed voice, pressing his face against the side of Logan’s head compassionately, only to mumble quietly to him, ”You gotta remember... One day, he will realise how much you cared about him, and then he’s only gonna hate himself for not caring enough in return. He gave you the world, but you deserve the universe, ya know?” Samson cared about Logan a lot; that part seemed obvious. After all, they’d known each other for ages and, to Sam, Logan was one of the most genuine and down-to-earth people he ever knew. He deserved a little bit of comfort from Sam’s natural, caring ‘paternal’ instincts and most definitely deserved more than a heart breaker like his guitar tech friend.



« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 03:36:22 PM by Hootowls »
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Offline elysian.

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Re: we мυѕт reιnvenт love !! [ p. ]
« Reply #44 on: September 10, 2017, 09:59:18 AM »
logan cain lawson
i wanna scream i love you from the top of my lungs
logan couldn’t remember hurting so badly. when isaac had left the band, there had been a whole storm of emotions going through him. there were moments where he wanted to cry, wanted to never talk to isaac again, wanted to call isaac and talk to him for hours, wanted to yell at isaac, wanted to just hug the other for hours and beg for him to come back. he figured that would be the worst feeling he would ever have to experience in the entirety of his life. however, this… this pain was so much worse. it wasn’t the swirl of emotions coursing through him; it was the absence of emotion that hurt the most. there was a certain numbness that left him feeling as if he wasn’t even living anymore. it was the numbness that rushed over him as if his body was shutting down in attempt to hide from the hurt. yet, the pain had already made its impact before he could hide himself from the pain. it had collided somewhere within him, destroying everything that he thought he was or what he could be.

was he so low, such a terrible person, that he didn’t even deserve to feel the pain taking over his entire being?

that’s what logan decided as he stared at those cold, unflinching eyes from across the table. did he even deserve to feel like the victim, right now? he didn’t feel entitled to much of anything as he gazed into those depths, his once-bright brown eyes now dulled from sadness and the loss of spark. this shouldn’t have been something he wasn’t ready for. anyone else probably could’ve seen this destruction coming from many miles away; yet, logan had been the naive, hopeful one that hadn’t put up any barriers. he had been the one that left his heart and soul out on the line, pouring them all over the table-- and was still surprised when that bold action left his entire being in disarray. he… he’d never felt so stupid. he was so, so stupid, to believe that anything would’ve changed. that isaac would’ve taken those broken pieces of his heart, found them beautiful, and pieced them back together. anyone else could see that, apparently, isaac thought those pieces were more beautiful when they were completely shattered and broken.

logan didn’t want to speak anymore. he was trying to drown out every word that isaac spoke, even trying to turn his gaze away and focus on his untouched food, instead. nothing that the two of them were saying were making any sense to logan, his mind feeling shut down and his body.. his body just feeling so lost in this world, in this conversation. “i don’t know,” he stammered out helplessly, his once-confident voice now quiet and unsure, as if he wasn’t even certain if he deserved to speak in that moment. “wh.. why…. i-i don’t know.” why would isaac lie about caring? why would isaac tell him that there was a possibility of a ‘you and me’, only to slap logan in the face with the hard truth that they could never be something? why would isaac hold him so close throughout the night, nothing but happiness and racing of hearts, only for the moment to turn sour and now have isaac so distant from him?

he didn’t know.

his big, sad eyes forced themselves to look over at the lyricist, taking in every emotion that he could see. he wished that there was a mutual sadness in their eyes, as if they didn’t want this conversation, as if isaac wasn’t meaning any of the words that came out of his mouth. however, all that he could truly see was his brows furrowed in annoyance and frustration, and the rest being simply a blank, unaffected slate. was that all that logan was to him? an annoyance? … a frustration? insecurely, the vocalist caved in on himself, wrapping his arms around his mid-section and slumping in his seat. he wanted to keep up his composure, he wanted to be the one that looked unaffected, that looked like he didn’t care that his whole world was falling apart. however, it was easier said than done. his whole world had just been obliterated, completely ruined down to the core. and logan… logan was just trying to hang on to the fragments for dear life.

he watched the other flail his arms out of annoyance, the other’s words hitting him hard. he opened his mouth to say something, because, oh, he had so much to say. he wanted to say that he was convinced there was something meaningful between them, that he always had been. he wanted to tell him that he was thinking rationally, that his head knew they could be something if the two of them maybe opened their hearts up a bit and tried to make things work-- but… his heart instantly plummeted the moment the other rested a closed fist on the table, and spoke words that left logan absolutely crushed. he could feel the dull aching of his heart throbbing against his chest, could feel his whole world shattering from beneath him. he stayed silent, his distraught gaze unable to look at isaac, his lower lip trembling. “okay…” he answered in response to the other’s words, his voice quivering. so this was what it all came down to. his shoulders slumped in defeat, that fire within him from earlier, that little spark of hope he’d had to turn things around- to make things between them okay again- suddenly gone. the flame had gone out, and all that was left was isaac, standing as victor, while logan lost his entire being in the process. “i-if that’s what makes you… w-what makes you happy…”

but logan had spent years wishing that he was what brought isaac happiness. guess he’d been wrong right from the start.

his gaze lowered back to the table, shaky hands lacing together on the countertop. he felt a bitterness on his tongue, a distasteful, rotten feeling in his stomach at the bitter way he spoke to isaac. isaac was the one hurting? he could feel a slight bit of sorrow in his chest when he realized he didn’t believe him. there was no way someone could be so hurt by their own destruction. this was what isaac wanted, right? it was what he had wanted all along. he wanted to let logan believe they could be something, to give him a whole new sense of happiness-- to give him a reason for being, again. he wanted to give him all of these things merely so that he could break him down in the end, and stand on top of the rubble as the victor, as the one that had single-handedly broken the once-happy, optimistic individual into pieces. perhaps it was wrong to paint isaac as the bad guy, but who else was there to blame? logan, himself? the thought made him slump his shoulders, made him feel even worse than before. maybe he was the one to blame for both of their pain- even if isaac didn’t feel much pain at all. .

he was on the edge of a breakdown. he could feel himself shaking, could feel the numbness in his body being taken over with anxiety and excruciating pain. “the only reason we wouldn’t work,” he explained, his voice shaking dangerously, “is because you wouldn’t  want us to.” the words hit himself hard enough, his eyes watering. “because i’m not good enough for you.. you… y-you don’t think that i’m worth loving?” as he lowered his gaze down to his lap, he thought, who could blame him? logan wasn’t good enough for isaac; wasn’t worth any love that anybody could hand to him. he was so annoying, such a lost cause… with ‘alright’ songs that were just as unworthy of isaac’s attention as the one who wrote and poured his heart into every note. isaac was right, in that case. him and logan wouldn’t work- him and logan would never work. not while isaac was the flawless, amazing person that he was, and logan was just.. logan.. who was he, to get his hopes up and believe they could be something? that sort of imbalance of perfection would never work in a relationship. isaac deserved so much more than what the singer could give him. god, how could he have been so stupid to think otherwise?

logan prided himself on being emotionally strong. he could deal with criticism on a daily basis and still have a smile on his face. he could be pushed and shoved around carelessly, and he’d never let anyone see him cry at the end of the day. yet, right now, something inside of him had snapped. as a tear slipped from his eyes, he felt so useless, so helpless. it took all of his power to will away more tears from slipping, stubbornly allowing only the one to roll down his cheek. what had the two of them become?

“this conversation is over, logan.”

any other day, at any other moment, logan would’ve had the stubbornness and the strength to tell the other that, no, it wasn’t over. there was so much for them to sort out, so much for them to talk about to try and change isaac’s mind. instead, all he did was glimpse over at those beautiful, guarded brown eyes- and nodded his head slowly. whatever isaac wanted. obviously, the other was in more control of this conversation than logan. he had won, that innocent frame standing victoriously in triumph over all of logan’s dead hopes and dreams. he deserved to win- because at least then it meant that one of them would be happy, now. if this meant that isaac was supposed to be happy, though, then why did it seem like the both of them were so sad?

usually the pair were very quick at forgetting about the bad things that would happen between them. they could get in a fight and then be back by each other’s sides within moments, laughing and hugging and joking about. this time, though, it felt different. logan felt different. there was almost nothing left in him, nothing there to cheer him up and remind him that they’d be happy again before he knew it. now, all that he was left wondering was what the point in them being happy together again would be. isaac didn’t care. logan didn’t even know if he cared, anymore. his heart always wanted to go back to isaac, but his mind.. his mind was starting to decide that it might be better to give isaac space for a while- or maybe the whole tour… he couldn’t even find it in himself to care about zack, the worry in his voice only evident to logan, seemingly. all he had left of himself was to tell him off and send him on his way, which was away from isaac. was he still protective over the other? yes. but he wasn’t going to tell the other that, especially since he wasn’t even getting thanked in return.

his sad gazed lifted to look at samson as he approached, his heart aching with the need to spill everything that had happened to samson. it wasn’t like samson didn’t know. logan used to not be able to sleep while on tour, always stuck pacing the bus instead of getting the rest he needed. it was samson that would sit down with him and listen to everything that he said, and i mean actually listen. the bassist showed that he had cared, that, while he didn’t have the same thing happen to him before, he could still offer advice or just be a shoulder to lean on whenever he needed it. seriously, what would logan had done without him?

logan didn’t know where to start, right now, though. he didn’t know what had just happened, if he and isaac were still friends or if isaac hated his guts right now. he risked a brief glance over towards the other, who seemed to have taken a couple steps away from the pair. his distraught gaze moved towards the ground, still feeling as insecure as when he had gushed all of his insecurities out to isaac less than an hour ago. now he felt just as lowly, all the confidence he’d built up over the years being stolen right out from under him. would samson understand this sudden loss of joy? would there even need to be any words between the two of them to understand what all had happened on this almost-date gone wrong?

his shoulders started to trembling as samson question his answer about being great. he wanted to pretend everything was fine, like he had done for all those years until gushing to samson about it- but he was too broken to put up a front. instead, he gave up on the act with a shake of his head, his eyes watering. he didn’t say anything, though, deciding his actions spoke louder than any words he could come up with. he wasn’t feeling great at all; actually, he was feeling like he was at the lowest of lows, worse off than he could ever remember.

while samson pulled him into a tight hug, logan completely lost it. all the tears he had been trying to keep in had come slipping out, the release of the tears finally taking the numbness and anxiety away from his body,. even though all that was left in him was the feeling of heartbreak and utter heartache, he decided that he needed to feel this so that he would never let himself experience it again. “but i don’t want the universe,” he wailed, holding onto the other tighter. “i wanted him… i deserved him…” but he didn’t. isaac was too good for him, and he always would be, in the end. his shaky breaths came out slowly, trying to get a hold of himself. swallowing hard, he released one more shaky breath before asking,  his voice a defeated, cracked mess, “why can’t i be good enough?”  it was a question that would haunt logan for longer than he’d like to admit. all he wanted was to be that perfection that isaac deserved- but now he was realizing he never would be.

thes code
corey bleu
like stars in the sky, and leaves on the trees
it seemed like corey and samson could speak about all types of things. one moment they could be having a playfully flirtatious conversation, and then the next they could be topic about a serious topic that piqued both of their interests. i mean, corey liked to act like he wasn’t particularly bothered by the fact that he was nearing his thirties and had yet to experience a serious relationship-- but he was actually kind of hurt by the fact. corey wasn’t so much an optimist, or pessimist, but moreso a realist. and, well, things didn’t seem to be going so well for him. he was getting too old, you know? and, what person this age would want to date someone with little to no experience? as samson talked, obviously invested in the topic - which was sweet, seeing as they both were hurt in different ways by love - corey listened intently, nodding his head. his gaze soft, he listened to the other’s words, ones that could easily be advice for samson, himself. “good things always happen to good people, in the end. it’s always those that have to endure the worse at times that end up with the best, i think.” who knew where samson’s love life would go, but he hoped it would be a good end.

as samson objected to corey’s words, the shorter raised his brows in interest. it was sweet, that the other figured corey would find somebody that would love him for him, despite how awkward and uncertain of himself he was. yet, he was a hard person to get to know - in most cases, samson only being the true exception - and an even harder person to try and love, he figured. still, he couldn’t help but smile and chuckle softly, shaking his head. “you say that, now. what if i end up being like. a crazy dog man, or something?” i mean. he already had his two pups at home - that he had made absolute certain were going to be taken care of while he was gone - and.. they were probably the closest things to a family of his own that he had. even though corey wanted kids. oh, god, he wanted kids so badly. not that that was something he was going to share out loud, though, as he gazed over at samson- hopelessly wishing that the other could have been the ending to that countdown.

as the other sung back in reply, corey couldn’t help but roll his eyes, laughing. “psht, bassists. always the same,” he tsked, a smile on his lips as he glanced over at the other. sam was probably the literal opposite of ‘jerk.’ if it was samson’s job, then he was doing quite terribly at it. that thought was driven even more to home once the other suddenly shined at his comment about the tour, the cheeriest smile on his lips. “i’m loving it already. i mean, free food? what a deal.” free food was probably the last bonus corey could think of. getting to watch panic perform at every show was absolutely amazing for the huge fan. not to mention that he was also getting to spend time with samson, which was absolutely the best part of the tour in corey’s opinion. samson was such a sweet, loveable guy; who wouldn’t love getting to work alongside him? (even though corey wasn’t quite certain what his job pertained, to be honest, here.)

“oh, so should i be stoic from now on?” corey questioned, laughing softly. one of the things that definitely weren’t corey’s strong suit would definitely be stoicism. he couldn’t keep a straight face to save his life; he was perhaps a bit too expressive, sometimes. his light blue gaze watched zack as he ranted angrily about logan and isaac, feeling almost a tad bit bad for the guy. he obviously cared about logan quite a bit - not so much about isaac, but still - and to have him wandering around in the big city of milan must be a scary thought for the man. “stop smiling, you weirdo,” corey laughed after the other finished his observation, elbowing the other gently. then again, that would probably be the only time he’d tell the other to stop smiling that brilliant smile of his.

he’d been enjoying having some time to himself. he finally got to pull out his phone and start listening to music - more specifically somewhat stalking the brobecks. he genuinely enjoyed their music; who could blame him? however, his gaze lifted for a moment when he saw someone walking in, and his heart briefly sank to his stomach. isaac ashford. the thought made him look back down at his phone in embarrassment, feeling awful for getting on the other’s bad side, replaying that moment in his head all over again.

he laid down on the couch, feet dangling off the arm of the chair, leaving him to stare at the ceiling instead of the isaac ashford, that was now sitting nearby. he closed his eyes, trying to drown out most of the thoughts plaguing him. however, upon a brief glance towards isaac and noticing that his eyes were on him, he settled for pulling out the one earbud he had in, brows raised expectantly. he didn’t know quite what the other wanted to say to him, but he could feel his heart racing, anxiety bubbling back to the surface again.

and. ouch.

the other’s words were enough for that anxiety to get even worse. he forced himself to sit up, blue eyes wide in shock and slight hurt. “i-i’m not a groupie,” he quickly objected, stammering his way through that sentence (way to go, corey) and feeling himself blanching. god, why did he have to be so awkward. then again, he had told the other what his job was last night… except, maybe the other had tuned him out merely out of annoyance and as a sort of dismissal. “i’m samson’s assistant,” he hesitantly decided to repeat, his brows furrowed worriedly - moreso out of fear that the other would either completely ignore him or give another harmful comment.

for a moment, core debated on staying silent about last night- but, honestly, who would’ve expected him to? “i’m sorry,” he blurted, waiting a second before rambling, “about last night. i was such a jerk i don’t know why i did that. i’m sorry.” he didn’t know what he had done- but whatever it was, he decided it must’ve been the ultimate jerk move. he just felt bad, alright?
« Last Edit: September 10, 2017, 11:57:01 AM by ᵐᵉˡᵃⁿᶜʰᵒˡʸ »